Trying to recover from Wife havig an affair

[WalkingtheAbyss]

About five weeks ago i discovered my wife had been having an affair. Truth be told i pretty much knew it was happening from when it started early June. All the typical signs were there, less phone contact, less interest in me, family life, our daughter. Constantly on the phone texting and then calling as soon as my back was turned. Any way, i kept bringing it up to her and she kept trying to assure me nothing was going on. Then she gave in and confessed to sleeping with this other man. Again she assured me she had cut contact but alas it carried on. I went away for a few days as we discussed for her to establish how she felt about me only for her to use that time to arrange a new life with him and sleep with him again. At no point did she use the time to consider us.

 

Long story short she has since gone NC with him, i know as i was present at the time and also helped her change every thing in her life. She even packed in her job as she worked with him and knew that things wouldn't work with us for as long as she was seeing him still.

 

Two and a half weeks from NC and she wants to move out. She feels that me being hurt and non trusting is damaging the chances of us rebuilding our marriage as she cant regain her feelings for me whilst i'm constantly asking her questions and checking up on her. To be fair i appreciate how hard it may be for her but also know that had she not done what she did then we wouldn't be in this mess any way. I have explained that the reason i am as i am is due to her showing no real signs of remorse and even less affection than she did whilst she was having her affair. She says she cant show me affection whilst i am as i am. Realistically i know that if we get a divorce she's going to move out any way but the thought of her not being at home burns me up inside

 

So cut to details, we have been together for sixteen years, married for three and a half and have a daughter who is nearly three. My wife seems to think that by her moving out for a while, three to six months, we can try and work on our marriage whilst not being under each others feet. She believes that it will help me to trust her again. Personally i disagree but hey, i cant get that through to her.

 

My other concern is our daughter, she isn't even three yet and will be getting shared between homes on a four on four off basis. I have tried to explain the risk of emotional stress that this will cause her yet my wife seems to think that it'll be better for her this way than if we stay together in the same house. I have spoken to no body who agrees with this statement.

 

I have tried to rationalise the situation and even tried hating me wife for what she has done to our marriage but i cant. I actually feel sympothy for her as she has always hated people that do this sort of thing and even resorted to not only lying to me but her parents, her friends and our daughter. She has become the one person i never thought she'd become.

 

As for her lack of remorse and in my eyes lack of understanding of the situation do you guys think that maybe she hasn't come to terms with it herself yet? I'm kinda hoping, possibly in vain, that its going to hit home soon and she'll realise whats shes done.

 

Sorry for the rambling and trust me when i say i had this in my head better than i could type it out

[WalkingtheAbyss]

Oh, she also says that her love for me began to fade about two and a half years ago due to me working a lot and not being home for her. She felt as though she was a single mother even though i was home six nights in eight and during the day the other two. Apparently i didn't show her any affection hence why she found it else where even though as hard as i tried she was turning it down for what ever reason.

 

Now she says she loves me but is unsure if it is lovers love or friends love hence the struggle to show me any affection.

[PegNosePete]

She feels that me being hurt and non trusting is damaging the chances of us rebuilding our marriage as she cant regain her feelings for me whilst i'm constantly asking her questions and checking up on her

BS detector overload!!!!! What a huge pile of horse****. Allow me to translate what she says here, into what she means. Sorry if I come across as harsh... sometimes people need to hear the uncensored truth, no hard feelings against you personally I've been in the same boat

 

She is trying to guilt you into taking the blame for her actions. She chose to **** some other guy. She didn't have a gun to her head. Nothing you did forced her to cheat. She could have chosen to talk to you about it, to go to MC, anything. But no, she chose to spread her legs for some other guy. So she is feeling bad about it, or rather feeling bad about getting caught, so she is diverting the blame onto you. It is NOT your non-trust that is causing problems, it is her ****ing someone else that caused the problems. She can't regain feelings for you??? What about your feelings for her? She ****ed someone else for Pete's sake! She should be bending over backwards to accommodate you and to rebuild your trust. If she is not willing to answer any questions you ask her, then there is more to the story she is still hiding something from you. If she is not willing to give up her privacy to you completely and allow you to check every single email, text message and phone call she makes, then she is still doing something that she doesn't want you to know about.

 

She has been using you as a doormat my friend. She lied to you repeatedly, including sleeping with him again in time that was supposed to be thinking about your marriage. Yeah sounds like a lot of "thinking" was going on! Now she is NC with the other man, I'm guessing things didn't work out with him and she wants you back as her backup plan. Seriously you need to not let her walk all over you any more. If you let her back she will just do the same thing again, in fact it sounds like she still is. She isn't remorseful of her actions, she is only wanting to come back to you because her other man dumped her, or whatever, and she sees you as a stable doormat who will take her in and support her while she looks for someone else.

 

If you want to work things out then you need to give her a list of demands. If she rejects any one of them, then she is out.

1) Total commitment. She most commit 100% to coming back. No time apart to "think", no moving out, no deciding what she wants in life. If she wants to come back then it must be 100%, and it must be now.

2) Total honesty. She will answer any questions you ask her immediately and without hesitation or complaint.

3) Total NC with the other man.

4) Total transparency. You will have all her email addresses and passwords. You will see every text message she sends and receives. In fact as soon a she agrees to this, ask to see her phone. If she refuses or delays, then assume there is something on it that she needs to delete first...

 

If she's not prepared to accept the terms then I would let her move out, while she is willing to go quietly. Just go along with whatever reasons she says. She says now that she will move out if you divorce, but she could quite easily change her mind when the time comes. So let her go while she is willing. When she is out, file for divorce. Her being out of the house will improve your negotiating position significantly.

[karnak]

 

I actually feel sympothy for her as she has always hated people that do this sort of thing and even resorted to not only lying to me but her parents, her friends and our daughter. She has become the one person i never thought she'd become.

 

 

I think some people who hate cheaters are in fact trying to exorcise their own wishes to cheat. Like a woman who says that guy X is an SOB when in fact she's lusting for him.

 

Most people who never cheated in their entire lives tend to feel sorry for adulterers or can't even comprehend their actions.

[PegNosePete]

I think some people who hate cheaters are in fact trying to exorcise their own wishes to cheat.

Yep, it's a smokescreen. I had this too. My STBXW told me a few months ago that her boss had discovered his wife was having an affair. She was amazed at how he could stay with her after she'd been with another man, how awful and slutty she was to do that to him, blah blah blah. I agreed with her, that if I was cheated on then it would be over. A few weeks later she had done exactly the same.... and guess what... it's over.

[WalkingtheAbyss]

Maybe i've not made myself completely clear.

 

I was present when she went NC and rest assured shes not with me because he didn't want her. It was almost sad seeing him practically beg her and barage her with texts just prior to her having her number changed. She assures me they are over and i believe it. I do believe that he was on the rebound though as he'd only been out of a five year relationship, of which his GF walked out on him with o explanation, for three weeks before cracking on to my wife. I kept telling her she was booty call but she wouldn't listen.

 

She has decided that shes moving out though. She cant cope with me following her around, questioning her every move and "prying" into her private life. So much so that she now wants her mobile contract transfered into her name rather than mine. Apparently my complete disrespect for her privacy is turning her against me. Almost laughable really So shes looking at getting a flat, of which shes viewing one later this week and will be moving out as soon as possible. She seems to think because three other people have said its a good idea, neither of which have been through this problem i hasten to add, that shes right. I said that by moving out i shant trust her any more than i do now. Her answer "fine, then it'll never work"

 

The thing is shes a stubborn sod and always has been. She'll never admit to being wrong until she finally realises it herself. No matter what people tell her she'll continue on her way until she hits the brick wall of reality.

 

As for cheaters harbouring the urge to cheat and covering it up with blind hatred, i don't by that. I hate people that cheat and have had more than enough opportunities to do so. Instead of doing it though i turned and walked away. I would never cheat in anybody and have always stood that if my feelings for somebody grew less and somebody else came into the picture i would let my partner know.

[hunnybea]

She doesn't know if she loves you...he begged her not to change her number...she wants to move out and have her own number.

 

She's still cheating. Sorry, but there's contact there you don't know about, OR she's moving so she can have contact with him.

 

IF the cheater wants privacy, ect. and isn't completely transparent like an above poster said, they are still cheating. There is just one or the other in a situation like this...cheating or no cheating. Her actions are VERY suspicious. Most of us see right through it...even if you can't at the moment.

 

And the part about her turning it all back on you...well, I told my husband that if he can't handle the questioning and lack of privacy for however long it takes, then to pack up. It's all about your healing schedule...not hers...she did the wrong thing...just remember that.

[PegNosePete]

Apparently my complete disrespect for her privacy is turning her against me

What about her respect for your privacy when she let some other guy stick his **** in her? That is what caused the problems. Your lack of trust in her is totally expected and normal and if she can't even see that, then there really is no hope.

 

Dude... sorry for your situation. I think you know, that your marriage is over. She is being so disrespectful to you, and is definitely lying through her teeth. She's either cheating with someone else, or the "NC" conversation could just have been an act. But even if it is over between her and this guy, she has another on the go, I guarantee it. She definitely is hiding something. She wants her own phone and her own place to live... she is most definitely planning to, or already is, cheating on you again and again and again. She has no intention of re-committing to you. She's already proved it before, when she was supposed to be "thinking" but her definition of "thinking" involved spreading her legs for some other guy. How many times are you going to let her get away with this?

 

There is only one solution to your problem... nuclear divorce warfare. Protect your assets right now. Cancel any joint bank accounts, credit cards or store cards, cancel any of your credit cards that she has access to (eg. saved on websites such as Amazon). See a divorce lawyer right away. You're currently in a position much better than many BH's, in that you're in the house with your child. Usually the woman will stay with the kids and get custody plus ownership of the house, so do not give that advantage up. You need to absolutely show her that her actions have grave consequences. Shock and awe.

Edited September 6, 2010 by PegNosePete

[YellowShark]

Any way, i kept bringing it up to her and she kept trying to assure me nothing was going on. Then she gave in and confessed to sleeping with this other man. Again she assured me she had cut contact but alas it carried on.

 

1) She is 100% untrustworthy. She denied it, then said it was over to your face, and then continued to do it. She is a liar and a cheat.

 

She feels that me being hurt and non trusting is damaging the chances of us rebuilding our marriage as she cant regain her feelings for me whilst i'm constantly asking her questions and checking up on her.

 

2) Typical behaviour of a liar and cheat. She is blaming YOU for not being able to rebuild the trust when SHE BROKE IT! She is demonizing YOU - the faithful spouse - in an attempt to blame you for the damage she caused.

 

...i am as i am is due to her showing no real signs of remorse and even less affection than she did whilst she was having her affair. She says she cant show me affection whilst i am as i am.

 

3) She is refusing to take accountability for her own actions so she is blaming you for her lack of affection.

 

As for her lack of remorse and in my eyes lack of understanding of the situation do you guys think that maybe she hasn't come to terms with it herself yet? I'm kinda hoping, possibly in vain, that its going to hit home soon and she'll realise whats shes done.

 

Listen to me WalkingtheAbyss what you have on your hands is a liar and a cheat who is not taking responsibility for what she did and trying to pin the fallout on you. She is just like my EX was. Sure both of you are 50% responsible for what happens in your relationship. But she is 100% responsible for the affair and the damage it has caused your relationship.

 

She removed the emotion and passion that should have been reserved for your relationship and gave it to another man. That damaged your marriage. It also sounds like she is completely unwilling to take ownership for what she did or fix what she did.

 

Personally I do not see anything to save here. She is just like my EX was, full of lies, unremorseful, and attempting to pin the fallout onto your lap. So I bailed with my son - (her step son) - and it killed me to do it, but now I don't have to deal with a liar and a cheater who is unremorseful.

 

Best of luck.

[LifesontheUp]

Two and a half weeks from NC and she wants to move out. She feels that me being hurt and non trusting is damaging the chances of us rebuilding our marriage as she cant regain her feelings for me whilst i'm constantly asking her questions and checking up on her. To be fair i appreciate how hard it may be for her but also know that had she not done what she did then we wouldn't be in this mess any way. I have explained that the reason i am as i am is due to her showing no real signs of remorse and even less affection than she did whilst she was having her affair. She says she cant show me affection whilst i am as i am. Realistically i know that if we get a divorce she's going to move out any way but the thought of her not being at home burns me up inside

 

She had the affair and doesn't feel any remorse

 

I sounds to me that she's still in the affair and wants to move out to see how things go with the OM.

 

Your marriage is beyond repair unless she wakes up and owns her responsibility in all this. If she wanted to make this work, she would be "begging" you to take her back and working to rebuild your trust.

 

She may want to come back to you at some point, she may not. However instead of living in hope I would look after YOU and your daughter.

[Bryanp]

Please see an attorney to understand your options. Her comments and actions speak volumes.

1. She is angry at you because you are hurt and feel that she is untrustworthy? This is because she is. She has been screwing her lover behind your back, putting your health at risk for STD's (You both need to be checked now).

2. She constantly lied to your face.

3. She asked for time alone to consider your marriage and continued to sleep with her lover again.

4. She wants to move out and find her own place and have a new phone number just to be alone? If you believe this then I have a bridge to sell you. By moving out she can engage in a single life style and be with her lover without you getting in the way.

5. She has humiliated and disrespected you in the worst possible way and is playing you for an absolute fool.

6. If the roles were reversed, do you honestly think she would be so accepting as you have been?

 

Please again see an attorney to understand your options as soon as possible. Her actions indicate that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[mark982]

walking, she's still cheating, maybe not with the om, but someone new. thats why she want a new phone #. she wants to leave---fine. but i'd see a lawyer real quick. why should she be able to take the baby, cause she wants to boink another man.

[WalkingtheAbyss]

She doesn't know if she loves you...he begged her not to change her number...she wants to move out and have her own number.

 

Again you've missunderstood. He begged her not to quite what they had, stated that he loved her and would stand by her.

 

The new number has been done. At present her phone is in my name meaning i have full access to who she has called or texted. She wants it changed to her name so that i cant see any more.

 

Reality, i think your possibly all right. I certainly don't believe she is still cheating as she stands to loose too much. Should she be cheating still she will loose all support from her parents, they have told her this on more than one occasion. She will also loose a lot of friends as they wont abide what she has done.

 

I state that she has shown no remorse, she has said sorry but thats it. I find it frustrating that shes like this and it certainly doesn't help my mind as it were. Either way shes moving out. I have an agreement set which i shall put to her very soon which will protect me both financially and with regards to access to my daughter.

 

She thinks that by moving out we can restart our relationship, build love and trust for each other again. I honestly think that shes been smoking something but hey, its worth a try. If all else fails at least she's out of the house already.

[WalkingtheAbyss]

She wont be taking my little girl either, we will be having shared custody of her as i work a shift pattern of four on four off. During my days off i will have her.

[WalkingtheAbyss]

Please see an attorney to understand your options. Her comments and actions speak volumes.

1. She is angry at you because you are hurt and feel that she is untrustworthy? This is because she is. She has been screwing her lover behind your back, putting your health at risk for STD's (You both need to be checked now).

2. She constantly lied to your face.

3. She asked for time alone to consider your marriage and continued to sleep with her lover again.

4. She wants to move out and find her own place and have a new phone number just to be alone? If you believe this then I have a bridge to sell you. By moving out she can engage in a single life style and be with her lover without you getting in the way.

5. She has humiliated and disrespected you in the worst possible way and is playing you for an absolute fool.

6. If the roles were reversed, do you honestly think she would be so accepting as you have been?

 

Please again see an attorney to understand your options as soon as possible. Her actions indicate that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

 

1. Already have and all clear.

2. Theres no denying that

3. I know, again shes apologised but refuses to discuss it any further

4. You could be right but then she states that we will see each other frequently. At the end of the day she'd be moving out any way so what do i have to loose?

5. I know. I have told her this but alas, she seems to care not.

6. Nope, not a hope in hell.

[YellowShark]

The new number has been done. At present her phone is in my name meaning i have full access to who she has called or texted. She wants it changed to her name so that i cant see any more.

 

Because she is still CHEATING!

 

Reality, i think your possibly all right. I certainly don't believe she is still cheating as she stands to loose too much. Should she be cheating still she will loose all support from her parents, they have told her this on more than one occasion. She will also loose a lot of friends as they wont abide what she has done.

 

She kept it a secret from you and you lived with her. She can certainly keep the affair secret from her parents and friends too.

 

She thinks that by moving out we can restart our relationship, build love and trust for each other again. I honestly think that shes been smoking something but hey, its worth a try. If all else fails at least she's out of the house already.

 

That is a good start. But please remember she lied to your face, cheated on you, and shows no remorse. Now she is out of the house and want a phone in her own name that you cannot monitor. So you have ZERO idea what she is really doing now WalkingtheAbyss. Don't be a fool, do be "played," her actions speak louder than words.

[PegNosePete]

Reality, i think your possibly all right. I certainly don't believe she is still cheating as she stands to loose too much. Should she be cheating still she will loose all support from her parents, they have told her this on more than one occasion. She will also loose a lot of friends as they wont abide what she has done.

Sorry dude, you're in denial. You make some good rational arguments why it would be a bad idea for her to cheat. If she was thinking rationally then don't you think she would have considered these factors before cheating on you in the first place? She is not following logic here. She is following impulses. She is definitely either still cheating, or plans to cheat in her new place with her new phone. But she wants to keep you on the line, for financial and/or emotional support, and to be her back-up plan in case she can't find anyone else.

 

I state that she has shown no remorse, she has said sorry but thats it.

She's sorry she got caught, yeah... not sorry for doing it.

 

I have an agreement set which i shall put to her very soon which will protect me both financially and with regards to access to my daughter.

Dude, you need to protect those things right now. And doing that doesn't involve putting anything to her. It involves talking to your bank, credit card company, and lawyer.

[painfullyobvious]

Many years ago I lived with a girlfriend who was cheating and I moved out. We tried to work on the relationship but it made the relationship worse for me because I always wondered what she was doing and with whom she was "doing". The alone time she asked for in our relationship should have been called opportunity time. I suspect the same thing for your situation. It is selfishness that she is interested in working on.

 

I feel for your situation because I have been there myself. Take the time apart to find yourself, evaluate the pros and cons of the relationship, and begin to find some way to not obsess over her move. It will be difficult but try and build connections away from your wife. When I started to become friends with others and stopped being a doormat for my girlfriend it was her that began freaking out about me in our relationship.

 

Let her know that perhaps you may be the one leaving and not her dictating the should I stay or should I go scenario. Good luck to you

[LifesontheUp]

1. Already have and all clear.

2. Theres no denying that

3. I know, again shes apologised but refuses to discuss it any further

4. You could be right but then she states that we will see each other frequently. At the end of the day she'd be moving out any way so what do i have to loose?

5. I know. I have told her this but alas, she seems to care not.

6. Nope, not a hope in hell.

 

I'm so sorry that she doesn't care how you are feeling. She looks to be pushing to get out of the house in order to be able to carry on with OM without having you watching her like a hawk. Why else would she want the phone in her name?????????....she doesn't want you to see who she is texting or calling.

 

The only thing you can do is take care of YOU and your daughter.

[2sunny]

YOU need to take care of YOU... and your daughter first!

 

your W will do whatever she wants... that's obvious by her actions. when words and actions don't match she's lying! like when she says she'll do anything, BUT she wants her own phone, apt etc. THAT is NOT a woman that will DO anything to earn your trust back.

 

THAT is a woman who is trying to be sure you don't catch her still communicating with or seeing her OM.

 

call a spade a spade. tell her she's still a cheat and a liar! tell her to get out because YOU deserve better and your daughter doesn't need that kind of role model for a Mom.

 

IF you make her REALLY uncomfortable she MAY wake up from the fog she is in. IF you don't, things will continue the way they are.

 

THROW HER OUT TODAY! change the locks. make sure she is uncomfortable and scrambling to find a place to go. make her SCARED! SHE created this - you can assure her of that. it is all her fault and she's only getting what she deserves. she's asked for it - give it to her.

 

be sure you have at least protected half your money first. otherwise she will wipe you out while you're not noticing.

 

she has no remorse = she will do whatever she wants... even if it hurts you.

 

 

remember, if nothing changes - nothing changes. DO the changing for her... she may get that wake up call she needs. IF she's not really scared she's lost everything - she will not even consider doing the right thing. she still may not even if she wakes up - but hey, just remind her that you have a boundary and SHE created the mess she's in.

[Darth Vader]

What about her respect for your privacy when she let some other guy stick his **** in her? That is what caused the problems. Your lack of trust in her is totally expected and normal and if she can't even see that, then there really is no hope.

 

Dude... sorry for your situation. I think you know, that your marriage is over. She is being so disrespectful to you, and is definitely lying through her teeth. She's either cheating with someone else, or the "NC" conversation could just have been an act. But even if it is over between her and this guy, she has another on the go, I guarantee it. She definitely is hiding something. She wants her own phone and her own place to live... she is most definitely planning to, or already is, cheating on you again and again and again. She has no intention of re-committing to you. She's already proved it before, when she was supposed to be "thinking" but her definition of "thinking" involved spreading her legs for some other guy. How many times are you going to let her get away with this?

 

There is only one solution to your problem... nuclear divorce warfare. Protect your assets right now. Cancel any joint bank accounts, credit cards or store cards, cancel any of your credit cards that she has access to (eg. saved on websites such as Amazon). See a divorce lawyer right away. You're currently in a position much better than many BH's, in that you're in the house with your child. Usually the woman will stay with the kids and get custody plus ownership of the house, so do not give that advantage up. You need to absolutely show her that her actions have grave consequences. Shock and awe.

 

 

I agree with this MAN! NUKE HER ASS IN COURT! File for Abandonment as well, get a Very Good Lawyer to represent you! The Abandonment may go very well in your favor, because usually courts look at who's the better parent of the children! In some sucky courts it doesn't matter what she does, as long as it's short of Murder, and even then it's up in the air in her favor! It SUCKS to be a man these days, no rights at all in some cases!

[jnj express]

If you are bound and determined to try and R. your destroyed mge., (and I have no idea why you would want to, but)

 

If you wanna try----get her into counseling along with HER PARENTS, and see if there are FOO, problems, that have caused her to act out the way she has. You need a counselor who is adept at this, not all counselors know what they are doing---so be careful, who you choose.

 

Check out Dr. Bonnie Weil---she is a PH D who has a 98% success rate at getting to the WHY, a straying partner goes elsewhere during a mge.

 

Aside from that all the info. you are getting on this thread, is pretty much right on.

[Mr. Lucky]

Unfortunately WalkingtheAbyss, you're not going to get many positive responses here even though your thread was titled " Trying to recover from Wife having an affair ". Too many posters here that want to take the hurt and anger from their own situation and dump it into yours .

 

I think your wife is just as confused at this juncture as you are. I'd follow the advice given to focus on yourself and your daughter as, unlike your wife's choices and actions, that part is largely under your control. And I'll bet that 30 days from now events will have played out in a way that will give you much more clarity regarding the steps you'll want to take to either work on your marriage or move on. Good luck and keep us posted...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Krytie TV]

Well OP, I have just one question. When are you going to get pissed? As long as you remain the well-spoken, even-keeled adult, all of the garbage will continue to fill your life.

 

You do know your marriage is over I hope.

[Dexter Morgan]

So cut to details, we have been together for sixteen years, married for three and a half and have a daughter who is nearly three. My wife seems to think that by her moving out for a while, three to six months, we can try and work on our marriage whilst not being under each others feet. She believes that it will help me to trust her again. Personally i disagree but hey, i cant get that through to her.

 

you want to know why she REALLY wants to move out? So that way she can do what she wants and mess around without you being around to know what she is doing. Her moving out gives her freedom to continue to get her rocks off with this other man or any other. And she can say, "but we were seperated, so it isn't really cheating"

 

 

As for her lack of remorse and in my eyes lack of understanding of the situation do you guys think that maybe she hasn't come to terms with it herself yet?

 

if she has no remorse, then you need to think about getting a good attorney. I know you don't want to think about divorce, its expensive, its traumatic......but what is your alternative? Stay married to an unremorseful cheating woman who wants to seperate so she can ride other men and even further justify it?

 

Trust me, i know how hard it is to think about divorce. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. going through a year or two of difficulty is nothing compared to staying captive in a marriage with a "woman" like your so-called wife. trust me on that.

 

 

I'm kinda hoping, possibly in vain, that its going to hit home soon and she'll realise whats shes done.

 

even if she does, you'll never forget what she did...you will have triggers....you will have inner turmoil, and you will NEVER trust your wife completely ever again...and note I said completely.

 

The only way any of these things will truly never haunt you is to get rid of her and move on.

 

But if you decide to stay with her, don't make excuses for her, and for god's sake, don't be spineless. Don't look like you have love coming out of your eyeballs so much that you will fold to her every whim....because if you continue as you are now....she will learn a very valuable lesson....that she can wrap you around her finger.

 

You need to show her you are angry, and that you aren't going to settle for an unremorseful cheater.