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I fully intend NC, but should I call him to get it over with?

pandagirl

By pandagirl
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

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I've written a bunch about my breakup with my LDR ex. To sum it up, we hadn't been connecting well for a couple of months. He became distant, I became insecure/clingy, resulting in a lot of minor fights that never got better, that culminated in a 2:30am fight last week that ended up with him saying he needed a break, which turned into a break up.

 

After going through an emotionally charged six hours (texting him, accepting it, telling him I hated him, et al), I've haven't talked to him for six days. We are supposed to talk this week.

 

The thing is, this wasn't a very "proper" breakup conversation. It was an argument that turned into a breakup. I know we both said a lot of things that night, but I don't remember it very well.

 

I know I am capable of going NC, but I feel like I need that proper breakup talk to really move on. Part of me just wants to get it over with, so I can get on with it, but is it unnecessary to talk to him?

 

I am NOT calling him in hopes of reconciliation. I just want to understand better what happened in our relationship.

bighearted Member

bighearted

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You won't hear what you want to hear. Whatever that may be. And more than likely will come away even more confused/pissed/hurt etc... That's my opinion. If you don't want to reconcile, move on and don't look back.

Banker Chick Established Member

Banker Chick

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If you're already supposed to talk this week then why wouldn't you wait? Do you think if he's given some time and space things might change and you'll get back together?

 

I think too often we try to manipulate and control the situation and it ends up biting us in the butt. If we were only patient and let things play out naturally they might end up having a different outcome.

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

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If you're already supposed to talk this week then why wouldn't you wait? Do you think if he's given some time and space things might change and you'll get back together?

 

I think too often we try to manipulate and control the situation and it ends up biting us in the butt. If we were only patient and let things play out naturally they might end up having a different outcome.

 

Wait, I don't really understand your advice...

 

We are supposed to talk this week. I was away all weekend and the last time we talked (last Wed), I said we would talk when I got back from my trip. So, I just don't know if the onus is on me to call, or if I should wait for him to call.

 

No, I am trying to move on. The only way I see us getting back together is when he moves back to my town in six months, but that is neither here nor there.

shadowplay Established Member

shadowplay

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Panda, you seem really hung up on this, so maybe you should just call him and get it over with if you truly believe it will help you do NC. Call him now.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
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In all honesty and going against all LS NC wisdom, I think you should have the post-break-up talk.

 

But prepare yourself. You won't get the answers that you need and whatever feeling of calm this talk provides will likely be fleeting. The confusion and pain you feel today is part of dealing with losing someone you love. There's no way around it: break ups hurt. No conversation will ever make the loss less painful. No conversation will ever totally explain it in satisfactory ways.

 

 

Still, do what is right for you. I get the impression you need to have a final conversation with him. But, sorry to say, there is no magic pill. You will have to feel the pain. We're here for you to try and make it smoother.

 

((((Pandagirl))))

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

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Panda, you seem really hung up on this, so maybe you should just call him and get it over with if you truly believe it will help you do NC. Call him now.

 

The thing is, I WANT to move on, I really do. And I know I can and will. When I see my future without him, it makes me so sad, but I also know I will be happy regardless. It's sucks what I'm feeling, but it's also completely normal.

 

I guess I'm anxious to get on with it. I feel like if I wait until he calls, it'll just set me back. I know he will eventually call me, and I don't want to be wondering when that will be all the time. If I go another week without talking to him, and he calls, it'll just unravel all that I just did.

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

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In all honesty and going against all LS NC wisdom, I think you should have the post-break-up talk.

 

But prepare yourself. You won't get the answers that you need and whatever feeling of calm this talk provides will likely be fleeting. The confusion and pain you feel today is part of dealing with losing someone you love. There's no way around it: break ups hurt. No conversation will ever make the loss less painful. No conversation will ever totally explain it in satisfactory ways.

 

Still, do what is right for you. I get the impression you need to have a final conversation with him. But, sorry to say, there is no magic pill. You will have to feel the pain. We're here for you to try and make it smoother.

 

((((Pandagirl))))

 

Thanks, Kamille. :)

 

My heart has been breaking a little all day. I know talking to him is going to be painful, but I think it's necessary for me. It's going to undo a lot of the healing I've done.

 

What's worse, is that I know he's unhappy and I can't even be there for him. It's hurts to understand and love someone, yet not being able to do anything for them except let them go. :(

confuzed1 Member

confuzed1

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Thanks, Kamille. :)

 

My heart has been breaking a little all day. I know talking to him is going to be painful, but I think it's necessary for me. It's going to undo a lot of the healing I've done.

 

What's worse, is that I know he's unhappy and I can't even be there for him. It's hurts to understand and love someone, yet not being able to do anything for them except let them go. :(

Prepare yourself! It will be an emotional ride. You won't know where the convo will go, so don't plan on what to say. Take it for what is, and at the end, hang up. Case closed! If you want closure, go for it, but if you want hope, go NC for a while longer.

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

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Prepare yourself! It will be an emotional ride. You won't know where the convo will go, so don't plan on what to say. Take it for what is, and at the end, hang up. Case closed! If you want closure, go for it, but if you want hope, go NC for a while longer.

 

I don't know what you mean by "if you want hope, go NC for a while longer"?

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

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All the sudden, I feel really hopeful about us getting back together. I don't know why. I'm not saying it will happen soon. I'm not saying it will happen, but the reason I have hope, is neither one of us has really been ourselves for the past two months, when everything started going downhill.

 

I feel like if we can rediscover us, we can remember why we were together in the first place. I don't know if he'll be willing to do this, but I feel like that's all we have to do. Remember who we were before all of this happened.

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