L3stat Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 ;)"Lets Be Friends" Sounds Familiar? You Know you heard it before, Its What we hear when we are Getting Dump/ Rejected. My question is Why do they say that? We werent good enough to be with them, so we are down-graded strip of whatever dignity we have left and force to sit there watch them go off and be with other people? happy, carefree, not thinking about us. Do they want to string us along, just in case? is it pity? or is it just to torture us and a show of power? If you love someone could you be their friend? I couldn't i have to save some dignity some pride as a man and im sure women feel the way. We think that being there "friend" will show them that we really care and love them and would do anything for them, but the truth is we just look like pussies shadow of our former self. For the select few who have become friends and it worked out for you im happy for you and envy you, but for the rest that it didnt work out for, tortured yourself for no reason and watch them go date other people happy as a clam, did you enjoy it? how it feel? Yes i was dump 1month ago and i have since made great strides forward but it still hurts, no i am not mad at women or her for that matter, i see what went wrong, but i just want to post on here, and get some insight to why say lets be friends? whats the point? i know theres always exceptions to every rule, but if you have any dignity i dont believe you should ever accept that offer, its just further solidify the reason why they are leaving. i believe everything happens for a reason. people change so you can learn how to let go. things go wrong so that you appreciate them where they're right. you believe lies, so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together:(
WalkingtheAbyss Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I have some female friends who i love to pieces. Hell i would consider several of them to be worthy of loving on a one to one basis but wouldn't as i wouldn't want to damage the relationship we have now. On the other note, should my wife and I end up divorcing then i would only stay friends to ensure that my daughter was ok. The last thing i want to see is her with another man but that said i would sooner she was happy than sad.
Author L3stat Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 i knew i was leaving something, out lol you have no attachment to the person you are dumping, no kids, or anything that would hold you together after the break up, ofcourse i understand if you have kids then theres not helping it you have to talk for the kids sake, but for everyone else?
WalkingtheAbyss Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Then it would depend purely on the circumstances of why the relationship failed. If she'd been spreading fro somebody else then no, we would not remain friends. Had it just been that we were not compatible as a couple then i dont see why not.
Author L3stat Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 oh i understand, i see where you comming from its just that most post i read on here always end with someone still in love, usual caught of gaurd and they will do ANYTHING to make it work. i too have done this until i just couldnt take it anymore, i just wanted to know. if someone dumped you and knew without a shadow of doubt that you loved them still, why would they offer to be friends with you, when they know that all thats gonna do is make you suffer to see them so happy and going off to date other people which you know they gonna do sooner or later.
WalkingtheAbyss Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 You cant take away love and expect somebody to remain friends with you. Somebody to watch you find somebody else and give what they use to to you now to another person. It wont work. Some may disagree but i bet the majority would agree. The issues i'm having with my wife would have been so much easier had we only been together a few years and with no mortgage or children. Had it been easier i would have kicked her arse to the curb and walked on, no turning back.
Author L3stat Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 How? How can you ask someone you love to sit there and watch you be with someone else? that seems real cruel.
WalkingtheAbyss Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Sorry you seem to have misunderstood me. What i'm saying is i would never remain friends with some body who was once in love with me and shared time with me if it meant i had to see them with somebody else. My wife is still with me at present although how much longer for who knows. If she finally decides she wants a divorce then so be it. I will be friends enough for our daughter and that is it. If she wants me to sit and drink brew with her new fella, if, as and when she gets one, she can go F herself lol
Author L3stat Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 im sorry to hear about your wife. i couldnt be friends with none of my ex to save my life lol
confuzed1 Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I heard the same bull crap..."We can be great friends." Yeah right! Not in this life time.
Lovebone Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 This **** is so simple... Be a dick. Plain and simple. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. Seriously.....if any of the following terms or labels can be applied to you, then you are probably going to be put into that friend zone, and NEVER be anything more than a friend: "good listener" "shoulder to cry on" "really sweet" **** that. Take what you want by being aggressive. women like that, and they will say "no we don't" til the ****in cows come home...but history and experience proves otherwise. Trust me, I was that "friend" for a loooong time, and I got sick of seeing girls i wanted, dating other guys that were all dicks, and when they got their hearts broken, they came running to me (the sweet friend) to cry to. Guess how much ass I got from being a great listener? Exactly. None. Just sayin.
Author L3stat Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Yea, i have to agree i been reading alot of post on here, lurking in the backround, Women want someone confident, to take charge. once we fall into the "yes" man and givng them whatever they want and letting them walk all over us, we usually always get dumped, then cry and complete the pussy transformation. i know theres always exceptions to this rule some women like that, moderation is the key:laugh:
HoldingPatterns Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I was told that. We can be friends. A week later she was dating someone new. Now a month 1/2 later she says she's gonna move to where he lives as soon as she saves the money. She is posting that she is married to him and she took his last name on facebook and myspace. It makes me pretty sick and seriously doubt love. So what did I do cuss her the f*ck out. Than she makes me feel bad by being nice while explaining things she didn't like about me. I became the pussy. She will always remember me as the b/f that flipped and kissed a$$. flipped and kissed a$$... I'm done he can have her. NC is the only thing left now. I thought i could save face. Trust every piece of advice you get on this damn site!!!
mirage12 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I also think the "let's be friends" thing is weird...My ex and I broke up a month and a half ago, and we kinda tried it for a little while, but everything is different...the conversations we have seem more strained, a little more awkward and almost even formal in a lot of ways...we could still laugh and joke around but it felt like things were a little more forced and it wasn't as natural anymore. It didn't really matter what was being said, anything we talked about only made me feel worse afterward, even though I wanted to hear her voice/talk to her every time. I want to be friends because she was my best friend while we were dating, and it hurts so bad to just have her completely vanish out of my life, but at the same time I don't know how to stifle whatever feelings I have left for her...and I definitely don't want to hear about any new guys she might have. (The last two times we talked, she asked me if I was seeing anyone knew or said that it was hard to talk because it made her wonder if I was dating anyone...wtf?? She broke up with me, why does she even care...)
AmysHeart Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 My ex was a jerk in the beginning (4 years ago) then once we were together- he was wonderful to me. The sweeter he was- the safer I felt and the more in love with him I became. After a few years- he started pulling away and resorted back to the "jerk syndrome" which caused me to leave him and move across town and NC for a full year. I then called him on day 364. Things have been wonderful again- and he has been so very sweet until the past three weeks. I have tried talking to him about everything for the past few weeks- but because of his A**hole behaviours of late- I have again broken up with him and now am on day 3 of NC. If he would call me and truly show that he is sorry and stop being a jerk- I would happily take him back in a SECOND. No ifs ands or buts- I would take him back. But he will only send me text or emails stating he loves me and then offering excuses for his behaviours like standing me up and not spending time with me and trashing me to another woman.....I think it really depends on the woman. If she truly loves you- she will prefer you to be sweet to her. That is my opinion. I know that I cannot handle him being insensitive toward me one bit- I would rather be without him and go through heartbreak hell than have to be with him treating me like crap. But that is me....
Billie The Puppet Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 My ex was a jerk in the beginning (4 years ago) then once we were together- he was wonderful to me. The sweeter he was- the safer I felt and the more in love with him I became. After a few years- he started pulling away and resorted back to the "jerk syndrome" which caused me to leave him and move across town and NC for a full year. I then called him on day 364. Things have been wonderful again- and he has been so very sweet until the past three weeks. I have tried talking to him about everything for the past few weeks- but because of his A**hole behaviours of late- I have again broken up with him and now am on day 3 of NC. If he would call me and truly show that he is sorry and stop being a jerk- I would happily take him back in a SECOND. No ifs ands or buts- I would take him back. But he will only send me text or emails stating he loves me and then offering excuses for his behaviours like standing me up and not spending time with me and trashing me to another woman.....I think it really depends on the woman. If she truly loves you- she will prefer you to be sweet to her. That is my opinion. I know that I cannot handle him being insensitive toward me one bit- I would rather be without him and go through heartbreak hell than have to be with him treating me like crap. But that is me.... Wow! you should have hung in there for 1 more day just so you can have the 1 year stat actually be 1 year. (Or 2 more days for a leap year) So I guess you are a believer in on again off again or Yo-Yo relationships can work? I hate the negativity around them because chances are more likely they do not work than those that do, (My Uncle and Aunt are a case that has worked of course) See I'm back to pining after a successful few weeks, I get days like today that just set me back. I haven't broke NC because it's not worth the pain an it's not me who has to break it but I plan on contacting her in 6 months time don't know if I can do the year thing. (Again I'll have to see where I am at emotionally in 5 months time) I just talked with the sister not too long ago and it brought back memories, She's a friend that I don't want to shut out. Didn't bring up the ex at all though.
AmysHeart Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Wow! you should have hung in there for 1 more day just so you can have the 1 year stat actually be 1 year. (Or 2 more days for a leap year) So I guess you are a believer in on again off again or Yo-Yo relationships can work? I hate the negativity around them because chances are more likely they do not work than those that do, (My Uncle and Aunt are a case that has worked of course) See I'm back to pining after a successful few weeks, I get days like today that just set me back. I haven't broke NC because it's not worth the pain an it's not me who has to break it but I plan on contacting her in 6 months time don't know if I can do the year thing. (Again I'll have to see where I am at emotionally in 5 months time) I just talked with the sister not too long ago and it brought back memories, She's a friend that I don't want to shut out. Didn't bring up the ex at all though. I believe they can work. In fact, when I called him on day 364 - which was April 7th of this year- he informed me that he had not dated anyone and he had been in therapy the whole time to work on this issues that we had. I then started seeing his therapist with him and his therapist informed me that I was pretty much all he talked about that entire year. Until 3 weeks ago- things have been going wonderfully well. But now history repeats itself. He knows exactly what to do to get me back. It is very simple. He does not have to gravel or be a whimp- or kiss my ass- he simply needs to admit that some of his behaviours have been wrong and convey to me that he cares about how that makes me feel. For instance- he did not intend to break my clavicle- but he did intend to shove me a few weeks back- which caused me to fall- and it is broken in three places. He did not speak to me for a full week after that happened. Instead he wants to focus on what he thinks I did to provoke him having shoved me. I can't deal with that. He is emailing me every night saying he loves me- well, I want the apology and I want the previous commitment we had- and for us to spend the same amount of time together that we were- as long as he is like this- I won't talk to him and it is killing me.
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