Mme. Chaucer Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 By the way I don't know what your definition of "promiscuous" is but it certainly IMO includes stripping. My definition of promiscuity matches the one in the dictionary. IOW they enjoy their work. If they didn't enjoy their work, they wouldn't do it, and they would have no problem saying "tried it, didn't like it." I assume since you opine that stripping is/was a perfectly plausible/acceptable activity from your POV you must have enjoyed it to some extent. I believe I made it clear that I DID enjoy it. How convenient. You can hide whatever you want from a partner, or try to. Troggleputty, uh, I mean InceptorsRule, I don't hide things from my partner. I also don't reveal every detail about my life to people I am just getting to know. OK so now you've just admitted that you are somewhat ashamed of having stripped? Yes or no? No, like I've said. If people can come on LS extremely worried about their partner's excessive use of porn, why on earth would you think someone wrong to be concerned about their partner's stripping naked for strangers on a nightly basis? How can you not understand that both types of activities are related in that they involve engaging in sexualized activity with someone other than one's partner? And obviously the things you choose to conceal are the things you are not proud of for doing. Don't expect me to "accept" what you've done in your past, if you're not willing to accept it yourself to the extent that you can only tell anonymous strangers about it and not the most important people in your life. What are you talking about? Is this harangue meant to belittle me for not telling my parents everything about my life? You've got to be kidding. You are a bad reader and a maniacal extrapolator. I have a great deal of understanding for the OP's position. I do NOT think it's wrong to choose not to date a stripper. I posted here to give him the chance to know that there are indeed some women who are not "bad" doing that type of work. It's up to him to decide whether or not it can be okay for him. You see the problem with your reasoning and the many similar threads in this vein, esp. the "retroactive jealousy" threads, is the notion that people can "erase" what they did in the past, that it doesn't matter, that it has no influence on who they are today, that it provides no indicators of how they might behave in the future. And that anyone getting into a new relationship has no entitlement to this information because "it doesn't matter." You are either a jokester or profoundly clueless. I am over 50 years old. I used to be a stripper. I also am a "recovering" drug addict, which I am not "proud" of, nor ashamed; it was a terrible time of life and I was a mess. I was lucky to be able to turn that around. I'm also a college graduate with several great accomplishments under my belt. My partner knows about my past and he loves me. My daughter knows. My siblings know. Unfortunately, my parents found out more than I wish they had, just for the sake of their own peace of mind. Those parts of my past certainly contributed to making me the person I am today. Some of the most negative parts I am able to use to help others now, and I do. When I was single, I would not have entered into a serious relationship with a man who was not able to accept all the realities about me. I do the same for him. Like I said, if you really feel this way, then maybe you should encourage your daughter to follow in your footsteps when she's old enough. It's called "putting your money where your mouth is." She is old enough, she's 23. I'm not about encouraging my daughter to do any particular job, though. I encourage her to strive to reach her fullest potential in life, to be a person of her word, to be a good friend. I have shared with her my mistakes in the hopes that she might not need to make the same ones. If she worked as a stripper and was able to maintain her personal integrity, that would be up to her. TO THE OP: Sorry this all got sidetracked into a debate. I did really want to let you know that not all strippers are "loose." FYI my drug problem was not connected in any way to the stripping job. If you really have feelings and a connection with this girl I hope that you will be able to have open communication with her about this; let her know your insecurities and doubts, and at the same time vigilantly maintain your own boundaries so you don't let it drive you nuts. That is, if you have chosen to give it a go. Best to you.
JustJoe Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 My definition of promiscuity matches the one in the dictionary. I believe I made it clear that I DID enjoy it. Troggleputty, uh, I mean InceptorsRule, I don't hide things from my partner. I also don't reveal every detail about my life to people I am just getting to know. No, like I've said. What are you talking about? Is this harangue meant to belittle me for not telling my parents everything about my life? You've got to be kidding. You are a bad reader and a maniacal extrapolator. I have a great deal of understanding for the OP's position. I do NOT think it's wrong to choose not to date a stripper. I posted here to give him the chance to know that there are indeed some women who are not "bad" doing that type of work. It's up to him to decide whether or not it can be okay for him. You are either a jokester or profoundly clueless. I am over 50 years old. I used to be a stripper. I also am a "recovering" drug addict, which I am not "proud" of, nor ashamed; it was a terrible time of life and I was a mess. I was lucky to be able to turn that around. I'm also a college graduate with several great accomplishments under my belt. My partner knows about my past and he loves me. My daughter knows. My siblings know. Unfortunately, my parents found out more than I wish they had, just for the sake of their own peace of mind. Those parts of my past certainly contributed to making me the person I am today. Some of the most negative parts I am able to use to help others now, and I do. When I was single, I would not have entered into a serious relationship with a man who was not able to accept all the realities about me. I do the same for him. She is old enough, she's 23. I'm not about encouraging my daughter to do any particular job, though. I encourage her to strive to reach her fullest potential in life, to be a person of her word, to be a good friend. I have shared with her my mistakes in the hopes that she might not need to make the same ones. If she worked as a stripper and was able to maintain her personal integrity, that would be up to her. TO THE OP: Sorry this all got sidetracked into a debate. I did really want to let you know that not all strippers are "loose." FYI my drug problem was not connected in any way to the stripping job. If you really have feelings and a connection with this girl I hope that you will be able to have open communication with her about this; let her know your insecurities and doubts, and at the same time vigilantly maintain your own boundaries so you don't let it drive you nuts. That is, if you have chosen to give it a go. Best to you.Very good post, Chaucer. In my case the one lie was one too many. She immediately apologized, offered to quit, and swore it would never happen again, but the boundary had been crossed. She attempted to reconnect for a year or so, and graduated not long after. She was not immoral or "loose", but WAS a liar. Red Flag.
lab_brat Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 re - lapdances - yes, you are mistaken, In Qld, there is no touching, so yeah, basically you hover. You actually needed to stay high enough so that it didnt even look like you might be grinding against them, because you could get fined and presumably fired. The industry is highly regulated here - And yes, it requires fantastic leg strength. Pole work, real pole dancing, also requires amazing flexibility, strong core muscles (have you ever tried to climb up a fireman's pole gracefully?) - It's why a lot of women come into it from dancing backgrounds; real pole dancing / stripping isn't about swinging around a pole drunk, rubbing up against men and dropping your clothes, its incredibly hard work physically to do it and to make it look easy and graceful. Regarding bar admittance - i didnt graduate, dropped out of law school my second year (nothing to do with stripping btw), switched to Science, got a BA in Science, a BA in secondary ed and currently working on a Masters in Science and teaching Science. So, its not on the resume. But regardless, the bar is a legal association - not a moral one - and discrimination against an applicant for a prior job that doesn't contravene any laws is kinda illegal.
InceptorsRule Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Very good post, Chaucer. In my case the one lie was one too many. She immediately apologized, offered to quit, and swore it would never happen again, but the boundary had been crossed. She attempted to reconnect for a year or so, and graduated not long after. She was not immoral or "loose", but WAS a liar. Red Flag.[/QUOTe] All strippers are liars. It's part of the job.
InceptorsRule Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 If she worked as a stripper and was able to maintain her personal integrity, that would be up to her. "Personal integrity" is not part of a stripper's job description. Why would you impose a requirement of "personal integrity" on someone who chose stripping as a vocation?
InceptorsRule Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I also am a "recovering" drug addict, which I am not "proud" of, nor ashamed; it was a terrible time of life and I was a mess. How long will it take until you have completed your recovery?
InceptorsRule Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 re - lapdances - yes, you are mistaken, In Qld, there is no touching, so yeah, basically you hover. You actually needed to stay high enough so that it didnt even look like you might be grinding against them, because you could get fined and presumably fired. The industry is highly regulated here - And yes, it requires fantastic leg strength. Pole work, real pole dancing, also requires amazing flexibility, strong core muscles (have you ever tried to climb up a fireman's pole gracefully?) - It's why a lot of women come into it from dancing backgrounds; real pole dancing / stripping isn't about swinging around a pole drunk, rubbing up against men and dropping your clothes, its incredibly hard work physically to do it and to make it look easy and graceful. Regarding bar admittance - i didnt graduate, dropped out of law school my second year (nothing to do with stripping btw), switched to Science, got a BA in Science, a BA in secondary ed and currently working on a Masters in Science and teaching Science. So, its not on the resume. But regardless, the bar is a legal association - not a moral one - and discrimination against an applicant for a prior job that doesn't contravene any laws is kinda illegal. If this is correct then your personal experience is completely irrelevant to the OP's situation. His gf is a STRIPPER. She TAKES HER CLOTHES OFF in order to SEXUALLY STIMULATE STRANGE MEN for MONEY. You DID NOT do this.
Author Sivok Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Well, I went to see her perform. To my surprise, I didn't feel much jealousy at all. Not gonna lie, it felt good walking out of that club with her under my arms when everyone else could only watch. I might just ride this out. Who she is and what she does are two different things... Here's hoping it stays that way. Yeah, I'm hopeless.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I'm happy to hear that. Be true to yourself, follow your heart with your eyes open. All the best to you.
Author Sivok Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 I shouldn't have given her the benefit of the doubt. I found out she got into cocaine- I broke up with her immediately. A check off the bucket list, and something I'll never do again. Word of advice - Never date a modern stripper, as I recalled the infamous reputation first hand. Should've listened to alot of you guys, but alas, false hope is a killer.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I'm sorry - but seems like you got out of it intact, and you won't have to wonder "what if". You gave a fair try. Looks like she is going to be having some troubles with her University studies, if she keeps this up. Better luck with your next prospective girlfriend.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Wow cocaine. I'm sorry. It's a good thing you broke up with her... Dont date no crackheads.
MrNate Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Yeah..it's about time to go.. I'm glad you insta-LAUNCHED!
Author Sivok Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 Yeah. I'm at peace with the decision and feel like a large degree of stress/drama has been lifted off my shoulders. Now just for that pang of disappointment to leave. You think you know someone, and they go all cokehead stripper on your ass
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 there's no nudity and no physical contact at all OK, just what about this qualifies you as "dating a stripper"???
Author Sivok Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 So before officially breaking it off with her, something happened and I called her 'gay best friend' to see if he has been able to contact her. She was sleeping at his place. He then informed me they've been together as bf/gf for the past 4 months. I fill him in on the situation, and we both dump her officially the next morning. We had a text exchange (her and I), and she was going on saying things like 'you'll regret this' - as if everything that happened was my fault instead of her own. At the end of the conversation, I lost it and closed with a very low comment - 'That's Right. Who am I to lecture a coked up stripping whore?'. No response back. I hear later from her ex bf that she tried to OD on her meds and was admitted to the hospital. Why do I feel so guilty and horrible about this whole thing? Am I just being a sap? Ugh. I feel bad for her and still care about her, sadly enough, but I know better than to try and check on how she's doing at this point. I need to just leave it behind me...
BS76 Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 So the GF transferred from a community college to a university recently, but she can't afford it. As such, she chose to strip. Tried to convince her against it, but no go. Honestly, I don't care that much interms of jealousy however at the same time I don't want to get ****ed over down the road. The club isn't a full on strip club, there's no nudity and no physical contact at all with the girls. Anyway, my gut is telling me to pull out. Does anyone here have experience dating a stripper, and give me insight on how that turned out interms of worrying about what she's up to and if it's even possible to have a secure relationship with her? It comes down to standards and expectations of behavior. Have you explained where you stand? Also, you need to articulate what happens if she fails to meet them. It's not about making ultimatums though, it's about not being a pushover and simply having standards in terms of female behavior, something guys are horrible at these days--especially when younger and even more so when dealing with attractive women. **EDIT** Just saw some more posts in this thread and yeah, she's cheating. **EDIT2** Just saw the last post above mine, wow dude.
irc333 Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Yeah, it's probably fun to have the fantasy of dating an exotic dancer, but the reality of the situation is there's just something about them that is a little off. I knew of a nurse that did that kind of thing, BUT she STILL acted like a stripper, she referred to herself as "Naughty Nurse" by screen name on sites, and posted "naughty photos" of herself on her myspace page. So she was still an attention seeker with issues. She might as well have been a topless dancer with a nursing job. I have a friend that has dated a lot of strippers, it all starts out ok, and it really does depend on the girl. For most girls, its just work, but.....some girls turn to drugs, and do "extras" for more money... it could go either way, but it does really depend on the girl in the end. But from the sound of it, your gf isn't even really working at a regular strip club, she's not even getting naked or doing lap dances, or anything like that - hmmm, i honestly don't even know what kinds of "strip clubs" those are. You know her better than we do, if you think it'll just be work for her and she's not gonna get sucked into the drugs and the extras, then see how it goes..
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 She might as well have been a topless dancer with a nursing job. Yeah, a topless dancer who wasn't topless and who wasn't nursing either.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Wrong! I was and am a self respecting person, and I did work as a stripper. It was quite an adventure! Some people might say that no self respecting person, or a person who cared about the environment and the state of humans' health, would work at MacDonalds. I'm not one of them. There are some professions that I think are ethically wrong (hitmen, ambulance chasing lawyers) but generally I think a persons' job is up to them. If their SO doesn't like it, that can cause problems. Mad Max, you are entitled to your own moral judgements but that does not make them absolute. The absolute fact is that your allowing men to objectify you as a sex object, and your taking money to do so. So, you can see yourself as Martha Stewart when you up gyrating on that pole... but that doesn't make it true. Bottom line is that your selling yourself in a way that you don't with other jobs. How the guys your dancing for perceive you DOES matter.
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