The Collector Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Maybe she's naive, but women usually don't want to be hated by anyone they dump. If you ever dump anyone, you might act the same, whatever you say. They want to believe that things are now ok, and you can be friendly, if not friends. That they didn't hurt you, that they are nice people. Doesn't matter if it makes sense, that's what they want to believe. Much more likely that was her motivation than being mean - unless she has a history of being cruel, then maybe... And if she was just checking to see if you were in pieces as some kind of power trip or ego boost, the correct response is still to be cool and friendly. Then she'll never know.
Author chocolate_boy Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 (edited) Maybe she's naive, but women usually don't want to be hated by anyone they dump. If you ever dump anyone, you might act the same, whatever you say. They want to believe that things are now ok, and you can be friendly, if not friends. That they didn't hurt you, that they are nice people. Doesn't matter if it makes sense, that's what they want to believe. Much more likely that was her motivation than being mean - unless she has a history of being cruel, then maybe... And if she was just checking to see if you were in pieces as some kind of power trip or ego boost, the correct response is still to be cool and friendly. Then she'll never know. Well this was the girl that ignored me on purpose for a few days, then started sending me 3 txts/calls when she hadn't heard back from me for one day, then turned her back on me, pretended she hadn't seen me at a bar then got moody asking why I'd ignored her. She does kinda play games I think. This is a woman in her mid-20s I'm talking about too, not a teenager. My point is, we're probably going to be working together again next week, she is on my MSN/Facebook chat, I've been signed in all night and so has she, she has my phone number, if she wanted to see if we're still on friendly terms there are countless other ways she could have contacted me. I even said to her when she dumped me "no hard feelings". Contacting me via a dating website when we were still sleeping together just a week or two ago seems highly inappropriate to me. By the way I have dumped people before, and never would I ever have done that to them. Edited September 6, 2010 by chocolate_boy
Thorgs Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I think the more heartless act was breaking up over a text message. Very immature IMO.
Author chocolate_boy Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 I think the more heartless act was breaking up over a text message. Very immature IMO. Well you know that didn't bother me so much, she was away on vacation, and I text to see how her trip was, and if she fancied hooking up next week, she said "if we're being honest, it's not really working for me, we can still have a joke at work but lets leave it at that". I said I was disappointed as I really liked her, and thought we got on great, but no hard feelings, and it won't be awkward at work. I thought that was fine and that's it now, and we'll be fine at work, treat her like other co-workers, but as far as I see it, my private life is none of her business now is it?
Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Sorry to spoil the hate-fest, but it doesn't sound bitchy to me. Sucks that she dumped you, but probably she is trying to be friendly - so you don't hate her, but that's the intention I reckon. Correct answer - 'Nothing special' This. She was a coward to dump you via text message, but I don't think there's anything inherently bitchy about her message to you.
Author chocolate_boy Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 This. She was a coward to dump you via text message, but I don't think there's anything inherently bitchy about her message to you. Wow, I'm actually rather taken aback that some of you think there was nothing insensitive/mean about the message. Really proves how differently some people approach these things. I think it was totally inappropriate. Maybe she didn't mean to be nasty, but in my mind that was about the lowest thing she could have done, as in really really low.
bonpaw2008 Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 This. She was a coward to dump you via text message, but I don't think there's anything inherently bitchy about her message to you. Yea I am leaning towards this too, maybe she thought that because it wasn't that long of a relationship that you would be ok with some humor (it is awkward to see someone you know on there, I have a feeling she was just trying to lighten the mood). I get how you could be upset though. If you have to work with her blow off the comment, make a joke back, or just ignore You know that you are better off without her....especially if she would say something like that in a catty way
Author chocolate_boy Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 (edited) Yea I am leaning towards this too, maybe she thought that because it wasn't that long of a relationship that you would be ok with some humor (it is awkward to see someone you know on there, I have a feeling she was just trying to lighten the mood). If you have to work with her blow off the comment, make a joke back, or just ignore Maybe I'm being overly sensitive then, I dunno. I just know if I'd just ended something romantically with someone, who I knew for a fact was upset about it, I would not (7 days later) be shoving in their face that I am on a dating site looking for new girls, and asking them "hey met any hot guys yet then?" when we were sill having sex last weekend. I am only going by how I feel, but it really pissed me off and felt like a huge privacy invasion, and really inappropriate, like what the hell business of hers is my love life now? Well at least it did one thing, it made me angry at her, I feel more over her now than I have all week! lol Edited September 6, 2010 by chocolate_boy
bonpaw2008 Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Maybe I'm being overly sensitive then, I dunno. I just know if I'd just ended something romantically with someone, who I knew for a fact was upset about it, I would not (7 days later) be shoving in their face that I am on a dating site looking for new girls, and asking them "hey met any hot guys yet then?" when we were sill having sex last weekend. I am only going by how I feel, but it really pissed me off and felt like a huge privacy invasion, and really inappropriate, like what the hell business of hers is my love life now? I definitely agree with this, I would be motified if someone I knew (or at least used to date) saw me on a dating site. And you are so right, she has no business commenting, I just know that in some cases you can see who looked at your profile (not sure if this is the case) and I thought maybe she was just saying something before you accused her of stalking Anyway, no more energy on this, save it up for the model
Author chocolate_boy Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 I definitely agree with this, I would be motified if someone I knew (or at least used to date) saw me on a dating site. And you are so right, she has no business commenting, I just know that in some cases you can see who looked at your profile (not sure if this is the case) and I thought maybe she was just saying something before you accused her of stalking Anyway, no more energy on this, save it up for the model Well I just looked again and she sent me a follow up message "awww you deleted my message without even replying, that's not nice. I get the feeling you're avoiding me and I really don't want you to :(" Urgh I didn't know you could see people deleted/read messages on there (I don't use it much to be honest), what the **** is she playing at? I know, ignore it right? Yeah I am looking forward to my date this week massively, but I can do without these head-games when I'm just getting over her. I'll see at work and be nice fine, but I don't want to be her friend.
Thorgs Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Just tell it to her straight, no sense in lying. Just say, "I find it too hard to be your friend because I have feelings for you, I'm sorry." That, or just ignore it.
Author chocolate_boy Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Just tell it to her straight, no sense in lying. Just say, "I find it too hard to be your friend because I have feelings for you, I'm sorry." That, or just ignore it. Urgh I don't want to break NC or give her that satisfaction in all honesty. I'm not angry I just want it over, I know I have to see her around at work from time to time, but that's fine. Sadly the site we use seems to show that I read/deleted it, now she'll see i've read this one too. Can't find any feature to hide that, so yeah she knows I'm ignoring her now.
Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I just know if I'd just ended something romantically with someone, who I knew for a fact was upset about it, I would not (7 days later) be shoving in their face that I am on a dating site looking for new girls, and asking them "hey met any hot guys yet then?" when we were sill having sex last weekend. She's not shoving it in your face. She's there. You're there. It's awkward, she was probably just trying to address the elephant in the room. When I rejoined Match a couple months ago, the first message I got was from the guy who strung me along and treated me like sh*t (but I ate it up, uggghhh). He said something like, "I thought you were in some "awesome" relationship or something?" (2 years ago, I had told him to eff off after I met my now-ex, saying something like, "I'm done with this, with you, I've met someone amazing who actually knows how to treat me with respect. Lost my number.") So, I thought HIS message was a little snarky, but at the same time, it was addressing the reality that while he and I didn't work out, and me and my ex didn't, that we were right back where we started. I am only going by how I feel, but it really pissed me off and felt like a huge privacy invasion, and really inappropriate, like what the hell business of hers is my love life now? Well at least it did one thing, it made me angry at her, I feel more over her now than I have all week! lol You realize when you post your profile on an online dating site that there's no invasion of privacy, right? How long did you date? Were you exclusive? And how does she know you were "very upset"??
Author chocolate_boy Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 She's not shoving it in your face. She's there. You're there. It's awkward, she was probably just trying to address the elephant in the room. When I rejoined Match a couple months ago, the first message I got was from the guy who strung me along and treated me like sh*t (but I ate it up, uggghhh). He said something like, "I thought you were in some "awesome" relationship or something?" (2 years ago, I had told him to eff off after I met my now-ex, saying something like, "I'm done with this, with you, I've met someone amazing who actually knows how to treat me with respect. Lost my number.") So, I thought HIS message was a little snarky, but at the same time, it was addressing the reality that while he and I didn't work out, and me and my ex didn't, that we were right back where we started. You realize when you post your profile on an online dating site that there's no invasion of privacy, right? How long did you date? Were you exclusive? And how does she know you were "very upset"?? I just don't see the need to contact me on there when there's 10,000 other people there, it felt like she was shoving it in my face. I'd have had no idea she was even on there if she hadn't contacted me. It just seems really insensitive to me, especially as I was signed into MSN at the same time and so was she. She knows I was upset that we split cos I told her, either way I want nothing more from her, I can't be bothered with more drama. I was nicely moving on with my life. It just seemed rude that she's enquiring about my love-life a week after she dumped me, it is none of her damn business, I won't change my mind on that one. I might just send a cordial reply later in the week saying "no not avoiding you, I think we said everything there is to say last week, I'll see you around at work though." Sound fair enough?
Left in a Lurch Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I might just send a cordial reply later in the week saying "no not avoiding you, I think we said everything there is to say last week, I'll see you around at work though." Sound fair enough? Good reply but be honest, you ARE avoiding her so drop off the first part. "I think we said everything there is to say last week, I'll see you around." ...is all you need. $10 says if you send that she will turn the situation around on you and tell people what a jerk you are for not wanting to be her friend.
Recommended Posts