2themoon&back Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 (edited) today and tonight have not been easy for me ... i feel alone and sad... so i wrote this poem to put into words how i am feeling i hope you all enjoy and maybe relate to it Do You……. Do you ever think of me.. Is it my face you long to see, Is it my voice you wish to hear, Is it my body you want to hold near. Is it my scent you long to smell. Or in a fit of passion, is it my name you want to yell Do you ever think of me … Does your mind race with memories, Can you hear my soft laughter in your ear, Can you see me crying a single tear. Do you ever think of me… Do you ever long to be free, Can you feel my skin, Can you look in my eyes and feel all the love from within, Do you ever miss me… Does your mind wonder what could be, Do your lips miss mine, Can you feel our bodies entwined Do you ever miss me… Do you feel the warmth of my hand where no one can see, Do you look at the moon and stars and remember they belonged to only you and me Do you ever think of me… My smile, my taste, my embrace… Our moments together carefree, I ask these questions you see…. Because the answer would be YES … if you were to ask them to me………….. by 2themoon&back..... Edited September 5, 2010 by 2themoon&back
TigerCub Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 aaaawww sweetie that was a very sweet/sad poem. I can totally understand where its all coming from. I write a LOT of poems when something really gets to me. I find that its a good outlet. Keep writing, let it all out. **HUGS**
terrific Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 thank you -- You hanging in there? I had a bad bad day and your poem summed up exactly what I was feeling. Grrr, it stinks because I should not even be thinking about it AT ALL. So then I decided to clean and now my house is very clean, and I have lost 8 pounds. Who says stress is all bad right?
Fallen Angel Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 You hanging in there? I had a bad bad day and your poem summed up exactly what I was feeling. Grrr, it stinks because I should not even be thinking about it AT ALL. So then I decided to clean and now my house is very clean, and I have lost 8 pounds. Who says stress is all bad right? UMMM.. can you come be sad at MY house please? Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a bit. I am sorry you are both hurting. I know it doesn't mean anything coming from a total stranger on the net, but.... I care. ((hugs to 2themoon and terrific))
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 You hanging in there? I had a bad bad day and your poem summed up exactly what I was feeling. Grrr, it stinks because I should not even be thinking about it AT ALL. So then I decided to clean and now my house is very clean, and I have lost 8 pounds. Who says stress is all bad right? i too have been cleaning house haha and i have lost about 30 pounds in the past 4 months.... have now started cleaning out the attic ... so i get just where you are that where i am ... sorry we are there but glad we are not alone:)
terrific Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 i too have been cleaning house haha and i have lost about 30 pounds in the past 4 months.... have now started cleaning out the attic ... so i get just where you are that where i am ... sorry we are there but glad we are not alone:) 30 pounds? I like your stress better than my stress....maybe I should stop with the ice cream meals....
terrific Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 UMMM.. can you come be sad at MY house please? Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a bit. I am sorry you are both hurting. I know it doesn't mean anything coming from a total stranger on the net, but.... I care. ((hugs to 2themoon and terrific)) Where do you live, because as a rule, it is way more fun to clean someone else's house, usually because of the wonderful memory of it being clean and not destroyed by teenagers a few hours later....thanks for lightening the mood
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 30 pounds? I like your stress better than my stress....maybe I should stop with the ice cream meals.... i got discovered by the MM's W four times, in 7 months and they are still together .... read my post "where do i go from here........." that will make you loose weight, hair, and your sanity.... ha ha so go for the ic meals, i know how good they feel !!!!
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 thank you both at least i smiled for a minute.....
waterlove Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 That poem sums up how I feel all the time when I think about my MM when I'm home alone at night and he's with his family. I know he misses me, but does he feel it as acutely? wish I could read minds.
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 That poem sums up how I feel all the time when I think about my MM when I'm home alone at night and he's with his family. I know he misses me, but does he feel it as acutely? wish I could read minds. waterlove, i am glad you could relate to my poem... it is how i feel as well i believe MM do feel these things and i am not sure we will ever know to what degree they do. i do know what it feels like to be with someone or be somewhere wishing i was with someone else or somewhere else... so keep that in mind when you think about him being at home. my xMM texted all the time while he while he was at home with his family, so i have a little insight to this, and yes he thinks about you a lot, but it comforts us very little knowing they are thinking about us, not when we want to be with them in the flesh. i am no mind reader either ha, so if you find one let me know !! again, i am glad you enjoyed the poem and i am glad you posted something.... we will all be here when you are home alone wondering all kinds of things... so come back here (LS) when you need support, we have all been there or still there. keep in touch...
angel eyes Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I too am an OW. I was feeling very alone and close to tears this morning, when I found this website. I am glad that I found it. It is good to know that I am not alone out here, and that there are others that can relate to what I am going through. Not only do I have a MM, but he lives 7 hours away and have only been able to see each other once every 2 months. So your poem really hit home for me. It was everything that I am feeling. Thank you.
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 I too am an OW. I was feeling very alone and close to tears this morning, when I found this website. I am glad that I found it. It is good to know that I am not alone out here, and that there are others that can relate to what I am going through. Not only do I have a MM, but he lives 7 hours away and have only been able to see each other once every 2 months. So your poem really hit home for me. It was everything that I am feeling. Thank you. i am sooooo happy you found LS, it will give you a place to figure the whole A thing out and a place to put your feelings about the A and MM i am sorry you are hurting today, good news you are not alone, we are here. i am glad my poem was helpful in some way, it is how i feel every day, all day .... even though i am glad you could connect to it, i am sorry you are in a situation that you would make us feel this way... but we are and we will just have to support each other while we are here... so you are very welcome many many hugs for you today !!!! and maybe something with lots of carbs....
terrific Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 i am sooooo happy you found LS, it will give you a place to figure the whole A thing out and a place to put your feelings about the A and MM i am sorry you are hurting today, good news you are not alone, we are here. i am glad my poem was helpful in some way, it is how i feel every day, all day .... even though i am glad you could connect to it, i am sorry you are in a situation that you would make us feel this way... but we are and we will just have to support each other while we are here... so you are very welcome many many hugs for you today !!!! and maybe something with lots of carbs.... Yes!!! Carbs for all
Golon Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Hi, just read your poem. It has gone midnight uk time. I can't sleep. I am upset after another evening texting my MM. He complained I was not replying properly to his texts. I am tired and feel hurt as I don't want to text him while he sits at home with his wife. I want him with me. He claims they have separate rooms. How will I ever know if he is lying in bed alone or with his wife? I just ache to be with him but instead I am in bed alone. Thank you for your poem.
lilbunny Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Hi, just read your poem. It has gone midnight uk time. I can't sleep. I am upset after another evening texting my MM. He complained I was not replying properly to his texts. I am tired and feel hurt as I don't want to text him while he sits at home with his wife. I want him with me. He claims they have separate rooms. How will I ever know if he is lying in bed alone or with his wife? I just ache to be with him but instead I am in bed alone. Thank you for your poem. Oh sweetie I feel for you so much and angel eyes too. Been there, still there who knows anymore. I think that poem has struck a chord with quite a few of us, so thanks for posting it, it is a very personal thing and I think it was brave to share it. Sadly for me I think if I asked those questions the answer is no and that makes it all the more poignant for me.
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Hi, just read your poem. It has gone midnight uk time. I can't sleep. I am upset after another evening texting my MM. He complained I was not replying properly to his texts. I am tired and feel hurt as I don't want to text him while he sits at home with his wife. I want him with me. He claims they have separate rooms. How will I ever know if he is lying in bed alone or with his wife? I just ache to be with him but instead I am in bed alone. Thank you for your poem. i am sorry you are up in the middle of the night being upset about the outcome of a situation you have such little control over.... i do it all the time, and then get mad at myself for allowing it to make me lose sleep, but since you are up let me say i feel your pain and i to have wanted my xMM to be with me, but it did not work out that way, hopefully it will work out the way you want it, but until that comes to pass, we and i say we because i have found great support here on LS, will go though it with you in the middle of the night or the middle of the day. i am glad you read the poem and i am glad you know you are not alone tonight....keep posting it does help
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Oh sweetie I feel for you so much and angel eyes too. Been there, still there who knows anymore. I think that poem has struck a chord with quite a few of us, so thanks for posting it, it is a very personal thing and I think it was brave to share it. Sadly for me I think if I asked those questions the answer is no and that makes it all the more poignant for me. thank you for your kindness, it is a very personal poem, but i think your right a lot of people ask all those questions, that is why i felt it had to be shared. (i am not so sure i am brave though but i am glad you see it that way) for me the answers change day to day --- some days they are all no's and some days they are yes---my emotional roller coaster i am on again i am glad you like the poem and sorry you are where i am ... it is a awful painful place to be, but it is where we are and together we will make it through..... may this dark phase pass quickly for all of us
GreenEyedLady Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 i am sorry you are up in the middle of the night being upset about the outcome of a situation you have such little control over... Your poem is very beautiful, heartfelt and heartbreaking. Yet, YOU have all the control here. OW are really the ones in control. It is the OW who determines if the R continues or not. Don't give up your control! And your story is still unwritten. YOU determine the writing day by day! Empower yourself! Instead of does he think of you, focus on the YOU! Who cares what he does?! YOU can go anywhere and he can just go home. GEL ((HUGS)) Edited to add: I'm not talking at all about breaking NC. I'm talking about shifting your thinking from him to you. There is a reason you are NC. I'd bet you are going to be much happier than him.
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Your poem is very beautiful, heartfelt and heartbreaking. Yet, YOU have all the control here. OW are really the ones in control. It is the OW who determines if the R continues or not. Don't give up your control! And your story is still unwritten. YOU determine the writing day by day! Empower yourself! Instead of does he think of you, focus on the YOU! Who cares what he does?! YOU can go anywhere and he can just go home. GEL ((HUGS)) Edited to add: I'm not talking at all about breaking NC. I'm talking about shifting your thinking from him to you. There is a reason you are NC. I'd bet you are going to be much happier than him. i do agree with you, we do have all of the control over ourselves not the situation, you know the one where the MM leaves his M to be with you.... where we seem to dwell when we are hurting and that is where i am now. you keep posting that encouragement and one day i will say damn right!! but i am not there just yet ... but i am trying and posting the poem was such a true picture of my state of mind and heart, i am glad you liked it and do not forget about me i need support of all kinds!! thank you for the hugs as well .... ((hugs back at cha))
Golon Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 2themoon- you have my support x x x x x I think it is hard outside this forum to find understanding. All my friends are not in this situation and the few that do know see it very much in black and white. They say finish it but something stops me. I feel so totally torn in two, wondering (as your poem suggests) whether he feels the same as me, aches like I do or whether I am perhaps kidding myself on. When old close friends say I should end it and then get cross with me when I don't and say I bring on unhappiness myself it kills me. Like you I just want to be happy and with the person I love, but just can't make it happen. I feel torn between the love I have for my MM and the desire for love and understanding of close friends. I do feel stuck. To finish would break my heart but to continue I ache for things I can't have. 2themoon- how are you feeling now?
Author 2themoon&back Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 2themoon- you have my support x x x x x I think it is hard outside this forum to find understanding. All my friends are not in this situation and the few that do know see it very much in black and white. They say finish it but something stops me. I feel so totally torn in two, wondering (as your poem suggests) whether he feels the same as me, aches like I do or whether I am perhaps kidding myself on. When old close friends say I should end it and then get cross with me when I don't and say I bring on unhappiness myself it kills me. Like you I just want to be happy and with the person I love, but just can't make it happen. I feel torn between the love I have for my MM and the desire for love and understanding of close friends. I do feel stuck. To finish would break my heart but to continue I ache for things I can't have. 2themoon- how are you feeling now? gololn, i am so sorry it took me so long to answer you... i was on some antidepressants that had some very bad side effects and i was out of it for the past week or so. i have stopped taken it !! i am feeling all over the place emotionally, and i can not figure out where i want to be or even need to be, i am still in NC and i still cry but with that said --- i still breath as well. as for your friends i know just what you are talking about there and i am fixing to write a new thread talking just about that. what i am reading in your post is that some of your friends are not supporting you... they are negotiating with you and your friendship with them ... if you do not end the A, you may loose their friendship, WOW, if i were you I step away from those friends because right now , because you need support not ultimatums, this situation is hard enough no one needs anyone making things harder for them, especially a "friend"!!! keep in touch and read my next post about friendships... and take care of yourself
LaceyL Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Hi, I am new here.....I am going through all the same emotions, and also enjoy writing about them; very cathartic. Some of my writing is angry, some desolate, but yes, like you, I wonder if he misses me. I also wonder how he can sleep at night, not only dreaming of me, but knowing that he threw me under the bus, lied to his W, and is now living his life as a hypocritical baby. I have so many ambivalent thoughts and feelings about him, but I have to ask if I want a man who lets himself live a lie, and remain the victim to an emotionally abusive W (yes, men can be abused too), and not have the ba--s to stand up for himself and walk out the door. And now we are in NC; part of me wants to vent to him, but I don't, as there would be no real purpose right now. Even with all of this, I still miss him..... I no longer believe in marriage (sorry, to those of you who do). Instead, I think that Wiccan handfasting makes more sense (although I am not Wiccan). In this ceremony, people commit for one year, and thereafter have to recommit each year. It just makes more sense, than so many people remaining married, miserable, to spouses they no longer wish to be with (and getting involved with people like us, who fall in love with them).
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