Where to turn?

[willowthewisp]

I just don't know what else to do to feel better? My X left me quite some time ago now but the pain is getting harder to cope with as time goes on, not easier or better. I feel like I am drowning in it, pure anguish and nothing is helping.

 

It's not that I want to die, it's just I am starting to see death as my only option to end my misery. I feel that I have tried all the options I have avaliable to me to try and help myself with this pain. I have seen my doctor, I have sought IC through school and am waiting on an appointment and I have even been in contact with a crisis organisation, but nothing is helping.

 

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, like I said it has been quite some time since my X left and I don't feel able to talk to my friends about this anymore. They are sick of hearing about it, I don't blame them, what else can they do? They can only say the same things over and over and when this goes on for such a long time it must get draining and pointless for them. So I pretend everything is OK, I have stopped talking about it, seeing the look of exasperation on their faces whenever I mention him just makes me feel even more worthless for not being able to get over this.

 

I am too scared to tell any of my friends how I am feeling, I don't want to burden them for a start and I also don't want to end up commited because they panic and contact the hospital etc. I feel that going into hospital would just make things worse because then I would have to drop out of school, so I guess there is a part of me that wants to live, or maybe just wants to cling onto the last bit of positivity that I have?

 

The thing that scares me is that I am starting to think of ending my life as something that is a clear and rational option instead of how I used to feel in my darkest moments which was with agitation. Now, it's more like a calm, resigned fact that this is my only option, it's more like "maybe I should do it, I really don't want to go on", all the fight has gone from me.

 

I just want this pain to stop, the longer it continues the harder it gets to cope with, I feel so tired with it, I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with it.

[imagine]

Are you living for your Ex or for yourself.

 

These thoughts are giving your Ex too much credit. Were I to tell you to "get a life", I encourage you to visit the glories in this life time. Build up from the experiences of the past.

 

Glorify the maker of this creation!

[tojaz]

Willow, I can relate. All I can say is that they're not being very good friends to you. There are those that will think they know how to help you, and even those that will tell you how to help you, but the only person that knows what your going through is you. Friends will do the best they can, but real friends never run out of patience, can always give you their ear, and while it may be exhausting for them at times, are willing to see you through.

 

Not saying your friends are being bad to you, just that they probably don't understand. Someone that doesn't share your experiences, and some of your views wouldn't.

 

I haven't read all your posts, something I plan to rectify, but I have read some and seen what you have to say, your smart and have everything it takes to survive this, and you will. It takes a long time and a lot of hard work, I still doubt myself a lot as well, but I know I can make it so long as i don't give up.

 

Its not much and i know it isn't the same, but posting here helps when you need to talk, and I know at least one person thats always ready to listen and to try and help.

 

 

 

TOJAZ

[You Go Girl]

You're not giving your own life, without him, enough credit, willowisp. Remember that little girl that ran laughing through a field of flowers or chased her dog around the yard or loved to hula-hoop? She never knew him, and yet she was a happy girl, a complete person, all in her own right. She didn't need him, she didn't even know him. She loved life as it is--for the beauty she found in being alive.

So I guess you have had some beautiful times that you have loved life without him in it! And were a complete person all by yourself.

You're still her, she's still you.

You're still a complete person, and as worthy of love as you ever were, and as worthy of loving as you ever were.

Set yourself free like that little girl. Go outside, look at the beautiful day and sunshine, and realize it is simply wonderful to be alive to be able to experience such a day.

Hugs.

[trippi1432]

I just don't know what else to do to feel better? My X left me quite some time ago now but the pain is getting harder to cope with as time goes on, not easier or better. I feel like I am drowning in it, pure anguish and nothing is helping.

 

It's not that I want to die, it's just I am starting to see death as my only option to end my misery. I feel that I have tried all the options I have avaliable to me to try and help myself with this pain. I have seen my doctor, I have sought IC through school and am waiting on an appointment and I have even been in contact with a crisis organisation, but nothing is helping.

 

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, like I said it has been quite some time since my X left and I don't feel able to talk to my friends about this anymore. They are sick of hearing about it, I don't blame them, what else can they do? They can only say the same things over and over and when this goes on for such a long time it must get draining and pointless for them. So I pretend everything is OK, I have stopped talking about it, seeing the look of exasperation on their faces whenever I mention him just makes me feel even more worthless for not being able to get over this.

 

I am too scared to tell any of my friends how I am feeling, I don't want to burden them for a start and I also don't want to end up commited because they panic and contact the hospital etc. I feel that going into hospital would just make things worse because then I would have to drop out of school, so I guess there is a part of me that wants to live, or maybe just wants to cling onto the last bit of positivity that I have?

 

The thing that scares me is that I am starting to think of ending my life as something that is a clear and rational option instead of how I used to feel in my darkest moments which was with agitation. Now, it's more like a calm, resigned fact that this is my only option, it's more like "maybe I should do it, I really don't want to go on", all the fight has gone from me.

 

I just want this pain to stop, the longer it continues the harder it gets to cope with, I feel so tired with it, I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with it.

 

Hi Willow - I can relate to the friends issue as well, it happens for the breakups as much as it happens when you have relationship issues and seek advice when you are in a marriage too. Friends are not equipped with the knowledge to help you, they can only say the same things over and over again or they can try to relate their issues to give you pointers to what they have done when they are in your shoes. Same thing goes here on LS, no one is a professional counselor, but they will try to help.

 

It's understandable that you don't want to burden your friends nor do you want them to commit you, my family almost tried a while back to do that to me. I did wind up in the hospital for a couple of days just because I didn't want to be alone due to a breakdown one night....major mistake!! If you can stay in IC and out-patient group therapy you are much better off. Out patient group is a very good thing to do as you get the benefit of others input as well as a therapist to guide the sessions. Here on LS, you don't have that benefit or safety of a professional therapist, but you do have those that have been through the pain and the fight back to yourself to guide you.

 

Are you on any anti-depressants or other medication? It's a good practice to read up on any meds that a doctor prescribes when you are feeling this way, some anti-depressants can make you suicidal, or give you the calming effect that you have right now, but not take away the thoughts. I would suggest talking to your doctor right away about this. I had to myself because one anti-depressant I was taking was making me think of it more and more. My doctor switched me out and I started doing better.

[willowthewisp]

No, I'm not on any medication, according to my assessments I don't need it as I am mildly to moderately depressed. Thanks for the replies, lots to think about.

[habs53]

No, I'm not on any medication, according to my assessments I don't need it as I am mildly to moderately depressed. Thanks for the replies, lots to think about.

To me, you are not mildly depressed. You must go back to your doctor. asap

[trippi1432]

No, I'm not on any medication, according to my assessments I don't need it as I am mildly to moderately depressed. Thanks for the replies, lots to think about.

 

Willow - Just my advice....if you can talk it out with your therapist and work through things without the meds, do it. Meds were my spiral, they made me feel worse rather than better. Not everyone will agree with that, but just my own personal experience.

 

Right now, you need to take one thing at a time....slow and steady. You can't try to work on everything at once so you are doing the right thing working with your therapist and doing the assessments.

 

I can relate...you see it as an option to end the pain....but it's not and I think you know that. The true option is to take what you are feeling and grow stronger from it. It takes time, patience with yourself and hard work....but it's there. There is always more than one option....more than one way to overcome this time in your life.

[willowthewisp]

To me, you are not mildly depressed. You must go back to your doctor. asap

 

I would tend to agree with you Habs, I certainly feel very depressed much of the time, but I was only assessed last week and the therapist insists I am mildly depressed, hence why I am waiting to begin therapy, I won't have an appointment to begin work for at least another two weeks yet.

 

Willow - Just my advice....if you can talk it out with your therapist and work through things without the meds, do it. Meds were my spiral, they made me feel worse rather than better. Not everyone will agree with that, but just my own personal experience.

 

Right now, you need to take one thing at a time....slow and steady. You can't try to work on everything at once so you are doing the right thing working with your therapist and doing the assessments.

 

I can relate...you see it as an option to end the pain....but it's not and I think you know that. The true option is to take what you are feeling and grow stronger from it. It takes time, patience with yourself and hard work....but it's there. There is always more than one option....more than one way to overcome this time in your life.

 

The therapist who assessed me (she won't be who I am seeing) does not think meds are a good option either, particualrly during IC becasue they can mask emotions and moods to such an extent that it inhibits progress.

 

I would just like to get started, I don't even know if it's going to help but I hope so because like I said this pain is too much and i am rapidly running out of ways to cope with it, it's draging me down more and more as time goes on, shouldn't it be the other way round? I thought things were supposed to get better with grieving and time? (Just remembered my X saying "time will heal, new intersts and friends will make it easier", what a load of drivel). Maybe it has for him, after all he has his new GF now. Not that he was affected by it anyway, he was the one that abandoned me without ever telling me he was unhappy, in fact he worked hard to make me beleive things were good.

[trippi1432]

I would tend to agree with you Habs, I certainly feel very depressed much of the time, but I was only assessed last week and the therapist insists I am mildly depressed, hence why I am waiting to begin therapy, I won't have an appointment to begin work for at least another two weeks yet.

 

 

 

The therapist who assessed me (she won't be who I am seeing) does not think meds are a good option either, particualrly during IC becasue they can mask emotions and moods to such an extent that it inhibits progress.

 

I would just like to get started, I don't even know if it's going to help but I hope so because like I said this pain is too much and i am rapidly running out of ways to cope with it, it's draging me down more and more as time goes on, shouldn't it be the other way round? I thought things were supposed to get better with grieving and time? (Just remembered my X saying "time will heal, new intersts and friends will make it easier", what a load of drivel). Maybe it has for him, after all he has his new GF now. Not that he was affected by it anyway, he was the one that abandoned me without ever telling me he was unhappy, in fact he worked hard to make me beleive things were good.

 

I agree with the therapist there, they can mask things that impede the assessment progress. It will help you, but you have to be open and honest in the sessions....with yourself.

 

It takes time to get to acceptance of the situation, but you will get there. I will say that time will heal and finding things that you can do for you will help....what he said to you was to make himself feel better so put his words out of your mind and hear your own voice telling yourself something different. How about - "I know that I don't need someone in my life to make me whole, I know that I can do better and deserve better, He does not have any power over me....that is my power and I am taking it back."

 

If he was unhappy Willow and didn't tell you, he did that to himself...he made himself unhappy. It was also within his power to make you aware of what his issues were....if he did not do that, that is on him....not you.

[Steadfast]

 

I thought things were supposed to get better with grieving and time? (Just remembered my X saying "time will heal, new intersts and friends will make it easier", what a load of drivel). Maybe it has for him, after all he has his new GF now. Not that he was affected by it anyway, he was the one that abandoned me without ever telling me he was unhappy, in fact he worked hard to make me beleive things were good.

 

 

Then he wasn't yours. Not truly. You were his, you gave your heart to him, but he didn't give his to you. Accepting this and coming to peace with it is the first step towards being where you want to be. It's different than knowing it willow; until your heart and your head are in harmony you'll continue to suffer with it. Life is not fair, but its lessons are valuable.

 

There is no time table. There are no rules when it comes to hearts, love, dreams, plans and desires. The more we love, the harder we fall. All of us have this life; not the one we planned on. I know it sounds like a cliche' but who is to say it won't be better? There is however, no chance for that to happen unless you can envision it happening. Wanting it to be better and actually having it be better are two different things. You know that.

 

Life is a gift sweetie, not a right. None of us will escape death willow, but unless you know for sure that ending it all won't actually make a bad situation worse, you can't do it. You don't. Our instinct is to live, so follow that. The solution for pain and suffering is not more of the same.

 

Follow the good advice here and check in with your doctors. Search out that one person who you know you can count on. He or she may not be in your current circle of friends; ask around. Explain that you need a sounding board; that person is there, believe me. They are waiting for you.

 

So are we, your friends at LS. We will get through this together-

[Cameraman]

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, like I said it has been quite some time since my X left and I don't feel able to talk to my friends about this anymore. They are sick of hearing about it,

 

Dear,

 

You are not alone. I know this feeling. Many of us do.

 

Can you tell us more about your relationship and the break up?

[denise_xo]

I just don't know what else to do to feel better? My X left me quite some time ago now but the pain is getting harder to cope with as time goes on, not easier or better. I feel like I am drowning in it, pure anguish and nothing is helping.

 

It's not that I want to die, it's just I am starting to see death as my only option to end my misery. I feel that I have tried all the options I have avaliable to me to try and help myself with this pain. I have seen my doctor, I have sought IC through school and am waiting on an appointment and I have even been in contact with a crisis organisation, but nothing is helping.

 

I don't have anyone to talk to about this, like I said it has been quite some time since my X left and I don't feel able to talk to my friends about this anymore. They are sick of hearing about it, I don't blame them, what else can they do? They can only say the same things over and over and when this goes on for such a long time it must get draining and pointless for them. So I pretend everything is OK, I have stopped talking about it, seeing the look of exasperation on their faces whenever I mention him just makes me feel even more worthless for not being able to get over this.

 

I am too scared to tell any of my friends how I am feeling, I don't want to burden them for a start and I also don't want to end up commited because they panic and contact the hospital etc. I feel that going into hospital would just make things worse because then I would have to drop out of school, so I guess there is a part of me that wants to live, or maybe just wants to cling onto the last bit of positivity that I have?

 

The thing that scares me is that I am starting to think of ending my life as something that is a clear and rational option instead of how I used to feel in my darkest moments which was with agitation. Now, it's more like a calm, resigned fact that this is my only option, it's more like "maybe I should do it, I really don't want to go on", all the fight has gone from me.

 

I just want this pain to stop, the longer it continues the harder it gets to cope with, I feel so tired with it, I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with it.

 

No, I'm not on any medication, according to my assessments I don't need it as I am mildly to moderately depressed. Thanks for the replies, lots to think about.

 

I would tend to agree with you Habs, I certainly feel very depressed much of the time, but I was only assessed last week and the therapist insists I am mildly depressed, hence why I am waiting to begin therapy, I won't have an appointment to begin work for at least another two weeks yet.

 

The therapist who assessed me (she won't be who I am seeing) does not think meds are a good option either, particualrly during IC becasue they can mask emotions and moods to such an extent that it inhibits progress.

 

Honey, don't allow a therapist with some assessment tool or another to tell you how you feel. If you need help now, and you feel depressed enough to have the option of suicide on your mind, you are not 'mildly depressed'.

 

I've been suicidal and tried to kill myself. Here are some practical steps that helped me:

 

- be brutally honest with therapists or other medical personnel. Do NOT put on a brave face or play the role of 'I will be strong', you save that for other parts of you life.

- meds may be a good option for you or not, but don't erase it from your list of possibilities. To me, it was a gift from god (had I believed in one), not because it's a solution in itself, but it brought me to a space where I was much better capable of addressing my real problems.

- call back and push for that IC to happen fast.

- I've had very good experiences with homeopathy in relation to suicidal feelings. I am not 'advocating' homeopathy and I have no opinion on whether it 'works' from a scientific point of view. I personally take a very pragmatic perspective where placebo effects are as good as any other effects in those kind of contexts.

- I can totally relate to what you say about your friends. At the same time, I am wondering if you're projecting some of your own feelings of hopelessness etc on to those situations (depressed people usually do). You might want to carefully select someone and give it another try, where you make the full extent of what you're dealing with now known. You also need to be a bit selfish, it's OK to demand some patience from friends. You're not their friend only to please them.

- stop pretending and start talking about it again. Pretending just perpetuates internal schisms which in turn perpetuates the problem. When you lock it up, whatever gets locked up is likely to grow bigger.

 

Keep posting & good luck to you.

[willowthewisp]

Honey, don't allow a therapist with some assessment tool or another to tell you how you feel. If you need help now, and you feel depressed enough to have the option of suicide on your mind, you are not 'mildly depressed'.

 

I've been suicidal and tried to kill myself. Here are some practical steps that helped me:

 

- be brutally honest with therapists or other medical personnel. Do NOT put on a brave face or play the role of 'I will be strong', you save that for other parts of you life.

- meds may be a good option for you or not, but don't erase it from your list of possibilities. To me, it was a gift from god (had I believed in one), not because it's a solution in itself, but it brought me to a space where I was much better capable of addressing my real problems.

- call back and push for that IC to happen fast.

- I've had very good experiences with homeopathy in relation to suicidal feelings. I am not 'advocating' homeopathy and I have no opinion on whether it 'works' from a scientific point of view. I personally take a very pragmatic perspective where placebo effects are as good as any other effects in those kind of contexts.

- I can totally relate to what you say about your friends. At the same time, I am wondering if you're projecting some of your own feelings of hopelessness etc on to those situations (depressed people usually do). You might want to carefully select someone and give it another try, where you make the full extent of what you're dealing with now known. You also need to be a bit selfish, it's OK to demand some patience from friends. You're not their friend only to please them.

- stop pretending and start talking about it again. Pretending just perpetuates internal schisms which in turn perpetuates the problem. When you lock it up, whatever gets locked up is likely to grow bigger.

 

Keep posting & good luck to you.

 

Thanks for the suggestions, the IC can't happen any quicker as I am getting it at school so it has to coincide with classes and the therapist who fits that is on vacation for another two weeks, so unfortunately no way round that one.

 

As for friends, well I have tried talking with a couple of them and I when I got the impression they were fed up of hearing it, I asked "sorry am I going on and on" to which I was told "yes, you talk about it so much, it's a bit much for me", so no go there either. In addition, a friend really upset me recently, it was her that told me about my X and his GF and then she said some things that were a bit insensitive. I was going to leave it be, but I really was very upset by what she said, so I said something, I was nice, not angry or mean or anything, just said perhaps I had it wrong, had misunderstood but I wanted to clear the air because I was upset, maybe I was overly sensitive etc. She hasn't spoken to me since (about a month).

 

Maybe it is me. Perhaps I am just a wrothless piece of **** that no one can be bothered with.

[You Go Girl]

[quote=willowthewisp;2983453

 

Maybe it is me. Perhaps I am just a wrothless piece of **** that no one can be bothered with.

 

Naw, you're not.

We're all here because we've been hurting, and we're here to listen and to try to help ease your pain, because helping to ease another's pain feels good and helps relieve our own. That's why we all feel good (including you!) about connecting with people we will never meet. That sense of being able to relate to total strangers. They too know pain and suffering.

You are not alone!

 

Share something that still irks the crap out of you...maybe we can help one thing at a time.

Then think about one thing that makes you feel good to be alive. A child, a sibling, a parent, your garden, chocolate chip cookies...doesn't matter what it is...a sunny day.

[trippi1432]

Thanks for the suggestions, the IC can't happen any quicker as I am getting it at school so it has to coincide with classes and the therapist who fits that is on vacation for another two weeks, so unfortunately no way round that one.

 

As for friends, well I have tried talking with a couple of them and I when I got the impression they were fed up of hearing it, I asked "sorry am I going on and on" to which I was told "yes, you talk about it so much, it's a bit much for me", so no go there either. In addition, a friend really upset me recently, it was her that told me about my X and his GF and then she said some things that were a bit insensitive. I was going to leave it be, but I really was very upset by what she said, so I said something, I was nice, not angry or mean or anything, just said perhaps I had it wrong, had misunderstood but I wanted to clear the air because I was upset, maybe I was overly sensitive etc. She hasn't spoken to me since (about a month).

 

Maybe it is me. Perhaps I am just a wrothless piece of **** that no one can be bothered with.

 

Willow - you will be sensitive during this time and your friends are just going to have to suck it up..that's the point in them being friends..you will always be there for them, with no expectations.

 

I've heard this too from my friends....so what..he was no good for you...he treated you like crap..coming from at least one who worshiped my ex until she saw him in his real light.......guess what..it doesn't make you any less worthy than being the woman that you are...no less worthy of being who you are for YOU..regardless of what anyone else thinks. You hold the key to your own power honey...use it.

[spriggig]

You're not giving your own life, without him, enough credit, willowisp. Remember that little girl that ran laughing through a field of flowers or chased her dog around the yard or loved to hula-hoop? She never knew him, and yet she was a happy girl, a complete person, all in her own right. She didn't need him, she didn't even know him. She loved life as it is--for the beauty she found in being alive.

So I guess you have had some beautiful times that you have loved life without him in it! And were a complete person all by yourself.

You're still her, she's still you.

You're still a complete person, and as worthy of love as you ever were, and as worthy of loving as you ever were.

Set yourself free like that little girl. Go outside, look at the beautiful day and sunshine, and realize it is simply wonderful to be alive to be able to experience such a day.

Hugs.

 

I've found this helpful too. Remembering who I was without her, that I WAS happy and hopeful then. When I find myself thinking about her in any context, I make an effort to also think about the time before I met her.

[Red leaves]

 

As for friends, well I have tried talking with a couple of them and I when I got the impression they were fed up of hearing it, I asked "sorry am I going on and on" to which I was told "yes, you talk about it so much, it's a bit much for me", so no go there either.

 

Can you talk about it with your family?

 

You need to start SSRI or SNRI medication, and therapy if possible. Also I suggest that at a time when you feel a bit better you make a promise to yourself not to hurt yourself.

[willowthewisp]

Willow - you will be sensitive during this time and your friends are just going to have to suck it up..that's the point in them being friends..you will always be there for them, with no expectations.

 

I've heard this too from my friends....so what..he was no good for you...he treated you like crap..coming from at least one who worshiped my ex until she saw him in his real light.......guess what..it doesn't make you any less worthy than being the woman that you are...no less worthy of being who you are for YOU..regardless of what anyone else thinks. You hold the key to your own power honey...use it.

 

I think I can safely say that she isn't a true friend.

 

I have trouble remembering my life before him, we were together from high school so I have never been an adult without him in my life, before now. The trouble is I was so completely in love with him and happy, content. A couple of weeks before he left, I actually remember thinking how I was the luckiest women alive, I always told him how much I loved him too. I miss him so much.

 

Now I have thoughts and images of him with another women, it kills me. He either lied to me or he has issues. If he lied then I don't understand the purpose of doing that for years and years.

 

I doubt I will be happy again, at my age everyone is "attached", no one shows the slightest interest in me anyway, I often just think what is the point in going on? Just work and study and then eventually work for the rest of my life, living alone, no family once my parents have gone (I pray that won't happen for a long time yet), just work and hobbies, but no one to share it all with, no one to come home to that loves me.

[YSS]

Willow

You need to recognize that you are grieving the ending of this relationship and this is why you are feeling all the things that you feel. The hopelessness, sadness, despair, confusion etc. Its definately far from fun but it is normal. Your grief is real and the pain is overwhelming. Going through it myself these days.

 

Your friends could be more sensitive but we cannot control what others say or do. It is evident from your post that you cannot keep this inside anymore cause it only festers and you ruminate further on it. I do believe IC will help you tremendously but like a previous post advised, you need to be fully honest adn share the thoughts of despair that you feel.

 

You don't want to die, you just want to pain and the life you have today to go away. Today will go away, this pain will fade with time. Advice that was given to me was to look at someone (perhaps close family member or friend, hell even hollywood person if need be) that has been put through the ringer and survived. Sometimes the expeiences of others need to be our paper-weights, cause we have to believe if person Y survived so can I. In other words, you need to find some encouragement for yourself. Emotions when repressed only grow stronger, let it out, cry, break things, eat ice cream, go for a run....just let the emotions out and keep posting. We are all rooting for you adn while you may feel you are alone, in reality....the thousands of posters here really do understand and feel your pain. One poster at a time, we will help you see the light at the other side of your current ****-storm and these days will not be forever. One thing you can count on in life is "change", nothing stays the same forever. This will pass and I do not say that to be trite or insensitive. I was given a saying the other day...when you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on. Hold on, willow....we all want you to hold on. Keep posting.......

[trippi1432]

Willow - those are all fears that are a normal part of the process....the fact is, it's our choice to live up to those fears or do something to turn them around and stop the fear.

 

I have friends who are over a decade older than me....they are women who don't come home to someone everyday, but they fill their life with love and happiness by just doing things for themselves that make them happy. Not selfish by any means...they are some of the most giving people I know, but they are surrounded by people who care for them...even those that they thought didn't when they were going through their hard time.

 

It really starts with you sweetie....seeing that you are a wonderful, amazing person who deserves to be happy because you are!!! Once you turn that back on, you will be amazed at all the wonderful people who will enter your life and you will never be alone....you aren't alone now either....we are all here for you.

[willowthewisp]

Willow

You need to recognize that you are grieving the ending of this relationship and this is why you are feeling all the things that you feel. The hopelessness, sadness, despair, confusion etc. Its definately far from fun but it is normal. Your grief is real and the pain is overwhelming. Going through it myself these days.

 

Your friends could be more sensitive but we cannot control what others say or do. It is evident from your post that you cannot keep this inside anymore cause it only festers and you ruminate further on it. I do believe IC will help you tremendously but like a previous post advised, you need to be fully honest adn share the thoughts of despair that you feel.

 

You don't want to die, you just want to pain and the life you have today to go away. Today will go away, this pain will fade with time. Advice that was given to me was to look at someone (perhaps close family member or friend, hell even hollywood person if need be) that has been put through the ringer and survived. Sometimes the expeiences of others need to be our paper-weights, cause we have to believe if person Y survived so can I. In other words, you need to find some encouragement for yourself. Emotions when repressed only grow stronger, let it out, cry, break things, eat ice cream, go for a run....just let the emotions out and keep posting. We are all rooting for you adn while you may feel you are alone, in reality....the thousands of posters here really do understand and feel your pain. One poster at a time, we will help you see the light at the other side of your current ****-storm and these days will not be forever. One thing you can count on in life is "change", nothing stays the same forever. This will pass and I do not say that to be trite or insensitive. I was given a saying the other day...when you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on. Hold on, willow....we all want you to hold on. Keep posting.......

 

Thanks for taking the time to post to me, I appreciate it. You too Trippi.

 

I'm not going to post any thoughts or feelings today as they are mainly all negative and I don't want to seem ungrateful for the support I am getting here, thanks again.

[Red leaves]

I'm not going to post any thoughts or feelings today as they are mainly all negative and I don't want to seem ungrateful for the support I am getting here, thanks again.

 

That is just the best time to post your thoughts. Your job is not to please us.

[YSS]

willow - how are you doing?

[willowthewisp]

willow - how are you doing?

 

Thanks for asking YSS. Not so good, lots of thoughts still going around in my mind. I really should be past all this by now, it's been a long time since this all happened, yet it still isn't getting any better.

 

I keep thinking of all that time together and wondering how on earth he could choose to do this? Why would he do this? The "reasons" he gave were very minor things, by his own admission and what's more they would have been easily fixed if only he had given me the chance. So why then did he leave and within a year of leaving already have a new GF? We were togther nearly two decades and he could not even afford me the respect of waiting a year before replacing me.

 

I just don't know what do or how to get over this, I don't think I will ever get over this, it's not like I can just stop loving him and if I have to spend the rest of my life loving him and feeling this pain of not ever seeing him or speaking to him again then I would rather not live.

 

Two decades is too long to just up and leave IT'S TOO LONG... the effect of walking on someone left is DEVASTATING...........I don't know who I am shouting this at, just need to shout it. It has changed me forever and I am no longer me anymore, nor do I have the energy or desire to go on with life...there's no point it's never going to go away.