LoveTNT Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Ok yeah that title was blunt. Anyhow, what kills us the most is our thoughts running wild. THe good memories, the bad memories, the things that remind us of them when we see it, from a dang crack on the floor, we'll associate it to our ex, the littlest thing can remind us of them and then we're screwed for the half or even whole day because we think and think and remember and sob and get angry and then we're hopeful, then we see pictures of post break up and we get livid and then we're sad again and then there's the 2 minutes to feel better,out of the whole freakn day we've given up to thinking crazy and then we do it all over again! People, we need to stop being enslaved by our emotions, thoughts etc. We need to learn to shift our thinking to a better place, future goals, peace,etc. Yes we deal with the greiving process and that can be a healthy thing, to mourn etc, but we cannot be stuck in the rut. I think about the things that always bothered me about the way he lived his life and honestly I'm not trying to change my ex, it's just really we don't have to settle for it because we "love them". If he want's to live a certain way that's his choice and I have to respect that, and BOUNCE. For instance I broke up with my ex BF about 2x I was so tired of certain things, and then I would want to take it back because I was afraid of being alone or afraid to deal with the greiving process, because no matter what even if you're the one breaking it up it still hurts. So I always went back. But this last time he was so upset with me for doing it again, and now he's flipped it. And i've cried for 5 weeks straight, somedays feeling better but ultimately even though I know this is the best thing it still hurts like hell. The mixed signals etc, bleh. What I'm trying to say is, lets be real with ourselves, there are certain things that we are settling for , either we're trying to fix our exes, be there mommies, etc... and that ain't right. They are going to be who they want to be act the way they want to act, WE CAN'T change that. We can influence, but if they're just pushing you away ( even though they say they love you etc) you can't be punked. I felt I was wrong and in ways I do take responsibility of course, but what am I supposed to do, become a mess and think and think and think and remember and try to play every little moment over and over in my head, what could I have done, I shoudn't have said that bla bla. NA! All i can do is lead by example. I can be the change. If he cares to see it and notice and forgive and want to work things out great if not, I got to keep trucking. I will not ramble and beg, I can't do that anymore, bargaining stage needs to be of the past. He knows I love him and would love to be there for him. But I have to put myself first. and I can't settle and put my morals a side because I love him and it's ok if he does that now he'll stop that eventually. I will not be enslaved by my thoughts or my emotions, I have a brain I have emotions, BUT I WILL CONTROL THEM! It is possible! I'm a young female, I'm a good person, I'm compassionate and passionate and beautiful and I will not feel ugly because the guy I love isn't responding the way i'd like him to, I will not feel insecure because of his choices. Ok now I'm going to go cry, jk! siiiggggh, I just want to be a good person to everyone and attract good things in my life as much as possible. Thank you my creator for being there for me. Peace people. Take control.
Author LoveTNT Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 Good post LoveTNT!!! I try to tell myself everyday that I am a better person, I want to improve... if he doesn't, that's HIS problem, not mine! Let him sit and wallow in his drunken self-pity party every night! My life is not over and I refuse to settle, just yet anyway! Take care and good luck! Hey, thanks. I'm having a hard Sunday, just want to cry.. I'll read my post now to remind me,..... Siggh
Trovador Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Hey, thank you for the motivation... Sad thing is they never will realize the need to change... they are perfectly fine the way they have been all their lives... but they do want us to change for them even if they didn't ask us directly... My ex told me some days ago "I will never change for anybody", I had just offered my willingness to improve and change certain areas of my life I have troubles with... and somehow, that was belittling myself at her eyes... Other thing of hers that bothered me a lot: it was hard for her to apologize... either for small or important stuff... it is tough to live with someone like that... and somehow, that have helped me a lot in my healing...
Author LoveTNT Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 Hey, thank you for the motivation... Sad thing is they never will realize the need to change... they are perfectly fine the way they have been all their lives... but they do want us to change for them even if they didn't ask us directly... My ex told me some days ago "I will never change for anybody", I had just offered my willingness to improve and change certain areas of my life I have troubles with... and somehow, that was belittling myself at her eyes... Other thing of hers that bothered me a lot: it was hard for her to apologize... either for small or important stuff... it is tough to live with someone like that... and somehow, that have helped me a lot in my healing... My ex, once said something like," I will never be that man from the past"( he used do everything and anything for me) because I hurt him. I was that girl too. He would tell me that I didn't say sorry, and that I had a defietist mentaillity. And that I needed to be more selfless,.. When we argued I'd say take me home,or I'm leaving or i'm tired of this! Yes I did do that. I'd get so frustrated, that was wrong though now I'm paying the price... But I know that I love him and reflecting and realizing, I don't want to b that way.... He now needs his space to think, he's depressed and he says he has deadlines with work etc... He said I broke us up.... He should take responsibility to though... I hope he has peace in his heart I saw Him Friday I asked if I can join him for dinner he agreed. It was sweet but I can see the sadness hurt and confusion in his eyes, about everything going on in his life. I hope he can let me back in... For now I'll keep up with nc I don't want to smother him. I mentioned that I miss laying with him and talking, He said maybe soon we can hang do that... :/ :/ :/ that's how it is...
Author LoveTNT Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Had to bring this one back. It gave me a booster SHOT! Take control.. heh?
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