Negativity

[nama]

I'm trying to 're-wire' the way I think and through therapy and my own efforts I have begun to do this. I am now very aware of what people say and how they are around me.

I have great difficulties in dealing with negative people. I cannot stand them, cannot bear to be around them. What they say really affects me (it's never really about me) - they could be b*tching about others, talking about insignificant/ flaky/ shallow crap and I go away really thinking about it. I get angry. I become withdrawn.

You could 'why don't you just distance yourself from these people?' - some of these people are my family, friends and colleagues are mostly good people.

How do you deal with negative people?

Edited September 5, 2010 by nama
forgot to add something

[Fouts]

Some people look at the glass as half empty, some half full. It's a part of everyone's makeup. Try not to let it bother you so much and just interject alot of positivity into the conversation when you're around

[nama]

A good suggestion. I guess I get wound up because I don't like people saying nasty things about others because I wonder what they could be saying about me/ or those nasty things would really hurt that person/ they didn't deserve it. I also get wound up by materialistic/ shallow people and I hate this. I know people are all different but I guess when they don't do as you do, it winds you up - you don't know how to handle it. I guess I need to accept the way people are and look past these things??

Don't get me wrong - I'm not perfect by any means! Because I'm working on myself my awareness has somehow been 'heightened'.

[Fouts]

Well, we usually try and surround ourselves with similar, like minded people in our day to day lives, but when it comes to family or friends of friends etc., we don't have much of a say. Be tolerant, but don't be hesitant to speak your mind or defend other people being talked about while they're not around. All in all, don't let it bother you, it's their 1st amendment right after all

[Rorschach]

Hmm as much as you can surround yourself with positive people. like attracts like, if all your friends are positive chances are you're going to be positive too.

 

I have some very negative people in my family, and truth be told, I just don't talk to them much (see em maybe once a year)

[1/2moon]

to help me not letting negative people get to me...i always say "consider the source". When I look at "who" is saying whatever is starting to get me down or try my last nerve....I say "consdier the source" and usually their hold disappears cause I try not to place much value in negativity. Hope it helps.

[Feelin Frisky]

I could accomplish only so much through talk therapy. The big leap came with going for psychiatry. It's damn near impossible to out-think one's feelings if he or she has spent a lifetime "reacting" to intense unwanted feelings which seem to happen faster than our abilities to place them into proportion. "Negative people" are so afflicted. They have contempt and then they hate how bad contempt feels--this creates a toxicity to those around them.

 

It's a great thing to take responsibility like the OPer seems to be and doing one's own part in trying to not feel contempt for contempt (negativity cycles). My experience is that medicine has been pioneered to help presence of mind dominate feelings instead of feelings dominating presence of mind. Prozac works for me and is totally transparent--I don't feel it working but I know I'm much more detached and shielded from other persons' toxicity around me. I can now decide how to feel and what to invest emotional capital in.

[D-Lish]

I was partnered up with a woman in my old job, and she was a negative, angry woman. Nothing made her happy, nothing made her smile, she was openly critical of others- and I had to travel with her frequently- and sit facing her with my desk!

 

You can only handle people like that in close proximity for so long.

It got to the point where I just couldn't speak to her anymore- because every time she opened her mouth something crappy came out. I think she was born with her perma-sneer.

 

Ugh- so glad I don't work with her anymore.

 

It's really hard to deal with people like this- because inevitably they affect your mood. If they are family, limit the time spent, and walk out if it starts getting to you- if it's friends, time to leave them behind. Do the best you can to surround yourself with people that make you feel good!

[Kelly0900]

Ahh.. There will always be those people in your life, as they are everyones life. You just have to change your approach to them, they aren't necessarily directly interfering with your life therefore they are causing no physical harm, but mental harm is under your control.

[jean-luc sisko]

I think we should surround ourselves always with people who we feel comfortable around.

[nama]

Thanks for the advice. At the moment I'm dealing with a colleague who feels she needs to make very snidy comments about me in front of others. I laugh it off as we do have a 'playful' relationship but there are times when I want to ram her head in to a wall:mad: I'm stressed at the mo so the negative comments are just not helping. I guess I need to help myself and keep away from these kinds of people.

[denise_xo]

It can be very draining. I've worked with a lot of high maintenance people. One of my strategies has been to actively re-route conversations when they take negative turns, another is putting head phones on at work and listen to music when I need to distance myself from the surrounding environment. A third is the tree in water approach (just let it run by you - it's possible with practice). And then you need to project a general 'I don't want your shi#' attitude. As for your particular example, that would really tick me off and I would tell her it's not on.

[D-Lish]

Thanks for the advice. At the moment I'm dealing with a colleague who feels she needs to make very snidy comments about me in front of others. I laugh it off as we do have a 'playful' relationship but there are times when I want to ram her head in to a wall:mad: I'm stressed at the mo so the negative comments are just not helping. I guess I need to help myself and keep away from these kinds of people.

 

If she's making negative comments about you in front of you, you might want to take a stand. I barked at my co-worker anytime she tried to get snippy with me- I just gave it right back to her and she totally stopped. She herself was still miserable, but she didn't bark at me anymore after I went off on her because I established the boundary firmly.

 

I had to sleep in the same hotel rooms with the beotch when we travelled!

Edited September 10, 2010 by D-Lish