NJL Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I'll make this short and sweet. -Ive been broken up with ex for 6 months. She immediately went into a rebound relationship, which is still going on. -We work together, so I see her every day. -The first 2 months were rough, but then things got better and we were friends, with her coming to me about her problems, borrowing money, asking for favors, etc. -She told me she wasnt comfortable talking to her current guy about this stuff. -She tries her hardest to keep me in the dark about him and tells him absolutely nothing about me. -It seems she basically comes to me with all issues and things that need support, and goes to him for the "dating" things like dinner, movies and fun day trips. -Lately she has called me questioning her life's direction and said she feels in "limbo" and has confided in a friend that she isnt sure what to do about her personal life. -When I asked her about us, she said she didnt see us getting back together, yet the next morning called first thing to make sure it was ok if "she still called me" and again brought up that she was confused and not sure what to do with her life. She also admitted that she was jealous of other women at work that she thought were attractive and talking to me. -My question to you all I guess is.....What do I do with this info? She has yet to know what it is like to live without me because I have always been there even after the break up. Should I start No Contact or Limited Contact or just keep the "Friend" thing going? I dont want to sit here being her buddy and then have her suddenly marry this guy and completely crush me. I also dont want to cut her off if Im on the right track to getting her back. She seems to be all over the place and confused. Does anybody have any advice for me?
cant.get.over.it Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I think you should ask yourself what you hope for from the friendship... there is a chance that she really does trust you and value your friendship, but if you want MORE than friendship you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. I know from experience. After my breakup and some time had passed I really valued my ex being there to hear my problems and be my 'friend'... we had a child together, so that played a part in our talking at all afterward, but he would send money of course etc.... what I didn't realize is that, like you, although he enjoyed the friendship we were reestablishing after all of the pain we put each other through, he wanted to reconcile. When I look back, I think I was being selfish to want to hang onto the 'good' part of the relationship ( our friendship ), and feel as though I could tell him my problems etc. He wound up getting hurt because I stayed with the man who I was with after him. I am still with the same man, and it has been almost 9 years now. just this past summer, I talked to him and wound up telling all my problems, and the same thing happened. He wound up being confused by talking to me and being 'friends' I feel awful, and I know he was hurt. i guess my point is be careful with your heart. If she isn't with you now, it is likely because that is the way she wants it.
Author NJL Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 Thank you for your insight. I guess my main confusion lies in that she is still "jealous" of other women and that she doesnt trust this guy she is with enough to share her problems with him. From what I know, they dont hang out and do simple things like watch TV. The only time they are together is going out do dinner, having dinners at home, and things of that sort. The other thing is that he is the TOTAL opposite of me. Im 33 and never married, he is 53, divorced and with kids. My ex is 47 and has kids. We had 5 years together and were engaged so we have a lot of history. Im just not sure whether to do the NC thing and see what happens or if I am beyond that and need to keep the friendship thing going to keep communication lines open.
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