How to keep a guy's interest for more than 5 mins?

[luvtoto]

Just had a third date with a guy I liked, but he lost interest.

 

I...

didn't reveal my past.

stayed positive & humorous.

stayed busy and was not clingy. I do have my own life, that I love.

was positive.

was charming.

was independent, but welcomed his chivalry.

didn't have sex with him, but we flirted about it.

 

On our third date, he invited me to his house, and we spent the evening watching the stars from his deck and talking about him. I kept the conversation on him.

 

Then, our first kiss was amazing.

 

Then, the entire next week. Hardly any communication from him! I let him know that I am not the pursuer type, and it's just wasn't working for me. Basically dumped him before he could get to do it first. Haven't heard from him since. No big loss, I guess.

 

Ya know how Eva felt when she stayed over at Hitch's house, and in the morning he was gone. She was hitting the couch and completely pissed off at herself? (movie: Hitch)

 

Yea...that how I feel. What does it take to keep a guy interested?

 

Seriously.

Edited September 5, 2010 by luvtoto

[Kamille]

The same thing it takes to keep anyone interested: compatibility.

 

There's no secret recipe. Date to get to know the person and see if you're compatible. But, more importantly, be yourself! With the right guy, you won't need some kind of secret recipe.

[luvtoto]

Very good advice, Kamille. For a second, I thought that might be the problem. Realistically though, we only had three dates. He didn't even know if I was incompatible with him or not. He barely knew anything about me.

 

He even commented to me that he didn't know if I was interested in him. Even though, I point blank told him I was!

 

So, I must not have given him enough ego boost to stay interested in me.

[Feelin Frisky]

You sound so perfect otherwise, have you tried Listerine and a tongue scraper? LOl but seriously, one sometimes doesn't know that odors come out in a kiss. Just saying. I have dispatched some otherwise hotty females on the grounds of oye vey breath. They probably thought I just "lost interest". But it is just touchy to have to tell someone they're exhale is noxious--and mouthwash may not be enough, a tongue scraper is in order. Please take this with a twist of humor but a sincerity of advice. Ya never know and it shouldn't be summarily ruled out if someone seems to bail after first oral contact.

[threebyfate]

How does a man get to know you and connect, if you're busy being someone else?

[luvtoto]

How does a man get to know you and connect, if you're busy being someone else?

 

In my defense, it was ONLY the third date! Guys get away with being aloof, why can't women?!

 

I used to be on the other side of the spectrum, give too freely, reveal too quickly. Now, I am not.

 

It's like I'm bruising their ego or something.

[luvtoto]

You sound so perfect otherwise, have you tried Listerine and a tongue scraper? LOl but seriously, one sometimes doesn't know that odors come out in a kiss. Just saying. I have dispatched some otherwise hotty females on the grounds of oye vey breath. They probably thought I just "lost interest". But it is just touchy to have to tell someone they're exhale is noxious--and mouthwash may not be enough, a tongue scraper is in order. Please take this with a twist of humor but a sincerity of advice. Ya never know and it shouldn't be summarily ruled out if someone seems to bail after first oral contact.

LOL! I had my teeth cleaned a week before our first kiss. Plus, kept those little toothbrushes with the dot of toothpaste in my purse. Haha!!

[luvtoto]

How was I NOT being myself?

[Kamille]

 

I used to be on the other side of the spectrum, give too freely, reveal too quickly. Now, I am not.

 

It's like I'm bruising their ego or something.

 

Back when you were giving too freely, revealing too quickly, would you say you were being yourself?

 

My guess is... Probably not. The trick is to figure out how to be true to yourself while getting to know someone attractive.

[threebyfate]

What's more important? Doing what someone else does or doing what feels natural to you, what makes YOU happy?

 

You're positioning yourself in a game of dating. Don't you think the other person can sense this?

 

Why not just let it happen naturally? If the guy doesn't appreciate you "as is", it really is okay since another guy will. Get the silliness over and done with sooner, rather than later.

[SadandConfusedWA]

You know, I really regret how I was with the guy I recently dated and was very attracted to.

 

I wasn't myself at all. I barely talked because I felt that I was being mysterious that way I would end dates early with an excuse that I want to meet my male friend later on in the night (without inviting him to come with). Physically, I wasn't giving much either. Basically, I gave him nothing to connect with.

 

In retrospect, how could he have been into me? I barely talked (he didn't even get to see that I can be smart and funny). I didn't give him barely anything physically. I ended dates early and abruptly to meet god knows who in the middle of the night (for all he knew, it could have been another date).

 

Sure, he might have not been into me even if I did everything right, but at least I wouldn't have to wonder "what if". Lesson learned for next time.

[luvtoto]

Threebyfate & Kamille, you both have made very good points that got me thinking.

 

Years ago, I was very needy in relationships. My relationships of course failed. I had NO idea what I wanted or what made me happy because I was always too focused on the guy.

 

Four years later, completely different situation. I'm grounded. Life is good. I'm happy. Dating is just something I do with my free time. My kids are my main priority in life, but they are graduating and growing up now.

 

This is only my first experience back in the dating scene with my new found happy self. But, I was greeted with the same "game playing" crap I experienced when I had low self-esteem.

 

All those things I listed above, IS me now.

 

He was mistaken if he thought I was playing games.

 

Guess he just wasn't the guy for me.

[luvtoto]

You know, I really regret how I was with the guy I recently dated and was very attracted to.

 

I wasn't myself at all. I barely talked because I felt that I was being mysterious that way I would end dates early with an excuse that I want to meet my male friend later on in the night (without inviting him to come with). Physically, I wasn't giving much either. Basically, I gave him nothing to connect with.

 

In retrospect, how could he have been into me? I barely talked (he didn't even get to see that I can be smart and funny). I didn't give him barely anything physically. I ended dates early and abruptly to meet god knows who in the middle of the night (for all he knew, it could have been another date).

 

Sure, he might have not been into me even if I did everything right, but at least I wouldn't have to wonder "what if". Lesson learned for next time.

Really enjoyed your post, sadandconfusedWA. Yes, lesson learned for next time. Did you tell that guy you were regretting how badly you treated him or did you just move on?

[Mary3]

Did you meet him from on-line ?

[luvtoto]

Did you meet him from on-line ?

Yes, I did.

[luvtoto]

Did you meet him from on-line ?

Yes, I did. I live in a small town with not much dating variety.

[Cee]

I don't think there is much anybody can do to generate chemistry, but I agree with Sadandconfused that us being aloof is the wrong strategy. I'm going on an online date today and my plan is to stir his enthusiasm. For some reason, he seems totally into me from our phone conversations and texts. I hope him laying eyes on me doesn't ruin that.

 

Usually I ask a lot of questions on dates so I think I make them more like interviews. I'm going to try to be more casual and conversational.

 

But frankly, if he (or I) don't feel a spark, this boat won't float.

[spiderowl]

I think a guy wants to see the real person and feel there is some depth to that person. If you are accommodating him all the time and considering his needs and wants, letting him do all the talking, etc., then you are going to get bored and he is not going to get a sense of you as a solid human being. If he is not that interested, he will know it from the start (despite the impression he might give) so you are not going to ruin anything by being yourself.

 

So don't be afraid to tell your stories and jokes, to make your interests and needs known as well as listening to him. Let him know what kind of person you admire and are looking for; otherwise, you are going to come across as nice but wishy-washy. I feel any person with intelligence wants to be with someone they can banter with and get some feedback from. They want to be told if they are being an idiot or (if in responsible mode) to hear your views if they need to make an important decision. A woman who knows her own mind is someone definite. She may or may not be more physically attractive to a guy but at least he knows who he is dealing with. Someone who leaves you to lead all the time and who sits back and listens can leave you feeling uncertain and insecure.

 

Whether you show your self or not, a guy can still decide to reject you. You might as well be the person you are who makes it clear what they value in life (this involves not putting up with mistreatment too).

 

Having said the above, I doubt you did anything wrong at all. Attraction and the desire to be with particular person is something that involves the unconscious mind. His loss of interest (if that's what it was) was out of both your hands. I'm sure with the right man this won't happen as you will both feel that attraction at a deep level. Superficial just doesn't work when the unconscious mind is involved.

[Leigh 87]

I can see why women may want to hold back a little, because some of us have been too over zealous/ or over bearing at times, which has embarrassed us looking back on it.

 

But completely holding back information too much can be just as bad. Try to use common sense; tey to be yourself and allow the guys you date to SEE who u r, but without getting to deap. It is probably better to answer any questions about yourself that guys ask u- rather than ignoring them in the hope of appealing more mysterious.

[Mary3]

Just had a third date with a guy I liked, but he lost interest.

 

I...

didn't reveal my past.

stayed positive & humorous.

stayed busy and was not clingy. I do have my own life, that I love.

was positive.

was charming.

was independent, but welcomed his chivalry.

didn't have sex with him, but we flirted about it.

 

On our third date, he invited me to his house, and we spent the evening watching the stars from his deck and talking about him. I kept the conversation on him.

 

Then, our first kiss was amazing.

 

Then, the entire next week. Hardly any communication from him! I let him know that I am not the pursuer type, and it's just wasn't working for me. Basically dumped him before he could get to do it first. Haven't heard from him since. No big loss, I guess.

 

Ya know how Eva felt when she stayed over at Hitch's house, and in the morning he was gone. She was hitting the couch and completely pissed off at herself? (movie: Hitch)

 

Yea...that how I feel. What does it take to keep a guy interested?

 

Seriously.

 

Few things possibly going on here :

 

1. He is likely talking to other girls ( internet )

2. He felt no real spark but gave it 3 dates ( I have done that ).

3. He did not feel an emotional attraction to you.

4. He may have felt some physical but you both never did the deed .

5. Always look at the internet as a way to have a few fun dates ( and some horrible ones ).

6. Don't build this person up to be anything ( we all have ) lest there be dissapointment on either side.

[somedude81]

Meh, dating sucks.

 

I could have wrote the same exact thing as you two weeks ago. At least you got a freaking kiss before it ended

[luvtoto]

Mary3, you are very wise woman.

 

One more thing. I made the mistake of becoming fb friends right away. Big mistake. All of his friends are women! But, yet, he prided himself on how he thinks he's such a great guy. Ya know, honest & loyal.

 

He posted a pic of himself, and his fb wall blew up with posts from various women. Women he claimed to just be dancing partners he doesn't date, and women he used to date that he's still friends with.

 

One woman was really aggressive with him with her flirting. I asked him about her. He said she's just a friend. Someone he used to date.

 

Two hours later, he emailed me concerned about me being the jealous type. "Doesn't go well with him".

 

Excuse me, but jealous of what?!?!

 

I ended it and told him this dating stuff just ain't for me.

 

Haven't talked to him since, nor has he contacted me at all.

 

Guess it's hard to keep his attention because he was way too full of himself.

[luvtoto]

Meh, dating sucks.

 

I could have wrote the same exact thing as you two weeks ago. At least you got a freaking kiss before it ended

 

I hear ya, somedude! Dang, I just wanted to have a good time. Didn't want to share my feelings. Didn't want to get super close. Didn't want to...well, I'll tell you what I wanted to do....but, NO!!

 

It's like his ego couldn't handle that fact.

 

Maybe all women woo, chase & fall head over heels. But, not me.

 

Shoulda seen his face when I told him I wasn't the marrying type. It's like I was the only woman who had ever said that before to him.

 

I'm not an idiot. He's a 47 year old guy who's never been married. Why would I get emotionally attached to him?! Duh.

 

Are some guys serial heart-breakers? It's no fun for the guy unless......well, you get my point.

 

[[[stomping up and down]]] Just wanted to have a good time!!! :mad:

 

Just venting here... Phew. I feel a bit better now. lol!

[Mary3]

Mary3, you are very wise woman.

 

One more thing. I made the mistake of becoming fb friends right away. Big mistake. All of his friends are women! But, yet, he prided himself on how he thinks he's such a great guy. Ya know, honest & loyal.

 

He posted a pic of himself, and his fb wall blew up with posts from various women. Women he claimed to just be dancing partners he doesn't date, and women he used to date that he's still friends with.

 

One woman was really aggressive with him with her flirting. I asked him about her. He said she's just a friend. Someone he used to date.

 

Two hours later, he emailed me concerned about me being the jealous type. "Doesn't go well with him".

 

Excuse me, but jealous of what?!?!

 

I ended it and told him this dating stuff just ain't for me.

 

Haven't talked to him since, nor has he contacted me at all.

 

Guess it's hard to keep his attention because he was way too full of himself.

 

Well , if there is such a thing as a Male Attention Wh*re then he would be it. Glad you dumped his 47 year old bum....At that age he isn't likely to marry at all ( in case you are marriage minded ).

 

Trust me he is all TALK. He enjoys all the gaga from girls and has no room for you and throws the * you don't trust me speech so...* yea good thing you didnt waste anymore time...

[skydiveaddict]

Tell him you want to go skydiving. Best date in the world