My girlfriend's now a stripper...

[Gallaxia]

See in the US, the stripping industry has the potential to be a very dangerous place. It ranges from classy to seediest of seedy and dangerous.

[lilbunny]

See in the US, the stripping industry has the potential to be a very dangerous place. It ranges from classy to seediest of seedy and dangerous.

 

I think there is that side to it here, to an extent. A lot of strippers are booked in normal pubs and clubs for the evening and they sell tickets. There are places you can go to, but I get the impression the bouncers are pretty strict.

 

I don't want to veer wildly off topic, but it has just struck me how sad it is that a bright young woman has to strip to afford a university education. I hope the priviledged amongst us can appreciate that. Sorry, rant over.

[Mr Orange]

I don't see a problem dating a stripper, but I have to say, dating a stripper and having her stop eventually sounds much better than starting to date a 'civilian' girl and then have her turn to stripping. I would feel ripped off .

Edited September 6, 2010 by Mr Orange

[Sivok]

I don't want to veer wildly off topic, but it has just struck me how sad it is that a bright young woman has to strip to afford a university education. I hope the priviledged amongst us can appreciate that. Sorry, rant over.

Those are the same sentiments I share, bunny. I tried so hard to convince her otherwise but it's even painful for me to admit that yeah, for her to afford this university coming from a poor family, she needs a drastic flow of income.

 

I had the opportunity to have a 30 minute conversation with a stripper whose been in the business for 7 years. She told me she's been in a relationship for 6. I asked her how she felt it's changed her perspective on men and relationships, and if loyalty has ever been a problem.

 

She told me working as a stripper caused her to become morbidly disgusted with men. She had stories of men trying to solicit sex with her from christmas money he received from his wife and kids, men who said they don't find their gf/wife attractive and need the stimulation to even remotely act sexually interested in their SO, etc. She also said it's almost impossible to flatter her anymore, as she gets 1000 'you're beautiful's each night.

[Star Gazer]

When I was a 1L, there was a gal in my section who left every Friday afternoon to fly from LAX to Vegas to "work" for the weekend, and would return Monday morning. She paid her entire tuition and living expenses that way - weekends only.

 

Those are the same sentiments I share, bunny. I tried so hard to convince her otherwise but it's even painful for me to admit that yeah, for her to afford this university coming from a poor family, she needs a drastic flow of income.

 

I went to a very expensive private law school and came from a very poor family, and managed to pay for it without stripping. Just sayin'.

 

The only stripping my SO better be doing better be for my eyes only...

[Sivok]

I went to a very expensive private law school and came from a very poor family, and managed to pay for it without stripping. Just sayin'.

 

You know, Star. I like this girl alot. I definitely feel the potential that one day i could really fall for her, and that very truly scares me right now. I'm so disarmed as I have never been in this situation before. Ever. Part of me is trying to come up with the rationale to mentally accept what she's doing... I never thought about what it would be like dating a stripper. I'm not jealous, but it's something that's so far out there I never took even a minute to think about it.

 

I never saw this coming from her. She's the first girl I've dated that has great looks and a great mind. She has a 3.8 GPA and is by far the most booksmart and to an extent socially smart woman i've been with - that's what really got me interested in her. Ugh. I really don't know what to do. I think I'm just going to feel it out for the next two weeks and if it's something I really cannot see myself adjusting to, I'm just going to have to call it quits

[robdrm32]

You are playing the odds with this one bud.

 

Sure not ALL strippers sleep around and do drugs and all that, but how do you know you have one of the good ones?

 

So she is booksmart, that doesn't mean someone has a moral compass.

 

And of course she would be socially smart, she's a stripper it comes with the territory. If you don't learn to chat someone up and make them feel cozy you won't make much money.

 

Strippers have a reputation for a reason i say, you aren't too far in just let it go.

[sb129]

This is the same logical fallacy I pointed out in response to Mme. Chaucer's post. On the one hand you are stating there are issues in your past which "don't matter" = "irrelevant." This is simply another way of saying that, were you to disclose these facts/issues/past "stuff," they would have absolutely no influence on your current relationship. But on the other hand, you have a solemn agreement NOT to disclose this past stuff. Which means you do know, or fear, that disclosure would have an influence on your current relationship. It might be a very subtle influence, such as perhaps your feeling that your standing in your partner's eyes might be diminished.

 

Uh, no.

 

It happened like this- one day we were talking about things and the subject ended up turning to previous sexual history.

I don't really want to know the details of my Hs previous sexual history and he wasn't that keen to hear mine.

 

What would be the point of continuing that conversation? (Pray tell me if you think it would be positive, would love to hear your twisted analysis of that one)

We agreed then and there that there wasn't much point continuing the conversation.

 

No "secrets", no shame, just a mutual agreement that there was NOTHING TO BE GAINED from having it.

You and your partner apparently have so many secrets from each other that you actually had to make an agreement not to discuss each other's pasts. That's completely counterproductive from the standpoint of establishing the highest level of emotional intimacy between yourselves.

 

Oh really? I didn't ever say we had any 'secrets' from eachother. I said we agreed not to talk about certain topics in detail. Big difference.

 

I assume being an OW is one of the "secrets" of your sexual past that you've never told your h about? And it's made you who you are, but it's not relevant to your current relationship with your h?

 

You assumed wrong. He knows everything about that, as that WAS relevant to our relationship seeing as we met not long after said affair ended.

 

Sorry to disappoint you.

 

I'll bet if you actually sat down with your h and told him in the past you'd been an OW he would appreciate your honesty, would respect you more not less for having the courage to tell him, and it would actually improve the intimacy of your relationship.

 

Of course you have to get over your own shame over your "irrelevant"/"doesn't matter" past in order to do something like that

 

Thanks for your concern. I will bring it up over dinner tonight.

 

Nice 'analysis' by the way. I write three lines and apparently you now know my marriage better than I do!

 

Thats some talent you've got there.

[Star Gazer]

Heart you, SB.

[Sivok]

 

Sure not ALL strippers sleep around and do drugs and all that, but how do you know you have one of the good ones?

I have the two months pre-profession to go off of, that's what's causing the conflict here

[Gallaxia]

I have the two months pre-profession to go off of, that's what's causing the conflict here

 

 

Sure pre-profession. But it's what potentially what could happen after being submersed into the culture- is where the concern lies. How strong a will, will she have? I'd imagine the temptations are much greater. Are you willing to ride along for that? And even if you're not, what kind of journey in the relationship would it be (for you) where you're constantly wondering/looking/checking to see if it will turn to that? Not a healthy one.

[Sivok]

Sure pre-profession. But it's what potentially what could happen after being submersed into the culture- is where the concern lies. How strong a will, will she have? I'd imagine the temptations are much greater. Are you willing to ride along for that? And even if you're not, what kind of journey in the relationship would it be (for you) where you're constantly wondering/looking/checking to see if it will turn to that? Not a healthy one.

Yeah.. You're right Gallaxia. This really wasn't what I signed up for. Ugh, what a waste of time. A check off the bucket list, I guess? I just need to man up and override these emotions I have for her... Sigh

[Star Gazer]

I have the two months pre-profession to go off of, that's what's causing the conflict here

 

I must have missed this. What's "pre-profession"? When she's tanning and getting waxed and learning how to use the pole??

[Sivok]

No, the two months I dated her before she became a stripper. She wasn't one before 9/4/10 heh

[Star Gazer]

No, the two months I dated her before she became a stripper. She wasn't one before 9/4/10 heh

 

Ohhh... duh.

[lab_brat]

If you were single at the time then you don't have to answer to anyone except yourself. So, in addition to stripping, you could have also been banging a different guy every night, why not? You weren't in a relationship.

 

You don't regret it and you wouldn't change it? So I guess you tell all your new bfs about your proud history of being a stripper on the first date? You've told your parents/siblings/close friends/relatives about it? It's posted on your Facebook? You can't wait to have kids to tell them about when you were a stripper? You proudly put your work history as a stripper on your law school/bar applications as well as your resume when you went job hunting for a legal job?

 

So please tell us how those law firms reacted when they saw that you paid for law school by being a stripper on your resume.

 

Y'know theres a real difference between open-minded discussion, question or debate, and a post that is sarcastic, denigrating and makes unsubstantiated assumptions.

 

 

Why would i 'bang' a different guy every night? I have self-respect, so that would never be a consideration regardless of whether i was single or in a relationship. FYI I've never cheated on anyone or with anyone, been with more than one guy at a time or right after one another, done any drugs or broken any laws, for my age i believe i've slept with less people than the average.

 

When i was 16, i worked at hungry jacks (burger king) for a year and a half. I don't regret it, i wouldn't change it. I don't tell every boy i meet about working at burger king on my first date, (sexy a subject as that is). Most of my past bfs have known about the dancing, though its come up organically, as with other job/life experiences.

 

I don't date people that would judge me for a perfectly legal, logical job choice i made for 6 months a decade ago.

The friends i have, the people i date, judge others on the content of their character, not their own narrow minded biases and prejudices.

 

(To clarify, as it seems clubs are different in the US - It wasn't a fully nude club - just to a thong, yes there were lapdances but no body contact, no touching, no grinding, which meant if you tried to grab my ass someone would break your face).

 

And no, it isn't on my resume. Neither is burger king, because, stunningly, neither of those jobs have any relevance to my current field of work. If they did, then sure i would.

 

Siblings - yes, my sisters both know - no, my brother doesn't. My brother also doesnt know i had a drunken lesbian experience in college... because i'm ashamed? No - because some things brothers don't want or need to know. It's about privacy and not causing unnecessary trauma for big bro.

 

And yeah, my close friends know, I'd tell anyone that asked. S Pole (clothed Pole dancing for fun and fitness) classes are really popular in my area at present, i've filled in for an instructor friend before so a lot of people i know have found out like that.

[InceptorsRule]

Nice 'analysis' by the way. I write three lines and apparently you now know my marriage better than I do!

 

Please feel free to provide all the details if you think they would be helpful.

[InceptorsRule]

Y'know theres a real difference between open-minded discussion, question or debate, and a post that is sarcastic, denigrating and makes unsubstantiated assumptions.

 

Yes, there is.

 

 

 

Why would i 'bang' a different guy every night?

 

I don't know. Who suggested that you did?

 

 

 

I have self-respect, so that would never be a consideration regardless of whether i was single or in a relationship.

 

Why do you feel that having a lot of sex partners is equivalent to lacking self-respect?

 

 

 

FYI I've never cheated on anyone or with anyone, been with more than one guy at a time or right after one another, done any drugs or broken any laws, for my age i believe i've slept with less people than the average.

 

So? What does any of this have to do with OP's concerns about his gf deciding to become a stripper?

 

 

 

When i was 16, i worked at hungry jacks (burger king) for a year and a half. I don't regret it, i wouldn't change it. I don't tell every boy i meet about working at burger king on my first date, (sexy a subject as that is). Most of my past bfs have known about the dancing, though its come up organically, as with other job/life experiences.

 

"Dancing"? I thought we were talking about stripping?

 

 

 

 

I don't date people that would judge me for a perfectly legal, logical job choice i made for 6 months a decade ago.

 

Why not? If it happened ten years ago, why do you still care what anyone else even thinks about it?

 

 

The friends i have, the people i date, judge others on the content of their character, not their own narrow minded biases and prejudices.

 

Well good luck actually finding a group of people to socialize with who agree with you about everything.

 

 

 

(To clarify, as it seems clubs are different in the US - It wasn't a fully nude club - just to a thong, yes there were lapdances but no body contact, no touching, no grinding, which meant if you tried to grab my ass someone would break your face).

 

"Lap" dances? OK now I know what you meant by saying you did "dancing." (I'm not sure what a lapdance actually is since I've never had one; but isn't it where the woman grinds her tushy in the man's/customer's lap/crotch to give him a sexual thrill? If I'm mistaken please clarify.)

 

How do you sit in someone's lap with no touching or grinding? Do you just sort of hold onto the arms of his chair and "hover" over him or something? That sounds pretty tiring actually, you must have been in great shape.

 

 

 

And no, it isn't on my resume. Neither is burger king, because, stunningly, neither of those jobs have any relevance to my current field of work. If they did, then sure i would.

 

Burger King? You think being a dancer/stripper/lapdancer is equivalent to working at Burger King? Interesting perspective.

 

As far as whether or not you put it on your resume, that's your decision of course. How about on your application for your state bar? Aren't you supposed to put EVERY job, no matter how trivial? Don't you have to get interviewed by the character and fitness committee or something like that?

 

Not that they would necessarily care one way or the other. I'm just curious what the bar exam people said when they saw "lapdancer" on your application.

 

 

 

Siblings - yes, my sisters both know - no, my brother doesn't.

 

It's been said that any two people can keep a secret, as long as one of them is dead. Both your sisters know, but you believe your brother doesn't? By the way what is the point of telling both sisters but not your brother?

 

 

My brother also doesnt know i had a drunken lesbian experience in college... because i'm ashamed? No - because some things brothers don't want or need to know. It's about privacy and not causing unnecessary trauma for big bro.

 

Wow you keep a lot of secrets from your brother don't you? But like you said it's not because you're ashamed, it's for his own good. Yeah I get that completely.

 

 

 

And yeah, my close friends know, I'd tell anyone that asked. S Pole (clothed Pole dancing for fun and fitness) classes are really popular in my area at present, i've filled in for an instructor friend before so a lot of people i know have found out like that.

 

Wait a second you said this was for six months ten years ago, now it turns out you've actually been giving lessons. LOL. Good show. Hope your bro never finds out.

[D-Lish]

If you're in school and need money that bad, there's no other job to take? McDonald's? Home Depot? Something in retail? No self-respecting person would work as a stripper. I wouldn't even want to work as a stripper.

 

Minimum wage vs 500+ bucks a shift?

That might be a motivating factor.

[Rxwoman]

Like Tiger Cub said, it depends.

Personally I think it's just a job, and if you have the attributes for it, go ahead.

But is your girl friend grounded? Or is she the type to be easily swayed by her environment, or those around her? that's the problem with stripping, dancing, modeling, or even the entertainment industry in general, is the opportunity and tempation to get caught up in drinking and drugging.

I'd say if she is the grounded, focused type who knows what she wants, and who she is, let her make the money.

[InceptorsRule]

Minimum wage vs 500+ bucks a shift?

That might be a motivating factor.

 

Of course the money is the motivating factor, or one would hope so, anyway.

 

But none of the fine ladies advocating stripping as having no impact on relationships is going so far as to state they did it for the money and only the money, with acceptance of the collateral consequences of that type of decision.

 

There are many choices each of us have to make in our lives that represent imperfect compromises. But let's not pretend we're not compromising, shall we?

 

I want to buy the $1,500 computer but unfortunately only have enough money for the $500 cut rate model. OK I accept the reality of money or not having enough of it.

 

But does that mean I should proclaim my $500 computer as the equivalent, or "just as good", as the $1,500 model, and take offense at anyone who questions my judgment in having chosen such a compromise, for financial reasons?

 

I think not.

[JustJoe]

Sivok, establish the boundaries, stick to them, and see where it goes. Simple. I dated a girl, in college, who became a stripper, after we had gone together for 6 months or so. I wasn't thrilled about it at first, but the money was great, and she had minimal contact with the "patrons". I set the boundaries: at the first evasion, lie, or secret, it would be over between us. Things went well for a few months, anytime I felt insecure I would go to the club and see for myself. She always came home right after the club closed for the night, she never had contact with the other girls after work, and was never alone with anyone (to my knowledge). After about 3 months, she called and said that she had to work for another girl , who was out sick. I thought nothing about it until I happened to run into a guy I knew, who was at the club that night and he said that my GF didn't perform that night as she told me. I confronted her and it turned out that she got talked into doing a "private", show for some businessmen, by one of the other girls, for about $ 1,000.00. I kept my promise.

[InceptorsRule]

Sivok, establish the boundaries, stick to them, and see where it goes. Simple. I dated a girl, in college, who became a stripper, after we had gone together for 6 months or so. I wasn't thrilled about it at first, but the money was great, and she had minimal contact with the "patrons". I set the boundaries: at the first evasion, lie, or secret, it would be over between us. Things went well for a few months, anytime I felt insecure I would go to the club and see for myself. She always came home right after the club closed for the night, she never had contact with the other girls after work, and was never alone with anyone (to my knowledge). After about 3 months, she called and said that she had to work for another girl , who was out sick. I thought nothing about it until I happened to run into a guy I knew, who was at the club that night and he said that my GF didn't perform that night as she told me. I confronted her and it turned out that she got talked into doing a "private", show for some businessmen, by one of the other girls, for about $ 1,000.00. I kept my promise.

 

 

This anecdote ties into the whole problem that a person whose SO works in the adult diversion field confronts. It's not just about the money or the temptation, it's about what kind of internal attitude or psychological motivation the stripper has for stripping in the first place.

 

 

If it's simply about the money then stripping would seem to be a logical choice for any woman who looks hot enough to get a job doing it. But undoubtedly there are some very hot women who could get stripper jobs if they wanted and most likely earn much more money than whatever there "straight" job pays, yet for some reason these women choose not to strip.

 

It seems to me that like with any other job, the people who are most successful at it tend to enjoy their work. In the case of a stripper, this would imply that in addition to the monetary rewards, they would have to receive considerable psychic validation from knowing that their bodies are exciting to numerous members of the opposite sex.

 

So far in this thread we've heard from several former strippers defending it as a job choice and not one of these defenders have claimed that they didn't find it personally enjoyable as well as financially rewarding.

 

So as a potential SO to a stripper, one would have to decide whether the notion that the gf/stripper is not only taking her clothes off for strange men on a nightly basis, for pay, but enjoying it, is something that one could live with on a long term basis.

[taiko]

This anecdote ties into the whole problem that a person whose SO works in the adult diversion field confronts. It's not just about the money or the temptation, it's about what kind of internal attitude or psychological motivation the stripper has for stripping in the first place.

 

 

If it's simply about the money then stripping would seem to be a logical choice for any woman who looks hot enough to get a job doing it. But undoubtedly there are some very hot women who could get stripper jobs if they wanted and most likely earn much more money than whatever there "straight" job pays, yet for some reason these women choose not to strip.

 

It seems to me that like with any other job, the people who are most successful at it tend to enjoy their work. In the case of a stripper, this would imply that in addition to the monetary rewards, they would have to receive considerable psychic validation from knowing that their bodies are exciting to numerous members of the opposite sex.

 

So far in this thread we've heard from several former strippers defending it as a job choice and not one of these defenders have claimed that they didn't find it personally enjoyable as well as financially rewarding.

 

on a long term basis.

 

And if it were a logical choice then market forces would insure nobody is getting $500 a shift just to get the door/cover charge from the patrons. Unless they are selling lap time or charming marked up drink prices that is. The dance behind the rail only girl is a glorified extra

[meerkat stew]

Wanted to add that it doesn't take "enjoyment" of the work to make more money doing this, just the propensity to do any work at all. When I've been to strip bars, most of the dancers don't work, are quite lazy actually, and many only dance when they are called to the stage. An ambitious stripper with some common sense and good work ethic could easily make 10x what one of the average lazy ones does IMO.