worlybear Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Well here I am again- Sunday morning and time to reflect. I am so tired and drained with the pending divorce. The house is sold (thankfully) and all thats left financially to squabble over are petty debts. You would think that we could get things moving but no... its headed for court,barristers,expenses and more pain. In order to keep legal aid I have been advised not to do any supply teaching and yet STBX is working fulltime teaching (as is OW as secretary) AND eligible for legal aid so he's detemined to see things through to the bitter end. I feel like I'm clinging on to the edge of a cliff by my fingertips- outwardly I'm doing a grand job of coping but inside I'm dying. I bitterly resent the fact that he has re-invented his life successfully (altho changing his partner and child for a new partner and child and one teaching job for another is hardly the life-change he claimed he wanted.) I'm struggling financially and have no clear idea what to do and where to go next. The longer I stay in this area the harder it will be for my daughter to change schools (again) and I'm terrified of making the wrong decision by moving away to a new area. I know it seems cowardly but I'm just plain scared. I have got a tenuous network of "friends" around here but no-one to discuss my feelings with as, quite frankly, they are probably as bored of the situation as I am. And I still have feelings for STBX- I hate myself for being so weak and I would never admit it in a million years to anyone other than on here BUT I miss him. Please give me a kick or something:eek:
anne1707 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Well here’s big KICK for you Worly What you are feeling is all perfectly understandable - the legal aid issue is particularly annoying But you do need to push yourself out there and get on with life. I think for a start on a good late Summer day in England like today, you should head off to the park with your daughter. Or maybe take her swimming. Go and have some fun together and just forget all these problems even if just for a couple of hours. ((hugs))
You Go Girl Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Who's making these petty debts a point of contention that drags on the divorce? If it's you, let it go, get less than you hoped for. If it's him--then he's clinging to YOU by this method. Interesting, huh? Your daughter will be alright. I changed my daughter's school districts twice in 3 years during my divorce transition. I felt awful, but I had to. Amazingly, she was far more resilient than I had given her credit for. She started school at the first change of district and hated it the first week. By a month later she couldn't say enough about how much better she liked where we had moved to, and had a bucket load of friends. Just stay close to her emotionally! Give her those bedtime hugs. Don't let her down days go unnoticed by you, keep in tune with her. I don't know her age, but my daughter was 12-14 during the transitions. It's an interesting age, and an important one to know their self-esteem health. As for his new life--humph. He still has to abide by the laws of relationships, psychology-wise, and the infatuation/lust period will diminish. If he has made the wrong choices based on the above, it will painfully reveal itself in time. All relationships eventually become grounded in the day to day realities, sometimes mundane. If he was a schmuck before, he won't become a prince overnight. I'm struggling financially too! It's ok though, smiles! You know why? Because you're on the path to self-sufficiency and self-reliance, and you're TOUGH. You can take it and survive. It's an easy test you will pass with flying colors. There's days I have one financial pressure right after another, yet it's ok because it all will work out in time as you organize and strategize. Make a list of the nasty things he did over the years. Everytime you start thinking you're missing Mr. Wonderful, take a look at that list, and knock him off that pedestal.
Author worlybear Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Thank you for replying to my posts- you were right Anne, it was a lovely day so I took a deep breath, hit the garden(mowing with "help" from daughter) and went to see Toy Story 3 (great chill-out story) at the cinema. Yes ,I know he's not worth any angst and its a great idea to write down and remind myself how frequently he was downright nasty and difficult to live with. I found last week very difficult as I went to visit my oldest son in prison(drink/driving charges). Prior to his sentence he had been staying with STBX and OW. He is being released on a "tag" in Nov on condition that he lives with STBXH. The whole visit was awful- I have never had to visit a prison before. I also felt disloyal to my other sons(who have nothing to do with older brother or their father and can't understand why I stay in contact with him.) I think this morning's blues was due to the visit earlier this week. BUT...... in the words of Gloria Gaynor- "I will survive!" Thanks again:o
LifesontheUp Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 ((((Hugs)))) I so understand how you are feeling, but you know what Worly, as you rightly posted YOU WILL SURVIVE. In spite of it all remember that you have got this far and have a beautiful daughter by your side Start new hobbies, or take up old ones you stopped doing. Get out and about as much as you can. I took my 3yr old swimming again yesterday and its amazing how many people you get to chat too while you are in the pool and getting some excercise too I wish you strength and happiness Worly, you so deserve it ((hugs))
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