MisterSmith Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Hi, first I want to apologize for my (probably) bad english. I'm writing to you from germany. During my seek for help I tripped over this site and I've never seen a so caring internet community here in germany. So that's the reason I'm seeking for your advice. I'm trying to get this story really short, so no one is bored and just skips my post :-) Some month ago I met a girl at my work (1st mistake). We were hitting it off immediatly, she was pushing it more than me and was really into me. Due to my past experiences in dating coworkers I was taking it slow, not wanting to make any mistakes again. Well after a lot of really really great time together and forming some kind of strange realationship (acting like a couple, but not officially) I felt ready to commit cause I really was sure of my feelings and that I really care for her from my heart (and I really do!). Well I told her about my feelings (2nd mistake)... she told me that I'm the greatest guy she has been with, but she can't be together with me cause she has fear of ruining everyhing we have. I'm far to important to her, for her taking this risk (maybe BS to comfort me, I don't know). Well we talked the next day and with a lot of tears and yes and no we said we'll give it a shot. She told me (without me pushing for it) that she loves me deeply and wants to be with me. But noone at work should know... after a week she told me she couldn't live this way, that she has to decide if she wants a realtionship or not and because, she said, she is not ready for a realtionship right now she has to let me go though she loves me. If I say so she would even leave the city if this makes it easier for me... I had to accept that and said to her that if the situation changes, just tell me. And she said, that when the situation changes, we'll be together. After another week she was still acting the same way that I thought she is still into me and hitting me, immediatly looking for distance as she recoginzed it... Well after another week I found out that she is "together" with another guy in the company. We talked about that and she told me really nothing just that she loves me, she doesn't love him etc. sounding all like BS to me..and everything she told before. she was already with him, when she told me that she loves me and we were together and she said that she wants it to be like this for the rest of her time... now I'm confused... not knowing if the other guy is just for the sake of not being alone, if I'm out of the game or what else.. I have to see them every single day at work acting like a couple (thoug she tells me they are not). she doesn't want me to ignore her, she wants me to stay in her life, though I told her that I will never be just a "friend" for her. But I can't stand next to her (or them) - it's killing me. And I don't want to step out of her life because I feel that she is still attracted to me, both physically and mentally, and I do not want to sabotage my chances for us getting to each other again. What should I do.. forget her? Not possible - she's already to deep in my heart. And not possible with seeing her everyday. Should I keep the hope? I always said, if there is love there is hope, but in times like these and if it's me and not somebody else it's hard to believe...
L3stat Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Sounds like she got what she wanted, some people like the that high that you get when you first meet someone, i dont think that she loves you though at least not the way you hoped. Some people thrive on getting someone to open up to them, to trust them, to get emotionally attach then when that happens they lose interst and move on to the next victim. She probably knows that you would never ask her to leave the city, beacuse your "too nice" of a guy, you should ask her anyways just to see what she says lol. Just try the best you can to avoid her, theres really no point, to even bother to try to talk to her, from where im stading, she sounds like an emotional user and no good can come from further contact with her. Im sorry that this has happend to you, theres really no full proof way of not getting hurt, when you let someone into your heart.
Author MisterSmith Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 i still can't believe that she is that kind of person... the first and saddest reason for this is, that it seems that she starts "something" with that other guy, which means she doesn't jump from victim to victim.. what i do not understand is, that she turns it that way that she is the vicitim because i distance myself.. she wants to talk to me but if i want to resolve the last issues so i can try get over her she just does not answer, just says nothing (not: "i don't wanna talk about it" or something just nothing) even if i confront her with this "ignoring me". plus, she still seeks my nearness and keeps my stuff which i gave her over the course of time (you know, these little things showing your admiration) around her desk.. she does everything which makes it harder for me to let go.. it could be easier if she would say "i don't love you, i love the other guy" it would be easier to accept.. instead she keeps this (maybe lie) construct of "not possible right now, but i love you". just why? i offered her the solution with me saying the sentence "I don't love you and I don't wanna be with you" and she just had to say yes.. but she didn't
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