NC Rule after the rebound relationship!

[NC Girl]

I broke up and have applied NC rule with this guy since three months ago. I got dump from him when he said he want to be friend.

 

I just realized that I was his rebound when the time past. I was close with this guy since last year when he broke up with his 3 year-long distance relationship because his girlfriend has studied aboard. But they were still keep in touch with each other so lot. At that time, I was the closest girl of him since we were studying at the same faculty and same year. We have talked and hang out with the same mutual friends a lot and sometimes I'm pretty sure that he had flirted me.

 

He told me about him and his past relationship so lot. He and his ex always have conflict and they broke up so many times. As the time past, I had realized that I like him more and more. We had many things in common and had shared many good time together. He is very mature person, I like the way he think and manage his life. He always care about me and gave me many good advices. But I know he is still deeply in love with his ex and his close friend likes me so mad but I never like him. So we keep our distance to be just friend at that time.

 

And during the start period of this year, his ex has a new relationship with another guy there. He was totally hurt and lonely. And since that time, we had talked much more together. He started to invite me to go on dating. I felt that he might just hurt and lonely and didn't really like me so I asked him how he think about me. He told me that he likes me too and that was the best feeling time of our phone call. And I know later that was the start point of my disaster since he has still not get over his ex yet and I let him know my feeling when he was still not put enough attempt to pursue me.

 

We had a trip together with the other mutual friends. At the night when we were drunk together at the beach, we had our first hugs and kisses. And I have regret them later since we were still not bf/gf yet at that time. That night, he told me that he want me to be his gf but he didn't want to hurt his friend's (who like me a lot) feeling and he will go aboard for half a year next month and he don't want to have any long distant relationship anymore. After that night, thing went too much quickly, we both much more intimate together and my feeling for him was very intense at that time.

 

Since that was the summer period, so we have time for dating and had happy times together for about 2 weeks, we were like a couple at that time but still not officially. Then I felt that he had put more less effort to pursue me plus he was still routine commenting to his ex fb page without even worry about my feeling. I felt so confuse and not happy anymore. I felt like something is not right and I deserve better. So I had a serious talk with him about our relation and he told me he was confused about his feeling too. Since that day, thing went more worse for about 2 weeks. So I decided to ask him directly whether he still like me or not. Finally he said he want to be friend and I had totally broken heart. That day, I showed him lot of desperation.

 

We had our last meeting before he go aboard. I tried to make thing end well to tell him that I accept and understand. And also sorry for the argument from the previous day. But finally, I ended up crying in front of him and show him my desperation again. I asked him why thing end up like this and how could he do this to me, he told me i'm not the right girl for him.

 

I met him next 2 days in my friend birthday party. I avoided him and we didn't talk or greet to each other. After that day, he called me once when he was drunk on the night and said nothing. That was his last phone call. I called him back to ask why next day and he said nothing again. After we stopped talking for first week, I felt so much bad, hopeless, angry and desperately in the night. I have to talk to many close friends both guys and girls for the advices and encouraging me, that made me feel a lot better.

 

I made the last call for him just for saying goodbye and hoping him good luck for his trip. We had talked about general things for about 15 minutes and didn't mention to the relationship stuff. That was our last phone call. After that we sometimes text to each other via fb but very little.

 

I saw a lot of his post that he is still missing his 3 year ex so lot and not mention to me even lil. After no phone calls, no msn messenger, no meeting for a month (and he had gone aboard already at that time). I have heard from another friends about some stuff that he mention to me to his friends in the way that not good and not be a gentleman to me anymore. He back to talk with his close friend who like me to continue go forward for me without any ashame feeling. So that make me get angry again and decide to cut all communication with him completely. I have deleted his fb and msn account from my friend list.

 

This is about 3 months of no contact and I never beg him to come back. I spend time with my girl friends a lot instead. So I feel much more better now, move on and be myself again. I totally realize that he just used me as his rebound unintentionally and he might hope that maybe I could make him forget about his ex. Our relationship is very short term because things had changed too quickly so it collapsed. I think it is also unfortunately destroy our good friendship whether he care about this point or not. But since he was my first relationship, so honestly, It is very hard for me to forget him completely until now. I'm afraid that when he come back here again and if I still cannot totally get over him, I will be back to square one again.

 

So please tell whether I'm doing the right thing now or not. And what should I do next?

Edited September 7, 2010 by NC Girl

[Trovador]

Hi, it seems that like me, English is not your first language... anyway, I don´t have clear what is your main question, maybe you'd want to sum up your post a little?

 

Having said that, I think you are seeing too much into the future and are missing a good chance to enjoy life with intensity, here and now... don't worry for stuff that is going to happen next month... or isn't gonna happen... look, you are young... what is there to worry? I assure you, there will be a lot of fine young men competing for your charms, don't let a single (bad) experience ruin your chances of being happy...