Rellek Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Ok guys... I don't typically do this but I need unbiased third parties to help me get through this. My girlfriend of near 2 years and I had a sudden "break up." I was blindsided and never saw it coming. She told me she needed time alone to be single and to think about us. We really had a great relationship. Never had a major fight really. She did say that over the past month of our relationship that she had been focused more on our differences and that it had caused her some strain. I recently graduated college and she still has two years to go. I was in a fraternity and she a sorority. We both enjoy what the greek life had to offer, but neither of us were really the crazy partiers that are associated with fraternities. I've been leaning on my fraternity friends for a lot of support recently and it's definitely helped to have them to talk to and hang out with. Unfortunately, she is really great friends with some of my fraternity brothers. This is really where my issue is, as my friends are also pretty good friends with her. They are most definitely there for me over her, but I can understand that they wouldn't want to sever connections with her. She's a great girl with a good heart and I know she's just trying to stay occupied right now. I had some suspicions that there was something going on between her and one of my brothers but he revealed some texts to me that he had sent her that most definitely put that issue to rest. I went into a very difficult NC this week and managed to get by for about four days. I went to a tailgate this weekend for a football game and she showed up to our tailgate. She walked around and hugged lots of brothers and talked to them, but she completely ignored I existed. I broke down that night and texted her why she did that. She said that she didn't intend to hurt me and make my day bad, she thought it was what I wanted. I know that she's out making new friends and being social, that's how she is. I also know, from talking with my friends who hang out with her, that she is unsure about our break and she misses me terribly. It's a weird situation. We both miss each other. I truely believe she wants time to reevaluate her life and that she wants to be with me still, but I am of course very biased as I love her very much. I just wanted to get some opinions and have some completely unbiased people to talk to about this. A lot of my fraternity brothers insist that after some time apart she will see what she's missing and want me back. It's a bummer because the guys I'm leaning on keep giving me hope, and I don't want it to be false hope that hurts me in the end. I know that she has been talking with a new guy that I don't know recently. There is some light flirtation on both parts from what I can see on Facebook (yea bad idea to check on her... I know) but I really think she's trying to talk to new people to take her mind off of me. It's also possible that my love for her is just blinding me to the truth. I texted her last night and am going to give her some of her things soon and we're gonna sit down and talk about things. Don't know if this is a good idea or not really. I really want to tell her that if she's just trying to let me down easy that I'm prepared to be broken up with for good. It's not just the break up that hurts, but the uncertainty of what she wants with me and the limbo that we're stuck in for the time being. As much as it hurts, I really just want honest opinions. The truth would greatly help me out right now. Thanks guys.
Don Ho Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 (edited) I also know, from talking with my friends who hang out with her, that she is unsure about our break and she misses me terribly. It's a weird situation. We both miss each other. I truely believe she wants time to reevaluate her life and that she wants to be with me still, but I am of course very biased as I love her very much. I texted her last night and am going to give her some of her things soon and we're gonna sit down and talk about things. Don't know if this is a good idea or not really. I really want to tell her that if she's just trying to let me down easy that I'm prepared to be broken up with for good. It's not just the break up that hurts, but the uncertainty of what she wants with me and the limbo that we're stuck in for the time being. Rellek, I understand you're in anguish and confused. It's not a weird situation. IF she missed you that much, she would be with you. She might miss you Bro, but she did dump you. It's normal to miss people when we break up. That does not mean they want to get back together. How would you know she want to re-evaluate her life and be with you? You don't. And when a woman wants to be with you, she WILL let you know. Sounds harsh, but she did dump you. WRONG MOVE. You are NOT going to meet soon, sit down or talk. Absolutely not. You are not going to meet, profess your love, spill your guts or anything like that. WTF are you thinking? I'm sure there's nothing she needs to get back from you right now. IF there is, take it to her sorority and dropped it on the door step when she's NOT THERE. Do not contact her and do not do anything. You're going to screw it up more or look like a total fool if you have any contact with her. Edited September 5, 2010 by Don Ho
Author Rellek Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Thanks for the honesty man. It's hard to stop following your heart and start following your mind. Going permanent NC starting today to focus on my life and surround myself with friends.
Don Ho Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Didn't want to sound like a prick, but had to be straight forward about it. Yes, it is tough but you have lots of support at the Frat to keep you from contacting her. Hang in there.
Author Rellek Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Sometimes the ********* answer is the most intelligent answer. I canceled the meeting. She was gonna call me after work but I went ahead and texted her that I'm busy and we don't need to meet. She texted me back confused as to why we can't meet. Not sure what to respond to that one. Guess I should man up and just tell her I don't want to meet with her period. Suggestions?
Don Ho Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Good for you! I didn't know you already set up a meeting. Either don't reply or IF you do, just say "something came up. maybe later this week". Then do not respond again no matter what she says.
Author Rellek Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 I told her we need time apart to clear our heads. Probably not the best thing to say but definitely better than pouring my heart out like I wanted. She's already talking to another guy now, like she said she wouldn't do. If she really respected me she wouldn't pull that BS so it's not worth it. Gonna go NC for good. Thanks for the blunt responses. It helps to have an anonymous person give you the perspective from the outside.
Trovador Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 And think about his, sometimes is better not to meet your ex, than going to the same place you both visited before the split, buying drinks and dinner just to hear her talk how fine her life is now (without you) and listening to her reiterative words about "being just friends (and that's doing a lot for you, my friend)", and pinpointing all your mistakes, and stopping your beggins for another chance, and suddenly saying "I think it was a bad idea to meet", so after you pay the bill she almost runs to her car and get off barely saying goodbye... you look after the trial of smoke and say to yourself "she could have said this by phone..." This happened to me thrice with the same woman...
Author Rellek Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 Trovador, I'm sorry to hear that happened to you bud. At least you have learned and can now help others to avoid similar pains. Gotta say, going NC is the best feeling possible. It helps you heal and gives you back the power of your own life.
Author Rellek Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Had a startling wake up call last night from a buddy of mine. He dates one of my ex's old friends. When she first came to college she dumped her boyfriend at the time as soon as she found herself a new guy to cling to. She hopped around from boy to boy in only a matter of a week between each guy until she found me. Her nickname amongst certain people is the "serial dater." Wish I had known that before I got into the 1.5 year relationship. I understand now that she is nothing more than an attention whore. I gave her the 24/7 attention she wanted and she clung to it and loved it. Now that I'm getting serious about my future and my life she's moved on to another guy. She tried to move on to one of my old fraternity brothers. When he realized what was going on he said no and she hasn't spoken to him since. She found a new guy after that only a day later! History repeats itself! I'm so hurt and mad right now... but I think this will ignite my ability to move on finally. Women are indeed like monkeys... "only letting go of one branch when they have a firm grip on the next."
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