llch21260 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 i'm a 19 year old female who has a g/f of two years. she was also my best friend since middle school. so my parents know her and like her. our relationship is going great but they can't accept it because they're christian but i'm the only atheist in the family. they don't/refuse to realize and accept that. anyways, my g/f is f*cking awesome and there's no one else that i'd rather be with except her. but they told me that if i don't kick her to the curb, they'll kick me to the curb. but if i do that, i'll regret it and i know it. i've been in relationships with guys too but i don't intend on leaving my g/f for anybody because i love her so much(as she does me). i love my parents and they've always been there for me but i don't wanna lose her. what should i do? i need advice.
NamNam Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 If you are truly bisexual, then there's no point in pretending that you are not despite what your parents may think. That is something your parents will have to eventually accept. If they did truly love you, then they'll come around to your decisions whe they get over the fact that their daughter is bi. Just make sure you're with this girl for the right reasons cause love can also blind you. But at the end of the day, if this is who you are and what you want, then go for it. Just be prepared that it won't be easy when it comes to your parents. All the best and good luck .
TaraMaiden Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 You simply have to decide whether you are going to live your life for - and through - your parents, or live it for yourself. If they cannot accept who you truly are, then don't for one moment think they will ever accept you if you try to be something you are not. If this is who you truly are, then accept yourself, and stand up for what you believe in. Or else, live the remainder of your days as a hypocrite. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but if you're not true to yourself - nobody else will be either.
Lizzie60 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Being bi is, for me, very different than being a true homosexual. Being bi, for me, is more of having fantasies ... so I don't see why, in the first place, you had to share your fantasies with your parents..
mitchell Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Being bi is, for me, very different than being a true homosexual. Being bi, for me, is more of having fantasies ... so I don't see why, in the first place, you had to share your fantasies with your parents.. Being bi for you is about having fantasies, but for the OP it is a reality. She has a girlfriend who she is actively with in the real (not fantasy) world. She should not have to hide this from her family.
Lizzie60 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Being bi for you is about having fantasies, but for the OP it is a reality. She has a girlfriend who she is actively with in the real (not fantasy) world. She should not have to hide this from her family. Then if that's her reality.. she is homosexual.. not bi... IMO:o
CupidsPosionedArrow Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 i'm a 19 year old female who has a g/f of two years. she was also my best friend since middle school. so my parents know her and like her. our relationship is going great but they can't accept it because they're christian but i'm the only atheist in the family. they don't/refuse to realize and accept that. anyways, my g/f is f*cking awesome and there's no one else that i'd rather be with except her. but they told me that if i don't kick her to the curb, they'll kick me to the curb. but if i do that, i'll regret it and i know it. i've been in relationships with guys too but i don't intend on leaving my g/f for anybody because i love her so much(as she does me). i love my parents and they've always been there for me but i don't wanna lose her. what should i do? i need advice. Why did you tell them ?
Cee Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Congratulations for coming out to your parents. I think what's most important is your survival, safety and well being. I don't know your money and job situation so you'll have to decide what's right for you. In the city where I live (Philadelphia), there is the Attic Youth Center, which is place for LGBT youth to get help. Other big cities have them too and you can find other people to talk to. If you are in a small town, I would get on a safe computer, and Google "gay, teen, runaway" and other stuff like that. There are chat rooms and discussion boards to help. If I had the Private Message option, I would help privately. I think it's worth calling the Attic Youth Center or another place closer & getting phone support and maybe a referral. I want you to know that I am a safe person on this board. Good luck.
candymoon Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 It's good you came out. I always say it's better early than late in life when parents have a diferent view of their child and the fake outward life they scrap together to keep others happy, so well done. However, timing is everything. They say it's not the best time when the person coming out is still reliant of family for survival. If you can get a job and pay rent then do so, now. Otherwise they will make your life very difficult. Eventually, they will come around. But not any time soon. Good luck to you and your GF.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 OPer, be grateful you're not a guy. It seems girls get a little more grace--not that I've had to deal with it. But the thought of a son telling me he's by would register on my brain that he s***s d**k. That would be hard to swallow if you know what I mean. If a daughter were bi, I'd think oh well, women, who can figure?
lilbunny Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 The fact that you love your parents and say they have always been there for you is a good sign that this may be something they will come to terms with in time. Previously positive family relationships are more easily repaired. It seems like this has come as a genuine shock to them (many parents in similar circumstances already have some inclination that this is a possibility). Your sexuality is a surprise, you have been in a two year R that you have concealed from them. Your gf is known to them, did she spent time at your home, in your room, stay over? If so would they have allowed a male friend to do so? Consider their reasons and objections to that. From the sounds of it religious beliefs are also being challenged by this. As parents they may fear the reaction of others either towards them, other siblings, or towards you. They may feel that this signals that they will not get to experience being grandparents. I understand it must feel like a rejection of your true self, but understanding their reaction may help. Are your gf's family aware of the situation? If they are and are supportive then is it possible for them to act as intermediaries, as one parent to another etc? This is such a difficult time for you. Despite this, leading a double or secretive life, particularly within a close family can be very damaging and I am certain that the relief of being open and honest is positive for you in the long term. I really hope things can be resolved for you. Remember you have done nothing wrong.
TaraMaiden Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 FF, that's double standards, and kinda prejudiced, don't you think....? Wouldn't it be best, in any case, to simply say "I may not see eye to eye on your lifestyle and choices, but I just want you to be safe and happy." ....?
Feelin Frisky Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 FF, that's double standards, and kinda prejudiced, don't you think....? Wouldn't it be best, in any case, to simply say "I may not see eye to eye on your lifestyle and choices, but I just want you to be safe and happy." ....? Perhaps. But is anyone perfect in such matters? It's a subjective question of what one personally feels or thinks in their heart of hearts and not an expression of couched political correctness which I think in this case would be disingenuous. I risked a little flak to be honest but I don't think I'm alone at all in private perception of male offspring versus female. I guess you've never seen "Girls Gone Wild" but it really strikes me that so many young females deep kiss and eat clam with such relish. I can't even picture a popular video where roles are reversed where young men are "going wild" on each other. Is that MY double standard? Or is it just how it goes? I don't think I should apologize for being a product of my times--politically imperfect warts and all. Ye
Cee Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 For me this isn't an intellectual issue or of personal attitudes. Homophobia is hurtful and bizarre in my opinion. People express and intolerance toward consenting adults who feel unconditional love. How can people believe in love for themselves, but then hate it's expression in others? Whenever people say things that are flip or mean about gay, lesbian, transgender, or bisexual people, I feel sorry for them. Because they apparently have not met amazing people... like my friends, my uncle, my coworkers, people I've dated, or me. I'm bisexual and frankly I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's who I am. But I recognize that insults, discrimination, violence, hate crimes are still a reality today. And I want to be an ally to any person who faces harm because of their sexuality.
Allisha Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Not sure if anyone has said this, haven't read all the replies .. You wouldn't be choosing your girlfriend over your parents if you told them to shove it. This isn't even about her. At all. If you're truly bisexual, getting rid of your girlfriend wont change that, and you'll be in the same position again when you go out with another girl in the future. So where does the cycle end? The answer is never. You have to face them now. Not for your girlfriend, for you and your freedom to express who you are.
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