I'm a bad boy jerk who wants to find love... is there a chance?

[calirob]

Girls love hanging out with me. I treat them like ladies but then I insult them - they don't know if they should kiss me or slap me. But here is the problem, I am seen as a playboy and that's what makes me exciting.

 

I have no doubt people will bash me for this emotional crap, but I feel like I need an answer because I think I'm ready to find real love. I'm a college senior and I feel like it's time to settle down.

 

See, my junior year of high school I was a bit introverted and somehow ended up with one of the cutest girls in school as my girfriend. I was a huge wuss and am ashamed of how girly I was in that relationship. Well, rightly so, she cheated on me. Because I was immature and foolish I had given this girl everything - in my mind we were married. Thus, when I learned what was going on, it tore me apart.

 

Well, because she was cute it gave me confidence. I have had many casual girlfriends since then. The thing is, I talk to several at a time and jump around - making myself visably a popular guy. Thus, when I spend time with a girl she feels special. But this is what makes me wanted, it's what keeps me in demand. If other girls talk to me, then why shouldn't you?

 

I still, however, feel as if I am a boring person on my own. Once I share my set - the few jokes, lines, and stories that I have pefected so well, I feel like the same little awkward high school junior that was a wuss around his beautiful girlfriend. Additionally, I now get borderline jealous or uncomfortable when a girl I am more serious about gets attention from another guy.

 

All in all, I'm a guy who wants to fall in love, who is afraid to commit to someone because he feels that he will become boring and get cheated on. It's safer to be the one breaking hearts...

 

I'm sure people will laugh, call me an idiot, say I am getting what I deserve, or whatever. But that's fine. I agree. I am really just posting this in hopes that someone has advice on what I can do to overcome these ancient fears, grow a pair, and take that incredibly nervous step from no commitment to passionately focused on one woman.

 

For those with real advice, I cannot put into words how much I thank you. For those with smart remarks - I'm glad you got a laugh.

[torranceshipman]

I still, however, feel as if I am a boring person on my own. Once I share my set - the few jokes, lines, and stories that I have pefected so well, I feel like the same little awkward high school junior that was a wuss around his beautiful girlfriend.

 

This is exactly your problem - you still ARE that guy, but you've turned into a bordrline abusive jerk as a strange way of substituting real confidence and real self assuredness. That makes you a loser, and you sound like you are, deep down, a much better guy.

 

If you want a real R, be yourself again. You will ONLY attracted damaged girls with no self confidence if you pull the 'build them up and tear them down' act - and you won't ever get a healthy, meaningful R with a girl like that. You need to be with the kind of girl who is confident, at peace with herself, and has self respect.

 

Plus you have already emotionally damaged a bunch of girls. I am sure you are not proud of that.

 

And lastly...the wuss who turns into a 'popular guy who can get any girl' often has a skewed idea of what that should look like. Often it comes across as sleazy and desparate as, to be fair, many schmucks can bed a girl if they are prepared to cheat/lie/act badly enough - but so many guys are too stand up and respectful to lower themselves to that level. Don't lower yourself or the girls anymore, and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. The original good guy that you were back in the day is totally the guy you need to go back to being.

[harmfulsweetz]

As long as you see yourself as boring, you won't be able to put aside this persona you've created. You need to at first be good with yourself, otherwise you will always feel the need to revert back to this 'ego' you've built to hide the real you.

 

You're attracting girls who equally have low confidence and self-esteem issues, which is why the abusive behaviour works on them. A confident woman would never put up with that crap.

 

You're choosing to ignore all the good things about yourself, and focus on the bad things, which you don't know, may be a positive about you. To you, you're boring. To a woman, you may be just what she is looking for-reliable, loyal, stable, dependable, sensitive and open to her needs.

 

Set aside the persona, be ok with who you are first and foremost, then start to seriously look for a relationship. We all go through this, times of self-doubt, it's what we do with our energy to alleviate that doubt that counts. Covering it up and masking over it isn't a solution, it's making the problem bigger. You probably now feel like a jerk breaking all those hearts like that. So you've only added to your own issue.

 

Take a breather is my advice, work on yourself, enjoy being who you are alone, and learn all the things that would make you a fantastic boyfriend, and a fantastic person, then start looking.