What is she really wanting?

[confuzed1]

Where do I begin? I was in a relationship with my ex for over 6 years. When we met things were perfect. During the last two years or so, a little distance came between us, so I thought that hanging with my friends would help. My friends and I would drink and have a good time. When I’d come home, I got the third degree. But I’d get angry and say, “What do you care? You’re too busy doing other things.” This past June, right before my b’day, she sent me an email… “I still love you, but I am not in love you.” It killed me. On my birthday she sent me an email: “Have a Happy Birthday!” I didn’t know what to think, but I didn’t email her back.

 

A few days after my b’day, my friends took me out for a belated b’day celebration. I drank a bit with my friends, but they all passed out before 10 PM. All I could do was think of her. I called her up, and she told me to come over and stay the night. She strictly said, “We are not doing anything together.” Even with that said, I had to be near her. When I got there, we talked, and she told me I didn’t need them as friends if I were going to drink around them. Of course, I was thinking, “What?” I thought about that for the longest time…If I don’t have her or my friends, who would I have? To make things short, her AC dowstairs wasn’t working, so she invited me to sleep in her bed upstairs where it was cool. Anyway, things happened…the best sex we ever had. Afterward, she said, “This is your last chance and I mean it.” I was strictly content with that. Out of the blue a few days later when things were thought to be going great, she sends me an email that she’s not quite ready to commit and being great friends would be the best thing and that GOD would know if we were meant to be back together. I was devastated. I sent a reply that I had made many mistakes in our relationship and that I accepted her decision and wished her the best…blah blah blah. She replied saying it was the sweetest and saddest email I ever sent her. After that I didn’t reply back. Two weeks ago I sent her an email asking her how things were going. She didn’t reply.

 

This past Thursday night, I called her. She picked up the phone and we talked for over two hours.Needless to say I spent the weekend with her. I slept on the couch this time. She said that things were so peaceful. A few times a friend had sent me a text and I replied. While doing so, she asked, “Who are you texting?” I simply said a friend. We went shopping (where I was pointing out things I liked. She was talking Christmas list. In my mind did that mean we would be together again?). We went out to dinner but focused on current things in our lives, and I even went to church with her. She asked if I liked her church, and I said, “Yes.” She wants me to go back with her. All I have to ask is…”Am I crazy for doing this? Should I have NC. “ Anyone! Your advice please! What do you think of all this? I am confused

[ShannonMI]

Where do I begin? I was in a relationship with my ex for over 6 years. When we met things were perfect. During the last two years or so, a little distance came between us, so I thought that hanging with my friends would help. My friends and I would drink and have a good time. When I’d come home, I got the third degree. But I’d get angry and say, “What do you care? You’re too busy doing other things.” This past June, right before my b’day, she sent me an email… “I still love you, but I am not in love you.” It killed me. On my birthday she sent me an email: “Have a Happy Birthday!” I didn’t know what to think, but I didn’t email her back.

 

A few days after my b’day, my friends took me out for a belated b’day celebration. I drank a bit with my friends, but they all passed out before 10 PM. All I could do was think of her. I called her up, and she told me to come over and stay the night. She strictly said, “We are not doing anything together.” Even with that said, I had to be near her. When I got there, we talked, and she told me I didn’t need them as friends if I were going to drink around them. Of course, I was thinking, “What?” I thought about that for the longest time…If I don’t have her or my friends, who would I have? To make things short, her AC dowstairs wasn’t working, so she invited me to sleep in her bed upstairs where it was cool. Anyway, things happened…the best sex we ever had. Afterward, she said, “This is your last chance and I mean it.” I was strictly content with that. Out of the blue a few days later when things were thought to be going great, she sends me an email that she’s not quite ready to commit and being great friends would be the best thing and that GOD would know if we were meant to be back together. I was devastated. I sent a reply that I had made many mistakes in our relationship and that I accepted her decision and wished her the best…blah blah blah. She replied saying it was the sweetest and saddest email I ever sent her. After that I didn’t reply back. Two weeks ago I sent her an email asking her how things were going. She didn’t reply.

 

This past Thursday night, I called her. She picked up the phone and we talked for over two hours.Needless to say I spent the weekend with her. I slept on the couch this time. She said that things were so peaceful. A few times a friend had sent me a text and I replied. While doing so, she asked, “Who are you texting?” I simply said a friend. We went shopping (where I was pointing out things I liked. She was talking Christmas list. In my mind did that mean we would be together again?). We went out to dinner but focused on current things in our lives, and I even went to church with her. She asked if I liked her church, and I said, “Yes.” She wants me to go back with her. All I have to ask is…”Am I crazy for doing this? Should I have NC. “ Anyone! Your advice please! What do you think of all this? I am confused

You need to stop having contact with her because it's prolonging your pain. She doesn't want to commit or be with you, but she wants you in her life in some way. This isn't fair to you. You aren't on the same page. You want more then she does. It's all or nothing. My ex wanted to remain friends after we broke up, but I told him that wouldn't be possible because I felt way too much and always would. We weren't on the same page. It sounds like that is what's going on here with you and this girl. Don't do it to yourself. Just don't have anymore contact with her unless she seriously wants to work on your relationship and get back together.

[confuzed1]

Thanks for the reply. I was thinking the same thing. I think she wants to hold on but doesn't want me to be with anyone else all at the same time she doesn't want to be in a relationship. The funny thing...she sent me a text a little bit ago telling she went out and bought a lounger sofa this morning for her computer room so we can watch Netflix the next time I am there. GEEZ! BUT...for the time being, NC!!!!!!!!!! Let's see how persistent she can be. Otherwise, idios!

[jon3105]

I agree with what Shannon said. NC really is the best way for you to go. It'll either make her realise that she does love you and needs to commit 100%, or you'll both move on and it was never meant to be.

 

From experience women can say some stuff that will really mess with your head. Literally an hour or so before my ex broke up with me she was talking about how "next christmas will be our third one together!" and asking what we would buy each other. Like I said, literally an hour later she was breaking up with me. WTF indeed

 

Same with my previous LTR before my current ex. We spent the evening planning our holiday together in, what would have been at the time, about 6 weeks time. We were looking at where to stay, etc. No signs of breaking up, she was infact really genuinely excited and very lovey dovey about it all. Then she goes back to hers at the end of the night and phones me to say goodnight (as we always used to do) and just casually tells me its over.

[confuzed1]

I didn't mention that we had planned a weekend getaway to the Great Smokies for my birthday...what I surprise to learn how it an end within an hour. I see that others have experienced it like I am experiencing. I am going to take your alls advice...NC! Thanks!

I agree with what Shannon said. NC really is the best way for you to go. It'll either make her realise that she does love you and needs to commit 100%, or you'll both move on and it was never meant to be.

 

From experience women can say some stuff that will really mess with your head. Literally an hour or so before my ex broke up with me she was talking about how "next christmas will be our third one together!" and asking what we would buy each other. Like I said, literally an hour later she was breaking up with me. WTF indeed

 

Same with my previous LTR before my current ex. We spent the evening planning our holiday together in, what would have been at the time, about 6 weeks time. We were looking at where to stay, etc. No signs of breaking up, she was infact really genuinely excited and very lovey dovey about it all. Then she goes back to hers at the end of the night and phones me to say goodnight (as we always used to do) and just casually tells me its over.

[confuzed1]

I didn't mention that we had planned a weekend getaway to the Great Smokies for my birthday...what I surprise to learn how it an end within an hour. I see that others have experienced it like I am experiencing. I am going to take your alls advice...NC! Thanks!

 

A quick thought! Her birthday is on the 23rd of this month. Do you think she's giving me false home until I buy her something? That may sound logical.

[ShannonMI]

A quick thought! Her birthday is on the 23rd of this month. Do you think she's giving me false home until I buy her something? That may sound logical.

Is she that type of girl? Stringing you along for gifts? That's horrible. I hope that isn't the case and if it is be done with her. She's no good.

[confuzed1]

Is she that type of girl? Stringing you along for gifts? That's horrible. I hope that isn't the case and if it is be done with her. She's no good.

I think she wants it ALL except a relationship. She even repeated this weekend that my friends were no good and that I needed to get away from them. Does she simply want me to be miserable? I mean...hanging with my friends helps me forget her...at least not think of her so much.

[ShannonMI]

I think she wants it ALL except a relationship. She even repeated this weekend that my friends were no good and that I needed to get away from them. Does she simply want me to be miserable? I mean...hanging with my friends helps me forget her...at least not think of her so much.

Yea you need to just be done with her. You want something completely different. She wants friendship and you want a commitment and a relationship. You aren't on the same page. If hanging out with your friends is helping you cope with your pain, then keep doing it. Don't have anymore contact with her.

[confuzed1]

Yea you need to just be done with her. You want something completely different. She wants friendship and you want a commitment and a relationship. You aren't on the same page. If hanging out with your friends is helping you cope with your pain, then keep doing it. Don't have anymore contact with her.

I am really glad I found this forum. There's so much to say. She says that GOD should be my best friend and that my friends are evil. I just don't get it.

[confuzed1]

I am really glad I found this forum. There's so much to say. She says that GOD should be my best friend and that my friends are evil. I just don't get it.

She wasn't religious 2 months ago. I think her parents have something to do with it, too. We are in a LDR (1 hr 45 min commute), and I have always been the one to travel to her...never to see me. I am ateacher, and I'd spend the summers at her house as I did this summer before traveling to a training only to get an email...let's be great friends!

[ShannonMI]

I am really glad I found this forum. There's so much to say. She says that GOD should be my best friend and that my friends are evil. I just don't get it.

Ugh! Is she a religious fanatic? They are so irritating. Trying to push their religion on everyone around them. If your friends make you happy and they are helping you cope, then I say stick with your "evil" friends:p

[confuzed1]

Ugh! Is she a religious fanatic? They are so irritating. Trying to push their religion on everyone around them. If your friends make you happy and they are helping you cope, then I say stick with your "evil" friends:p

Right before we split she started going to church with her parents. Now she knows everything about God...supposedly. Buying Christian CD's, Bible beating to tell me I need good change in my life. Yeah! That's irritating! If nothing else that will change my mind about her. My friends were around before she was, and even if she and I were together today, I would select choose them over her anyway. I am 37. She is 33. We don't see eye to eye.

[ShannonMI]

Right before we split she started going to church with her parents. Now she knows everything about God...supposedly. Buying Christian CD's, Bible beating to tell me I need good change in my life. Yeah! That's irritating! If nothing else that will change my mind about her. My friends were around before she was, and even if she and I were together today, I would select choose them over her anyway. I am 37. She is 33. We don't see eye to eye.

And if you don't see eye to eye then it's not worth trying to be with her. She can't except your friends. That's a dealbreaker.

[confuzed1]

And if you don't see eye to eye then it's not worth trying to be with her. She can't except your friends. That's a dealbreaker.

Wouldn't that be like me telling her to give up her religion or I am gone? I think so. That's just not fair!

[ShannonMI]

Wouldn't that be like me telling her to give up her religion or I am gone? I think so. That's just not fair!

Exactly. It's not fair.

[confuzed1]

Exactly. It's not fair.

I am a guy who is committed...through the good and the bad. I was in a prior relationship for over 9 years. I graduated from college, found a job in another city from her, we bought a house (well, I did) while she stayed in the city to finish college while I worked. She lived there. Sometimes I would commute, while other times spending nights with my parents...only to come home one day early to find her in MY HOUSE with another man! It took me almost two years to get over that and move on to the EX I now have. It's so screwy!

[confuzed1]

I am a guy who is committed...through the good and the bad. I was in a prior relationship for over 9 years. I graduated from college, found a job in another city from her, we bought a house (well, I did) while she stayed in the city to finish college while I worked. She lived there. Sometimes I would commute, while other times spending nights with my parents...only to come home one day early to find her in MY HOUSE with another man! It took me almost two years to get over that and move on to the EX I now have. It's so screwy!

Don't get me wrong. I've had offers to go out with others, but I need time. I don't want to hurt a woman like I got hurt simply because I was on the rebound.

[confuzed1]

I am a guy who is committed...through the good and the bad. I was in a prior relationship for over 9 years. I graduated from college, found a job in another city from her, we bought a house (well, I did) while she stayed in the city to finish college while I worked. She lived there. Sometimes I would commute, while other times spending nights with my parents...only to come home one day early to find her in MY HOUSE with another man! It took me almost two years to get over that and move on to the EX I now have. It's so screwy!

I have honestly considered sending her a last email severing all ties. At least that way I know I can't be hurt again.

[ShannonMI]

I am a guy who is committed...through the good and the bad. I was in a prior relationship for over 9 years. I graduated from college, found a job in another city from her, we bought a house (well, I did) while she stayed in the city to finish college while I worked. She lived there. Sometimes I would commute, while other times spending nights with my parents...only to come home one day early to find her in MY HOUSE with another man! It took me almost two years to get over that and move on to the EX I now have. It's so screwy!

Yes I can relate to this. I was in an 8 year relationship with my ex who broke up with me about 4 months ago. He told me he had changed and we weren't right for each other. I was completely blindsided by it. I had no idea he was unhappy. He never gave me any indication. Come to find out a week before he told me anything was up, he was hanging out with this young college girl. He was cheating on me. He didn't have the balls to come out and say "I found someone else and it's over." He just told me he had changed blah blah blah. This girl he is seeing is like 11 years younger then me and 7 or 8 years younger then my ex. Nothing like going backwards. She is, so I've been told, a skank. He's in a band (which he joined a few months before we broke up) with a bunch of losers and I honestly think these band mates of his are a bad influence on him. Now my ex is 27 years old & you'd think people couldn't easily influence him, but that's not the case. One of his band buddies has an "open" relationship with his girlfriend. All of them smoke weed and none of them have jobs. The "skank" my ex is seeing is a groupie I've been told, of the band. He left me and our 8 year relationship to be with this kid. How do you think that makes me feel? I feel your pain. This new ex you have now just sounds like a bible thumping freak. You will find someone better.

[confuzed1]

Yes I can relate to this. I was in an 8 year relationship with my ex who broke up with me about 4 months ago. He told me he had changed and we weren't right for each other. I was completely blindsided by it. I had no idea he was unhappy. He never gave me any indication. Come to find out a week before he told me anything was up, he was hanging out with this young college girl. He was cheating on me. He didn't have the balls to come out and say "I found someone else and it's over." He just told me he had changed blah blah blah. This girl he is seeing is like 11 years younger then me and 7 or 8 years younger then my ex. Nothing like going backwards. She is, so I've been told, a skank. He's in a band (which he joined a few months before we broke up) with a bunch of losers and I honestly think these band mates of his are a bad influence on him. Now my ex is 27 years old & you'd think people couldn't easily influence him, but that's not the case. One of his band buddies has an "open" relationship with his girlfriend. All of them smoke weed and none of them have jobs. The "skank" my ex is seeing is a groupie I've been told, of the band. He left me and our 8 year relationship to be with this kid. How do you think that makes me feel? I feel your pain. This new ex you have now just sounds like a bible thumping freak. You will find someone better.

It sounds like to some people that they really don't value relationships. Here we give up all these years of our lives to love and care for them...then within an instance, it's all gone! NOTHING LEFT! I understand how you feel. I thought if things "were" changing in a relationship that we were to communicate about it instead of it being one sided/blind sided...only to find out...BOOM! It's all over. It makes me wish I had my six years back!

[ShannonMI]

I have honestly considered sending her a last email severing all ties. At least that way I know I can't be hurt again.

A lot of people on LoveShack say "DO NOT SEND LETTERS TO YOUR EX!!!!" I agree with this for the most part, but if you need to sever ties and have complete clouser, then do it. I did it (an email) when I found out about my ex cheating on me. I was so disgusted because he had lied and betrayed me. I wanted him to know exactly what I thought of him. I didn't resort to any profanities or name calling and I didn't go for any low blows. I just honestly told him how I thought he had changed and how he def. wasn't the same person I met 8 years ago. I told him how completely disappointed I was in who he had become. I needed to tell him I knew ALL OF IT! I told him I wanted nothing to do with him again ever again and to never try contacting me. He's dead to me and I told him this. Before I found out about the cheating, my ex insisted we could be friends. I kept telling him that I didn't think that was at all possible. He just thought I needed time. I now know that will NEVER be possible. He knows that now too. It felt good to send him that email and I hope he lives with some sort of guilt. If he doesn't then he is a cold hearted pr*ck.

[ShannonMI]

It sounds like to some people that they really don't value relationships. Here we give up all these years of our lives to love and care for them...then within an instance, it's all gone! NOTHING LEFT! I understand how you feel. I thought if things "were" changing in a relationship that we were to communicate about it instead of it being one sided/blind sided...only to find out...BOOM! It's all over. It makes me wish I had my six years back!

Me too! I feel like I wasted 8 years of my life. We had great times and I don't regret them, but boy did he change. It's heartbreaking.

[confuzed1]

Me too! I feel like I wasted 8 years of my life. We had great times and I don't regret them, but boy did he change. It's heartbreaking.

I came in to grab my cell during the Labor Day get together to see this in a text from her: "Did you make it back home safely yesterday? You never let me know." I am not responding!!!!!!!! First step! Yippee!!!! I had to let you know.

[ShannonMI]

I came in to grab my cell during the Labor Day get together to see this in a text from her: "Did you make it back home safely yesterday? You never let me know." I am not responding!!!!!!!! First step! Yippee!!!! I had to let you know.

Good don't respond. Hahahaha it's not worth it. Let her stew about it.