giotto Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 as I know things affect people in different ways. I am too worried about trying to alleviate her issues (or try and make them go away) that frankly I don't want to face my issues.... Heck, a little more sex, more stability in my career and I'd be more then happy...... communication doesn't seem too fluent in your relationship. To me, it seems you bicker about superficial things, which are obviously a symptom of a deeper issue. We struggled for communication in our marriage (not for me not trying!) and we got talking - or maybe I should say got the wife talking - only when I really conveyed how serious things were for me, as you know. Maybe you should take the bull by the horns and confront the issues once for all. I can feel the resentment building up, slowly...
denise_xo Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I don't get the premise this whole idea is built upon. My man isn't 'helping me' or 'being kind to me' when he does the dishes. I don't expect 'help', I expect him to take his part of the responsibility of keeping our home in order. I don't have a dish-washing gene or 'naturally gifted house cleaner' written in my forehead any more than he does.
Shakz Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I don't get the premise this whole idea is built upon. My man isn't 'helping me' or 'being kind to me' when he does the dishes. I don't expect 'help', I expect him to take his part of the responsibility of keeping our home in order. I don't have a dish-washing gene or 'naturally gifted house cleaner' written in my forehead any more than he does. It may not be genetic but many men have an aversion to "women's work." For a guy to give a gal a break from time to time is just simple courtesy, eventhough half the time she'll have to go back and fix his kindly help. My personal opinion is that the one who brings home the bacon shouldn't be expected to fry it up in the pan. Of course if both are working there should be a equitable distribution of chores. Resentment over these issues should be left at the bedroom door.
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 If that is true of the women YOU know, someone must not be doing something right. practice, practice, practice......:laugh:
You Go Girl Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 It may not be genetic but many men have an aversion to "women's work." For a guy to give a gal a break from time to time is just simple courtesy, eventhough half the time she'll have to go back and fix his kindly help. My personal opinion is that the one who brings home the bacon shouldn't be expected to fry it up in the pan. Of course if both are working there should be a equitable distribution of chores. Resentment over these issues should be left at the bedroom door. There are men still out there who think like the bolded above? Haha...I thought they died off years ago. Whew! They need to join the current century, er, millenium. Maybe it is not the dishes exactly, but what the dishes represent. A man who believes his woman should follow certain old fashioned sexist woman's work type of thinking...it's not the dirty dishes that is the turn-off, it's the subserviant attitude of the H toward the W. As for me, it would never work. I can't be house-maid trained. A man that left his dirty socks on the floor and thought it was my job to pick them up would still be looking at them where he left them a month later...but we'd be split up by then anyway.
Shakz Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 There are men still out there who think like the bolded above? Oh yes, my dear. I was raised to believe that a man does not deign to wash a dish, nor does he wash clothing. The only thing a man washes is himself and his weapons. I'm not saying it's right, it just is what it is. I will do the dishes and the laundry, but only my own, because I'm on my own. When I'm with a woman, she is to do these menial chores. Sorry, I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is, and I am who I am.
Stung Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Oh yes, my dear. I was raised to believe that a man does not deign to wash a dish, nor does he wash clothing. The only thing a man washes is himself and his weapons. I'm not saying it's right, it just is what it is. I will do the dishes and the laundry, but only my own, because I'm on my own. When I'm with a woman, she is to do these menial chores. Sorry, I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is, and I am who I am. Wow. Woman as default menial servant, due to chromosomes. I have to say, I have always enjoyed your humor and light banter, and this comes as something of a...disappointment. Also FYI if this were really an attitude you were you were 'not proud' of and not perfectly comfortable with, you'd probably find yourself open to change and growth.
sweetjasmine Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 There are men still out there who think like the bolded above? Haha...I thought they died off years ago. Whew! They need to join the current century, er, millenium. Definitely. My brother's one of them, and he's 27. My mother tried to raise me this way, too, but it didn't stick. Instead of thinking that washing the dishes, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry are my job because of my chromosome pairs, I get incensed at the idea and would run away far and fast from anyone who ever suggested that it's primarily my responsibility because I was born with one set of genitalia and not the other. I have absolutely zero patience or tolerance for the "you should clean my things and feed me because you're female, and that sort of work is beneath men like me" attitude. I have absolutely no interest in being another adult's mommy and maid, and uneven division of housework would quickly make me very resentful.
You Go Girl Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Oh yes, my dear. I was raised to believe that a man does not deign to wash a dish, nor does he wash clothing. The only thing a man washes is himself and his weapons. I'm not saying it's right, it just is what it is. I will do the dishes and the laundry, but only my own, because I'm on my own. When I'm with a woman, she is to do these menial chores. Sorry, I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is, and I am who I am. OH yes you are proud of it, haha! Read your script below: A man is most often right in what he affirms and wrong in what he denies" ~F.D. Maurice You deny you are proud of it, ergo, you are proud of it. hahahahahahahaha You're a funny guy. Good thing we will never date, the results would be disasterous! So don't you even think about asking me out. hahahahaha Whew! My belly hurts.
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