guitarxkid Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I've loved her since I was in the 8th grade, and I'm now a junior in high school. We have been together on and off since then, but recently we were just in a 9 month relationship. For the first 6 months, it was perfect. We were so in love. We both have so much in common and have the same views on almost everything. I lost my virginity to her, but she had sex with one other person before me. She told me she wanted to be together the rest of high school and if it worked out, past college. We even wanted to go to the same college (not just so we could be together). The past 4 months have not been great. A couple months ago she told me she needed a break from our relationship, so technically we broke up. We couldn't stay away from each other so we decided to still be together. It went on and off like this for about a month, and then I went on a 2 week trip to California with my family. I could not stop thinking about her. I missed her and could only talk on the phone for a few minutes a day. Before I left, it seemed like it was perfect between us again and we were finally going to be completely together again. About halfway through my trip, she says she wants a break again. I told her I was tired of this, and we didn't talk for the rest of my trip. When I got back, I found that she had hooked up with another guy and had been hanging out with him. THis hurt me so much emotionally, but I just wanted her back. A couple days later, she said we should stop talking and we need a long break and just to move on. I didn't understand and it hurt so much to hear that. I couldn't believe it and I tried confronting her about it a couple times, but it seems like all of a suddon her feelings for me are completely gone and I'm left with all of this love for her. I have always tried to make her happy. I just wanted her to be happy, so I decided that I should stop trying to be with her for now. I still tried talking to her, but she replied rudely and said she didn't want to talk anymore. I couldn't understand this because as well as the person I care for more than anything, she is my best friend. We have always been close even if it's just as friends. I told her I just wanted to be friends but she was still rude to me. I asked if she wanted to go to lunch with me, but instead she went to another boys house for lunch during school. I decided I needed to hook up with another girl to maybe make her realize she wants me, and to see if I could get over her myself. I hooked up with another girl, and the whole time I was doing it, I was wishing it was my old girlfriend. Recently, my ex hooked up again with the same guy (whos in college), and told me she really likes him. I tried to act cool with it, but inside it hurt so much to hear that. I don't understand. She told me she wanted to be with me for such a long time, and told me she loved me with all her heart and never wanted to give me up. I know it's life and **** happens but I thought this was going to last. I'm so hurt and I know I shouldn't contact her anymore, but it's so hard. I'm afraid she's going to lose feelings for me completely if we don't talk at all. I miss her so much. She is my best friend, and the love of my life. I have always been there for her, and now she won't talk to me. I can't do this anymore. I need her to feel for me again. I can't concentrate on anything and am alawys thinking about her. Any advice on what I should do? I know I shouldn't be clingy or try texting and calling her all the time. I just can't help feeling like this. I want her and need her. Thank you so much for your advice!
Don Ho Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Bro I was your age once and have been through what you're going through. I don't want to just sit here and say you're really young, but you are. It may be difficult to understand what is going on with her and what I am saying. When people "fall out" of love, they change. That means you were BF and GF, but when her emotions changed, it is next to impossible to remain friends even though you were best friends. A hard fact to swallow, but it's true. Do not contact her anymore especially about being friends. It's not going to happen. It's either friends or lovers and since you were lovers, you won't be friends anymore (maybe in a few years when you're both with someone, but don't count on it). Now on to the next part. I'm afraid she's going to lose feelings for me completely if we don't talk at all. I miss her so much. She is my best friend, and the love of my life. I have always been there for her, and now she won't talk to me. I can't do this anymore. I need her to feel for me again. I want her and need her. Thank you so much for your advice! Bro, she ALREADY lost feelings for you. There's nothing more for her to lose. Thinking that you should stay in contact is incorrect. If anything, not contacting her at all would be your only possible hope. You know, NC. Again, not to be a prick, but she is not "the love of your life" because you haven't really even started your life. Tell me that when you're 80 and you really know. Also, at a young age, we tend to be obsessive about love and confuse the feeling of infatuation with love. Now that IS NOT to say you don't love her, but I think it's a bit of an obsession for you. Now, you need to learn this at your age or you will be in a mess with the rest of the women you date in the future: you DO NOT need her. NO WOMAN should be the core or focus of you life. When you believe that you NEED a woman or that she is "the love of your life" you doom yourself to a hard fall and misery. Best you learn to become your own man now and understand that you do not NEED a woman, but it would be nice icing on the cake of your manhood. Get it? I know all this may be difficult for you to grasp or accept as the truth. You need to really THINK about what I have written. Trust me bro, if you figure this out NOW, become a MAN and stay a MAN with women you will save yourself decades of heartache and misery. Hang in there and DO NOT contact her.
Author guitarxkid Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 I get what you're saying. I understand completely but it does not change the fact that I care about her a lot. I can't help it. I can do my best to not contact her or anything, but I still feel something when I see her at school. I still miss her and I wish I didn't. I really do get what you're saying and I agree, right now is just really hard for me and it's hard losing a friend like that. Maybe time will heal it I don't know
Don Ho Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I get what you're saying. I understand completely but it does not change the fact that I care about her a lot. I can't help it. I can do my best to not contact her or anything, but I still feel something when I see her at school. I still miss her and I wish I didn't. I really do get what you're saying and I agree, right now is just really hard for me and it's hard losing a friend like that. Maybe time will heal it I don't know Glad you understand it Bro. No, it does not necessarily help you feel better or change anything. Of course you care about her a lot. But continuing contact or trying to be her friend when she clearly shut the door in your face is not good for YOU. Of course you miss her. That's normal. Not too much we can do about that. Time does heal all wounds. Yes, it is difficult when you break up to lose a friend. That void is tough to fill. You will feel better Bro. Do yourself a big favor and continue NC. Keep in mind what I explained earlier: "NO WOMAN should be the core or focus of you life. When you believe that you NEED a woman or that she is "the love of your life" you doom yourself to a hard fall and misery. Best you learn to become your own man now and understand that you do not NEED a woman, but it would be nice icing on the cake of your manhood".
Author guitarxkid Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Thanks a lot guys, just hearing what other people have to say helps a lot
Lemontang Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Dude you make me feel old....ok so I'm 32 now so yeah I am in comparison . But I went through the same thing in high school. Thought she was my world, in short she decided to become an exchange student and went to Thailand for a year. During this time all I did was think about her but we broke up just prior to her going away. Needless to say I was shattered back then. I look back on it now and I realised just how all over the place my feelings were and how I was still trying to find my place in the world and how I've loved so many women since then (good times, good times).....and believe me at your age the world is your oyster and you are going to have some fun along the way. I still catch up with this girl to this day for a coffee once in awhile, we lost touch for a few years after highschool but got in contact with each other and have been good friends since and even though I still remember those feelings I certainly don't feel that way about her now. So in short time fixes everything, but your going to learn some great stuff about yourself along the way.
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