lindsayalleene Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Grr, I just typed a lot and then somehow pressed something that made it all go away! My situation is the following: I'm in love with a man who I've loved for 8 years. We met on the internet, had an on off again thing on the internet where we had issues but almost always ended up back together, or at least talking. Three years ago April he came here to visit and we discovered we loved each other in real life as well. So we married, so that he would not have to return home to the netherlands. Thaty caused us a lot of issues in our relationship as I often felt that he was only with me because of the greencard. We had a lot of issues in our relationship ranging from jealousy, to me being uncomfortable with the greencard thing, to him not talking to me because he felt uncomfortable telling me things because of the greencard. Well, that's all done and overwith, he's got his permanant residence card, and that should have meant yay we're happy now, but it didn't! 14 days after he got the greencard he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore. Bad timing, or what, I don't know...but April 1st I moved back home...and over the next few months I helped him a lot, we hung out a lot, he borrowed money, i helped him get his house fixed up before his family came to visit...and a lot more...But eventually around late July it got bad. I felt abandoned cause he canceled on me for a concert we were going to attend together, and it hurt me a lot. So I got mad, and handled things very badly. Eventually he told me that unless I stopped threatening to report him to immigration that he would get a restraining order...So I did it. I reported him, and two days later he got the restraining order. Well this past Tuesday he came to my house cause he got a jury questionaire, and I thought it might have been something more important, and didn't want to end up in trouble for not telling him about it. He came to get it, and we talked. A lot...all evening. He told me about his life since we last talked, which to me sounded quite unhappy, though he disagrees. He also told me that after we'd talked, he slept better than he had in weeks. I still love him....I still want things to work out...but he says too much has happened. What can I do? What can I do to change his perception of me, his feelings, to open him up to a potential relationship instead of what he's planning which is to sell his entire life in Rochester and travel the country for 3-6 months or stay in a zen monastary. I don't want him to go, I love him with all my heart, and am completely willing to forgive, forget, move on, and work very hard to have a great relationship with him.....but he's not.....
L3stat Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 First off let me say im sorrry for what has happen and what im gonna say. HE USED YOU TO GET HIS GREENCARD, im sorry but thats the truth, there was alot of red flags there that should of told you something was up, but when we in love we over look these things, its olny human nature its not your fault. He continued to use you after he told you that HE DIDNT LOVE YOU ANYMORE, you gave him money? you help him fix his house? seriously? thats not smart, i dont know your reasoning for this. you should of after he told you it was over cut off all contact and just focus on you. I truly believe that he is just another user and he will continue to use you, until you put an end to it. Your best options is just to stay as far away from him as possible, you been around him for a while after your break up. Did it help? Did it make him come back? Did you feel any better?No. It didn't so im sorry to say you have no control over this, all you can do is take the first step on the road to recovery.
Author lindsayalleene Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 I see where you would think that, and have had my moments where it felt better to think that, but it's just not true. You have to know the man to know his true intentions. He doesn't come from a third world country! He's from the land where pot is legal! It's a liberal, lovely country, and he didn't hate it. He came here to give things a shot with me, and live a dream.
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