Girlfriend moved away, things becoming hectic

[Anthony-117]

I'm new to using these kind's of site's. I've never needed them before as i've always been able to talk things out with me GF. Things have changed, and i'm not sure how to feel, and i could really use some advice. My GF recently joined the USAF, and has finished Basic Training and is now in Tech School. Things were fine at first, but something has changed recently. I think some background on our relationship will help put things into perspective before i continue. Please excuse the wall of text below.

 

Me and my GF first met on a dating site. We didn't stick to the internet for long, chatting for only 3 days, we really hit it off. We had our first date in town and the time just flew by like you wouldn't believe. I walked her home that day, and we talked the whole way to her place (It was about an hour and a half walk). Though we fell in love pretty quickly, we still took things pretty steady, first kiss wasn't until about the second time she visited me at my place, and then sex wasn't until about a couple weeks later.

 

Eventually we moved in together. We enjoyed doing everything together, and we have always had open communication. If one of us has worries or doubts, or if one of us is upset, we'd always tell eachother and discuss it and resolve it. This has been so important to us, as we care about eachother deeply. The relationship has always been 50/50, we have always been equally dedicated to eachother, and we were both the focus of eachother's lives. No matter what was going on, if we were together we were happy even during the worst of times. After a couple months we became so certain we were a perfect match, and nothing but a serious personality change could change how we feel (and we've known almost everything about eachother, like i said open communication).

 

I now fear that personality change may have happened to her after reaching tech school. I remember the last day she was here, before she left, she held my hand, knowing how upset i was at all of this, and she put her hand on my chest and told me i had nothing to worry about, and she would call me and talk to me as much as was possible, and that she knew this was important having been in a LDR in the past (that relationship she had was a pure LDR, they never spent more than a week together the whole time they dated). She cried, even i cried, and then she was gone.

 

We talked a lot while she was in basic, i think she called me more than she called her parents, and i always wrote her letters. Then she got into Tech School, she still called, we'd talk on the phone atleast once a day for about an hour or so. While obviously i'd prefer to talk more, i understood she was busy and that was certainly an acceptable minimum. Sometimes there'd be a day or two we didn't talk, again it made sense. Then, her second week there when she got settled down, her paycheck came in, and she started making a lot of friends, a mysterious communication blackout took place. for the entire last week until yesterday, we had absolute no communication whatsoever. No internet, no phone calls, nothing.

 

I was upset, worried about what was going on. I called once or twice each day, no response. I left a message on her voice mail on thursday. I even left her offline messages on MSN saying i was concerned and would like to speak with her as soon as possible. Though i was concerned, i knew it might just be a hectic week. The thought crossed my mind, and my friends/family brought this up, that nothing should stop her from at the very least making a five minute phone call and telling me what's going on and when she believes we'd be able to speak. They believed that, at the very least, there has been a serious communication break down and it needs to be addressed if our relationship is going to survive this LDR period.

 

I held strong though believing she would call on the weekend, that is a time of the week she WOULD have off while in tech school and she'd have ample time to call me, so i was confident i would hear from her and this would all be settled. She did not call saturday, i tried to call to no response. She did not call sunday, but i initiated contact. Here is where things get....confusing. I called her about 4 times sunday. Normally i wouldn't want to call so much but i felt at least this once it was acceptable given the situation. As i had to move back in with my parents while she was away, my parents have been up to date on our relationship status. My dad theorized maybe she's getting a bit too swept up in her newfound freedom, and she is simply ignoring my calls. He gave me his cell phone and told me to call, saying "She won't know that number". He told me not to assume the worst either way, but at the very least if it works we'll be able to talk about it.

 

The first time i called with that phone there was no answer. I called again later at night, about 10:00 pm my time, 12 her time. She answered, confused a to who is calling. I told her it was me, and asked she call my normal phone. She sounded...strange, hard to explain. She called my other phone. In as calm a voice as i could, and always exclaiming that i know she's busy and things are rough, i told her how this communication blackout has upset me, and asked why she did not call.

 

I thought her classes had started. They have not, she has been doing normal scheduled duties, occasionally doing "CQ" at night, which is apparently just a boring night-shift job working in the dorm. She said that, time has just been going by so fast, she forgot to call/never had the chance to call. But then later she talks about how she's been hanging out with her new friends, had a new guy friend help her buy her new laptop on wednesday(originally she planned to call me to help her pick one out), and she even texted one of her friends while i was talking to her on the phone(which i thought was strange, if she was asleep before i called why were people texting her...). I continued to put what i was saying in context, saying that i know it's probably very busy, and that it can be rough (despite news to the contrary apparently), but that i just want her to see things from my point of view and see why this has upset me. I once said "I understand your busy, but none of that stops you from making a short 5 minute phone call telling me as much" and "If you had the time to buy a laptop, could you not have called during that time? You said you're always thinking about me, why didn't that cross your mind? I know you have been busy, i just want to know what's going on?". I didn't call her out on her spending lots of time hanging out with her new found male friends as she didn't seem very receptive to how i was feeling for the most part.

 

Though she apologized throughout the conversation, at several points she said i was "Scolding her" and "freaking out". My parents and friends laughed at that, knowing i am the most passive aggressive person you can meet, even moreso in my relationship with my GF, and i am always taking her feelings into consideration. They believe it is because she was on the defensive (knew she did something wrong, or is not telling me something) and so percieved innocent dialogue about our relationship as something aggressive and negative (Admittedly, the way my friends/family put it was not so eloquent). As for why i'm always consulting friends and family, they understand this LDR has been rough and have always freely offered up emotional support, as friends/family they do not wish to see me hurt or crushed by this and what this could turn out to be (though i try not to assume the worst). I feel like now though i need another opinion on this, as even they can no longer figure out what is going on.

 

We couldn't talk about things further, so i could not address my feelings and discuss about us trying to establish more regular contact. She stated she had to do "Accountability", which normally she always had to do at 10:00-10:30PM her time, so this seemed...off to me, but it could just be some weird scheduling at Tech School. She said she was going back to sleep immediately afterwards (despite the fact she said she slept all weekend, though again, it may have just been interrupted sleep so she hadn't had a chance at steady sleep). She said she would call back today, she has not. When i did talk to her yesterday, she did claim that her phone had no record of me calling over the entirety of the week and that weekend, and said that the local internet in her dorm was not working and the internet feature on her phone was non-functional on the base (that part i believe as it's been consistent since she first arrived.).

 

I usually trust her. I love her, i care about her, i know she loves and cares about me, or atleast the girl that left here did. Am i over-reacting, is this just an innocent misunderstanding? Should i apologize for confronting her on sunday? Any theories as to what may be happening? What about her talking about flirting with guys for favors, and how she appears to be doing an increasing amount of activities with them? Why is she doing things now that are so counter to what her personality was before she left? I am so confused, i feel i must be careful before taking my next step. I have ALWAYS believed open communication is important, and we always had that in the past. However, I felt like i was walking on thin ice/eggshells when i talked to her sunday. Any help is appreciated more than you know.

Edited September 6, 2010 by Anthony-117

[aerogurl87]

I'd just ignore her till she initiates contact next time. Go on about your life and wait for her to call, text, or instant message you. If she doesn't after a reasonable amount of time, well you have your answer. She's either is no longer interested in the relationship or you are no longer a priority in her life. Either way I'd break up with her at that point if I were you.