jenniseekingsense Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 argh here it goes. I'm Jen, 28, single mother to a five y/o daughter. I live and work in london, i'm a professional well established glamour model. a year ago i met a guy- (mm), we became great friends and had lots and lots in common. I was dating in a new relationship and he was in a long term relationship (18yrs) with a 3 year old daughter. Our friendship grew greater and greater, we confided in each other over the crap issues in our own relationships, we partied together in london, we began introducing our friends into each others lives, i think at one point i even spoke to the wife on the phone over something trival (baby shoes or something!) I split up with the guy i was dating, as i just wasn't happy- nice enough guy just no chemistry in a very new relation. So i remained friends with mm, he used to joke all the time, "yeah well im in love with a page 3 girl." he even wrote a song about it A few months of being single and spending tme with this guy we spent the day together. I paid him, i was signing at a convention in london, i had to be at hairdressers dress shop convention nightclub, so i needed an assistant/driver for the day i asked him would he be interested he was so we spent the day together. I fell head over heels in love in a day, his considerate ways combined with a cheeky chappy personality stole my heart, that was 21/11/09 i text him that night. "by the way.... i would" he replied "what with me????" i said "yes i've fallen for you" he replies "omg all my dreams av just cum tru j u av no idea how much i love you" He drove me to the station the nxt day we kissed passionately and lovingly. I got the train home. He rang me the next day still high and buzzing from the kiss, he was on his way to pick up cocaine (a 10year daily user ) i said to him "stay clean tonight i'll stay on the phone to you all night i promise you i wont let you crave." He stayed clean all night. When i returned to london we met, not embrasing in passionate love, but very aware we had a tough conversation to have. No matter how we felt we realised we couldnt be together, after only one kiss we were in tears about the possibility of never being able to love each other. We talked this over and over and over, but kept coming back to we shouldnt do this but i've never felt like this and so the affair began, really easy at first, really easy. I should also mention since dating me he is now 10000% clean in weekly councilling to address the connection between his addiction and his relationship, the wife was practically uninterested in him so barely noticed his absence, and hardly had a reaction to him admitting he is a cocaine addict, infact her only question was" Are you in Debt?" to which he responded "no" and she never talked about it again. he is a wonderful father and dotes a lot of time to his daughter. We are a year into our relationship, i really love him, i've met his mother, twice! met his father, his sister and his nieces- they love me think he should grab his bags and run. His friends (the ones i havent met) think i'm a glamour model, and say just shag her and get rid, she'll never be faithful n plus all your mates have seen her tits. He's petrified of damaging his daughter, hurting his wife- his companion of 18years, hurting me- the girl he loves, So he makes no decision, we've always thrown this 2 year plan around, but in all honesty their relationship is no different from the day we kissed to now, they are no worse than they were he's no closer to leaving her shes no closer to leaving him infact they have the most perfect sexless marriage So i complied, agreed to wait, then he springs this on me "I need to tell you something, i'm going on holiday, i wanted to tell you but there was no right time. A week, i couldnt get out of it, she sprung it on me, shes paid for everything, i was cornered, i'm sorry, dont hate me, i promise you i wont have sex with her! I dont love her!!!!!!!" Something inside of me clicked, i realised i was a fool i have to sit and pine for you, my heart breaking with the absence of you, while you play happy families in a country cottage for a week! Basically he aint ready to leave- big gamble 18years to 1 year. He said he's going to use the week to see if he can actually live with out me I feel hurt, furious, angry, betrayed, not good enough, let down lied to and amongst all this i still want him love him I am happy to accept as he is What he is i think he is a great person- a person i want to live next to forever I am prepared to accept the relationship between him and her as they raise their daugher. I will accept the family he loves, that she will have nothing to do with. I just want him to jump.......... we'd be happy he just needs to take the chance! Please give me an opinion- tell me true love can exsist, and that it is possible it will work should i hold on or walk away to see if he has to come for me?
YellowShark Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Hi jenni, Here's a few problems that I see. 1) While he may be a wonderful man he has already done something you should be alarmed with... he is cheating on his wife of 18 years with you. What's to say he will not eventually cheat on you too? 2) He is married, and with that baggage he is really taken, therefore you are essentially his "Plan B." Since you are "a page 3 type-of-girl" you shouldn't have any problem at all finding a single guy who would make you his "Plan A" girl. 3) If you choose to stick with this MM then be prepared for a ton of drama and heartache. His friends and family will look at you as the "home-wrecker," and may not accept you as you hopefully envision. All I can say is you are getting into a really messy situation that may be more than you and your child need to be in. I would do some real soul searching to decide if that's the future that you want for you and your daughter. Best of luck.
Lishy Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 my advice is to read what you have written and think of how you would answer this if you was an outsider and this was another persons problem Personally I think he is leading you on and I wonder why you want a drug using cheat?
YellowShark Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 my advice is to read what you have written and think of how you would answer this if you was an outsider and this was another persons problem Personally I think he is leading you on and I wonder why you want a drug using cheat? Ya. I didn't even address that one because it's a no-brainer. Who wants a coke-head for the father of her child? For me that would be a deal-breaker right there.
torranceshipman Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 You have a lot of love to give, so give it to the right man who truly values you, and who won't lie to you. He is a coke addict, so a danger to be around your little child, and a danger for any children you may have together (the baby may even have physical or mental problems as a result of the cocaine), and he has lied to his W and you for ages. You can do so much better.
silverfish Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Ya. I didn't even address that one because it's a no-brainer. Who wants a coke-head for the father of her child? For me that would be a deal-breaker right there. It might seem irrelevant, but how did he fund this 10 year coke habit with a long term partner and a child? It seems a little strange that someone who is prepared to do odd driving jobs can support this sort of lifestyle, is he still 'working' for you? If not, how is he supporting this counselling / rehabilitation thing financially, presumably without support from his wife. It doesn't add up
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