alyyysha Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 i am a 23 year old female in love with an AMAZING, perfect boyfriend of a year and a half. over this past summer, things were going so well, we even moved in together. i am in law school, and that demands a lot of my time and attention, and he is incredibly understanding about taking a backseat to work. there is really only ONE problem that i CAN'T seem to fix...i can't stop cheating. i have cheated on him countless times, never because i think "i am going to leave my boyfriend for this guy," but on the other hand, i really don't know WHY i'm doing it. i absolutely love my boyfriend and i have never felt this way about someone, and yet i can't seem to keep it in my pants the only factor i can think of is that i am young and at first, i didn't want a relationship in law school. but then i fell in love with the little bugger and now i don't want to be without him. i honestly think i have something mentally wrong with me. i MUST, to be cheating on a guy so perfect. a big voice in my head says to break up with him, just for the sheer fact that i can't seem to stop myself. i will go for a period of 6-8 months, and then, just when i think things are going well, i will cheat again. i told him about it once and he forgave me, but i know if i told him it happened more than once, it would be over...if i broke up with him, i wouldn't tell him that was the reason but use law school as an excuse. it's just so hard because i really and truly DO love him. i just can't seem to stop when temptation comes around. what should i do?!
LoveTNT Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Stop. Or break up. Simple to say.But You probably like to feel love and have the attention. You need to let it go because you're being selfish. I know, because I've been there. I was selfish. Eventually it blows in your face. F the karma talk, it just going to be your choices and your consequences. Oh good luck though honestly, I'm sure you know the right choice.
clap Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 thats just selfish. i feel you should confront him and tell him whatever has happened behind is back and your tendency to cheat. obviously the guy would be no saint and will simply break up with you. even though he would be extremely hurt but then breaking up is better than being dumped. and if the guy is still ready to get back with you after you plead him or apologize then i guess you should feel shameful of yourself and try to change.
mark982 Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 since you're in law school. make your major divorce law. you're going to need it.
crfsti Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 poor guy, he should of left you the first time you told him....
Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 if i broke up with him, i wouldn't tell him that was the reason but use law school as an excuse. it's just so hard because i really and truly DO love him. i just can't seem to stop when temptation comes around. what should i do?! 1. Why would YOU break up with him and lie AGAIN about what's going on? 2. You DON'T love him if you're repeatedly cheating on him. Man, I feel so sorry for this guy...
Woggle Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 This is the kind of stuff that creates bitter men.
Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 This is the kind of stuff that creates bitter men. It creates frustrated women too, because we then get the hurt guy who is scared, has built walls, etc., and shuts her out, because of BS like this.
Woggle Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 It creates frustrated women too, because we then get the hurt guy who is scared, has built walls, etc., and shuts her out, because of BS like this. It's sad that good women pay the price for the actions of women like this. I bet when this guy finds out he might never fully open himself up to a woman again.
aerogurl87 Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I honestly think this is a troll, but I'll still answer. 1) He's may be an amazing guy, but he's not amazing to you because you're cheating on him. 2) He's not perfect, no one on this Earth is. 3) You don't love him, well you might, but you love yourself more. True love happens when you become selfless and put someone's feelings and thoughts above your own. You haven't done this, so you don't really love him. 4) Do the guy a favour and break up with him. Maybe he'll find someone who truly cares for him then.
skydiveaddict Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I honestly think this is a troll, . I think so too.
Lovebone Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Throw yourself off a tall building, you cheating whore. No, seriously though..... Do it.
L3stat Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 WOW hes gonna find out sooner or later, hes gonna hate you. your olny option if you dont want to tell him, is to break up with him citing you want to focus on school blah blah, yes that would hurt him but thats alot better then finding out your a cheating ****** goddam shame:mad: what goes around comes around:p
Bryanp Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 How would you feel if the roles were reversed and he was doing to you what you are doing to him? You live with him and cheat on him and put him at risk for STD's? What is wrong with this picture? You are clearly self-destructive. You need to be honest with him and tell him the truth. You need to seek individual counseling to understand your self-destructive behavior concerning this relationship. Stop stringing him along and tell him the truth and allow him the opportunity to decide what he wishes to do with this relationship. What you are are doing is so selfish and cruel. Let him find someone else who can truly love and respect him because you clearly cannot.
stillafool Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Tell your bf what you have done and to get tested for STD's. Then leave him alone so he can meet the girl of his dreams, marry and be happy. This way you will be free to screw your brains out. Have a great life!
Author alyyysha Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 ok, i am NOT a troll, as far as trolling forums is concerned. i mean, i get the brutal honesty thing and i'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, but it's really hard to see people telling me to "jump off a building, whore" when this is actually something REAL that i'm going through. i suppose i'm in no position to talk about feelings because i know i'm hurting my boyfriend's A LOT, but i'm not coming here for advice like that. obviously i am going to need to break up with him. as you are all posting on a relationships forum, i'm assuming a majority are either in one or have been in one, and thus been through a break up. no matter what the circumstances are, it is NOT EASY. i wanted honesty in my responses, not name calling. thanks.
Mimolicious Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Get therapy. There is something wrong with YOU that you should fix. You will probably do the same to anybody else...
Author alyyysha Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Tell your bf what you have done and to get tested for STD's. Then leave him alone so he can meet the girl of his dreams, marry and be happy. This way you will be free to screw your brains out. Have a great life! by the way, i should clarify that i am NOT having sex with these people when i cheat. it is kissing and maybe some touching. mostly kissing. i get it though; cheating is cheating. but i guarantee i don't have any STDS. thanks for your concern, though.
Author alyyysha Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 It's sad that good women pay the price for the actions of women like this. I bet when this guy finds out he might never fully open himself up to a woman again. ok last response for now, i swear. obviously what i'm doing is wrong, but the whole reason why i posted on this forum is because i wanted advice on how i can STOP this cycle. i don't want to be "that girl" anymore. but rubbing it in my face doesn't really help me understand how i can change something i've actually tried to already. like i said, i go like 8 months without cheating and just when i think i've gotten better, BAM it happens again. i need it to stop. not just for this guy, but for any relationship i will ever be in. you make it sound like i LIKE what i'm doing.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 ok last response for now, i swear. obviously what i'm doing is wrong, but the whole reason why i posted on this forum is because i wanted advice on how i can STOP this cycle. i don't want to be "that girl" anymore. but rubbing it in my face doesn't really help me understand how i can change something i've actually tried to already. like i said, i go like 8 months without cheating and just when i think i've gotten better, BAM it happens again. i need it to stop. not just for this guy, but for any relationship i will ever be in. you make it sound like i LIKE what i'm doing. Well, if you are in the grips of compulsive behavior over which you have absolutely NO control, then you need professional help if you really want to change. Not advice from an anonymous forum. Uncontrollable compulsion or not, you CAN control yourself from "cheating." If you are not capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship at this time, then be an honorable woman and don't pretend to be in one. If you actually are not cut out for monogamy, there are men who would accept a relationship with you AS YOU REALLY ARE. You speak highly of your boyfriend - don't screw him over anymore.
InceptorsRule Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 by the way, i should clarify that i am NOT having sex with these people when i cheat. it is kissing and maybe some touching. mostly kissing. i get it though; cheating is cheating. but i guarantee i don't have any STDS. thanks for your concern, though. A tease to boot.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 ok last response for now, i swear. obviously what i'm doing is wrong, but the whole reason why i posted on this forum is because i wanted advice on how i can STOP this cycle. i don't want to be "that girl" anymore. but rubbing it in my face doesn't really help me understand how i can change something i've actually tried to already. like i said, i go like 8 months without cheating and just when i think i've gotten better, BAM it happens again. i need it to stop. not just for this guy, but for any relationship i will ever be in. you make it sound like i LIKE what i'm doing. Ok... if you want some serious advice, you will need to drop a lot more detail. What kinds of situations does this cheating occur in? Have you suffered any psychological trauma? Describe your current BF in detail, personality, looks, job... ect. Just be vague enough that nobody could ID him. Since you don't want this behavior and yet are powerless to stop it... I think it may be some kind of addictive behavior pattern. If you want to break the cycle... I'm guessing that for the moment environmental control is the best way. Make sure you stay away from any kind of situation where you would typically cheat. Example... If you typically kiss guys at the club don't go to the club.. ect.
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Either break up with him or stop. If you want to stop, ask yourself why are you doing this? What do you get out of it that you are perceiving as a reward or an incentive to continue? Sex, attention, fun, drama, self-destruction, revenge?
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