pad.roc Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Hello everyone, I have made up my mind to break up with my BPD gf of 2 years and to be honest I am scared of her reaction(s) to it. I have already tried to break-up with her twice. We were living together and I started to pack to leave. While I was doing this - first she yelled at me and told me that I had ruined her life by "wasting" her 2 years, had played with her emotions for the past x months, had used her and what I was doing "wasnt FAIR". (She forgot that I had stayed with her for the past x months bcoz she had begged to give our relationship a shot again). Then came the insults - she started telling me what I big loser I was and that I cant find anyone as "good" as her and that I would end up with some horrible b***ch. She repeated this 4-5 times about how I would find nobody else. She said that since I had family living closeby and had friends, I could just be with them and feel better while she has no friends and thus has to be miserable. Then, she pointed out how my life was perfect, how I didnt have to work-hard for anything (which is not true) and how she would have to struggle for everything and tried to make me feel guilty for anything good I have in my life. Then she switched to being desperate and said how I could just let 2 years go, why I wasnt "fighting" for the relation and then called up my elder sister and told her I was leaving her. And again she went to "ok, if you want to go just leave, I dont want to see u again". After which she slapped me 3-4 times on my arm and yelled why are you doing this and resumed crying!!! After which she again begged me to stay and I melted (Yes, big mistake I see it now). Fast forward 4 weeks,we decided to live separately, I have a place of my own now ( with roommates) and have been trying to distance myself from her (shes been super clingy and still gets upset at the smallest things and exhibits her usual BPD waif traits). I am planning a weekend getaway and am planning to write her a break-up email and just disappear Friday evening and return Sunday. (Sorry about the long post, but...) Am I doing the right thing by doing this over email? I dont want to listen to her insult me again, emotionally abuse me and create a big drama and behave in a very immature way (and possibly get physically violent). It breaks my heart to dump her like this with an email/phone call...but I cant take another one of her episodes! Is this the right way to go?? Please help!!
OndaChin Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 MAN UP & TELL HER IN PERSON. You guys had 2 years! Anyone with that time owes their soon to be EX the dignity and respect of a closure. Its the right thing to do. Trust Me! You'll feel better in the end knowing you did the admirable thing- regardless of how she acts. The descriptions you gave of her sound like a woman (or should I say- young girl) who's deeply hurt and afraid to be alone. Realise that her feelings are genuine and be kind to her. I know its tough... but like I said, you'll be the "better man" in this and she'll ultimately know it! (wont tell you- but she'll know it). Find a place you can have quiet and then tell her "your" exact feelings. Be open, honest and "clear" with the feeling you have. If she starts to insult you, just wish her well... and be done with it "once and for all". Good luck!
OndaChin Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Of course.... "If you REALLY think she might bring a knife or gun to that meeting"... then I'd just FEDEX a note wishing her well and best of luck! Just saying....
GorillaTheater Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Yeah, I'm a big proponent of "manning up and telling her in person" too. Except maybe in this case. Is "BPD" a medical diagnosis or your best guess? If she really is BPD, and you've been beat down as badly as alot of SO's of a BPD person, your best best may well be to tell her long distance. But make sure you've already gotten all of your stuff out of her place. You may want to check out this site for more in-depth advice: http://www.bpdfamily.com/
OndaChin Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I concur... Sounds Cluster B- no doubt! Perhaps BPD or Histrionic. If she is BPD then It's best to be "nice" and let things slowly die down OR you might get a "Fatal Attraction" on your hands.
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