Should I repropose to him after i told him i need time?

[helcat82]

I had everything, my partner, best friend, lover of 5 years. Everthing was perfect we had been living together with our cats for a couple of years and decided to get engaged on our anniversary. Our families loved us, and we were happy. We set the date for April 2009. We were watching tv one day and I said to my partner it would be great if I could have both my dads walk me down the isle, he said if thats what you want you shall have it. He rang a private investigator and track down my biological father within hours and then rang him. Told him he was marrying me and that he had a daughter that was put up for adoption at birth by the relationship he had with a ex. We did DNA, we travelled down to Sydney to meet him, everything went well. My partner did the men to men talk with him and told him that we do smoke pot occasionaly and party on weekends.

 

I was over the moon, but one day wasnt enough with my new dad so I flew back down a couple of weeks late on my own. My father started telling me I should do better and then started to hit on me. Tell me I look good, and well touch me, I felt loved, at the the time my partner was working a fair bit. I got confused over my feelings becuase I had wanted my dad in my life for so long, he started seeing each other more and he started to touch me and contanstly bag my partner. He gave me an altermotive - me or him

 

I jumped back on the plane came back to brisbane and told my partner we need more time, to delay the wedding that was in 3 months. We told our family and they were cool. Everything was fine my my partner was sad and eventually everything cracked, we had a fight and our joint car we both fought for, I left but it was messy.

 

We were advised by a mediator that his family got not to have any contact. We eventually did, 4 months later we ran into each and fell back into each other arms.

 

We moved back in together and everything. I started thinking of the future etc and he asked for a bit of space so I moved out, bought a house.

 

We are perfect, i am more in love than ever. We bought a bike together a few months ago, and I just have had major surgery and he was there every step of the way.

 

Now I just need help and advice, what do I do to fix up all my mistakes, I would do anything for my partner, I can not believe I fell in love with my dad. I know I love my partner and want to wake up every day with him. I just want eveything to go back to how it used to be, his parents liking me, us living together and the idea of spending the rest of our lives together.

 

Should I sell, rent out my place, propose? or just be happy how things are

 

I would much rather have no money, no house and my partner that anything in this world

[aerogurl87]

I've heard about this rare pheonomenom of children falling in love with their long lost parents on a documentary that was on BBC America awhile back. You need to get that sorted out first I think though, and tell your partner exactly what happened if you haven't before you move any farther along in your relationship.

[lkjh]

Personally this story is hard to swallow. But if the thread is real you need to tell your partner everything and work from there. Also, how far did your "relationship" with your father go?

[helcat82]

I have tried mentioning to my partner my fathers name ever and he goes cold. He blames him for our failed engagement.

 

In regards to how far the relationship went with my father, he touch my breasts and inner thighs, kissed me, used to say he wanted to sleep with me and just whooed. I know it sounds so silly but I got confused, I wanted him to love me so long and it has taken me a while to work out what happened and be able to own up to the fact I fell for my own father. How embarrasing?

 

My birth mother is in and out of the country, I spoke to her about it recently and she isnt suprised. She adores my partner and supports our relationship.

 

How do I rewind my own mistakes??

[lkjh]

You need to tell your partner everything, don't use him not wanting to talk about it as an excuse not to come clean. You need to tell him what happen(the affair and all). At that point you can see if you two can work it out

[mark982]

helcat, you had as you say, the perfect relationship. enter a strange man(even though he's your bio dad) and all of a sudden your perfect man is now,now longer perfect. your bio-dad basically tried to have sex with you. pitch this slob from your life pronto. you want this relationship to work? YOU have to rebuild it, it's gonna take time, and alot of work. myself-- i think you need some ic from the damage your bio inflicted. good luck

[helcat82]

I took ur advice, I sat down and told my partner. He didn't say much, he did say it's not my fault. He was very understanding. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I'm just going to take each day at a time. I hope we can move on.

[jamesum]

So you were adopted or what? I dont understand.

[helcat82]

Yes I was adopted at birth, meet my biological mum 2001 and meet my biological dad 2008.

[BellaBellaBella]

Are you getting any counciling to deal with what occured between you and your biological father? Perhaps that could be a step towards healing things completely with your BF.

 

My child is adopted and young. I do worry about her meeting her birthparents as they were in marginal society. Her Birth father was a dealer in serious drugs and mother was moving from spot to spot and disappeared.

 

We adopted her at birth. I have been the main one to talk to her about the adoption and her birth parents. She recently asked about her Biological father. I said this is what I know. She was appalled when I said he dealt drugs. I said, I refuse to judge him, that we don't know what life circumstances lead him to make this decision. We don't know if this was his only way to survive. She understood this and was able to see that people do not have the same advantages and perhaps don't always make good choices.

 

I am sad for you that you went through this experience. I can see how you would crave his acceptance.

[helcat82]

Hi BellaBellaBella

 

I think it is something every adoptee has to get it out of there system. You sound like a fantastic adoptive mother, your daughter is very lucky to have you.

 

I am seeking counselling and support. My adoptive parents only found out this week also of what has happened in the last couple years, they are in the denial stage, but we are all working though this day by day. I have asked them to consider accepting my partner back into the house for holidays, birthdays.

 

I cant be angry really at my birth father, yes he was the instiguator but I craved his love and attention so much I over steped the mark and I can now say I fell in love with him. It is embarasing and sad to say but its the truth. I havent spoken to mybiological dad in a couple of weeks and dont wont to. I am not going to ring him or speak to him anymore. I have cancelled my phone and havent given him my new address. I prefer to leave him to himself and move on with my partner. We are both to blame, he moved onto me but I didnt stop it, it has taken me nearly two years to realise I loved him in a sexual way rather than father daughter.

 

My partner and I saw each other today, It was even better than it has been in ages. The future is looking more positive every day, and it feels heaps better inside myself. We were talking about how good a team we make- hes comming back in a couple of hours to stay the night.