To anyone who thinks you have fckd up, trust me, THIS is how you **** up!!!

[Preciousmetal]

so my gf broke up with me about a month ago. I let her to it , did NC and was moving on and getting used to being single.

She pissed on me for about a month before breaking it up, then i got dumped by 1 measly text. But fine, didnt go mad , left her to it , moved on.

 

One small problem. When we met i was introduced by another girl who thought i was 2 years younger than i was. We met in a club, was a long story.

So as time went on and on it got harder and harder to tell her.

I would break it off, she moved house to stalk me. I would break it off again, she moved jobs to stalk me, til i gave in.

Eventually i decided to tell her. So we were arranging a holiday an i was meeting up with her to tell her. She broke it off.

6 months of NC later we got back together and i was still ****ed as to what to do.

 

BTW i know how bad this is, i know. But she had lied to me about a lot of things, guys , whatever. I never lied about anything but this thing got so out of hand, whenever i did tell her i would b totally screwed and i knew that.

 

After a month of me not speaking to her and moving on i got a text saying she knew how old i was. I told her the whole story , said how sorry i was, blah blah blah.

She went ballistic, i mean ballistic and text saying she will hate me for the rest of her life.

 

I know how bad this looks but being in this situation was terrible. It escalated for so long that i couldnt tell her as i would look a total idiot and shed break up with me anyway. When i did break up with her she would make sure she got back in my life, whatever way she could.

 

She did a bunch of stuff that i forgave her for and i have never done anything. never cheated, always been straight up about everything. But i had this massive monkey on my back and it was at some point going to crash and rui neverything.

 

i dont want to get back together , thats pointless. Her whole attitude of "I will hate you forever" is pretty immature and even on this she wouldnt talk , just through text calling me every name under the sun.

 

I know how bad this was but i also feel a bit annoyed that i never got any chance to talk about why it happened. when she did stuff i talked it over with her, until she talked me round or explained what went on. I let her dump me without notice, i let her do it twice. Iv let her sound off at me. When i broke up with her i got called every name in the book , for months. I just dont want to be in the position that shes the victim for the next 5 years.

 

Her last text said " I will hate you for the rest of my life"

Every time we break up she tries to hate me for something as she thinks it makes it easier, so i have given her the motherload

 

I was with this girl for four years. Is there seriously anything i can do so that she wont hate me forever. One thing you dont want is a girl in town that wants to kill you.

Is ther ANY point initiating contact in the future, apologising or trying again to smooth it over?

 

I been really honest here so try and keep the "Your an idiot" to the first four pages!

Edited September 5, 2010 by Preciousmetal

[Preciousmetal]

An update , i just text her saying

"Now you know why i didnt tell you"

And she text back saying

"yup"

 

I think she wants me to keep texting so she can give me more and more ****, which im not going to do.

I mean comeone, this must be up there with the worst break up stories?

[Maverick1983]

Ok obviously you should have told her your age but come on her reaction was a bit over the top to say the least.Age is really only a number.It doesnt change someones personality or it doesnt make anything different.She shouldnt be phased by it and it shouldnt change her perception of you if she loves you.Are you sure that she wasnt using the whole age thing as an excuse to break up?If not then she really did over react.You are not an idiot,dont be so hard on yourself.You were loyal and straight with her and now she knows the truth.

[Silvaria]

Her attitude is immature and shallow.

 

My ex- is 14 years younger than me. Age is so utterly irrelevant to us, that he calls me, "young lady" at times, LOL...

 

Age really is just a number, and if she went ballistic over a mere 2 years, I'd hate to see what she'd do the first time she found out you had lunch at McDonald's last Thursday without telling her...

[Preciousmetal]

****ing hell guys, wow! I thought i was going to get ripped to pieces.

It was 4 years so its a long time for someone not to know ur real age?

 

She kept texting me giving me abuse so in the end i text her this. BTW when she broke up with me i was moving towns to b nearer to her.

 

And i said nothing, to help you.U know what. U lied to me over and over, you did terrible things behind my back. You broke up with me in a horrible way that ****ed my whole life up. I am sorry i lied i really am. I have explained why i couldnt tell you and i was never happy you not knowing the truth.

You have given me the abuse and you dumped me so i dont know why you are even bothered. Lets move on now

 

TBH she wants an excuse to hate me. When id dump her she wanted an excuse to hate me and would use anything.

I do feel bad about lying to her but i dont want to get abuse for the rest of my life. Hopefully it will stay there and we can both move on.

 

U think that text is ok?

[Preciousmetal]

And i wasnt exactly loyal and straight with her. She just found out, a month after breaking up with me

[spiderowl]

Honesty matters a lot. As you know now, you should have told her your age as soon as you became aware she didn't know it. How would I feel if someone 'lied' to me about their age? Well, I know one or two people who think it's no big deal and, through vanity, prefer to keep it to themselves and not tell girlfriends if they get the wrong idea. I know them - but I would not be their girlfriend. For some reason, it really matters to me that they would mislead a girlfriend about something like that. So, if I found out years later, I'd be furious. I may well drop them because I would feel betrayed. I would wonder what else they were capable of hiding from me. Yes, trust would be shaken.

 

Having said all the above, your ex's reaction is extreme. She sounds very angry. Anger and upset, I can understand, but continuing to berate you once she's dumped you? That's just pointless. It sounds as if she's very insecure. It's OK for her to break the rules because she knows why she's doing it and isn't seeing it from your point of view, but when you break the rules you are threatening her essential security and she cannot trust you. I suspect this is why she is so vehement. You may have been the one person she felt she could trust, someone she could always win round and who would always forgive her. But, now you've shattered that illusion. There seems to be more to this than simply what you have done, maybe a whole background of people letting her down and leaving her without support. Due to your one mistake, you are getting the backlash from her past.

 

I don't know what you want with her, if anything. If you do want her back - and she doesn't sound like an easy character - then you'd need to make her feel secure with you again. Perhaps tell her that you made a big mistake, that you regret it deeply, but that she's got to stop berating you like that and come to terms with you not being perfect. Both of you need to move on from this and put the relationship on a more honest and stable footing. Maybe then, you could learn to trust each other again. She would need to be more honest with you too. I feel, instinctively here, that if you acknowledge your mistakes and take control and responsibility here for moving the relationship forward, she may start to feel safer and stop this panicking and castigation. I think she has been very frightened by this episode.

[Preciousmetal]

Honesty matters a lot. As you know now, you should have told her your age as soon as you became aware she didn't know it. How would I feel if someone 'lied' to me about their age? Well, I know one or two people who think it's no big deal and, through vanity, prefer to keep it to themselves and not tell girlfriends if they get the wrong idea. I know them - but I would not be their girlfriend. For some reason, it really matters to me that they would mislead a girlfriend about something like that. So, if I found out years later, I'd be furious. I may well drop them because I would feel betrayed. I would wonder what else they were capable of hiding from me. Yes, trust would be shaken.

 

Having said all the above, your ex's reaction is extreme. She sounds very angry. Anger and upset, I can understand, but continuing to berate you once she's dumped you? That's just pointless. It sounds as if she's very insecure. It's OK for her to break the rules because she knows why she's doing it and isn't seeing it from your point of view, but when you break the rules you are threatening her essential security and she cannot trust you. I suspect this is why she is so vehement. You may have been the one person she felt she could trust, someone she could always win round and who would always forgive her. But, now you've shattered that illusion. There seems to be more to this than simply what you have done, maybe a whole background of people letting her down and leaving her without support. Due to your one mistake, you are getting the backlash from her past.

 

I don't know what you want with her, if anything. If you do want her back - and she doesn't sound like an easy character - then you'd need to make her feel secure with you again. Perhaps tell her that you made a big mistake, that you regret it deeply, but that she's got to stop berating you like that and come to terms with you not being perfect. Both of you need to move on from this and put the relationship on a more honest and stable footing. Maybe then, you could learn to trust each other again. She would need to be more honest with you too. I feel, instinctively here, that if you acknowledge your mistakes and take control and responsibility here for moving the relationship forward, she may start to feel safer and stop this panicking and castigation. I think she has been very frightened by this episode.

 

Yea, reading that and looking at my above text i may have been a bit too hostile.

She broke up with me and i havent hear d a word for a month, and i was moving on and doing well. So i dont really want to get back with her. I guess i just dont want her to hate me as its so pointless.

I havent cheated or anything and i told her that the reason i kept breaking it off before was becaause i felt so bad, but she kept hounding me til we got back together.

I'll just do what i always do , give it time.

She is very insecure, which is ridiclous because she is a model, but they ALL are. I think you are right about all her frustrations being pointed here.

 

I just dont get why she broke up with me if shes so bitter about the whole thing.

[thrownaway]

My opinion is (without reading the other advice) that she has other issues going on within herself... and that is something you have no part of, this is about 'her' not you, and she needs to discover some things in life, on her own. I think you should move on, yes you have a lot of time invested in her, but you just need to move on, you are wasting the time now that you could be spending with someone you could be honest with, and someone with whom you could be making future plans with. For her, the pain will die with time (as long as you quit dragging it on by trying to win your 'reputation' back) Let her figure out her problems on her own (her perceptions on life are not your responsibility... nor are they the same as yours!). With that said, you really need to focus on what you did wrong, and not do it again. Learn from this and make sure you don't do it again. Do not punish yourself with this, use it to grow... (I repeat) accept that fact that you did a wrong and do not do it again. If you keep trying to sway her view of you, you are only setting yourself up for a huge, long cycle of anger, guilt, anguish, character bashing, etc. Put a stop to it now... you lied, she knows, you apologized and professed your love... there is nothing more you can do... just DO NOT do it again!

[Lemontang]

You did the right thing about fessing up, no matter how long it took and even if she did find out indirectly based on how she's treated this I'd go NC. People that insecure need to take a good hard look at themselves. Or as the saying goes "Check yo self before you wreck yo self fool"-Ice Cube.

 

I had an issue a number of years back with a girl who said she was 28 when she was really 25. Now yes age in most cases is just a number, but I had an issue with her simply lying especially since we'd met through online dating and it wasn't until 3 months of solid dating did she bring it up. Needless to say alarm bells went off as a precedent had been set and I found myself unable to trust her at a certain level so decided to just be friends instead. But I certainly didn't flip out Jerry Maguire style.

[Preciousmetal]

Yea i have been thinking about it and i think the main reason i am so upset about it is that I WANT to be No Contact. I want shot of it.

I was doing No contact, and she broke up with really badly, over text with no explination and up til now had no interest in my well being at all.

 

Problem is now i know this could drag on for months. Shell be speaking to my friends, causing trouble, annoying the hell out of me.

And plus i do feel awful about it and im leaving the country today ( currently ) in the airport. Its just a crap feeling knowing someone hates you.

 

And i do think that lying to someone for 4 years is pretty serious and although it doesnt change me, its a lot to sink in to someone , and im gonna have to swallow it and take whatever happens.

I definitely wont be contacting her. If she keeps texting me abuse shall i just ignore it or tell her to stop?

Edited September 5, 2010 by Preciousmetal

[Lemontang]

I wouldn't even tell her to stop just go NC straight up. If it gets too bad and continues, I know some telco's can block some numbers from messaging through & calling so she'd get a disconnected notification or similar.

 

As for talking to friends, you need only set them straight and tell them your not interested in hearing any gossip about her etc... I had to do this with one ex that we had mutual friends with by asking them not to tell me voluntarily what she was saying about me or what she was up to as I needed to shut her out completely, this in turn filtered back to her and she eventually got the message that I'd moved on and had no interest in her life. Granted I'm friends with most of my ex's bar this one, but that's another story to tell for a later time.

[Preciousmetal]

I wouldn't even tell her to stop just go NC straight up. If it gets too bad and continues, I know some telco's can block some numbers from messaging through & calling so she'd get a disconnected notification or similar.

 

As for talking to friends, you need only set them straight and tell them your not interested in hearing any gossip about her etc... I had to do this with one ex that we had mutual friends with by asking them not to tell me voluntarily what she was saying about me or what she was up to as I needed to shut her out completely, this in turn filtered back to her and she eventually got the message that I'd moved on and had no interest in her life. Granted I'm friends with most of my ex's bar this one, but that's another story to tell for a later time.

 

Yea you are right. Its actually made it easier. When i broke up with her before i got months of stalking and abuse and this just takes me back to those times and makes me realise how crazy she is.

Its a shame when u cant be friends with exes but sometimes their feelings are just too strong or they have been hurt too much.

 

Last question, but do u think what i did was on the same level as being unfaithful?

[Lemontang]

I'll say both yes and no on that. No it's not really at the level of being unfaithful, but yes as in you allowed the dishonesty to carry for such a long time before she found out, much like some people do with affairs, when it's something you could have nipped in the bud in 5 minutes. So it's more to do with perspective on how you were dishonest compared to what it was you were dishonest about. Much like the girl I dated who said she was 28 on her online profile and in person but later told me she was really 25.

 

Another way you could look at it though was with another ex of mine I broke up with went around telling everyone I threw her & her daughter out, when in fact she was an alcoholic who'd actually been sleeping around and I'd tried to get her into counseling to help her sort out her issues, so instead of accepting the reality that was. She made up a reality that suited her own needs, much like how your ex is abusing you at such at level as some form of compensating her own insecurities.

[Preciousmetal]

Yea she wanted a reason to hate me and she has one. I have no idea why she wanted this reason as she broke it up in the first place because she was pissed off about the past.

If we had problems, or i had problems with any gf's id always talk.

She threw a few verbals around yesterday and that was the end of it.

There was a fairly big reason why i couldn tell her and why it went on so long, and it was wrong but it was a **** position to be in that got out of hand.

 

And tbh if it was 12 months ago she would have probably been houdning me to take her back, even if its her fault.

 

She is crazy, im moving on.