confusedlatina Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Recently I found some pictures of another woman on my boyfriend's computer. In one of the pictures he has his arm around her and they are sitting at a table at a restaurant with some other people on their cycling team. I don't recognize the woman and when I asked him who she is he said she is just a friend. He has never mentioned her before. We live together and he has never not come home but I had a bad feeling about the pictures. After checking the date, I remebered that he was gone almost the entire day and was somewhat unavailable by phone. He has never invited me to any of his cycling events and I'm not sure his team even knows that I exist. I haven't met any of them. He talks to them on Facebook daily and his status reads "single." When I asked him about his status he claims he lists it as single because he is divorced and "single" means that he is not married. We have been together over a year now, do you think I have reason to believe that he has been unfaithful to me?
Unistudent Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Firstly... for the FB status... you can put in a relationship.... I also think there is a married slot... so he could defo change it to "In a relationship with ________" insert your name there. The picture of him in the girl could be innocent. I have posed for many pictures with girls (some I didn't even know) with my arm around them... nothing sexual about it or over friendly... just getting a nice 'friend''ish looking picture. Don't jump to conclusions. I know jealousy can be crazy sometimes but don't jump out and accuse him of cheating or anything like that. If he has come home every night than that is a good sign at least. You don't need to answer this but... is he still wanting sex from you? If that is a yes than I really don't think he is cheating. You would most likely notice a change in his sexual behavior with you if he was cheating on you. If him having a picture with his arm around a girl is the biggest fear you have that he might be cheating... I wouldn't worry too much. I am sure you are just reading into the picture a little too much. On your FB change your status to "in a relationship" and select him as your BF... he will get a notice asking if its true I think... that should solve that problem. After a year I don't think there would be a problem with him labeling that he is taken by you. Gl, take a deep breath and maybe drink some wine
Author confusedlatina Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Thank you for your point of view, Unistudent. His sexual behavior towards me has changed. We went from daily sex to once a week. When I asked him about it, he said he is adjusting to his new job and " every couple goes through a dry spell" at about this time
Fouts Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I wouldn't say for sure he's cheating, but some of things you mention do probably indicate that you need to dig a bit deeper and see if he's really still into you.
Unistudent Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Did it change when he got the new job? Stress can affect sexual activity a lot. So that could be an explanation. Try seducing him a few nights... then you will see if his passion for you is still there. Every guy likes to be seduced
CupidsPosionedArrow Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Recently I found some pictures of another woman on my boyfriend's computer. In one of the pictures he has his arm around her and they are sitting at a table at a restaurant with some other people on their cycling team. I don't recognize the woman and when I asked him who she is he said she is just a friend. He has never mentioned her before. We live together and he has never not come home but I had a bad feeling about the pictures. After checking the date, I remebered that he was gone almost the entire day and was somewhat unavailable by phone. He has never invited me to any of his cycling events and I'm not sure his team even knows that I exist. I haven't met any of them. He talks to them on Facebook daily and his status reads "single." When I asked him about his status he claims he lists it as single because he is divorced and "single" means that he is not married. We have been together over a year now, do you think I have reason to believe that he has been unfaithful to me? Well, 1, facebook doesn't mean sh*t, 2, he's not cheating for sure (nor do I really think he is) but he's definitely keeping his options open. I think that the other cyclist may be a better fit for him because she shares his interests and so forth. He may agree, so I'd say let your cyclist find another tour de romance and you keep YOUR options open. PS. Cute latina? call me.. muah! ;-)
Woman In Blue Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 In one of the pictures he has his arm around her and they are sitting at a table at a restaurant with some other people on their cycling team. I don't recognize the woman and when I asked him who she is he said she is just a friend. He has never mentioned her before. Red flag. While some of the younger posters replying to you mean well, there are many other facets to this that they wouldn't really be aware of due to life inexperience. For instance, a person can very easily have an affair and only see their affair partner during the day, so just because he comes home at night, that does NOT mean he's not having an affair. Secondly, the majority of men continue having sex with their wives/SO's while engaged in an affair, partly because they don't want their spouses to get suspicious if they suddenly stop having sex, and sometimes out of guilt for what they're doing. Some guys even increase the sex at home without realizing they're doing it - because they're more full of sexual energy due to the affair. Then there are those (like yours) whose libidos go way down, because they're being satisfied elsewhere and simply don't have the desire - or inclination - to have more sex at home. We live together and he has never not come home but I had a bad feeling about the pictures. After checking the date, I remebered that he was gone almost the entire day and was somewhat unavailable by phone. Never, ever ignore your gut. This bears repeating. Never, ever ignore your gut. He has never invited me to any of his cycling events and I'm not sure his team even knows that I exist. I haven't met any of them. He talks to them on Facebook daily and his status reads "single." While my SO doesn't keep any facet of his life secret from me - nor does he pretend that I don't exist to others in the outside world - I'm not connected to his hip and don't partake in every single thing he does. But that's by my CHOICE, not because he's done his level best to keep me away from it. For instance, my boyfriend belongs to a motorcycle riding club and I'm not a rider, so I don't care to hang out with them or go riding with them. It's just not my cup of tea. But they KNOW about my existence and I've met a few of them over the months while out and about with my boyfriend. They all know I exist. So, while your SO may not include you in a his cycling "life," it's still very suspect that he's gone to such GREAT lengths to keep your existence to these people a secret. There's a reason for it. When I asked him about his status he claims he lists it as single because he is divorced and "single" means that he is not married. You know what, ConfusedLatina? This guy is a snake, pure and simple. He's got an answer for everything and his answers are PATHETIC and don't even make sense. His actions aren't based on logic - they're based on being SNEAKY. While I think Facebook is LAME and people shouldn't live their lives by it, by the same token, if he's SO adamant about NOT listing that he's in a relationship, THERE'S A REASON FOR IT!! I see many RED FLAGS in what you've posted. Your boyfriend is hiding something. You can bury your head in the sand and pretend all is well (as some posters here basically recommend), or you can be proactive and get your ducks in a row before the rug is yanked out from under you. Good luck to you.
meerkat stew Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Only the change in sex patterns is a possible issue, the rest are NBD. If you truly went from 7 times a week to 1, there is likely more going on than just adjustment. Cheating is not the only possibility, but either a medical problem, lowered attraction, etc. IME, when sex frequency changes that much quickly, there has always been a relationship issue, but everyone is different.
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