Ajax Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 (edited) I posted this on another thread, but I want your guys opinions on how likely it is that my girlfriend will come back once she's figured some things out. My girlfriend and I had been dating for about four months, but it was long enough for me to fall for her and realize that she's the one I wanted to be with. We spent time with each other's families, had similar interests, goals, and values. We complimented each other very well. One night she asked me what I wanted out of the relationship and I told her and she said that she wanted the same thing. She then told me that she was going to a psychologist to "work" on something, but that she was really falling in love with me. We were perfect for the next few days, but then she started pulling away. She called me over about a week later and said that she was depressed and that the things in her life that shoud make her happy were not and that she needed to be alone to figure it out... so we broke up. Needless to say I was devastated, and we didn't talk for a couple weeks. Then I called and asked if we could talk about what happened because I was confused, so she said I could come over. We talked for about an hour and I asked her why she told me she loved me and then broke up with me. She said that when she said it she was feeling it, and that it was the first time in a long time that she felt anything... but that after that she went back to feeling "flat" about everything. She said that until she's happy with herself she can't be happy with anyone else, and that I shouldn't wait fo her. Obviously I want to wait for her. I told her that I love her and still want to be with her, and I told her that I'd be here if she needs me. I also told her that I wouldn't bother her but that when she's ready to talk to give me a call. My question is: does anyone think she'll come back? She seemed to be telling me the truth, but my judgement is definately clouded by my feelings. Our friends tell me to give her time and space, and that she was just as upset about what happened as I am. I still feel like we have the potential for a great future and I feel like this shouldn't have happened. Edited September 7, 2010 by Ajax
Billie The Puppet Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 (edited) No one can answer the thread title but one thing I am also struggling with is you must try to go on as if the answer to it is No. If she comes back then you have a decision to make. Live your life as if she is not coming back. I use to ask other people if they thought my ex will come back and it only gives you more false hope. Some may tell you yes because its what you want to hear, others will tell you yes because they feel it, think about it though how many people will actually boldy tell you no when they know it can crush you? Edited September 8, 2010 by Billie The Puppet
Trovador Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Being there (like most LSers)... according to my ex she had to pull away from me... meaning I suffocated her, despite I am aware that I didn't act so smothering... but if she says so... she even told me "make yourself desirable", that is, going on with my life, not making her my whole life... she didn´t like to call up or text so much and when I suggested she did it she agreed out of condesendence... see a pattern here, bro? something you identify with? Your better shot? Changing, not for her, not for the relationship but for yourself, because you want to live life at its fullest, not because you are a dumpee who as a punishment have to show his ex that he is a worthy man... for yourself only... and maybe you will attract her again but you two have to start a new relationship, not continuing the old one... But that's a long shot, buddy... she told you not to wait for her, live as if she is not going back, anything else is pure blessing...
Don Ho Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Bro, I went through this same thing months ago. She asked me something about "what are your expectations for this relationship?" I waited a few days and sent her a text saying I expect we are seeing just each other .... yada, yada, yada. She called and seemed really please and surprised. I did not say ANYTHING overboard. About that same time, she started going sideways. I've got a feeling another guy dropped in the picture. I actually think when women do this (or men, I suppose) it's like they're baiting us. They're fishing to see how we'll react. They're trying to see where we stand because they're thinking of dumping us and it would assuage their guilt if we told them it wasn't working out. I now take that type of conversation as a red flag and I try to be very cautious and observant of what they're saying and how they're acting. I think you may have done what I did: too much too soon. You were seeing her all the time and getting involved with each other's families after four months? I have a feeling you were all over this girl. And, as much as you think otherwise, I have a feeling that she was not nearly as into you as you were to her. All that about being depressed and needing space is just an excuse. Not to be a prick Bro, but she just lost those feelings for you. I would say it's over. The only shot you MIGHT have is to go total NC for six months to a year and see if she contacts. She MIGHT start to think about you differently and start to miss you if you leave her alone. But there's no guarantee.
Author Ajax Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 Thanks Don. That's pretty much the conclusion I'm slowly coming to myself. Still hurts, but it's been a week of NC and honestly there's nothing left for me to say to her that I havn't already. Taking it as a learning experience.
Author Ajax Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 So as an update to the situation... I was having dinner with some mutual friends of mine and my ex and they said she's basically lost her mind. She graduated from nursing school in May, and now apparently wants to quit nursing, move out of state and join a band. I don't even know who she is now. She's definately not the girl I fell in love with. I don't know whether i feel sorrier for myself or her at this point. It doesn't make me feel better or worse, just more idiotic.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 So as an update to the situation... I was having dinner with some mutual friends of mine and my ex and they said she's basically lost her mind. She graduated from nursing school in May, and now apparently wants to quit nursing, move out of state and join a band. I don't even know who she is now. She's definately not the girl I fell in love with. I don't know whether i feel sorrier for myself or her at this point. It doesn't make me feel better or worse, just more idiotic. They never are the same person. My Ex hated gadgets and new cell phones etc she was always one that was like all I need my cell phone for is to call people. She was always ragging on me for always being on my iPhone surfing the web, Facebook etc. Now she has a new job I placed her in with mostly male coworkers and is getting a blackberry to do all the stuff she once expressed she hated while with me. She's a follower because they all have one. I have come to realize I did too much for that woman and got nothing in return.
Author Ajax Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 It makes me nervous. Despite how things are, I still care about her and love her... hope she find happiness. But I'm afraid she's going to do something drastic, like when she broke up with me. I know people will say I'm better off without her, and I'm not going to argue that point right now. But I'm also nervous about my future. I had no idea what was really going on with her. She pulled off the act marvelously, and I only saw the side of her she chose to show me. How many more times am I going to have to go through this until I find someone genuine?
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