I hate "how to get ex back" books!!

[RDawg]

Bought 5 of the damn things. They all say the same thing. They all make perfect sense..

 

..but they don't warn you just how bad it feals when you go for the "re-connect" , have partial success, and then get rejected again and have to start no contact from scratch!!

 

Maybe it's time to mosey on over to the coping section.

[Billie The Puppet]

5 wow you really must want your ex back. I bought one ebook that came with 3 PDFs files and one audio file. To say the very least all the info is readily available on these very forums so it is useless for the most part. Your right they don't set you up fir rejection because the point is to make you believe in getting your ex back.

 

I ebook was enough for me to realize I wasted my money there are no gaurantees despite them boasting the stats they do. Heck I've seen some boast 100% others more conservative 86% leaving the escape goat of well you fell into the 14%

[Username37]

Bought 5 of the damn things. They all say the same thing. They all make perfect sense..

 

..but they don't warn you just how bad it feals when you go for the "re-connect" , have partial success, and then get rejected again and have to start no contact from scratch!!

 

Maybe it's time to mosey on over to the coping section.

 

Those books give you false hope. I read a few of them, tried what they said, nothing. It didn't work.

 

LS gives great great advice and it's for free and many people are here to help.

[IfiKnewThen]

why are all these get your ex back books written for men?

 

to me they make sense for a man. they tell you have to be nicer, and give space and stay friends with them, etc. but this doesnt seem to work for women, because you read things on the internet that say men think you are weak when youre nice or remain their friend or whatever. what does it take ..(you men out there)..that would make you go back to a woman you made your mind up to break off with? i am trying so hard to show him i have changed and he even commented i am a brand new person. but mine is veryyyyyyyyyy tricky because i am LDR and i was his first real love relationship. ug i wish i didnt mess this up back then and took care of all his needs. all around. i had it made with him . now he acts like a stranger. its so hurtful and painful. i wish i could just see him again in person. i know that would make all the difference in the world. very sad here.

[Don Ho]

Actually I bought and read a couple of the books from Barnes & Nobles years ago. It did work. I got my Ex back. And you know what? She was still a cheating whore and fcked me over once again. Be careful what you wish for! What we don't want to realize or see at the time is that there is usually a very good reason they broke up with you. IF you could put all your emotions aside and really look at the situation, you would likely realize it was not the perfect relationship and it would not have worked out. In hind sight I think the majority of us look back and wonder "what was I thinking?"

 

The first problem, and it is a big problem IMO, is that you were in a LDR. I think those are extremely unlikely to work and very difficult. I don't think if you had "taken care of all his needs back then" your situation would have turned out any different. I don't think if you could see him in person it would change anything either. Seeing him and showing him you changed, I very much doubt, would do anything. Sorry you're hurting so much IfiKnew and I empathize with you. However, I think you need to put an end to this misery, admit that it is over and move forward with your life.

[IfiKnewThen]

i am trying very hard. thank you don. he really WAS like a darn superhero and i really did mess up and overload and overwhelm him and thats where all my suffering lies. the remorse and hating myself for blowing it all to kingdom come. but he seems so mean now. and he pulled a horrible stunt recently. he got SO selfish. he went from one extreme to the next.

 

looking back i see he was so passive aggressive in his personality. i am just reading about all of this now. he kept every little thing inside and did whatever he wanted all the time and yes'd me to death on everything and hated me inside...is what i am beginning to believe.

 

and i couldnt be nicer to him now and still i think hes out to hurt me. if you can find my recent thread with his 3 am call the other day and no phone call afterwards. ugh. anyway, that you so much for the human compassion. just getting any compassion these days..always makes me teary eyed. because he's been so cold and indifferent and it just breaks my heart. i need to end it. i will. was trying to compose a letter tonight..its the beginning of the end for me. even though he ended it on me. thank you for writing.

[Don Ho]

Hang in there Sista. You can't beat yourself up for what you did in the past. Of course you have remorse, wish you hadn't said this or that. It's normal. And it's done. You can, however, work very hard with your future BF to make sure you do not repeat the same behavior. Besides, you don't even know if you had acted differently that he still would not have broken up with you.

 

Sorry to say, but he still thinks you're weak and does not respect you because of it. You couldn't be nicer to him now?? WTH are you thinking? Stop with that, it will not get him back and he will only dump on you more. He is saying, by his behavior, "You are weak and it is unattractive. I'm going to be mean to you until you toughen up or go away. I wish you were just strong". If you write a letter, DO NOT send it, as much as YOU think it might make you feel better.

[RDawg]

Hey, get your own thread IfiKnewThen, this is my little puddle of misery!!

 

I'm kidding, feel free to rant and whine in my "ex back" book thread - I'm going through exactly the same pain as you.

 

A big part of the pain is not being able to forgive oneself for your perceived mistakes that led to the relationship failing. I genuinely believe that if I could go back in time 6 months I would be able to save and improve my failed relationship - but for what? to drag something on that wasn't meant to be? Life is not playing a trick on you, life does not want you to be unhappy, if you were meant to be together you would, ok?

 

That's my left brain talking, my right is going, "waaahh , I want her back, why was I so stoopid, if I could just cuddle her once more, etc, etc..)

 

Four months after the breakup my ex finally admitted to me this week that she just lost interest in me, became bored with the relationship. It gave me a bit of closure - up until now she's been blaming me and my faults for everything having gone wrong.

 

I have agreed to not contact her for 2 months. By then I hope to be in a state where I don't care any more. But at this rate I know that won't be the case. She has actually been quite sweet, the other night she even invited me in for coffee when I climbed over her wall and woke her up by banging on her window at 22h30.

 

She knows that NC is the best thing for me and she asked me to go 4 months. It will be great if I can do that. She pointed out to me that if there is any slim chance of us reconciling then I need to take a long term view.

 

The bitch.

[CaliGuy]

Bought 5 of the damn things. They all say the same thing. They all make perfect sense..

 

..but they don't warn you just how bad it feals when you go for the "re-connect" , have partial success, and then get rejected again and have to start no contact from scratch!!

 

Maybe it's time to mosey on over to the coping section.

 

If you were here back in 2006/2007 you would have seen my messages about these "Get your ex back" books, which I have said time and time again are RUBBISH! You can't make someone love you. Most of the time these breakups occur because they've decided you are not the one. There's nothing in a book that you can do that is going to change that situation.

 

If you look at my thread "So you want a Second Chance???" you'll see that what it comes down to is accepting and moving on. Not "pining around" for a second chance with someone who really just doesn't want to be with you.

 

Read the link in my signature. It's a lot better for you than these stupid, money-making books which do little to nothing to help the reader.

 

Cheers, mate.

[RDawg]

Thanks CaliGuy. I have seen that thread of yours before and have just re read it.

 

What you are saying isn't actually that different to what they are saying ( the books ) - the only chance of a reconciliation happening is if you can restore yourself to the happy and emotionally stable version that the person was originally attracted to.

 

So work on yourself, become confident and content with your own company, and maybe, just maybe, somewhere down the line the two of you might fall in love again.

 

But ja, the chances are slim : once that person perceives you in a certain way it is very hard to convince them to give you the time of day, let alone a second chance.

[CaliGuy]

Thanks CaliGuy. I have seen that thread of yours before and have just re read it.

 

What you are saying isn't actually that different to what they are saying ( the books ) - the only chance of a reconciliation happening is if you can restore yourself to the happy and emotionally stable version that the person was originally attracted to.

 

So work on yourself, become confident and content with your own company, and maybe, just maybe, somewhere down the line the two of you might fall in love again.

 

But ja, the chances are slim : once that person perceives you in a certain way it is very hard to convince them to give you the time of day, let alone a second chance.

 

Well mine is different in the sense that I was trying to tell you to focus on yourself and not them. Regardless of what you do, if they want you back THEY will initiate a reconciliation, not you. The thread is mainly to get the dumpee to work on getting themselves back into shape and back to being who they were. Not to get the ex back but to realize that the relationship doesn’t define you, YOU do.

 

Cheers!

[flow15]

What do these books say? I've been on so many of these websites, but I have never proceeded to purchase them as I don't trust the websites.

It's annoying though because it tells you what 'first move' to make with your ex, for example telling them that you accept the break up and agree with them, but then it tells you that in order to find out the next steps to take you have to purchase the book.

So, to anyone who has purchased the book, what are the next steps to take?

Or if you are nice enough could you email me the actual ebook??

Thank you!