ohno89 Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Okay so maybe the last one's a little extreme But if i could, i would! Seriously tho, is there some proven way to help you STOP thinking about your ex literally 24/7?! I feel like i've thought about him on the hour, every hour for the last frickin' FOUR months and i'm so, so over it! Especially coz i'd be lucky if i even came across his mind once in a week! After the cheating, the lying, the drugs, the hurt, the bad-mouthing, flaunting his new relationship on FB and all of these tears and horrible emotions......why do these same people still consume our minds? still upset us? still make us feel angry? i am SICK and tired of him being my first thought every morning, my last thought last thing and night and a WHOLE lotta time throughout the day. When is this going to stop? What can i do - besides distract myself, which doesn't always work as effectively as it should - to train my brain, to trick it into NOT thinking about this douchebag?!
Simon Attwood Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 What can i do - besides distract myself, which doesn't always work as effectively as it should - to train my brain, to trick it into NOT thinking about this douchebag?! MBCT or CBT (Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy, or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is probably the best "brain training". Although you'd think they would have just come up with a pill you could pick up at the pharmacy by now Something that turns down oxytocin and cortisol, and stimulates dopamine and serotonin should do the trick.
bestrong Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 After spending months googling "how to stop thinking about an ex" I found out the trick is once your brain starts to think about him/her, think of other things instead. It was very difficult at first since my brain loves to imagine how lovely it would be if we were still together and it is obsess in thinking how things will be like when I go back to the States and see her again. However, things got better after 2 weeks or so. And I promise one day when you wake up, you'll realize he's not in your mind (It takes time to get used to that too by the way) You'll still think about him, but what's important is not to have those imaginations affect your daily life. It takes time and you are not alone
PegNosePete Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 If someone could make a Nintendo DS game for this, it would sell a million! One thing you could try is one of Paul McKenna's dieting tricks. One way he uses to discourage you from thinking about your favourite food, is to think as hard as you can about it.. and then think about it being covered in disgusting things like hair from a hairdresser's floor, toenail clippings, brown sludge from the washing machine tube, etc. The most disgusting things you can think of. Force yourself to think about it. Whenever you think about eating the food, think about what it would taste like with these things on top. After a while the chocolate ice cream isn't very appetising... So... whenever you think about your ex, think about what he did. Imagine him ****ing the other woman. Imagine him taking her clothes off, imagine her pulling his pants down and imagine them doing all the sexual things that you never thought he'd do with anyone else. Imagine it all as vividly and realistically as you can (warning: when I did this I was reduced to tears the first few times!). After a while you will become desensitized to thinking about him with someone else. And then, whenever you think about him and how much you miss him, your brain will instantly supply you with an image of him with someone else, and you will be repulsed. There you go... brain trained
ShannonMI Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Okay so maybe the last one's a little extreme But if i could, i would! Seriously tho, is there some proven way to help you STOP thinking about your ex literally 24/7?! I feel like i've thought about him on the hour, every hour for the last frickin' FOUR months and i'm so, so over it! Especially coz i'd be lucky if i even came across his mind once in a week! After the cheating, the lying, the drugs, the hurt, the bad-mouthing, flaunting his new relationship on FB and all of these tears and horrible emotions......why do these same people still consume our minds? still upset us? still make us feel angry? i am SICK and tired of him being my first thought every morning, my last thought last thing and night and a WHOLE lotta time throughout the day. When is this going to stop? What can i do - besides distract myself, which doesn't always work as effectively as it should - to train my brain, to trick it into NOT thinking about this douchebag?! I can relate to this! I think about my a**hole ex non-stop. It's so irritating. I think I just miss who he USED to be and the great times we shared. Now I feel my ex is a completely different person and I can't stand this new person he's become. Partying all the time, hanging with his band, dating a skanky groupie. The person I started dating 8 years ago was a wonderful, sweet and sensative person. Not anymore! I'm reading a book called "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan Elliott and it says that thinking about your ex and your relationship is all part of the healing process. I suggest buying the book because it's helping me figure out that a lot of what I'm feeling is normal and part of the process of getting over this a**hole and finding someone who deserves me.
Cee Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I suggest that you not let yourself get disturbed or upset when you think about your ex. If you start mentally shouting to yourself, "Stop thinking about him!!!" you are drawing more attention to it. A therapist once said that if he told me, "Don't look at that," it would be natural that I would look. Relax a little and when you notice that you are thinking of your ex, step gently away and drift to something else. It's just a thought. In my experience, the feelings/thoughts pass, but it takes a lot of time.
Author ohno89 Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 Simon - lol, yes a pill sounds a lot easier to swallow than the rest of that stuff does...although still willing to look into it in my darkest hour lol bestrong - thank you. yes i'm trying this approach; it seems easier to do in the mornings when i'm still laying in bed...probably coz the one thing i don't have to train my brain to do is wanna stay in bed a little longer! PegNosePete - BOY that wasn't easy to read...but thank you for your input! Sadly, i'm sure at one point or another, i've hopelessly already imagined my ex getting busy with his new g/f - maybe not in so much detail - but i have and all it really did was make me sad/cry...still doesn't seem to have that stop-thinking-about-him-then effect...maybe i need to try harder! Also, personally, i think the diet idea is a lot easier as - thinking about a hairy, toe-nailed pizza, isn't gonna make me wanna then put a pizza in my mouth....maybe i should think the same about my ex's body parts but then again, i definately stopped thinking about that a LONG time ago! Shannon - i agree, books help. they give you answers and suggestions when you most need them...but again, agree with you on the part about focussing on their good....why is that?! i honestly think if my ex frickin' murdered my dog (who i love beyond BELIEF!) i'd probably still think "but.....he was always so [insert good quality here]" HA, can you believe that now i can't actually think of one?! How ironic... Cee - thank you for that input, it certainly makes sense and i do believe it will get easier with time...
PegNosePete Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Yeah sorry it's hard to read... not my intention to upset, but to help. All I can tell you is my experience I was thinking constantly about my STBX, and whenever I thought about her and the OM, I would break down. So I would distract myself, think about other things, play loud music, etc. And it helped, in the short term. But it wasn't getting any better. So I stopped blocking the thoughts. I imagined what they'd gotten up to (she hadn't told me any details so I just imagined them). It hurt like hell the first time, and the second time, and the third time. But it did get better. I got to the stage where I can think about what they did without getting too upset. So whenever I find myself thinking about her in any way, and find myself pining or wanting her back, I just think about them getting it on. My pining soon subsides and I certainly don't want her back any more. It's about negative associations. If you associate pizza with toenails then your opinion of pizza will change. If you associate your ex with something negative (doesn't have to be toenails on his body parts, anything negative will do, such as his negative aspects or how he betrayed or lied to you) then your opinion of him will change too. t's probably not the best method for everyone - but it works for me.
Author ohno89 Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Thanks Pete..I'm glad you've found it helps for you for now, i'm trying my own little method where, everytime i find myself thinking about him/obsessing/dwelling, as soon as i realise i've bagan to think about him again, i scream at myself inside my head, anything to belittle him like "who the f*** cares, he's a loser" and drift off to thinking about something else..until it starts up again lol..see how long this lasts!
scottishlassy Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I agree, a pill would be really nice. We have pills for everything else! I too found myself obsesing over my STBX and everything that happened. When I saw another car driving down the highway with Washington plates, I would wonder if they were the other women going to see him. It was driving me crazy. I talked to my therapist about it and she gave me some advice that has really helped and I have applied it to just about everything when it comes to him. When you find yourself thinging about him, get a mental picture of three things in your head and imagine looking at them. For me, it was my Mom's face (who is no longer with me), an Iris flower (her favorite flower) and a Claddaugh. After awhile, it didn't bother me seeing those license plates and I really don't think about him that much any more. Hang in there! It will get better!
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