jordan1970 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 (edited) i have been seeing this girl for almost two years, we have had our ups and downs but we are very serious and both of us plan on getting married and spending the rest of our lives together. so here is the deal..... she has a girlfriend and her X husband who both are very controlling and and basically nosey about her and what she is doing. they call her constantly asking her what she is doing and where she is. i have never had a problem with this except the fact that she will never tell them that she is with me. she will beat around the bush and avoid the question untill they can tell she isnt comfortable with them asking so many questions and they stop asking. after they hang up i would ask her why she just doesnt just tell them what she is doing and tell them she will talk to them later, or even go ahead and have a conversation with them, just to be honest and direct and let them know that we are "driving down the highway" or "about to walk in a restaurant" or whatever it is we may be doing. her response is always "its none of their business what im doing" and i always respond by saying "well then tell them that or tell them what u are doing becasue by avoiding the situation it isnt getting anything resolved". well, this has gone on for so long now that im questioning why she wont tell them. is she hiding me? is there some other reason why she wont just tell them she is with me?? im to the point of feeling hidden and not important enough for her to just put my feelings of needing to feel important ahead of her feelings of thinking its none of their business. like i said, this had been going on for two years and we have had some pretty serious issues in our relationship over it. the last big arguement was when her girl friend kept calling asking her if she was with me, when she wouldnt give her a straight answer she started texting me asking me if she was with me. i finally just took the phone away and said" yes, she is with me, is that a problem?" and as you can imagine she was furious that i did that. so tell me am i overreaction to the issue or is there more to her hiding me than she will admit??? i dont want to throw away a two year relationship with someone i love dearly and otherwise have a great relationship with, but on the other hand i dont want to live a life of seeing her lie to her friends and x about what she is doing. after seeing that for two years it starts to chip away at your trust and self worth. thanks in advance..... Edited September 5, 2010 by jordan1970
Rorschach Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Oh lordy no, you aren't overreacting at all. That is COMPLETELY unacceptable, I can't blame you for feeling like she's hiding you, the only way to deal with this is to confront your GF about this and leave no room for grey area, somehow you have to tell her how you feel and basically say that you don't like the way she is handling her friends and that she either has to tell the truth or tell her friends to butt out. The situation as it is now is completely out of control.
FL Lady Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Yikes! It really, as you said, none of their business.
Author jordan1970 Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 yes i agree, with both of you. to tell you the truth i dont think she is actually hiding me per say. i think she would handle it this way with whoever she is dating. i guess my biggest problem is that after two years you would think that we wouldnt still be dealing with an issue as fundamental as this. and my biggest problem is that whether this is about ME or something within HER im still not getting what i need out of the relationship.
Satisfaction Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 You could try asking or pressuring her to change but I suspect it won't help much. I think you should consider having a big talk with her and see what comes of it. I really think that if she was going to change she would have done it by now though.
Author jordan1970 Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 You could try asking or pressuring her to change but I suspect it won't help much. I think you should consider having a big talk with her and see what comes of it. I really think that if she was going to change she would have done it by now though. yes, you are right on both accounts. we have talked about it until there is actually nothing else to talk about. if you cant handle something basically fundamental as telling your friends and x who you are with there is certainly some underlying issues. and, i honestly dont believe that it has anything to do with me, im pretty sure that she would handle it the same way regardless of who she was with. its just after sitting and watching her lie to them or be evasive about being with me it had made me loose all faith in her as a someone that i want to spent the rest of my life with. maybe im being to harsh, but its tough being hidden for two years by someone that you are supposed to be getting married to.
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