Abruptly Binned Like Rubbish on a Bus Platform, Out of City, on Our Date.

[Gossamer]

Hi All.

 

I‘ve been reading savvy postings on here, as well as insightful responses, and hope to find and give some support. Reading this forum in times of intense pain saved me from burrowing more deeply into my rabbit hole of despair, anger, grief, self-doubt and at-first, the panic attacks. I begged him to reconsider his impulsive decision after a year into our relationship, and was the one to make contact after he coldly dumped me. But he would not reconsider. The thing I did learn when I called him after he abruptly dumped me, was that he had been harbouring enourmous grudges against me, some, based on some faulty presumptions and incorrect information, and that he felt I had picked a fight with him that night. He does admit to having impulsivity and anger management problems, and I did experience his problems in our relationship.

 

To be fair, I had my own share of baggage, and could be difficult as well. I was additionally struggling with losing my job during the recession, and was quite stressed-out in general, and some of the demands of the relationship began to feel unreasonable. But I had wanted to work on our issues, suggested couples’ therapy, and had bought relationship workshop books that I believed could have helped. Though he said it was too late, and that he did not want to work on the relationship.

 

Despite some relationship imbalances, fights and problems, we did work them out, mostly, and he was the best thing that had ever happened to me during the year we were together. He saw me through a very rough time during the recession. I’d never had a boyfriend who was so attentive, supportive, romantic, sensitive, generous and who had made himself indispensable in most every major area of my life. I believe I was the same source of support and love for him, as we had amazing synergy and complementary strengths, personally and professionally.

 

3 weeks after I invoked NC, he saw some of my postings on a mutual friend’s FB profile (I unfriended him soon after he broke up with me). I have been moving on with my life out of necessity, and many of the goals I had been working toward while we were together and I was struggling toward due to the recession, have been coming to fruition.

 

I had made it clear over the months since the breakup that I had wanted to have a face-to-face and “redo” our breakup in a more mature way, because we did become very close friends. He would not grant me a meeting in which I would be able to express myself, I believe because he could not handle the intensity of our emotions since we were fighting more before the breakup. I made it clear to him that he had sabotaged an ending and a potential future friendship, for not allowing me to express myself, authentically.

 

Now he is offering me the “chance” to meet, in person, to express myself, without interruption or judgment, and claims he wants to do what is necessary for us to be on speaking terms. So far, I have had to ask a lot of questions of him about his motivations, and I'm not entirely convinced he really cares about me.

 

I’m not even sure at this point that I want to do this, though I wanted to, at the height of my pain and anger. I am thinking about him a lot, but it just feels like a big mess of my conflicting emotions. I feel like I’ll probably go through with meeting so that I can purge my system of this residual anxiety and feel some more control.

 

Has anyone here experienced anything similar?

 

If so, what did you do?

 

Thanks much!

 

Gossamer

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