Thinking more about the pain the ex caused vs the pedastol I had him on

[9Lives]

I think that maybe some people who werent treated that well by their ex start to see things that they did that wasnt so good for us. Sometimes things pop in my head and it was something mean he did or said to me. Before I couldnt see his ugly side. If the ex mistreated you, I wonder if they do the opposite and think...she/he was a good person that I didnt appreciate down the road.

 

My uncle said he does that and says to himself, why did I do that to her. He has regrets.

 

Sometimes I guess I just want him to feel bad about the way he treated me instead of going on his happy go lucky life like I didnt matter. Just like on to the next one. I hope one day he thinks of me and says to himself, she didnt deserve that or I wish I treated her better or something.

 

I hope this happens one day.

[Tryingtorebuild]

It does catch up to people. I have made mistakes in my past with my ex, I took some things for granted and by the time I realized all of it after starting to pull my own life together it was too late. I am the opposite of many of the people that posted on these forums, i was the one that committed the wrongdoing. I made mistakes, only to want to correct them at a later date, but at that point it was beyond repairable.

 

Its something now I still can't seem to forgive myself for, I am not even sure when I will be able to be quite honest, but I can tell you at one point I think it catches up to everyone...

[Trovador]

Unfortunately, some people didn't even realize they have done wrong... and if they did and they regretted their behavior what good is there in it for us? It's not like they are seeking us to mend our broken hearts or repay the damage done...

 

That is a common fantasy in everybody, I guess. That somehow, people, but especially exSO will realize how evil they were towards us and they will regret it the rest of their lives... if anything they will remember us as the dumb pathetic doormat who never stood up for his rights... most probably, they will never think of us, especially when they are ******* their brains out with their new partners... ja ja...

 

Maybe it is a very cynical way of handling my own grudges against a few people I've known but better than waiting for them to live a biblical epyphany in order to ask for my forgiveness...

 

However, my now ex apologized to me for generally acting in a cool to cruel manner... and she said that I shouldn´t take her attitude too personally, that she was that way and that if she didn´t love me the way I wanted, it didn't mean she didn´t love me at all... some food for the brain...

[9Lives]

Unfortunately, some people didn't even realize they have done wrong... and if they did and they regretted their behavior what good is there in it for us? It's not like they are seeking us to mend our broken hearts or repay the damage done...

 

That is a common fantasy in everybody, I guess. That somehow, people, but especially exSO will realize how evil they were towards us and they will regret it the rest of their lives... if anything they will remember us as the dumb pathetic doormat who never stood up for his rights... most probably, they will never think of us, especially when they are ******* their brains out with their new partners... ja ja...

 

Maybe it is a very cynical way of handling my own grudges against a few people I've known but better than waiting for them to live a biblical epyphany in order to ask for my forgiveness...

 

However, my now ex apologized to me for generally acting in a cool to cruel manner... and she said that I shouldn´t take her attitude too personally, that she was that way and that if she didn´t love me the way I wanted, it didn't mean she didn´t love me at all... some food for the brain...

 

See look, it even happen to you. I treated my ex very well but maybe he wont never see the good I brought into his life. I hope he does tho. I have given so much and lost alot of myself. It has been so terrible to give and not be appreciated or thought to be weak. My life was fine before I met him. I didnt need him. but that okay. He can continue to live his life mistreating people.

[Trovador]

Well, if it is of any consolation, rest sure that he will never change, if anything he will get worse, so there will not be a missus who will harvest the positive changes brought to him by former partners...

 

And please, don't let this terrible experience drain your essence... don't get cynical and like a child, trust again because a love stained by fear and mistrust is not love at all...

[9Lives]

you can't make yourself love. I'm not trying to walk around like a wound person but right now love doesn't seem all that wonderful to me. I put some much energy and time into this rel and man. its not easy to accept that is over permanently. I'm working on it all. I can love again but its just a struggle daily to wake up feeling like 9Lives. yes I want him to feel something!!! I don't want to think he is jsut living and not looking back at all thinking about me in some fashion!!!!! we have had a life together. its just too much to believe I'm just nothing. that breaks my heart.

[shayan]

Allow me to say something.

 

I placed my first girlfriend on a pedestal so high that I completely lost my sense of self during the process. After she left me I was so worried about what she thought, and it was important for me to gain closure, I spent the next 9 months of my life proving myself to her in my brain and in real life, and hoping that she would somehow see that she had judged me wrong, that she had betrayed me that I was perfect for her and kind and she was the victimizer. Hehehe, see I finally have started to be myself again, I don't care anymore what the image of myself is in her brain, it is irrelevant. And that's what I want you to realize! When you place someone on a pedestal you begin to prefer their beliefs to your own, and because you lose your sense of self you begin living within the contructs of their life. This sort of attachment I must tell you is not love, but rather infatuation or even worse obsession. So I'll tell you what the best way for you to mend your heart is to get back to yourself and stop valuing what he thinks, it does not matter whether he makes the realization or not, that is apart his life not yours. I'm telling you once you stop caring and close your hearts door's to this man you'll feel so enlightened and thankful. Good luck if you have questions let me know

[summerl0vesyou]

I think that maybe some people who werent treated that well by their ex start to see things that they did that wasnt so good for us. Sometimes things pop in my head and it was something mean he did or said to me. Before I couldnt see his ugly side. If the ex mistreated you, I wonder if they do the opposite and think...she/he was a good person that I didnt appreciate down the road.

 

My uncle said he does that and says to himself, why did I do that to her. He has regrets.

 

Sometimes I guess I just want him to feel bad about the way he treated me instead of going on his happy go lucky life like I didnt matter. Just like on to the next one. I hope one day he thinks of me and says to himself, she didnt deserve that or I wish I treated her better or something.

 

I hope this happens one day.

 

I agree....this is true 9lives. we have to take them off the pedastal...its SO hard though, when you look back and feel that love..

but think of the fights, the pain...anything they did to treat you any less than you deserve..

only takes some of the hurt away, but does help with perspective..we ALL deserve a true love that does last forever, not just someone who claims they will or someone who refuses to.

[summerl0vesyou]

I spent the next 9 months of my life proving myself to her in my brain and in real life, and hoping that she would somehow see that she had judged me wrong, that she had betrayed me that I was perfect for her and kind and she was the victimizer. This sort of attachment I must tell you is not love, but rather infatuation or even worse obsession. So I'll tell you what the best way for you to mend your heart is to get back to yourself and stop valuing what he thinks, it does not matter whether he makes the realization or not, that is apart his life not yours. I'm telling you once you stop caring and close your hearts door's to this man you'll feel so enlightened and thankful. Good luck if you have questions let me know

 

 

THIS...

I spent 4 mths trying to prove to my ex that I was right for him after we brokeup. we acted like we were together- always hungout, said we love each other and were still kissing and everything. but he wouldnt put the label on it. I was agonized- spent those months struggling with an eating disorder, begging him and feeling like my life was spiraling out of control. it was so bad...

i still need to get over him, 5 mths after i got out of that situation...but im so battered from all of it. i want to lose that love, lose that admiration..he LED me on, broke my soul...and he doesnt deserve the love i have for him

 

IM SO HAPPPY FOR YOU. that you broke her cycle. congrats

[Trovador]

It is usual too that after the break up we conveniently forget that we had a lot to do with the break up... I am not saying any of you was like that, but I have accepted I made a lot of mistakes... and that have helped me a lot, as for now I don't wish my ex any evil nor expect she will pay someday somehow all her mistreatment to me... it's not worth to hate...

[9Lives]

Allow me to say something.

 

I placed my first girlfriend on a pedestal so high that I completely lost my sense of self during the process. After she left me I was so worried about what she thought, and it was important for me to gain closure, I spent the next 9 months of my life proving myself to her in my brain and in real life, and hoping that she would somehow see that she had judged me wrong, that she had betrayed me that I was perfect for her and kind and she was the victimizer. Hehehe, see I finally have started to be myself again, I don't care anymore what the image of myself is in her brain, it is irrelevant. And that's what I want you to realize! When you place someone on a pedestal you begin to prefer their beliefs to your own, and because you lose your sense of self you begin living within the contructs of their life. This sort of attachment I must tell you is not love, but rather infatuation or even worse obsession. So I'll tell you what the best way for you to mend your heart is to get back to yourself and stop valuing what he thinks, it does not matter whether he makes the realization or not, that is apart his life not yours. I'm telling you once you stop caring and close your hearts door's to this man you'll feel so enlightened and thankful. Good luck if you have questions let me know

 

thank you so much. I needed to know and hear that. I want to get him off the pedastool cause he don't deserve it. I have been so hurt by him. I just want to forget him mostly that hw existed.

[9Lives]

THIS...

I spent 4 mths trying to prove to my ex that I was right for him after we brokeup. we acted like we were together- always hungout, said we love each other and were still kissing and everything. but he wouldnt put the label on it. I was agonized- spent those months struggling with an eating disorder, begging him and feeling like my life was spiraling out of control. it was so bad...

i still need to get over him, 5 mths after i got out of that situation...but im so battered from all of it. i want to lose that love, lose that admiration..he LED me on, broke my soul...and he doesnt deserve the love i have for him

 

IM SO HAPPPY FOR YOU. that you broke her cycle. congrats

 

summer this is part of my pain too. that I spent so much of my time trying to fix our relationship. I tried and tried and tried. I'm damaged behind it. I think sometimes its just best to let things go. that is why I want to forget he existed!