It's Complicated.

[LostInTurn]

Many of you know my story, so from here I will explain the latest occurrence. I have spoke with two of my friends about this, but I'm so mixed up I figured LS would be the best place for advice on this:

 

I don't want to be involved with anyone. I don't think I ever will. I was / am very hurt. I have no idea what direction my life is going. A friend of mine is home visiting. We great up together. He is leaving next week and going to California. We have been hanging out and last week I asked him if he would mind if I went to California with him. He said that was fine. I don't feel like I can stay here anymore. I feel as though I've been miserable for one month, what will I lose by being miserable traveling? And who knows, maybe I'll like California and want to move there.

 

Anyway... I told him about what happened (the abbreviated version) He knows my views in relationships and 'love'. This is no secret. Well, last week we were hanging out and he said 'don't break my heart if I fall in love with you in California'. I was shocked. I addressed it, but I didn't and don't understand. Then last night he told me his views on 'love' and relationships. I told him again that I don't believe in love. He told me I'm negative about it. I am, I'll admit that, but it's normal. We've only hungout a few times since he's been back. He asks me to hangout more than I agree to because I just don't want to. I told him I want to be friends and I need his friendship. He doesn't make it awkward for me when we're together, so that's a relief. But I'm worried.

 

I'm worried about hurting someone. I'm worried that I'm running away. I'm worried that I will never get over this. I'm worried that I will want to come home the next day. I'm worried that I'll never find myself again. I'm worried about everything.

 

I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to go because I may never have this opportunity again. I don't want to not go and sit around like I do now and just dwell on the past. I cannot stand this.

 

I don't know what is happening anymore.

[HopeLove]

Go! Is going to make you good. You need some fresh air. Just be honest with the guy and tell him you are not able to start a relationship now since you are still heart broken.

[ShannonMI]

Many of you know my story, so from here I will explain the latest occurrence. I have spoke with two of my friends about this, but I'm so mixed up I figured LS would be the best place for advice on this:

 

I don't want to be involved with anyone. I don't think I ever will. I was / am very hurt. I have no idea what direction my life is going. A friend of mine is home visiting. We great up together. He is leaving next week and going to California. We have been hanging out and last week I asked him if he would mind if I went to California with him. He said that was fine. I don't feel like I can stay here anymore. I feel as though I've been miserable for one month, what will I lose by being miserable traveling? And who knows, maybe I'll like California and want to move there.

 

Anyway... I told him about what happened (the abbreviated version) He knows my views in relationships and 'love'. This is no secret. Well, last week we were hanging out and he said 'don't break my heart if I fall in love with you in California'. I was shocked. I addressed it, but I didn't and don't understand. Then last night he told me his views on 'love' and relationships. I told him again that I don't believe in love. He told me I'm negative about it. I am, I'll admit that, but it's normal. We've only hungout a few times since he's been back. He asks me to hangout more than I agree to because I just don't want to. I told him I want to be friends and I need his friendship. He doesn't make it awkward for me when we're together, so that's a relief. But I'm worried.

 

I'm worried about hurting someone. I'm worried that I'm running away. I'm worried that I will never get over this. I'm worried that I will want to come home the next day. I'm worried that I'll never find myself again. I'm worried about everything.

 

I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to go because I may never have this opportunity again. I don't want to not go and sit around like I do now and just dwell on the past. I cannot stand this.

 

I don't know what is happening anymore.

What you are feeling is what a lot of us are feeling. All your worries are worries that a lot of us have. At least I worry about the same things you are explaining above. I would go to CA and try to just enjoy yourself. Don't get involved with this friend of yours. Tell him you are not ready to get involved because you have been hurt and your break up is still fresh. He will respect this if he is a true friend. You need to work through the grief of this breakup. Jumping into a new relationship will not help you get over the loss. I know you have no intention of doing that, but just be careful. It may seem tempting to fall for someone right now to fill the void. You must take care of yourself first and foremost. You need to mend what is broken inside you. I'm currently reading a book called "Getting Past Your Breakup" and the author says you must mourn the loss of the relationship. Its a very important thing to do. If you work through the grief and come to terms with the hurt, you will find the happiness you so deserve and you will be in healthier relationships down the road. A lot of people don't face the hurt and grief from past relationships and they continue to fall into unhealthy ones. This totally makes sense to me. I won't date or get involved with anyone until I mend what is broken inside myself. I'm reading books and I'm seeking therapy to "face my hurt and grief." I hope someday I meet someone that deserves me and that makes me happy. I'm not rushing myself either. I suggest you do the same thing. Don't rush yourself into anything. Just work on yourself.