Golon Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 How long has your affair been going on? Ten months How long has the MP been married? Ten years Is the affair still a secret? It is....but I know she is suspcious Is the MP still under the same roof as their spouse? Are they still sharing a bed? Yes, same roof. He claims they have different rooms but I have no real way of knowing it is true. Are you prepared for the reaction of your MP's partner's reaction if the affair is discovered? I am prepared. I suspect that I'll be dumped in that situation. He does not want her to find out. He claims it is me he wants in the long term but he has made no solid plans to make it happen. He gives lots of excuses....but I can't for example see these excuses changing/getting any easier. He does all he can to prevent her suspecting. If she asks questions etc then it usually means I don't see him for a while until such things die down. Although I'm told I am his life and mean everything to him I have to be honest and say that the actions don't match this. Are they going to marriage counseling? No. I would hazard a guess his behaviour at home and the things he tells her lead her to believe...although she doesn't always understand his behaviour....that all is well. He must do enough to convince her of this. This is why I am very suspicious about the bed sharing and what he tells me being the reality. Individual counseling? No. Is your MP living on their own? No he lives with his wife. Still going to marriage couseling/individual couseling even if they're on their own? No counseling at all. Are there kids involved? Young? Teens? College age? No....not directly. They have tried to have children but don't. I think what kills me when I read loveshack is that I had previously thought/felt that somehow our relationship was "different" from other "affairs". BTW he does not allow it to be called an affair as he doesn't see it that way....but try as I might to believe our relationship is special there are some strong familiarities with other situations I read on here: 1. age gap....I am younger 2. met at work/started at work 3. the claim they don't sleep together 4. the claim I am his soulmate/not felt as much about anyone as me 5. the fact he chooses to hide the relationship while also claiming it is me he really wants 6. the reasons not to leave (family, property etc) 7. the words he says not resulting in actions 8. when I try and talk to him about our situation or have a serious conversation about it he gets cross and sees it is me nagging or going on at him Now the question arises....why? The answer is very simple. I do love him and I do hope so much that he does want me and what he says is true. The reasons I stay are also ones I have encountered time after time on here: 1. I have never loved anyone as much 2. I have never connected/clicked with anyone the same 3. when we are together it does feel right (despite the obvious reasons it is not) I am very worried I am making such a huge mistake....but what keeps me going? Simple really....I am very much in love with him and hope all the time that somehow we will get to be together.
joseygirl Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 How long has your affair been going on? How long has the MP been married? 17 yrs Is the affair still a secret? partially...he told her of an trist hoping she would leave him...it didn't work. so she knows he cheated but not the duration nor severity Is the MP still under the same roof as their spouse? Are they still sharing a bed? Yes. No. he sleeps in the spare room Are you prepared for the reaction of your MP's partner's reaction if the affair is discovered? Yes Are they going to marriage counseling? no Individual counseling? yes... just started Is your MP living on their own? NA Still going to marriage couseling/individual couseling even if they're on their own? NA Are there kids involved? Young? Teens? College age? Yes 12, 13 I've been reading the posts and commenting and am just wondering what the stats really are. Each situation is different. We have been together 14 months but I was married the first 4. We have been sexually exclusive for over a year and I left my husband but we had no kids.
Mombot Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 This affair has been going for 2 years. He is legally separated and does not reside with her. She lives 1200 miles from him. I am single.
Mombot Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 He is 12 years older thn I am. I sent her an email and she sent back don't bother her.
White Flower Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Really WF? I thought our affair had been going on much longer than 5 years. Hmmm, let me count again. One, two.... Ahhhhhh Haaaaa, U 2 better cut that out! BB, not many people know about it, but I'm her "boy toy". Mmm Hmm:love: :D Ummmm I need to get me one of those. Oh yes you do:cool: I have hourly, daily and weekly rates. Satisfaction guaranteed.And then some:)
MizzBlue72 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 How long has your affair been going on? How long has the MP been married? Was married 13 yrs ... Is the affair still a secret? Yes Is the MP still under the same roof as their spouse? Are they still sharing a bed? No Are you prepared for the reaction of your MP's partner's reaction if the affair is discovered? No - moot point now - he is divorced Are they going to marriage counseling? Nope Individual counseling? Yes Is your MP living on their own? Yes since Jan 2010 Still going to marriage couseling/individual couseling even if they're on their own? NOPE Are there kids involved? Young? Teens? College age? Nope all grown (his); I have a 6 yr old I've been reading the posts and commenting and am just wondering what the stats really are. My MM is now divorced and I have been for over a year. We have been together two years.
HIS OTHER ONE Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 How long has your affair been going on? 6 YEARS How long has the MP been married? 10 years Is the affair still a secret? NO Is the MP still under the same roof as their spouse? Are they still sharing a bed? YES and NO THEY DO NOT SHARE A BED. Are you prepared for the reaction of your MP's partner's reaction if the affair is discovered? IT WAS NO REACTION WITH ME. Are they going to marriage counseling? NO Individual counseling? NO Is your MP living on their own? NO Still going to marriage couseling/individual couseling even if they're on their own? N/A Are there kids involved? Young? Teens? College age? TEENS 2 I've been reading the posts and commenting and am just wondering what the stats really are.
2sure Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 His Other One...I have to say I remember your posts from 2008 and looked at them. Yours is the saddest OW story I have read here. How do you cope that long under the circumstances?
Author WowReally Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 How long has your affair been going on? 6 YEARS How long has the MP been married? 10 years Is the affair still a secret? NO Is the MP still under the same roof as their spouse? Are they still sharing a bed? YES and NO THEY DO NOT SHARE A BED. Are you prepared for the reaction of your MP's partner's reaction if the affair is discovered? IT WAS NO REACTION WITH ME. Are they going to marriage counseling? NO Individual counseling? NO Is your MP living on their own? NO Still going to marriage couseling/individual couseling even if they're on their own? N/A Are there kids involved? Young? Teens? College age? TEENS 2 I've been reading the posts and commenting and am just wondering what the stats really are. Why is he still married if he's been cheating on his W for the majority of their marriage??????? That doesnt make any sense
Owl Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Why is he still married if he's been cheating on his W for the majority of their marriage??????? That doesnt make any sense Because he can. Because it's been successful and working for all these years. I'm guessing he's never suffered any REAL consequence for the affair or for not leaving his wife. He's got two women, each fulfilling part of his needs...why should he change the situation?
Author WowReally Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Because he can. Because it's been successful and working for all these years. I'm guessing he's never suffered any REAL consequence for the affair or for not leaving his wife. He's got two women, each fulfilling part of his needs...why should he change the situation? Mmmmmmmmm I suppose...
Owl Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Have you got a better theory? I've been posting here a pretty good while now. I've seen literally hundreds, if not thousands of stories posted here and on other infidelity sites. The stories play out time and again... I've learned a good bit about people, about why they do what they do. So many folks want to think that people are complicated, complex critters. But we're not. In reality we're pretty simplistic creatures. People take action/change for just two reasons. To either get something they want, or to get away from something they don't like. People don't change "just because". They change because there's a benefit for them in changing. That benefit is either to get them closer to something they want, or to remove them further from something that makes them uncomfortable. In the question here, the reason that he's not made any changes is because the benefits of staying where he's at outweigh the negatives of implementing changes. He's decided to keep things the way that they are because its acceptable, and doing anything else creates something unacceptable. Not rocket science. Hell...I used to work on rockets...trust me, this isn't it.
Author WowReally Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Have you got a better theory? I've been posting here a pretty good while now. I've seen literally hundreds, if not thousands of stories posted here and on other infidelity sites. The stories play out time and again... I've learned a good bit about people, about why they do what they do. So many folks want to think that people are complicated, complex critters. But we're not. In reality we're pretty simplistic creatures. People take action/change for just two reasons. To either get something they want, or to get away from something they don't like. People don't change "just because". They change because there's a benefit for them in changing. That benefit is either to get them closer to something they want, or to remove them further from something that makes them uncomfortable. In the question here, the reason that he's not made any changes is because the benefits of staying where he's at outweigh the negatives of implementing changes. He's decided to keep things the way that they are because its acceptable, and doing anything else creates something unacceptable. Not rocket science. Hell...I used to work on rockets...trust me, this isn't it. Whoa wait a minute Im not questioning your theory Im just questioning the reasoning behind all the affairs I've been reading about - some are sadder than others. That's why I put this poll up...I find it interesting to see some of the backgrounds and the reasoning behind the WHY's. I still dont know to this day why I broke down and decided to "be with" a MM...do I regret what I did? Not really because I walked into the situation with my eyes wide open and we genuinely enjoyed eachother's company. Am I glad I ended it? Yes. The head games and knowing I was just putting off the inevitable was getting to be too much. Im still not convinced he knows what he wants but Im sure over time he'll come to see the light and what will hopefully make him happiest.
20Seconds Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 How long has your affair been going on? 15 months How long has the MP been married? 19 years Is the affair still a secret? She supposedly knows something but I don;t know to what extent, I am not the first AP and she new about the previous Is the MP still under the same roof as their spouse? Are they still sharing a bed? Yes and Yes Are you prepared for the reaction of your MP's partner's reaction if the affair is discovered? Yes but see above, it would be finding out more (or that it is still going on) Are they going to marriage counseling? No Individual counseling? No Is your MP living on their own? No Still going to marriage couseling/individual couseling even if they're on their own? N/A Are there kids involved? Young? Teens? College age? Him - 3 Me - 1, all school age I've been reading the posts and commenting and am just wondering what the stats really are. It's interesting how many of the marriages are 15 yrs plus
Gfkr2 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 All these long tern A are a big surprise. How can a BS not have knowledge of an A that's been going on for 5 or 10 years?? The BS must be stupid or comatose not to eventually catch on, unless they really do NOT care. I have to imagine many of the BS who supposedly have no knowledge do know what is going on and just are to comfortable or lazy to confront the situation.
Author WowReally Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 All these long tern A are a big surprise. How can a BS not have knowledge of an A that's been going on for 5 or 10 years?? The BS must be stupid or comatose not to eventually catch on, unless they really do NOT care. I have to imagine many of the BS who supposedly have no knowledge do know what is going on and just are to comfortable or lazy to confront the situation. Why poke the bear if they're still getting what they want?
JustJoe Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Hmmm, let me count again. One, two.... Mmm Hmm:love: Oh yes you do:cool: And then some:)Ahh yes, Making love at the movies, nude horseback rides on the beach, BJ'S behind the bleachers at f-ball games, drinking Champagne from her navel. WF and I have done it all, and then some.
Author WowReally Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 All these long tern A are a big surprise. How can a BS not have knowledge of an A that's been going on for 5 or 10 years?? The BS must be stupid or comatose not to eventually catch on, unless they really do NOT care. I have to imagine many of the BS who supposedly have no knowledge do know what is going on and just are to comfortable or lazy to confront the situation. I know Im a little surprised myself
Brokenlady Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 How long has your affair been going on? The A phase was just over 2 years. It's been about 2 years since that ended. How long has the MP been married? About 20 years. Is the affair still a secret? No, and you'd probably be hard pressed to find anyone who ever knew either of us that didn;t know about it. Is the MP still under the same roof as their spouse? Are they still sharing a bed? No. He moved out and is divorced for quite some time now. Before he moved out, they'd slept seperately for at least 7 months. Are you prepared for the reaction of your MP's partner's reaction if the affair is discovered? I was. Are they going to marriage counseling? They went to a few sessions. He went just so the appearance would be for the family that he "tried". He didn't ever stop the A during the MC. Individual counseling? Yes. It took a lot for him to get the strength to get out from under her abusiveness. Is your MP living on their own? Yes. Are there kids involved? Young? Teens? College age? Yes, my 2 and his 2.
White Flower Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Ahh yes, Making love at the movies, nude horseback rides on the beach, BJ'S behind the bleachers at f-ball games, drinking Champagne from her navel. WF and I have done it all, and then some.Ah Joey baby, let's not share ALL of our secrets:cool: All these long tern A are a big surprise. How can a BS not have knowledge of an A that's been going on for 5 or 10 years?? The BS must be stupid or comatose not to eventually catch on, unless they really do NOT care. I have to imagine many of the BS who supposedly have no knowledge do know what is going on and just are to comfortable or lazy to confront the situation.Try 40 years. Like WowReally says... Why poke the bear if they're still getting what they want?As long as all her needs were being met, why would she question anything? Life was good. I know Im a little surprised myselfAnd yet we still question it. Some of us have really good intuition while others don't. Mine is as sharp as a whistle and I never ignore it. I will put it on hold once in a while, but I always get back to it.
JustJoe Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 OK, I won't tell them about the REALLY good stuff.
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