He's coming unglued and I don't want to follow him there

[newstart43]

I'm rather new here and have been lurking for a couple months.

 

He is not a MM, but he might as well be. They've been together 3 times over the course of 30 years. He's never married her, and he's left her both times in the past, and she's taken him back. They live together, her pays rent to her.

I met him about 2 years ago through mutual business contacts. I'm quite sure that this has never happened to me before, as I'm not one to check out men like pieces of meat, don't have crushes, etc.

I took one look at him, listened on the sidelines while he spoke to a couple other people, and within 5 minutes I was in love. This has never happened to me before. I'm in my 40's, and not a child with an infatuation.

I was M at the time and avoided contact with him even though I desired exactly that for a year and a half. I thought my 'infatuation' would pass, and that I was being foolish. Well it didn't.

Some months ago I ran into him through business again, and this time I made a business lunch date with him. We had discussed how our situations were similar because I was separated within my own home and so was he. He was talking about buying a house. It sounded to me as if they were just roommates, so I went ahead and finally kissed the man and you know where it went from there.

My divorce is final, and he is my rebound.

He went and purchased a house. He finally told her that he was with me. So they had their D-day 3 weeks ago.

Since then, he has fallen completely apart, nearly on the brink of needing mental medical intervention. He didn't sleep for the better part of 2 weeks, and he is a 60 year old man and a bit old for that. He was wrestling with himself, and I knew it, even though it took him awhile to admit it.

There is 15 years between us. He is concerned no doubt that I am no guarantee. The woman he lives with seems like a guarantee, as that she has taken him back after leaving her before twice. Yet she has said that she will put him in a home if he needs it when he is old, not take care of him at home. I truly think that this statement from her is one more part of his calculations, and he sees me as equally risky because of the age difference and the unsurity as to whether I will stick around.

After D-day, he didn't confess to me all that was transpiring between them, but eventually I read between the lines. He considered not closing on the house deal. I have been objective and even gave him advice on how to back out. She needs his rent money or she can't pay her mortgage. He feels guilty about this.

She told him a year ago that she was no longer interested in sex after menapause and that she was done with it. No doubt this was his biggest motivation to find someone new.

Now we have made a very strong connection that doesn't come along often, I know, I have been married twice. This is stronger than either of those marriages. The degree of honesty between us can be even alarming, and when I call him on leaving out what is transpiring between them, he owns it. He has become less honest with both of us during this upheaval period. With me it has been omissions, but when I ask the specific question, he tells the truth. With her, I believe she has been led to believe that we are no longer together, although I didn't ask if he told her that. (Makes mental note to ask that tomorrow).

I am going to post this much and continue with another post so as to not lose what I have written so far.

[newstart43]

continuation...

 

Basically they started to see if they could reconcile. They stand on the fence at this point.

Now I entered into this relationship believing that he was done when he told me he was. Making an offer on a house was convincing. Confessing to her on d-day was convincing. I didn't realize that his emotional storm was yet to come. I should have been smarter.

So I told him last week that I was going to step back. It was too emotional for me to watch him consider reconciliation. I was even being his objective friend. I was explaining her side of things where he was man-daft. But that is difficult. You can imagine the warning bleeps going off in my heart. I was helping a friend and feeling heartbreak simultaneously. It was wrenching. My heart races even thinking about it.

He said he wanted to see me, just to see me. He came to me yesterday, and guess what transpired. Well after almost losing him, I couldn't say no, and that's exactly how he felt. He now claims that he is sleeping better, and feels good about his decision to buy the house, and that it will never work with her, blah blah.

This man is at a cross-road in his life that is causing him to nearly have a mental breakdown. I suppose he loves my courage in life and wants to join me there, but he's very afraid. His flip-flopping is so alarming to me that I feel I could nearly fall to pieces myself. At the same time, as an objective friend that truly cares for him and his mental health and well-being, I am understanding to his dilemma, and understand the anxiety and anguish over leaving someone.

I won't promise this man that I will be around in 10 years and will take care of him if he becomes needy in old age. I've told him this essentially. He says he will never marry again. Then he reveals that he wants a woman to take care of him until he's dead, without listening to himself and what he is asking.

He likes to calculate his life and he doesn't like risks, I have determined. Yet he wants to take the leap of faith, and so he has to leave his comfort zone. I think this man bit off more than he can chew. He's in love with me and petrified to leave her.

Meanwhile I'm a newly divorced woman who isn't ready to just look into his eyes and say yes dear I will take care of you until your dying day.

Now I love this man. That he isn't self-aware in some ways is horrifying to watch him wake up, fear his life choices, fear not acting on them and fear picking the safe route. He's basically in a place where he can't find comfort in either zone. This is why he can't sleep.

Yesterday, for all the wonderful loving things he has said that no man has ever said to me before, he said something honest and shook me to my core.

He was lying in my bed talking about her, and basically said that he knew he could have her sexually again if he went into the bed with her. But that he wasn't because she didn't make the move on him. Now why would she, she's angry that he had an affair. Basically he is saying that if she made the move, and wanted him, instead of just giving in to him wanting her, that he would have sex with her, and maybe this would save their relationship. Then in the next breath he says he isn't interested in her sexually anymore. I disregard this as a combination of affair fog and that she hasn't made advances.

So my fate comes down to whether this woman dons a sexy negligee without him asking her to!

He's talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time.

[torranceshipman]

I'm rather new here and have been lurking for a couple months.

 

He is not a MM, but he might as well be. They've been together 3 times over the course of 30 years. He's never married her, and he's left her both times in the past, and she's taken him back. They live together, her pays rent to her.

I met him about 2 years ago through mutual business contacts. I'm quite sure that this has never happened to me before, as I'm not one to check out men like pieces of meat, don't have crushes, etc.

I took one look at him, listened on the sidelines while he spoke to a couple other people, and within 5 minutes I was in love. This has never happened to me before. I'm in my 40's, and not a child with an infatuation.

I was M at the time and avoided contact with him even though I desired exactly that for a year and a half. I thought my 'infatuation' would pass, and that I was being foolish. Well it didn't.

Some months ago I ran into him through business again, and this time I made a business lunch date with him. We had discussed how our situations were similar because I was separated within my own home and so was he. He was talking about buying a house. It sounded to me as if they were just roommates, so I went ahead and finally kissed the man and you know where it went from there.

My divorce is final, and he is my rebound.

He went and purchased a house. He finally told her that he was with me. So they had their D-day 3 weeks ago.

Since then, he has fallen completely apart, nearly on the brink of needing mental medical intervention. He didn't sleep for the better part of 2 weeks, and he is a 60 year old man and a bit old for that. He was wrestling with himself, and I knew it, even though it took him awhile to admit it.

There is 15 years between us. He is concerned no doubt that I am no guarantee. The woman he lives with seems like a guarantee, as that she has taken him back after leaving her before twice. Yet she has said that she will put him in a home if he needs it when he is old, not take care of him at home. I truly think that this statement from her is one more part of his calculations, and he sees me as equally risky because of the age difference and the unsurity as to whether I will stick around.

After D-day, he didn't confess to me all that was transpiring between them, but eventually I read between the lines. He considered not closing on the house deal. I have been objective and even gave him advice on how to back out. She needs his rent money or she can't pay her mortgage. He feels guilty about this.

She told him a year ago that she was no longer interested in sex after menapause and that she was done with it. No doubt this was his biggest motivation to find someone new.

Now we have made a very strong connection that doesn't come along often, I know, I have been married twice. This is stronger than either of those marriages. The degree of honesty between us can be even alarming, and when I call him on leaving out what is transpiring between them, he owns it. He has become less honest with both of us during this upheaval period. With me it has been omissions, but when I ask the specific question, he tells the truth. With her, I believe she has been led to believe that we are no longer together, although I didn't ask if he told her that. (Makes mental note to ask that tomorrow). I am going to post this much and continue with another post so as to not lose what I have written so far.

 

Hmm...how do you know he has told her about you? Because he still hasn't left (have I got that right)? I'd have thought that if the woman denied him sex, lived like a roommate, threatened to put him in a home when older, and so forth....I can't see why any man would stay with a woman in those circumstances (especially when he has you waiting).

 

It is also worrying that he is claiming to stay in that home with her as a way of reconciling, but continues to have an A behind your back (sounds like the status quo to me).

 

Plus the rollercoaster is driving your emotions all over the place which is really not healthy. If nothing else, I think you need to go NC for a while.

[2sunny]

Yesterday, for all the wonderful loving things he has said that no man has ever said to me before, he said something honest and shook me to my core.

 

that's not loving behavior.

 

He was lying in my bed talking about her,

 

WHAT? this alone is mean and cruel to you! do you see how disrespectful that is? gross, and selfish of HIM!

 

 

and basically said that he knew he could have her sexually again if he went into the bed with her. But that he wasn't because she didn't make the move on him. Now why would she, she's angry that he had an affair. Basically he is saying that if she made the move, and wanted him, instead of just giving in to him wanting her, that he would have sex with her, and maybe this would save their relationship.

 

not loving and not nice! why does this even appeal to you? look inside and ask yourself WHY any woman would put up with this!

 

IF she gives him what he wants - he would stay with her? that is SO not loving or nice to YOU!

 

Then in the next breath he says he isn't interested in her sexually anymore. I disregard this as a combination of affair fog and that she hasn't made advances.

 

ya, right - then why is he discussing HER when he's just had sex with YOU? and WHY are YOU even having ANYTHING with this user, manipulative scum?

 

 

So my fate comes down to whether this woman dons a sexy negligee without him asking her to!

 

fate? why put that much power into the hands of a man that treats you with such disrespect and disregard? this is about YOU... why are YOU putting up with all his crappy behavior?

 

none of what he has done is loving behavior. ditch this guy! and hurry!!!

 

He's talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time.

 

yep, liars and cheats make that a habit! 'nuf said!

[Pink_orchid]

Well he seems confused but it is rather disrespectful to say the least that he could easily have sex with her (saying he could actually want to I mean!!) ... and when he is saying this he's in bed with you. Not nice for you.

 

Give him a while to think about that, and what he really wants, he does sound as though he wants someone 'safe' though if the wife keeps taking him back regardless of what he does, and perhaps as you say, you are too risky (in his eyes?). There's a thread on here by the way about men who just stick with what's easiest (their current situation, their marriage).

[White Flower]

He may be using the old 'I would sleep with her because I know she will take care of me until my dying day' tactic.

 

Newstart43, you could very easily be telling my story, so many similarities including age, menopause at home, struggle in his life-change, etc., but what it comes down to is..

 

1. Can you really be an objective friend AND his lover? (I ask myself this every day so trust me where my intention is).

 

2. Can you trust a man who can't trust himself right now? (But I am glad he is being 100% honest with you, rare indeed).

 

3. If love has never come along in THIS package and you know you probably won't ever see it again, how can you NOT think about and promise to take care of him until his dying day?

 

Best of luck and keep us posted.

[newstart43]

Hmm...how do you know he has told her about you? Because he still hasn't left (have I got that right)? I'd have thought that if the woman denied him sex, lived like a roommate, threatened to put him in a home when older, and so forth....I can't see why any man would stay with a woman in those circumstances (especially when he has you waiting).

 

It is also worrying that he is claiming to stay in that home with her as a way of reconciling, but continues to have an A behind your back (sounds like the status quo to me).

 

Plus the rollercoaster is driving your emotions all over the place which is really not healthy. If nothing else, I think you need to go NC for a while.

I assume he told her on d-day like he said he did. I only call it an assumption because I don't have proof I suppose. However, he has said many many things that he couldn't have simply made up, he's no expert story teller.

I don't understand the bolded paragraph above. What happened was that after d-day, he slowly started communicating with her again, which led to him considering NOT leaving her, and considering backing out on the house deal.

He's not having an A behind my back. He says they are still zero times intimacy the last year, and that nothing has transpired recently. Is this true? He could have lied to me I suppose, but that doesn't ring true with the discussions we have had.

The roller coaster is indeed causing me a lot of anxiety, never knowing what new news he is going to bring tomorrow. NC isn't possible though, as we recently entered into a business deal that will last several months. I could tell him I'm going to stand back until he gets his act together, as I did last week. Wow I lasted a long time...I caved on Sunday.

It is interesting to note that you as a man zeroed in immediately on the lack of sex in their relationship, and the threat to put him in a home. Notice the next poster, a woman, zeroes in on what he said in bed to me about her. Just different degrees of importance!

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

[newstart43]

IF she gives him what he wants - he would stay with her? that is SO not loving or nice to YOU!

 

ya, right - then why is he discussing HER when he's just had sex with YOU? and WHY are YOU even having ANYTHING with this user, manipulative scum?

 

fate? why put that much power into the hands of a man that treats you with such disrespect and disregard? this is about YOU... why are YOU putting up with all his crappy behavior?

 

none of what he has done is loving behavior. ditch this guy! and hurry!!!

!

Yes, his degree of honesty is alarming to say the least. However, I have spoken to him as also a friend and confident because of a couple of reasons, one being that I sincerely cared that he didn't sleep for almost two weeks and it was alarming to look at him while he was falling to pieces. Secondly, the more honest I can get the man to be, the better I will know the true man, instead of the flowerly lying lover, which I suspect many OW's on this forum is all they get to see, and never the real honest man that may indeed go home and make love to the w, and probably most do!

He let me hear his real conflict of thoughts. The vascillating back and forth between the two of us in the most difficult time, after d-day when the discussions are had with the W (or in this case exgf and now roommate).

Every committed man must have thoughts should I leave or should I stay. This one simply let me hear the other side of his thoughts too.

He also was the shoulder I leaned on through the last few months of my divorce. He heard the vascillating thoughts I had too.

So maybe I am so far twisted these days that I can't see the forest for the trees. Or maybe, I'm actually in an honest relationship, and maybe the first honest relationship I've ever been in.

I am starting to believe that this is what an honest relationship looks like in a scenario in which the people must choose, and people are going to be hurt.

But I have read and have made a little area in my head for the thoughts you have that I am letting myself be used and that he is selfish, so thank-you for sharing them. I think back to my young days and the unrealistic standards I had then, and how quickly I would have ditched a man that ever even acknowledged that he might just care for two people.

[GreenEyedLady]

It is very difficult to read posts without line breaks in them. It will help if you break your posts up more.

 

If I were you I would ask myself if I am up for breaking up a three decade long R. It doesn't really matter if he left her twice, he went back to her and she keeps taking him back, so that is their R pattern.

 

I think if I were you, I'd think about what I had invested and why he is so special that I am investing any more time.

 

I'm sorry that it is difficult for you. If you choose to continue the R it will continue to be lonely, you are putting your career reputation at risk and you are completely delegating your choices to another party.

 

GEL

[newstart43]

Well he seems confused but it is rather disrespectful to say the least that he could easily have sex with her (saying he could actually want to I mean!!) ... and when he is saying this he's in bed with you. Not nice for you.

 

Give him a while to think about that, and what he really wants, he does sound as though he wants someone 'safe' though if the wife keeps taking him back regardless of what he does, and perhaps as you say, you are too risky (in his eyes?). There's a thread on here by the way about men who just stick with what's easiest (their current situation, their marriage).

I'm not sure he was saying he wants to have sex with her. I think he was thinking aloud that he could stay in that safe secure and known environment for the rest of his days if only she had kept up a good sex life with him. He knows he can have sex with her now, he knows she won't withhold because she doesn't want him to leave. But he still doesn't believe SHE WANTS to have sex with him, and that's the deal breaker for him. He also says now that he doesn't desire her. I suppose not since she has made zero advances, and he's had such wonderful sex with me.

Yes I read that thread before starting this one on the safe easy way to stay where a man is instead of taking risks. It was a good read.

[newstart43]

He may be using the old 'I would sleep with her because I know she will take care of me until my dying day' tactic.

Yes, haha, I think you do understand this man! He has this traditional women should take care of their man stuff to the point it humors me. Here's the funny part...he's a man that on d-day broke up with her, but a week later he's back to reconciliation talks with her, and knows that possibly it could be me he will let go, then a couple days after that he's back to he's letting her go, not me. This man who is going to let one of us go (or maybe we will both let him go!) is so extremely fearful of being alone when he is old! Someone who has to leave somebody else, yet so petrified to be left!

 

Newstart43, you could very easily be telling my story, so many similarities including age, menopause at home, struggle in his life-change, etc., but what it comes down to is..

 

1. Can you really be an objective friend AND his lover? (I ask myself this every day so trust me where my intention is).

It is very difficult to be his friend and lover, yes indeed. However as I pointed out to somebody else on this thread, there's only one way to know the true man (and what I am getting into) and that is to get him to be as honest as possible. If along the way he buries himself in a pit that I'm not willing to help him out of, so be it, at least I will have not received the lying flowery version that I believe most OW's receive. So it is extremely painful, but also a calculated decision. And, if we do make it, our relationship will have a foundation of honesty.

 

2. Can you trust a man who can't trust himself right now? (But I am glad he is being 100% honest with you, rare indeed).

His vascillating between the two choices is disturbing to me, no doubt. I am on red alert the last couple weeks. It is stressful for me too. I know I could manipulate this man to get what I want, and yet I don't want the burden of that. I have told him flat out more than once that his relationship with her was to fail or succeed on its own, and that I would take zero responsibility in that. (I did naively believe he was done before d-day). I do trust him because of his sheer honesty, but I am afraid too.

That's why I backed away last week. Then I caved on Sunday...wow, lots of willpower, eh? Basically I'm on red alert that I may lose this man at any second, and I'm not letting myself forget that for a second, either.

3. If love has never come along in THIS package and you know you probably won't ever see it again, how can you NOT think about and promise to take care of him until his dying day?

This is a very difficult question. Fresh from a brutal divorce, and knowing that he is my rebound, I don't know where my head is going to be at in six months. I'm not saying I won't be there for him. But while he is still living with another woman, I sure am not ready to promise such a thing.

 

There is another issue. He has said he will never marry again. Yet, I think he just says that. I think that if he saw that we were going to succeed, he may reconsider if marriage is what I wanted. I have thought about taking care of him to his dying day, but said nothing to him about it. I have thought about when he is old and I am still in my late 50's, and he has brought that up to me just yesterday. So I did respond in an emotional email last night after he left that if I loved him, the age of his body would not matter, and I believe this to be true for me. I could be a very nurturing partner to someone I loved dearly, even if they were in ill health. However, to ask that of me, for me and my perspective, IS to ask me to marry him. If he would like to ask me to marry him, he should do that in the future (not right now!) and it should be done in a romantic context, not while expressing worry about when he's old and his health fails!

 

 

Best of luck and keep us posted.

 

Thanks for your post, whiteflower. I would love to hear more on how you believe we have similar situations. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

[newstart43]

It is very difficult to read posts without line breaks in them. It will help if you break your posts up more.

 

If I were you I would ask myself if I am up for breaking up a three decade long R. It doesn't really matter if he left her twice, he went back to her and she keeps taking him back, so that is their R pattern.

 

I think if I were you, I'd think about what I had invested and why he is so special that I am investing any more time.

 

I'm sorry that it is difficult for you. If you choose to continue the R it will continue to be lonely, you are putting your career reputation at risk and you are completely delegating your choices to another party.

 

GEL

Some excellent points, greeneyed.

 

Am I up for breaking up a 3 decade long relationship?! They spent more time apart during those 3 decades than together. But yes, it is quite a committment without a committment for them both. I have brought this up many times to him, and many times told him that that relationship had to succeed or fail on its own, and that I would take zero responsibility. You see, he had told me when we started that they were done, and that appeared true until after d-day, when honest communication was (albeit temporarily) restored between them. So I am a part of the break-up whether I want to sign up for that or not now. I suppose I could go LC only for business and wait and see. It will be the option I choose as he isn't going to be able to string either of us along for very long. He will either close on that house deal in a month or he will not. That house decision will be two-fold. If he buys the house, he loses her. If he doesn't buy the house, he loses me. I am so glad I don't have to wait many years like some OW's on this board.

I rather lean toward that he is going to choose me (naively?)

My biggest fear isn't even him choosing her. My biggest fear is that he will choose me, and that in 6 months or 6 years I will be done with him. That is specifically why I have reitterated so many times that I will not be responsible for the relationship he has with her and its ending. Now I don't have a premonition that I am going to leave him. I simply don't know. We could end up happily married forever. I have no crystal ball, and I haven't lived with him yet.

They have agreed some years ago that this 3rd try was their last. If they failed the 3rd time, there would be no 4th.

 

As for thinking about what I have invested? I can't think, period. Not with this man. I take one look at him, and I'm a goner. He gets that look in his eye that he is going to kiss me, and I have zero ability to refuse him. That's the stage I'm at. Reasoning with me will prove futile, but thanks for trying! However, that said, at the same time, I can step back, because I did for several days last week, and did refuse him. I know I could end it forever, although I would be very sad.

 

The R isn't lonely for me. I've needed a break to live alone after my brutal divorce. In fact he has frightened me by suggesting we live together as quickly as possible. He's a man that doesn't want to live alone.

I am not jeapordizing my career in anyway. I am the boss in my business dealings with him, so there is nobody who can take me down, so to speak.

He and I are on equal footing of different companies doing business together.

I don't feel as if I am completely delegating my decisions to a 3rd party, although I understand I think why you wrote that. Keep alerting me though, or trying to break through my love-haze, if you feel I'm setting myself up for failure. Thank-you for your post!

 

To everyone: I am simply afraid, as that this matter is going to have to be decided rather quickly and within a few weeks, that the potential exists for me to be heartbroken. I don't know if I will have it in me to date, even casually, if this falls apart for some time, although dating would probably be therapeutic. I just don't know who is going to hold my hand if it falls apart, because for the last several months, it has been him holding my hand.

[jwi71]

There is a poster here Ellin that is going through the same. She is in love with a man who is committed to another yet has no financial, legal or parental ties to the he has committed to. I think she can probably shed some light on what the future path may hold.

 

I believe they are still having an A and he hasn't left for Ellin and it has been going on for some time. Hopefully she will decide to post. If not, look up her threads and read her story - it may be helpful.

 

I would have very serious issues with him...leaving and going back and waffling. His lack of honesty is a HUGE red flag. So is his past behavior...over time it becomes HABIT and part of who you are.

 

Another thing, off the cuff, I hope you realize you CANNOT be objective and sleep with him. You cannot be lover and counselor. You gotta pick one or the other.

 

You CAN be 40 and giddy with infatuation too. I call it being human.

 

In short...he has no real reason to stay and chooses to do so. Why? Doesn't matter really. It works for them. Yes, it does...because they are still a "they". Still tied. Neither making a REAL move to end it and move forward as far as I can tell.

 

Run for the hills. This has nothing but drama and heartache written all over it.

[pureinheart]

Lord have mercy NewStart, exDM talked out of both sides of his face ALL OF THE TIME, he gave confusion a whole new meaning.

 

He would contradict himself in the same sentance...after awhile, I learned that this was a game he played to to keep people off guard...I'm sure he used this technique and learned it at an early age due to an extremely dysfunctional family dynamic.

 

I understand how this works, you appear as if you walk in confusion and are in confusion constantly by constantly changing your mind...this inturn keeps others off balance and off guard.

 

NS, they are not as confused as they would have others believe, it's a smoke screen most of the time. Sometimes they really don't know what they are doing, although most of the time they know exactly what is going on and what they are doing:).

 

All I can say is my heart goes out to you...try and stay sane...k....

[pureinheart]

There is a poster here Ellin that is going through the same. She is in love with a man who is committed to another yet has no financial, legal or parental ties to the he has committed to. I think she can probably shed some light on what the future path may hold.

 

I believe they are still having an A and he hasn't left for Ellin and it has been going on for some time. Hopefully she will decide to post. If not, look up her threads and read her story - it may be helpful.

 

I would have very serious issues with him...leaving and going back and waffling. His lack of honesty is a HUGE red flag. So is his past behavior...over time it becomes HABIT and part of who you are.

 

Another thing, off the cuff, I hope you realize you CANNOT be objective and sleep with him. You cannot be lover and counselor. You gotta pick one or the other.

 

You CAN be 40 and giddy with infatuation too. I call it being human.

 

In short...he has no real reason to stay and chooses to do so. Why? Doesn't matter really. It works for them. Yes, it does...because they are still a "they". Still tied. Neither making a REAL move to end it and move forward as far as I can tell.

 

Run for the hills. This has nothing but drama and heartache written all over it.

 

Apologies JW, although I could not help my self, and wanted to lighten up the boards. I can attest to your statement in bold...I was a cigarette and a cup of tea at one time.

 

I detoxed though, so now I am just me:)....two of the most powerful drugs in the world IMO

[newstart43]

All I can say is my heart goes out to you...try and stay sane...k....

 

Well I'm not sure if I can stay sane after this week, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

 

We were together for a couple business meetings for several hours, so we had to keep our hands off each other.

He isn't buying the house he was going to. He said that the loan officer over-qualified him, and that he would be broke after the bills. Now I know that loan officers often extend people to their limit, and then people do the math and realize it will put them in the poor house.

He said he had things to say to me, but when we were alone, all he told me was what he said above, which he had already told me. So I think there was more he was going to say, and he changed his mind.

Now I'm in this --this is a challenge I'm thinking, and I want to win! Yes, I like a challenge I suppose. This situation has me feeling like I'm playing some kind of game and I want to win! I suppose he has me right where he wants me. He knows that sexually I am...I melt. I can't stand it. He drives me out of my mind. Seeing him for only meetings made it much worse. Does he know this? Maybe he thinks I am only so-so on the libido chart. But my want for him has grown to this point that I am going to drive several hours tomorrow to his town just to be close to him sexually.

 

At the same time, I have read several threads on here about how the committed man strings the OW along, telling her lies to buy time. So, my decision is that since he says he needs to buy time at the residence of the exgf, I won't wait past a certain date. Now I'm trying to decide on the date. I don't want to be alone on Christmas this year. However, the thought of waiting even a month is driving me crazy. I'm starting to get angry at him, although I'm keeping that to myself. But something tells me he knows that I could possibly call it all quits, because he was hesitant to tell me he wasn't going to go through on the house deal.

The bottom line is that his reason for needing to buy time with her is that he has so much stuff in her house, and it would take a long time to box it all up, and he doesn't want to be thrown out onto the street without finding a place of his own first.

He's talking about an apartment now, since he won't be buying this house.

I'm starting to feel a lot of frustration, and I don't know how to diffuse it while I wait around.

Now I'm sitting here with a drink, thinking that I should just throw him off, but...! The sex and connection is so fantastic. I don't know if I've ever had such hot sex. Maybe I have, and I'm currently forgetting it, in some craziness.

[2sunny]

why wait? you are not getting out of this ALL that YOU want - so go out there and find an available man that can give you what you are looking for.

 

 

he will tell you anything you need to hear to keep you where he wants you to stay... that has been proven - and you allow it. he lies. you may think he's being honest but he can't be honest or you would leave.

 

decide - today seems like the perfect day to start fresh, you deserve a new beginning and it may as well start now.