My girlfriend's now a stripper...

[InceptorsRule]

I stripped my first few months of law school to pay for my textbooks? I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of it and don't feel like any less of a decent person for it. i spent 10 years taking ballet and contemporary dance classes, so pole dancing was a realistic option that fitted with school hours.

 

It's a job. I was single at the time, but wasn't ever attracted to anyone i danced for. Didn't sleep with or date anyone I met there, it was just a job. Didn't drink on the job, sleep with anyone or do any drugs, and most of the women i worked with were the same.

 

I don't regret it and wouldn't change it. If you like the girl, i'd see how it goes, but if you really can't hack it its probably for the best if you back out before things get too serious.

 

 

If you were single at the time then you don't have to answer to anyone except yourself. So, in addition to stripping, you could have also been banging a different guy every night, why not? You weren't in a relationship.

 

You don't regret it and you wouldn't change it? So I guess you tell all your new bfs about your proud history of being a stripper on the first date? You've told your parents/siblings/close friends/relatives about it? It's posted on your Facebook? You can't wait to have kids to tell them about when you were a stripper? You proudly put your work history as a stripper on your law school/bar applications as well as your resume when you went job hunting for a legal job?

 

So please tell us how those law firms reacted when they saw that you paid for law school by being a stripper on your resume.

[InceptorsRule]

Hrm, it's still too early. I'm going to have to feel this out for another week or two but honestly, I'm not emotionally invested enough for it to devastate me if I broke it off. If it gets to the point where I feel she's lying through her teeth about stuff she does on the job or immediately after and I get urges to check her phone, then I'm going to end it. One of the things keeping me from doing so right away is I'm extremely attracted to her

 

Just don't wait until your penis falls off.

[taiko]

I have a male friend who works as a stripper. He goes around various pubs and clubs with his show. He works as an electrician during the day. He takes the lots off. He is a lovely guy, married with 3 kids, when the kids allow she goes with him, but actually his brother in law is now in the show anyway. He is a lovely guy, always does photos and signs pictures etc afterwards, but he doesn't go home with any of the customers. He does it because it is easy money and he usually has a good laugh along the way.

 

If he can do this as a means of giving his family a better life and not slip into some seedy underworld, is there any reason that this girl can't do this as a short term solution to cover college costs?

Unless his primary customer base is gay men then we are talking about apples and oranges on the expectations put upon the dancers to earn that money. I doubt if he pays stage fees and tips out the DJs, bouncers, floaters, club managers...... off of the tip rail money thus forcing him to perform laps to actually bring home money

[Sivok]

Just don't wait until your penis falls off.

I always wrap before i tap

[Gallaxia]

One of the things keeping me from doing so right away is I'm extremely attracted to her

 

So much so that you're choosing to ignore your gut? Achtung baby.

[InceptorsRule]

I always wrap before i tap

 

Dude if you seriously plan on being in a relationship with a stripper then IMO you should go to Costco and get a mega-giant-pack of Saran Wrap so you can wrap your entire body up.

[Sivok]

So much so that you're choosing to ignore your gut? Achtung baby.

I mean that's only a part of it, I guess my delivery was a bit assertive . If I was only dating her for a week or two then I wouldn't even consider the notion. However, after dating someone for two months, becoming close, taking the natural progressive steps on a way to a relationship (intimacy, emotional connection, knowing each other's lives, etc), it's not so cut and dry - otherwise i wouldn't have made this thread. I like her, I'm attracted to her, but I'm also being vigilant

[Mme. Chaucer]

If you were single at the time then you don't have to answer to anyone except yourself. So, in addition to stripping, you could have also been banging a different guy every night, why not? You weren't in a relationship.

 

You weren't addressing me, but I will answer for myself. I did that kind of work on and off with boyfriends and when single. Obviously, a boyfriend of mine would have to be okay with it ... or he had the wrong girlfriend.

 

As a single person, I did not ever bang a different guy every night. Why not? Because I was not ever promiscuous whether I worked as a stripper, a "classy" professional dancer or a very successful business owner. Or farmer.

 

[quote}You don't regret it and you wouldn't change it? So I guess you tell all your new bfs about your proud history of being a stripper on the first date? You've told your parents/siblings/close friends/relatives about it? It's posted on your Facebook? You can't wait to have kids to tell them about when you were a stripper? You proudly put your work history as a stripper on your law school/bar applications as well as your resume when you went job hunting for a legal job?

 

So please tell us how those law firms reacted when they saw that you paid for law school by being a stripper on your resume.

 

"InceptorsRule," now you're behaving just like you have under all your other user names. Calm down and stop being a nut. Who tells anybody all about their past on a first date? Personally, I reserve some parts of my past to talk about when there seems to be a real relationship possible.

 

Lots of us believe that what happened before a relationship can be none of your partner's business.

 

Who tells all their family members everything about their lives? No one I know. There are a lot of things more embarrassing (or "shameful," if you'd like) than working at a strip club. There are a LOT of things I never chose to tell my parents, NOT only stuff that they would not approve of. I post little to nothing about personal stuff on FB.

 

Of course you know this and you were just being an asshat, but usually people don't put jobs that have no bearing and offer no enhancement to a job for which they're applying on their resume.

 

I will say that I introduced that part of my life to my daughter with care, not because of "shame" or "pride" but because I wanted her to understand the social ramifications (judgements of folks like yourself).

 

Another poster wrote about stripping today absolutely including nudity and/or lap dances, and I know this is true. I'm not a fan. There is, however, a resurgence of old-style burlesque and I LOVE it. If I were not old and a half, I would be in my glory. And I'm happy for the young people who get to express their theatrical creativity this way if they like to. It's cool.

[Green]

I would never date a stripper, hooker, porn actress and a whole host of other jobs which sell sex.

 

Perosnaly I just don't like the idea of dating some one that any guy can get sexual pleasure from. She might as well be giving lap dances because thats what next.

[Gallaxia]

Sivok, I understand. You're right, it's not so cut & dry.

 

I worry too much about people. It's my thing. I'm concerned and just want you to be careful and guard yourself going into this, as you already see something you don't necessarily agree with that could potentially have a bad outcome.

[sb129]

I agree that sometimes your past is your past and thats where it belongs.

 

My H and I have an agreement that we don't share intimate details of our sexual history, because it doesn't matter anymore.

 

I have been an OW and done a few other things I am less than proud of, but its made me who I am.

[WalkingtheAbyss]

I cant believe how narrow minded r shallow some of you can be. I cant speak for US clubs but over here its either topless or full nude. At no time is contact allowed so its purely visual titilation so to speak. No real difference to watching porn other than the later will allow you to play with your cock at the same time.

 

Yeah, so she's showing her girly bits off, big deal, so long as they are saved for the boyfriend to play with what does it matter.

[MrNate]

The more important question is: Why are there no jobs available for guys like this? And if there are it always has to deal with going the gay route...lame.

 

Man, I wish I could work for 30 min, and make in one night what some people make over weeks.

 

It's rough out there for a lad.

[taiko]

The more important question is: Why are there no jobs available for guys like this? And if there are it always has to deal with going the gay route...lame.

 

Man, I wish I could work for 30 min, and make in one night what some people make over weeks.

 

It's rough out there for a lad.

 

There are those jobs, we call them professional fighters. At the club level, think Rocky before Apollo Creed. They make that better then Mc Donalds money for minutes of putting their body on the line.

[Mad Max]

OP, just for your sake, trust your instincts. Instincts are usually correct. If you have a gut feeling about something, odds are you're right.

[lilbunny]

The more important question is: Why are there no jobs available for guys like this? And if there are it always has to deal with going the gay route...lame.

 

Man, I wish I could work for 30 min, and make in one night what some people make over weeks.

 

It's rough out there for a lad.

 

See my previous post and get yourself to the UK, I'll see what I can do!

[Feelin Frisky]

I have a male friend who works as a stripper. He goes around various pubs and clubs with his show. He works as an electrician during the day. He takes the lots off. He is a lovely guy, married with 3 kids, when the kids allow she goes with him, but actually his brother in law is now in the show anyway. He is a lovely guy, always does photos and signs pictures etc afterwards, but he doesn't go home with any of the customers. He does it because it is easy money and he usually has a good laugh along the way.

 

If he can do this as a means of giving his family a better life and not slip into some seedy underworld, is there any reason that this girl can't do this as a short term solution to cover college costs?

 

There would be quite a margin for difference between a young unworldly c_ck teaser and a married w/ 3 kids c_nt teaser. Nay?

[Gallaxia]

There would be quite a margin for difference between a young unworldly c_ck teaser and a married w/ 3 kids c_nt teaser. Nay?

 

 

:laugh:

[MrNate]

There are those jobs, we call them professional fighters. At the club level, think Rocky before Apollo Creed. They make that better then Mc Donalds money for minutes of putting their body on the line.

 

Why so drastic? I just wanna show a little leg, and make some serious dough.

[lilbunny]

There would be quite a margin for difference between a young unworldly c_ck teaser and a married w/ 3 kids c_nt teaser. Nay?

 

To be fair the lad I in question had 2 of his kids by the time he was 19. How do you know she is unworldly? Life and not age is what makes you grow up. She is obviously bright and knows her own mind. The point is, it is just a job if you treat it as such and since she is concerned about her education then that implies it is only a short term fix for a financial problem.

It isn't a job I've ever done, I've never needed or wanted to. It just doesn't seem that huge a leap from going topless on the beach and women do that for free every day.

[InceptorsRule]

You weren't addressing me, but I will answer for myself.

 

 

By all means chip in your 2 cents. I'm curious about the mentality of any person who's stripped for a living. It's certainly relevant to OP's post, so go right ahead.

 

 

I did that kind of work on and off with boyfriends and when single. Obviously, a boyfriend of mine would have to be okay with it ... or he had the wrong girlfriend.

 

So, I guess your position on relationships is that you do whatever you please and if the other person has some objection to it, their feelings are not worthy of your consideration? It's take it or leave it?

 

I always thought people in serious relationships were supposed to try to take account of their partner's feelings. Guess we will just have to disagree on this point.

 

 

 

 

As a single person, I did not ever bang a different guy every night. Why not? Because I was not ever promiscuous whether I worked as a stripper, a "classy" professional dancer or a very successful business owner. Or farmer.

 

I guess you have trouble understanding the point. I didn't imply strippers bang a different person every night. What I said was if you're single, whether you are a stripper or not, you're at liberty to bang a different guy every night, without regard for your partner's feelings, because there is no partner.

 

By the way I don't know what your definition of "promiscuous" is but it certainly IMO includes stripping. Displaying one's body for the sexual gratification of other persons is clearly activity of a sexual nature, and therefore well within a plausible definition of the term, "promiscuous." Stripping is inherently sexual activity. The fact that the stripper may receive only financial gratification, and not personal sexual gratification, does not change the fact that the activity engaged in is inherently sexual in nature.

 

In actual fact I'm sure it's more complex than that. Women who view stripping as a plausible mode of employment or use of their time undoubtedly receive some psychic or emotional gratification, an ego boost, from their knowledge that their engagement in that activity is sexually excitement to a lot of different men. IOW they enjoy their work. If they didn't enjoy their work, they wouldn't do it, and they would have no problem saying "tried it, didn't like it." I assume since you opine that stripping is/was a perfectly plausible/acceptable activity from your POV you must have enjoyed it to some extent.

 

 

 

 

"InceptorsRule," now you're behaving just like you have under all your other user names. Calm down and stop being a nut. Who tells anybody all about their past on a first date? Personally, I reserve some parts of my past to talk about when there seems to be a real relationship possible.

 

You can reserve whatever you want. Stop calling names. The other stripper/law student that I was directing my prior post claimed to be unashamed/proud of her past as a stripper. If that's true, then she would have put it on her resume. If it's something that one needs to conceal then that's not pride, that's shame.

 

 

Lots of us believe that what happened before a relationship can be none of your partner's business.

 

How convenient. You can hide whatever you want from a partner, or try to. But that's not pride, that's shame.

 

 

 

Who tells all their family members everything about their lives? No one I know. There are a lot of things more embarrassing (or "shameful," if you'd like) than working at a strip club.

 

OK so now you've just admitted that you are somewhat ashamed of having stripped? Yes or no? There may be many more things that are more shameful and we can discuss those things, but THIS THREAD's topic is about OP's gf's decision to be a stripper, which is WHY we're talking about stripping.

 

I have no idea if stripping is or is not "shameful." That's an individual opinion. However what it clearly is IMO is a huge red flag. Stripping is an overtly sexualized activity and all the dancing and rationalizing you want to do won't change it.

 

If people can come on LS extremely worried about their partner's excessive use of porn, why on earth would you think someone wrong to be concerned about their partner's stripping naked for strangers on a nightly basis? How can you not understand that both types of activities are related in that they involve engaging in sexualized activity with someone other than one's partner?

 

 

 

There are a LOT of things I never chose to tell my parents, NOT only stuff that they would not approve of. I post little to nothing about personal stuff on FB.

 

 

And obviously the things you choose to conceal are the things you are not proud of for doing. Don't expect me to "accept" what you've done in your past, if you're not willing to accept it yourself to the extent that you can only tell anonymous strangers about it and not the most important people in your life.

 

 

Of course you know this and you were just being an asshat, but usually people don't put jobs that have no bearing and offer no enhancement to a job for which they're applying on their resume.

 

So much for lack of shame and pride.

 

You see the problem with your reasoning and the many similar threads in this vein, esp. the "retroactive jealousy" threads, is the notion that people can "erase" what they did in the past, that it doesn't matter, that it has no influence on who they are today, that it provides no indicators of how they might behave in the future. And that anyone getting into a new relationship has no entitlement to this information because "it doesn't matter."

 

Except oftentimes it does matter, everyone knows it does matter, and that's precisely why people wish their pasts to be ignored/swept under the rug.

 

Yes it's a free country and yes you're entitled to be a stripper if you want to be one. However having been one you're not entitled to pretend that you weren't one. And anyone who's contemplating getting into a serious relationship with you is entitled to know that about your past. If you think it's unimportant then you would tell the other person--because it's unimportant. Irrelevant facts do not matter and therefore you should have no problem disclosing them. The fact that you rebel against free disclosure of your past is an indicator that you are well aware that your past is relevant to the future.

 

Parsing what information you do and do not think is relevant to a potential partner is usually done for the convenience of the person who is doing the parsing. Better to let all your chips fall on the table and let the other person make an informed judgment. Of course that would require accepting the notion that complete honesty with one's partner is the highest value, not what happens to be expedient at the moment.

 

 

 

 

I will say that I introduced that part of my life to my daughter with care, not because of "shame" or "pride" but because I wanted her to understand the social ramifications (judgments of folks like yourself).

 

Great, I'm glad you're proud of having been a stripper in the past, and hope you encourage your daughter to pursue the same line of work when she's old enough. I admire a person such as yourself who is willing to stand up for his or her convictions.

 

I'm rendering no "judgments" on your behavior at all. I only make observations about how people IME behave and what works best for me in relationships. If you're proud of being a stripper, great. If you're embarrassed, fine. But you can't be both at the same time, and you can't blame someone else for the choices that you made in the past. Whatever social scrutiny you feel is directed your way for having been a stripper is a direct consequence of you having made the decision to engage in that particular activity.

 

You know it wouldn't kill you to simply admit that maybe your decision to be a stripper was a mistake, if you had to do it over again, you wouldn't do it? Personal growth means looking at your past and acknowledging that maybe you should do some things differently if you had the chance. Lack of growth is pretending that you never made any mistakes, hiding those mistakes, then getting mad at others for "judging" you.

 

 

 

 

 

Another poster wrote about stripping today absolutely including nudity and/or lap dances, and I know this is true. I'm not a fan. There is, however, a resurgence of old-style burlesque and I LOVE it. If I were not old and a half, I would be in my glory. And I'm happy for the young people who get to express their theatrical creativity this way if they like to. It's cool.

 

Like I said, if you really feel this way, then maybe you should encourage your daughter to follow in your footsteps when she's old enough. It's called "putting your money where your mouth is."

[Gallaxia]

InceptorsRule ...*golf clap* There is truth in the previous post.

 

 

lilbunny, you bring up a very good point, but doesn't it always start out like that ? Short term financial fix?

 

And btw, I was not (previously) laughing to be insensitive, FeelingFrisky's comment caught me off-guard as it's a sentence I never thought I'd see on LS.

Edited September 6, 2010 by Gallaxia

[InceptorsRule]

I agree that sometimes your past is your past and thats where it belongs.

 

 

You are who you are, and that includes your entire life's history starting from when you emerged from the womb. Life doesn't come with a "reset" button.

 

 

 

My H and I have an agreement that we don't share intimate details of our sexual history, because it doesn't matter anymore.

 

This is the same logical fallacy I pointed out in response to Mme. Chaucer's post. On the one hand you are stating there are issues in your past which "don't matter" = "irrelevant." This is simply another way of saying that, were you to disclose these facts/issues/past "stuff," they would have absolutely no influence on your current relationship. But on the other hand, you have a solemn agreement NOT to disclose this past stuff. Which means you do know, or fear, that disclosure would have an influence on your current relationship. It might be a very subtle influence, such as perhaps your feeling that your standing in your partner's eyes might be diminished.

 

It's very simple, actually. If the past stuff "doesn't matter anymore" than there is absolutely no downside to disclosing it, completely and honestly. And there's a huge upside because you're eliminating secrets between you and your partner which will enhance your mutual level of intimacy.

 

You and your partner apparently have so many secrets from each other that you actually had to make an agreement not to discuss each other's pasts. That's completely counterproductive from the standpoint of establishing the highest level of emotional intimacy between yourselves.

 

Of course your h may have agreed to this deal because his secrets might be worse than yours. Either way it doesn't matter, you're both keeping secrets from each other, agreement or not, that's not good for a healthy, intimate relationship.

 

In reality you and your h actually must feel that there are things that are so terrible in your pasts that to mutually disclose them would threaten the foundation of your relationship. At least be honest with why you are afraid of full disclosure. As it turns out your so-called secrets are probably not terrible at all, it's your feeling of shame which is holding you back from full intimacy with your partner, not anything that you actually "did."

 

 

 

 

 

I have been an OW and done a few other things I am less than proud of, but its made me who I am.

 

 

I assume being an OW is one of the "secrets" of your sexual past that you've never told your h about? And it's made you who you are, but it's not relevant to your current relationship with your h?

 

Look if you're not willing to be completely honest with your spouse, no matter how embarrassing that might be for you, then it seems to me you're not going to be able to be fully honest with anyone else of importance in your life.

 

That's also a common theme running through so many of these threads: shame, concealment of secrets, fear, all leading to a lack of an ability to be truly intimate in personal relationships.

 

I'll bet if you actually sat down with your h and told him in the past you'd been an OW he would appreciate your honesty, would respect you more not less for having the courage to tell him, and it would actually improve the intimacy of your relationship.

 

Of course you have to get over your own shame over your "irrelevant"/"doesn't matter" past in order to do something like that.

[Mad Max]

InceptorsRule is spot on. Little white lies lead to bigger lies. if you can't be intimiate and honest with the person closest to you, you won't be intimate/honest with anyone. No one likes a dishonest person. If something doesn't matter, there's no reason not to share of it. If you're hiding something, then it obviously matters.

[lilbunny]

InceptorsRule ...*golf clap* There is truth in the previous post.

 

 

lilbunny, you bring up a very good point, but doesn't it always start out like that ? Short term financial fix?

 

And btw, I was not (previously) laughing to be insensitive, FeelingFrisky's comment caught me off-guard as it's a sentence I never thought I'd see on LS.

 

Yeah it was pretty blunt, but it makes a point!

The girl in the post is doing the job to pay her way through university, this girl will clearly have other options once she has her qualifications, so I felt this wasn't a job in the long term.

There possibly is a gender difference. Here I would say that women go along to see male strippers for a bit of a laugh, hell we took my mate's mother for 50th birthday, she had a hoot. It isn't a seedy or dangerous environment. I've never met women who treated it as a serious business. SOME (in capitals before someone shouts at me) will quite happily go along and watch, but then damn the women.

 

InceptorsRule- I am curious though, are women who go topless on the beach also viewed as promiscuous or slutty (it is pretty normal in Europe) or women who are naturists for that matter? Surely the major difference is the intentions of those who see them, in that case the party at fault is the audience of guys watching the show.

 

OP- lies have been mentioned quite a bit, she hasn't lied to you, but has been upfront about what she is doing as far as you know. Why don't you go to the place she is working at and see for yourself? It might help you decide how you feel with a few more facts to go on. You don't have to go there when she is working, I'm sure the rules and atmosphere are similar most nights.