LoveTNT Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 The reason why I keep feeling like breaking NC, which I end up doing every end of the week (it's been almost 6 weeks since break up) is because a part of me feels like I pushed the break up with insecurities. He was so angry, and told me how I did this to him and caused hurt etc The day we broke up I had been feeling so sad and hurt because things were sticky, he had lost his job beginning of the year... bringing, bitterness, stress, oh and resentment towards me (due to the past) up to the surface. Since break up We've been texting sometimes back and forth, only because I intitiate it most of the times. He's only reached out on his own 3x. Once first week he missed me. Then went back to being upset. 2nd time i got a "I love you with all my heart" text. Which gave me hopes, but then he went back to being upset. Then I've been initiating contact. I've come to a realization, which makes me sick to my stomach again that I can't change it. I can't make him call me or miss me or want to give me another chance. After all he is blaming me for the break up. That I told him I didn't want to go to counseling anymore.. I've done the crying bargaining etc... He seems to be confused now. Last contact was friday, he agreed to meet for dinner. We talked about work etc. HE hugged me and said I looked nice (made me feel good). Two comments that he said which give me hope, but I probably should not think about too much. 1) we were looking at the dinner menu, we look up to server passing by, the plate she was walking with looked delicious, I then said, "that looks good!" he then replied, " ya it does, maybe next time you can order it" I looked at him then he said something like, well i mean uh, and I smiled at him and said "oh yeah like in my next life time?" 2) we were in my car talking, about whats going on in his life, he's sad,confused,stressed, angry, he mentions he doesn't really smile lately etc.. I tell him that I'm here for him, then I say" I just really enjoy laying with you and laughing, singing and talking, I miss that" and he looked at me with a half smile and says, " maybe we can do that soon"... he then had to go do some stuff. SO now I haven't called or text, because It feels like I can't even help him right now, and he doesn't seem to want to hang too long when we do. I seem to remind him of hurt and pain... I just really want to text him, to ask him how he's doing... but I told myself Friday that i would go NC (after seeing him) untill he's ready to contact me. SO do i text him? I don't want him to think I'm not being supportive... I have this loving text about him healing and how this pack of flower food in my drawer made me think of him (haha cheesy, I know but he use to send me beautiful flowers to my office) ready to go, just haven't hit sent...
Gossamer Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#660000]LoveTNT[/COLOR][/sIZE] , I don't know the circumstance of your breakup and why he's so angry, but it somewhat sounds like my situation. It sounds like you feel guilty/ashamed for your contributions to the breakup and his anger, aside from feeling the normallypainful rejection of being dumped. In my experience, the more you remind someone you're "humbling" yourself when they're trying to take their space from you, the more you're *asking* for something from them. One of the reasons NC is good for an emotionally charged breakup, is because you show the person who dumped you that you're not needy. If you know the reasons why he broke up with you and feel they are reasonable, try to understand what it was that created these dealbreakers or disruptive patterns in the relationship. Give yourself time to work this out, for yourself, and try to substitute doing positive things for yourself instead of texting. I was using texting like smoking cigarettes. Now that I've quit this impulsive behavior as a form of communition for complicated issues, I have more self-respect as I did come to see it as destructive to me, and to my relationship. Texting, emailing, feels good in the moment, but doesn't really lead to emotional resolution, because if the other person isn't ready for that, they'll just feel pressured. It sounds like unless you had done something very destructive, and even if you did, if you keep apologizing for now, you need to give yourself a break, and work on you. Therapy, individual therapy, if not couples' therapy, can be a good thing to help you pull back and regain your equillibrium. Peace, and Good Luck. Gossamer.
Author LoveTNT Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Thank you, I've decided to stick with NC, all the reaching out seems to make him nervous, he's not ready. There's not much more I can do. I've told him how I feel.
Am4Real Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I was using texting like smoking cigarettes. Texting, emailing, feels good in the moment, but doesn't really lead to emotional resolution, because if the other person isn't ready for that, they'll just feel pressured. Gossamer. When the world figures out that texting is near the root of all miscommunication we might all actually find resolution to issues with meaningful human interaction. Every time I read "texting" as a means for either emotional communication or resolving personal conflict, I cringe. I am of the opinion that more trouble is started or continued than the actual conflict itself with this method of interaction.
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