What would you think...

[greengoddess]

You love him right? You can see a wonderful future with this man right? You can still have him.

 

Send all those sexually charged emails to his wife.

[harmfulsweetz]

I have to say everyone else has been fairly spot on. I think he toyed with the idea of an affair before realizing the damage it would cause. I think you know in your heart that continuing contact will only damage yourself. You know he's married, with children, and I can't say why he's contacting you now. Who knows-boredom, likes attention, having a bad day, needs an ego boost, ? It could be anything, it's just important you know you have to cut this man off before he sucks you in anymore.

 

He has told you he will never have anything more than friendship with you, so take that at facevalue, and move on. Find someone that feels the same about you that is able to feel that way.

[2sunny]

Thank you both for your comments, I appreciate your taking the time to reply.

 

I do not wish to cause sadness to others. This man is e-mailing ME remember even though I have specifically told him I don't care whether we keep in touch or not. And he did all the running before. I take it you are married and a little offended by any women who get involved in any way with someone married. I can understand that but remember please that it's HIM too, it takes two to tango, I resent all the blame being pushed in my direction.

 

I am just trying to understand him and what he's thinking.

 

I do thank you once again for reading and replying to me.

 

So since then I have never given up trying to contact him

 

you state that you have always contacted him = then you contradict yourself... stop contacting him! he's married...with kids. he is not yours.

 

he isn't available. spend your time and energy focused on an available man. leave him the hell alone- he's told you that in order to be with you- his life becomes a nightmare... who would want that?

 

I think I was just an ego boost.

 

there you go = this is it!

 

run - fast -away... leave this MM alone!

[Elevation]

Thank you for the comments.

 

2sunny I don't think I explained it very well, yes I had been contacting him after he broke off contact (after pursuing me for months). But recently, I mean since June of this year, he has been initiating contact with me rather than the other way round.

 

No he's not interested in me, and he can't give me what I want, I accept this now. He was interested but only in using me. He's still a little confused maybe, he certainly still wanted me in his life. Recently, before the e-mail exchanges this weekend, I challenged him about his marriage and said it was a sham and he didn't deny it. In fact he kept up with the nice friendly e-mails.

 

But so much has been said and done that has hurt me. I think about how he can change and turn horrible, he's done that twice nice and that's all the proof I need that he's not the man I thought he was. I do find it hard as silly as it sounds that it is the final end now because I was in love with him and thought that he felt something strong too, he told me he did and he acted like he did. But anyway the reality is, it's finished, and I hope as each day goes by he will get further and further back in my memory. I feel very emotional about it at the moment but I have faith I will be ok.

 

Thank you for the replies I have read them all and will return to them regularly I think to help me when/if I feel sad about this. I after all have just cut off what on the surface was a good friendship, but I have to remember it wasn't was it, someone who cares about you doesn't play games / treat you badly / hurt you emotionally.

[Mimolicious]

Dead a$$ run and RUN FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

This dude is trouble. He's already put you through enough. If he is happy and loving his W, then let him. Let him go find someone else to turn his life into chaos and be miserable with his W, once he gets caught. Unless you want to be his savior, RUN NOW!!!!!!!!!

 

Change your email address or block his clown arse!

[Elevation]

Well another twist. Out of the blue he rings me, tells me he's in deep sh*t, wife has found some e-mails and has told him if he's having an affair she's leaving and taking the kids. He said (and sounded like) his head's all over the place and said I might have an e-mail proporting to be from him but really from her. Explains the strange e-mail a couple of days ago. I said I don't understand why she's in your e-mails and you weren't more careful! We spoke for 15 minutes this is the first time we have spoken in a LONG time. I was just planning to get on with my life actually and give him up (sadly) as a friend and yet when we spoke it was like no time had passed. I don't think I should answer if I get any contact off her should I. I actually found myself trying to councel him, how weird is that! I said you should be honest with her and tell her it all and tell her what you had going on with me is over and we are only friends now and that you regret it went further, honesty, that's what I would want if I were in her position. I do really feel that and that's what I would advise a friend, I just can't believe I was so calm and collected. And yet the feelings are still there, it's a head f*ck.

[2sunny]

Well another twist. Out of the blue he rings me, tells me he's in deep sh*t, wife has found some e-mails and has told him if he's having an affair she's leaving and taking the kids. He said (and sounded like) his head's all over the place and said I might have an e-mail proporting to be from him but really from her. Explains the strange e-mail a couple of days ago. I said I don't understand why she's in your e-mails and you weren't more careful! We spoke for 15 minutes this is the first time we have spoken in a LONG time. I was just planning to get on with my life actually and give him up (sadly) as a friend and yet when we spoke it was like no time had passed. I don't think I should answer if I get any contact off her should I. I actually found myself trying to councel him, how weird is that! I said you should be honest with her and tell her it all and tell her what you had going on with me is over and we are only friends now and that you regret it went further, honesty, that's what I would want if I were in her position. I do really feel that and that's what I would advise a friend, I just can't believe I was so calm and collected. And yet the feelings are still there, it's a head f*ck.

 

see why you should never contact him again? look at the crap he brings your way.

 

he's not going to admit for you - he won't even admit when he's kind of caught by his W. he still wants to make it work with her - and he wants YOU to lie for him too... so he can keep his M intact. it's all about the cover up now - so he gets you to go along with his lies. you are stepping in to very dark and deep waters if you go along with his little plan. he's asking you to serve up more of your integrity... that is not what a loving man does.

 

THAT is not a man that is interested in a relationship with you. that is a man that wants to get laid on the side and not have his W find out.

 

stay away - and be sure to take care of yourself... you deserve better than this jerk! why is that enough for you? it wouldn't be enough for me.

[Elevation]

Well I got the nasty e-mail from the wife last night, from his e-mail account, and signed from the two of them just like he warned me would happen (he told me the night before that she was in his e-mails, had accused him of cheating and that I would probably get a message from her that looked like it was from him but it wouldn't be from him, it would be her, which is exactly what happened).

 

Been called a liar by her and a few other nasty comments and she asked me to stop contacting her husband. If only she knew... he contacts me! He ran after me! I have lots of proof (100's of e-mails from, photos he sent me etc and lots of sexy e-mails) the material to blow her out of the water... but I really don't want to go down that road of getting in a slanging match with her. I feel really sad, and conflicted. I think of how she must feel. I adore him still and want to protect him. And I am angry that she has been so rude to me and she is so wrong, there's so much she doesn't know. I even knew she would be writing as he'd told me on the phone the night before when he rang me!!

 

So I want to keep my mouth shut and my dignity intact and I am posting on here instead. I am better off doing that than responding aren't I!! She said if I want to enlighten her then go ahead. I feel bad for ignoring her but I can't see any good would come of answering?

 

As I said earlier up in this thread, don't go there with someone married, it leads to so much pain.

[Ms. Red]

Well I got the nasty e-mail from the wife last night, from his e-mail account, and signed from the two of them just like he warned me would happen (he told me the night before that she was in his e-mails, had accused him of cheating and that I would probably get a message from her that looked like it was from him but it wouldn't be from him, it would be her, which is exactly what happened).

 

Been called a liar by her and a few other nasty comments and she asked me to stop contacting her husband. If only she knew... he contacts me! He ran after me! I have lots of proof (100's of e-mails from, photos he sent me etc and lots of sexy e-mails) the material to blow her out of the water... but I really don't want to go down that road of getting in a slanging match with her. I feel really sad, and conflicted. I think of how she must feel. I adore him still and want to protect him. And I am angry that she has been so rude to me and she is so wrong, there's so much she doesn't know. I even knew she would be writing as he'd told me on the phone the night before when he rang me!!

 

So I want to keep my mouth shut and my dignity intact and I am posting on here instead. I am better off doing that than responding aren't I!! She said if I want to enlighten her then go ahead. I feel bad for ignoring her but I can't see any good would come of answering?

 

As I said earlier up in this thread, don't go there with someone married, it leads to so much pain.

 

Yes, don't respond at all. I see know good coming from it. If you feel like responding, come here first and post. Some find it therapeutic to type out e-mails and never send them.

 

Some here may say that you should tell the wife everything for her to know the truth. I don't see that working when he will be feeding her all his lies. And of course he would be believed over you then. And, if you were to send the e-mail proof you have from him, that doesn't mean much either coz 1: e-mail forwards can be edited and he could just claim you did that. And 2: it will just make you look desperate or even a bunny boiler (crazy OW).

 

I wish you well and wish you peace with your decision to end it all with him.

[2sunny]

Well I got the nasty e-mail from the wife last night, from his e-mail account, and signed from the two of them just like he warned me would happen (he told me the night before that she was in his e-mails, had accused him of cheating and that I would probably get a message from her that looked like it was from him but it wouldn't be from him, it would be her, which is exactly what happened).

 

Been called a liar by her and a few other nasty comments and she asked me to stop contacting her husband. If only she knew... he contacts me! He ran after me! I have lots of proof (100's of e-mails from, photos he sent me etc and lots of sexy e-mails) the material to blow her out of the water... but I really don't want to go down that road of getting in a slanging match with her. I feel really sad, and conflicted. I think of how she must feel. I adore him still and want to protect him. And I am angry that she has been so rude to me and she is so wrong, there's so much she doesn't know. I even knew she would be writing as he'd told me on the phone the night before when he rang me!!

 

So I want to keep my mouth shut and my dignity intact and I am posting on here instead. I am better off doing that than responding aren't I!! She said if I want to enlighten her then go ahead. I feel bad for ignoring her but I can't see any good would come of answering?

 

As I said earlier up in this thread, don't go there with someone married, it leads to so much pain.

 

nope- she's not rude. look at the facts - YOU have been corresponding with HER husband... you stepped in to HER marriage- and continued stepping in... she's just calling you out on how YOU have participated in it all.

 

that's not rude = that's honest.

 

own it. send her a message owning exactly how you have behaved. then get away from any further contact from either one of them.

 

it's not your marriage... she's telling you the obvious= you don't belong where you have been.

 

see why it's best to stay away from men like that? they will tell you anything in order to feed the ego...

 

you can be a free woman... all you need to do is never correspond with him ever again. it will give you the freedom to look around for an available man.

[Elevation]

I am not responding to her but I am a little peeved that I got it in the neck while she chooses to believe his lies. I know I am no angel especially not in her eyes obviously but I think that he is the one she should be mad at, he's contacted me a lot recently and when stuff was going on between us it was HIM going for it as much as me oh yes!! She's upset and mad though, I understand, and she wants to lash out and be nasty and obviously she wouldn't blame her wonderful husband would she (wake up dear).

[greengoddess]

I am not responding to her but I am a little peeved that I got it in the neck while she chooses to believe his lies. I know I am no angel especially not in her eyes obviously but I think that he is the one she should be mad at, he's contacted me a lot recently and when stuff was going on between us it was HIM going for it as much as me oh yes!! She's upset and mad though, I understand, and she wants to lash out and be nasty and obviously she wouldn't blame her wonderful husband would she (wake up dear).

 

 

She is not blaming her wonderful husband because she doesn't know the TRUTH. The man is a liar and painting you as the villain to his wife. Of course she will blame you. Why are you angry at her? She is reacting on his lies. She has done NOTHING wrong while you have had an affair with her husband and yet you are angry with her? It's him. Place the blame where it belongs.

[Elevation]

She is not blaming her wonderful husband because she doesn't know the TRUTH. The man is a liar and painting you as the villain to his wife. Of course she will blame you. Why are you angry at her? She is reacting on his lies. She has done NOTHING wrong while you have had an affair with her husband and yet you are angry with her? It's him. Place the blame where it belongs.

GG you're right and he accepts it's his fault, well he did to me anyway, not to her I guess and no he's not told her everything. I told him that I would want honesty from him if I were in her shoes or if I was married to anyone else and I had found some stuff out about my husband and another woman. But he disagreed. I just can't see how you can regain someone's trust unless you tell them the truth. Omitting things or lying about things surely trips you up in the end? But I suppose he's thinking well she's mad now (the wife) how mad would she be if she knew the whole story.

 

I understand his reasons for not coming clean because she's threatened to leave with the kids and she's likely to go back to her family which is quite a distance from where they live and he's thinking he'd never see his kids. He already said to me a while back how often would I get to see my kids if I was with you (because of the distance we are from each other) I think we could move up there or near there to be honest... but anyway it's all immaterial as the situation is he's not leaving and that's that for me.

 

Thank you for all the replies! Ms Red yes even if I did want to send her all the e-mails (and I have a hand written letter from him saying he can't wait to see me) and photos he sent me, no doubt she would dismiss it as something meaningless, and I don't want to do that anyway. I'm just sad about the whole thing as I really thought the world of this guy and in another situation I think that we would be great together.

 

Incidentally, he has said he will contact me, which I believe he will (and I didn't even ask him to, I was ready to knock it on the head) so he ain't all that dedicated to her is he...

Edited November 27, 2010 by Elevation

[2sunny]

GG you're right and he accepts it's his fault, well he did to me anyway, not to her I guess and no he's not told her everything. I told him that I would want honesty from him if I were in her shoes or if I was married to anyone else and I had found some stuff out about my husband and another woman. But he disagreed. I just can't see how you can regain someone's trust unless you tell them the truth. Omitting things or lying about things surely trips you up in the end? But I suppose he's thinking well she's mad now (the wife) how mad would she be if she knew the whole story.

 

I understand his reasons for not coming clean because she's threatened to leave with the kids and she's likely to go back to her family which is quite a distance from where they live and he's thinking he'd never see his kids. He already said to me a while back how often would I get to see my kids if I was with you (because of the distance we are from each other) I think we could move up there or near there to be honest... but anyway it's all immaterial as the situation is he's not leaving and that's that for me.

 

Thank you for all the replies! Ms Red yes even if I did want to send her all the e-mails (and I have a hand written letter from him saying he can't wait to see me) and photos he sent me, no doubt she would dismiss it as something meaningless, and I don't want to do that anyway. I'm just sad about the whole thing as I really thought the world of this guy and in another situation I think that we would be great together.

 

Incidentally, he has said he will contact me, which I believe he will (and I didn't even ask him to, I was ready to knock it on the head) so he ain't all that dedicated to her is he...

 

he hasn't told her his truth because he doesn't intend to leave her... he is dealing with damage control and will keep you at a distance until the dust has settled and the coast is clear. THEN - he will return on the scene and reel you back in (to USE you again) if YOU allow him to.

 

the question remains... will YOU allow him to?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

He doesn't want to regain her trust, he wants her to believe his lies. That's who he is. Yes it is sad but he is who he is regardless of who he's with.