Dobby05 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I am in serious need of advice! I've been with my boyfriend for around two years now and we are planning on moving in together at the end of the month. Last night I went out with some friends and ending up meeting one of my team leaders in one of the bars. He was very very touchy feely with me and I was desperately trying to ignore it whilst we were there. When the bar shut I told him I was going to get a taxi back to mine. He then kept trying to walk me in th other direction and would not let me turn around to go to the taxi...after this lasted about an hour I decided to give up and stay at his on the condition NOTHING happened. Of course he tried it on when we got to his, but true to my word I did absolutely nothing with him. Obviously when I woke up this morning, I felt awful lying in bed fully clothed in my team leaders house and got a taxi straight back to mine. I didnt cheat but if I tell my boyfriend this I understand it is going to sound ALOT worse than it actually is...what do I do? And how do I deal with the boss, the last thing I want is things to be awkward at work, especially as nothing actually happened...help!
Fallen Angel Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I am in serious need of advice! I've been with my boyfriend for around two years now and we are planning on moving in together at the end of the month. Last night I went out with some friends and ending up meeting one of my team leaders in one of the bars. He was very very touchy feely with me and I was desperately trying to ignore it whilst we were there. When the bar shut I told him I was going to get a taxi back to mine. He then kept trying to walk me in th other direction and would not let me turn around to go to the taxi...after this lasted about an hour I decided to give up and stay at his on the condition NOTHING happened. Of course he tried it on when we got to his, but true to my word I did absolutely nothing with him. Obviously when I woke up this morning, I felt awful lying in bed fully clothed in my team leaders house and got a taxi straight back to mine. I didnt cheat but if I tell my boyfriend this I understand it is going to sound ALOT worse than it actually is...what do I do? And how do I deal with the boss, the last thing I want is things to be awkward at work, especially as nothing actually happened...help! File a sexual harrassment complaint!
jj33 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I am in serious need of advice! I've been with my boyfriend for around two years now and we are planning on moving in together at the end of the month. Last night I went out with some friends and ending up meeting one of my team leaders in one of the bars. He was very very touchy feely with me and I was desperately trying to ignore it whilst we were there. Ignore it? YOu tell him to stop it. Next time dont sit next to him. Or move. Or something. He should not be touchy feely with you. In fact next time you go to a bar and he is there leave. And how did you end up alone with him at the end of the night if he was touchy feely? When the bar shut I told him I was going to get a taxi back to mine. He then kept trying to walk me in th other direction and would not let me turn around to go to the taxi...after this lasted about an hour I decided to give up and stay at his on the condition NOTHING happened. What do you mean he wouldnt let you? YOu should probably go to HR with this. This is VERY serious. Of course he tried it on when we got to his, but true to my word I did absolutely nothing with him. Obviously when I woke up this morning, I felt awful lying in bed fully clothed in my team leaders house and got a taxi straight back to mine. I didnt cheat but if I tell my boyfriend this I understand it is going to sound ALOT worse than it actually is...what do I do? And how do I deal with the boss, the last thing I want is things to be awkward at work, especially as nothing actually happened...help! I would tell your bf but he is unlikely to understand why you couldnt go home and why you had to go to his house. Its very difficult to understand. If you really had no choice then this is an issue for HR. You need to report him. The thing is I suspect you were pretty drunk and that he will tell a different story. Avoid him at work to the extent you can and no more drinking with him. Think this through. How was he in the AM? Was he apologetic? You should ask to switch to a different team if you can.
YellowShark Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I am in serious need of advice! I've been with my boyfriend for around two years now and we are planning on moving in together at the end of the month. Last night I went out with some friends and ending up meeting one of my team leaders in one of the bars. He was very very touchy feely with me and I was desperately trying to ignore it whilst we were there. When the bar shut I told him I was going to get a taxi back to mine. He then kept trying to walk me in th other direction and would not let me turn around to go to the taxi...after this lasted about an hour I decided to give up and stay at his on the condition NOTHING happened. Of course he tried it on when we got to his, but true to my word I did absolutely nothing with him. Obviously when I woke up this morning, I felt awful lying in bed fully clothed in my team leaders house and got a taxi straight back to mine. I didnt cheat but if I tell my boyfriend this I understand it is going to sound ALOT worse than it actually is...what do I do? And how do I deal with the boss, the last thing I want is things to be awkward at work, especially as nothing actually happened...help! Here's the rule... if you do something you wouldn't do openly in front of your boyfriend you've crossed the line. So would you have slept at your team leader house in front of your boyfriend? Additionally, NEVER EVER fish off the company pier, it only leads to pain - (and possible unemployment) - and now you have to deal with the pain of awkwardness at work, and a touchy-feely team leader. Best of luck.
Author Dobby05 Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Yeah this is exactly my point, my boyfriend wont understand, but at the time last night it really didnt feel like i was given a choice, he just kept repeating 'im going to look after you its okay, you dont need to go back to yours'....as I was pretty drunk obv I was thinking properly, I just knew that i didnt want anything to happen! I dont want to report him or anything like that, he technically didnt do anything wrong apart from the fact he was a gf aswell...but I know that I am not blameless in this! This morning was awful, I woke up and just said 'Im going to go now' and left. He said nothing whatsoever. I sent a txt simply saying 'I know nothing happened last night but I would appreciate it if we just forgot the whole thing'. I feel guilty but should I feel this guilty or am I just eating myself up about something thats smaller than I think...i dont know
BB07 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 File a sexual harrassment complaint! I would tell your bf but he is unlikely to understand why you couldnt go home and why you had to go to his house. Its very difficult to understand. If you really had no choice then this is an issue for HR. You need to report him. The thing is I suspect you were pretty drunk and that he will tell a different story. Avoid him at work to the extent you can and no more drinking with him. Think this through. How was he in the AM? Was he apologetic? You should ask to switch to a different team if you can. You got some wonderful advice from JJ and FA, take it to heart. I also see what you described as sexual harassment and I feel if you keep quite and allow him to get away with it, then he will turn around and use it against you either by putting you in a corner again or doing something at the workplace that will cause you trouble. Please take this seriously.
jj33 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 If you arent going to report him then do nothing. Live with the guilt and get over it. You obviously live in the land of the "ladette". You need to pull yourself together. If you are getting so drunk that you can allow yourself to be convinced to go home with someone other than your bf, you are drinking way to much. People in ladette land think thats normal but trust me its not. I know you feel guilty and dont need a lecture but he didnt keep you from getting a taxi, you were just to drunk to take a real stand. Never ever ever get that drunk again. And when you leave somewhere leave with your friends. Never alone. That sort of thing simply shouldnt happen.
Author Dobby05 Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 You are totally right. I was too drunk, I shouldnt have drank so much and I should have taken a stand more. I only have two weeks left at the workplace before I go back to university, so I just need to keep my head down, do my job and leave without any of this being mentioned...i hope. In terms of my boyfriend, its made me realise how much of an idiot I've been and just how much people take other people for granted. I dont think I will say anything unless he asks obviously, but Ive realied I did a very stupid think and need to open my eyes a bit more to what I have got infront of me! Cheers x
jj33 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 With no disrespect you are young. Just be grateful nothing happened and he didnt take advantage of the fact that you were so drunk. It happens to alot of people at some point or other. If you didnt have a bf you may have seen the whole situation differently and not been upset by it. Good thing you were tho because you never want to end up going home with someone when you dont want anything to happen and you are very drunk. Not all men are gentlemanly about these things. So chalk it up to experience. Work out your last 2 weeks and move on.
YellowShark Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Just be grateful nothing happened and he didnt take advantage of the fact that you were so drunk.... Not all men are gentlemanly about these things. I agree. It could have gone horribly wrong and you could have been raped by this man. But remember, he didn't invite you to stay over because he just wanted to be kind, (that is the truth), he did it because he knew you were drunk and he wanted to get into your pants... and you shut him down.
TheLoneSock Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 He then kept trying to walk me in th other direction and would not let me turn around to go to the taxi...after this lasted about an hour I decided to give up and stay at his on the condition NOTHING happened. Lol way to stick it out to the end champ! That's true loyalty there... No, you technically didn't cheat. But that's still f*cked up. There's a reason you feel like sh*t over it. Your conscience isn't lying, but you might be to yourself when you try to rationalize what you did and tell yourself you did nothing wrong.
Recommended Posts