LostInTurn Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I know I'm better off without him. However, some days, like today, right this minute I pause because I feel as though I lost an extension of myself. I think that may be the most difficult aspect.
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I know I'm better off without him. However, some days, like today, right this minute I pause because I feel as though I lost an extension of myself. I think that may be the most difficult aspect. I can relate to this. I feel like I lost my best friend, my rock, my world. It's so hard. That IS the most difficult aspect. My ex seems to have changed from who he used to be. The one I fell in love with and the one I loved for 8 years of my life. So it's like that person has died. It kills me everyday.
Author LostInTurn Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 I can relate to this. I feel like I lost my best friend, my rock, my world. It's so hard. That IS the most difficult aspect. My ex seems to have changed from who he used to be. The one I fell in love with and the one I loved for 8 years of my life. So it's like that person has died. It kills me everyday. It's a sh*tty feeling. I refuse to cry. I want to, but I refuse. Dammit.
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 It's a sh*tty feeling. I refuse to cry. I want to, but I refuse. Dammit. For me crying gets out the emotion and the frustration. I cry quite often. I don't cry everyday, but when I feel the urge, I just let loose. Last night I bawled like a baby. I'm hormonal right now, so that may have had something to do with it. I felt a bit better after I cried.
bonpaw2008 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 OK so we lost an extension of ourselves. Like Shannon says its definitely like someone dying and we are going through the same grief process with the death of our relationships. But maybe we should think about it more like this...this extension needed to be cut off, because it wasn't healthy. I am feeling stronger and healthier every day without him. He was moody, mean and toxic and him leaving me was the best thing for me. Now I can get myself healthy so this never happens to me again. I thank him for making me disease-free. Hope your weekend is good.
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 OK so we lost an extension of ourselves. Like Shannon says its definitely like someone dying and we are going through the same grief process with the death of our relationships. But maybe we should think about it more like this...this extension needed to be cut off, because it wasn't healthy. I am feeling stronger and healthier every day without him. He was moody, mean and toxic and him leaving me was the best thing for me. Now I can get myself healthy so this never happens to me again. I thank him for making me disease-free. Hope your weekend is good. Thats a good way of looking at it. My ex wasn't a toxic person who I needed to be free from, so it's difficult to feel good about losing that part of me. In time I will come to terms with all of it I'm sure. It's going to just take a long time.
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) Yes, we lost an extension of ourselves. We also lost someone with whom we can recall old, fond memories and share stories. We lost someone who spoke our unique "shared language", someone who could make us smile and laugh and feel at ease. But at the same time, they lost the same thing. In my case, I got replaced very quickly both times she left me, but she has nevertheless lost the same thing I did. I agree with this. But do they miss those things like we do or are they building all new memories, stories and a unique language with the new person they're with? The unique language thing makes me smile because my ex and I were nuts when it came to that. We had all sorts of names for each other and silly things we would say to one another. Does he miss it? Who the f*ck knows. I sure do. Edited September 4, 2010 by ShannonMI
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 They are absolutely building new memories, stories, and language with their new partners. In my case, when I started hanging around with my ex again, I was suprised at how many things she remembered about "us" and the times we had together. Granted, I suspect that she will build more powerful ones with this new guy, but the things she shared with me will still be there. I know that now. It doesnt make it any less painful, and I doubt it bothers her to have lost them, at least not now. But someday, at some point, she might regret not having the shared connection, even if for only a twinge of time. What if you made your ex believe in God? I was really sick once and they didn't know if I was going to pull through. My ex prayed for me to get better and I did. I started coming around on a certain date, 11/11/03. To this day he considers 11/11 a significant number. Whenever he sees it, like on a digital clock or whatever, he takes note of it. He said I made him believe there was a higher power. I made him believe in God. He even wears a cross & dog tag necklace that has the date engraved on it. He wears it everyday. At least he used to when we were together. That date and the necklace he wears has everything to do with ME and his spiritually beliefs. Still he threw me away like I meant nothing to him. WTF is wrong with some people? We shared so much and I was replaced so easily. It makes me want to cry everytime I think about it.
Cameraman Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Still he threw me away like I meant nothing to him. WTF is wrong with some people? We shared so much and I was replaced so easily. It makes me want to cry everytime I think about it. I know your feeling. It makes me lose my belief in humanity.
Cameraman Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I can relate to this. I feel like I lost my best friend, my rock, my world. It's so hard. That IS the most difficult aspect. My ex seems to have changed from who he used to be. The one I fell in love with and the one I loved for 8 years of my life. So it's like that person has died. It kills me everyday. I could say exactly the same. Except that we were not together for 8 years. But I suppose it is easier to think that the person has died and not left and betrayed me.
Author LostInTurn Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 My beliefs have seriously been questioned. I tell a good friend of mine that if there is a God, he must have a ton of bad days and does this to me as entertainment. I always believed, and a little over one year ago after work one day I went and sat in a church and just cried. Then a couple months later a series of events happen which led me to my ex. One would think it was 'meant' to be. Now, I question everything. I had lunch with a friend yesterday and I was telling him my theories, and he said the whole 'it happens for a reason' (whatever) saying. He asked me if I've been to church since. I haven't since that day last year. I seriously debated going today, but I can't. I'm not perfect, but I know I didn't deserve the sh*t I was given with this.
Steadfast Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I find this phenomenon interesting (not enjoyable) with my ex wife. She cheated, moved out, had multiple affairs and after I let her go and moved on she hit an emotional wall. Our meetings are filled with the presence of her sadness and regret, but only to a point. Slowly, she is letting more and more of her guard down and opening up, now openly expressing love, etc. We were very close for a very long time. A strong bond. But, her actions and decisions prove that even the strongest bond isn't indestructible. After considerable contemplation, my rough conclusion says her motivation towards life, family and marriage was different than mine. Yes, I had my faults (as we all do) and often acted in my own selfish interests, but I loved her and wanted her to be happy. It made me happy to make her happy. It wasn't enough. Unless the two are pulling the rope in the same direction, unless the goals, dreams and aspirations harmonize, one side or the other is going to get drawn away to something that looks more attractive. At some point, her image of me (the one in her heart) changed or was sacrificed for this new idea, and I don't have to tell anyone here how that feels. It is simply and without question the most painful, heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. But, as is always the case, it is the betrayer who suffers most in the end. I picked up the ragged, broken pieces of my life and am slowly putting them back together. Hers are also broken and scattered, but the difference is, she is the one who broke them. There is a difference there that I'm still wrapping my head around. Just because you can't see it happening or it isn't happening at the same time does not mean it won't. There is no escaping the consequences. We each decide for ourselves. Choose wisely!
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