aeren944 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Ok, well, it's not technically NC. Me and my ex-fiancee share our two kids, so it's LC, but we've kept it strictly about them for the past month or so. I'm 4 months into this breakup, and for about 2 weeks there, I was doing spectacularly. I was seeing positive things every day, life just kept nudging me forward with challenges and rewards, and I saw myself living beyond my ex. I was doing really well. Well, my ex came by last week to drop the kids off, and she stayed and talked to me a little bit. She said she hated how she ended it, and how there's still part of her that want to come back. It was weird, but I held onto a poker face the entire time. Anyway, so its been about a week and a half, and I just woke up today angry out of my mind. I was in a horrible mood. I've been thinking about her a little bit more recently, like missing her, or feeling depressed again. So, I basically texted her and purposefully picked a fight with her. I basically tore into her girlfriend. Yes, my fiance left me for another woman... it's ****ing spectacular, thanks. I was just ripping into her, and she was kinda doing the same, but a little caught off guard. Anyway, I just got done with the whole big text argument, and part of me feels better, but part of me feels worse. I don't know why, after 4 months, I just snapped and had to unload it all onto her. I mean, I basically told her she ****ing tore my heart from my chest and threw it in the toilet... she said she knows, and she's so sorry for how it ended, but what can she do now? What the **** can she do now? I don't know. What can she do now? What the **** am I looking for? Why did I text her just to pick a fight, just to have the pleasure of tearing into her? Please tell me I'm not crazy...
Nfoney Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 u arent crazy, happens a lot. u probably were just happy to unload your frustrating with her on her. u are obviously still angry with her, and getting her angry makes you a little happy in some way. making her feel like you feel (however short a period it lasts) is something that is common. i would caution u to watch out for the hook. she might be telling u stuff like she's thinking of coming back, hates the way it ended, etc. to keep u on the hook just in case her shiny new relationship doesnt work out. if she cheated on her and left you for another woman than just move on. with time, you will heal and look back on this time with laughter (and maybe regret that you gave this woman so much of your energy and time). take care of your kids and your kids only. move on. she's probably not as sorry as you think (or she says) and if she really wanted to be with you she would just be with you. dont drag yourself through the mud right after she just finished dragging you through it. keep the NC (LC) and pick up a hobby or start dating. life does begin again.
Author aeren944 Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 But still... what was I looking for in texting her and just unloading on her? What would have satisfied me? Cuz I'm not coming up with anything... I don't know what I'm looking for... I don't even know which end is up right now...
Nfoney Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 probably looking for emotion. any emotion to you (or whoever initiates it) means the other person cares. you are hurt and want her attention and affection and to mainly just not feel like crap. been there. it passes. you are depressed and she is the cause (as you see it) so you just want some energy from her; to unload and to have her give you some of her energy and emotion. its a lot more common than you think. i wish i had a crystal ball for you because believe me all of these feelings you have will pass. you have to go out, hang with friends, start dating, keep yourself busy so that all of this confusion you feel and angst and sadness will just pass. i thought the same thing when my husband left, but with time i eventually got over it. i foolishly thought that if i could convince him to come back or care about me, or apologize, then all of my problems would be solved, but nobody can MAKE you feel bad, you can only allow someone to let you feel bad. you were just looking for emotion from your ex, but with time your bad feelings will pass if you allow them to.
Red leaves Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 u arent crazy, happens a lot. u probably were just happy to unload your frustrating with her on her. Generally speaking should the dumpee unload his frustration and accusations on the dumper? If yes, he appears as a selfish person who only thinks about his own feelings. If not, he appears as a wussy person who accepts anything.
Recommended Posts