Author Hazyhead Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Hazy, I read your posts with interest. I am officially on a 6-month break with MM so he can sort his life out. Nothing is clear and we don't know what will happen. We were supposed to be on NC, but he made contact after about 10 days of NC. We saw each other, then now back to NC until he 'updates' me. It's all very warped I know. I am doing better emotionally than I ever thought I would, but still struggle everyday as I miss him, and wonder if we'll end up together. I guess I am curious how NC for 6 months has been for you? And your feelings towards him over the course of this 6 months? All the best Honestly, siuys, I hope you get to a place in which you'd rather he didn't contact you. That's where I was... or so I thought... no, I think I actually was, but his contact brought back the old feelings, ones I had been burying and forced me to deal with them. I'll now go back to hoping that the two of us can find our peace separately, as I feel is for the best right now no matter how I do feel about him. It does get easier with time. Even though I continued to miss xMM through those months, it increasingly stopped holding me back. I realised how much simpler and straightforward my life was without the waiting on him and the to-ing and fro-ing. My time is my own and I don't have to compromise everything for the need to be with him as much as possible, dropping things when he was suddenly free, stuff like that. I hope you're doing okay. Stick with the NC. If he doesn't come back to you then you're better off without him long run. Leave yourself free for another wonderful man for whom you are his priority. Another thing, stay on LS. Keep posting. Watch all the similar stories flood in and use your experience to help others as I found that helped me - all the time I was reinforcing my decision to uphold NC in the first place. So... back to it for me and hopefully you, too. Take care hon. Hugs.
Author Hazyhead Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Wow, Hazy, you're stronger than I was. Know your heart and listen to it always. ((HUGS)) GEL He's still in my heart, GEL, but I hope I can find a place for him there where he can't just rest without any of the sadness. I think it the other way round; maybe if I was stronger I'd be able to hold him up, something I admire you for doing once your H had made his decision. Thank you for the hugs. different scenario; as the wife is married to the person and they have history, possibly kids, several years and many plans for the future. additionally, many mm lie to their wives how it was just about sex, it didn't mean anything, yada yada yada hazy, i really hope you stay nc. this man put you through the ringer and i hope you search your heart and see that maybe it isn't love you feel for him. maybe it is just the ego of "man, he really misses me" and the excitement that comes from that adrenahline rush. please do not go backwards. you have done so much healing and the person who has stood beside you and supported you has been through so much with you. the mm hurt you so bad and he is fishing (my guess) to start back up the affair. he figures you have forgiven him for his horrid treatment of you and the disrespect he showed you. good luck to you I do understand what you are saying, hockey. Maybe it was a bit ego-related. I don't know. I know I have stepped back a bit but I'll get back to where I was. I have forgiven xMM; I have no anger towards him for messaging me I just know I need to move forward and brewing and stewing over him wouldn't help me. I'm straight back to NC. Thank you for the support.
Author Hazyhead Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Hazy, you are a real Star. I think about all you guys here when I'm going through it and making decisions. Without this place I don't think I'd be half as decisive. I like to think of it as a team effort :bunny:
Silly_Girl Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I know exactly what you mean. HIGH-FIVE! :p:p (Be proud of yourself, you've done really good)
Author Hazyhead Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 I know exactly what you mean. HIGH-FIVE! :p:p (Be proud of yourself, you've done really good) Thank you and backatcha
BB07 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Oh Hazy, I'm so proud of you for doing the right thing FOR YOU at this time. Girl you and SG are truly inspirational. So strong and inspiring. Big hugs to ya........g/f.
Confused4Now Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Thank you so much, everyone, for your replies and advice. I've still not responded but I think I will be doing. NC has been maintained for six months and, if in that time he has separated properly from his wife and is pursuing divorce then I would like to hear what he has to say. In a way, he has done me a favour. I was so clingy and desperate for him that I had forgotten myself, I'm ashamed to say. The turning point for me was when I found this place and you guys helped me to find my strength. Over these last months I've reverted to me again, the Hazy that used to be before being made even hazier by a married man. Truthfully, I bet we've both done some healing during the six months of NC and I quite like the fact that he has lived independently, as he has, for that time. I have issues of my own to sort out, which will be my priority; namely, the wonderful man that has supported me and I have been trying to reconcile with... this message from xMM makes me realise I'm not over the affair yet, and not ready for anything heavy. I truly thought we could reconcile, but my feelings have surprised me and I don't want to let this person down. Again. So, before I respond to xMM I will settle things with current person. Whatever that might mean. I do not wish to be unfair to him though, and that is what I feel like I'm doing. If this current issue feels like it's working for me, and him, I will not respond to xMM. There is no point. However, if, as I feel might be the case, my heart is too invested in xMM to be with someone else then I'll contact him and see what he has to say. I do know for certain that I will not engage him any further than the initial conversation until his divorce is through. He needs to sort that out as I need to sort myself out. Maybe, if everything becomes clear we could start again. No more putting myself second to his needs. I think I'm going to get away for a few days. I have to work, so won't be able to go far, but will be able to stay with one of my best friends. Talking and reflecting away from the situation might help. Maybe at the weekend I'll know better. I'm sorry to not have responded to individual posts, but you have all been so helpful, and there seems to be two main schools of thought, both of which I can understand. Thank you guys. You're awesome. This is exactly the right approach I would take...however you should have known where you were before going into anything new. This is where I'm at. I can't get involved with anyone just yet till I'm done completely with my xMW in every way.
silverplanets Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Hey Chris! I thought we'd lost you after your 'scandalous' posting last week. I tried to PM you but received the big block. Glad to see you just got a slap on the wrists and you're back with us. I do feel far more centered than six months ago. God, I was a frickin' mess! This time I actually feel that I'll be okay and will not die from the pain. I know I broke NC, and that has set me back some, but I still feel mostly on track. Hopefully I'll start to feel as you did and move from the effort to get over him to enjoy being me, whatever comes my way it will be for me and new memories to be made other than triggers for old ones. And I'm still smilin' Thanks Chris. :):):):):):)
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