alexandria35 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Lol....I have noticed that a lot of the OW/OM describe their MM/MW as being amazing people. This sounds odd to me. I mean I haven't met many people that I would call amazing. You know sometimes you meet someone and you think that they are nothing special and then you get to know them and come to find out that they have a side to them that is pretty special. Or the flip side. You meet someone that you think is just wonderful but when you get to know them you see that they have issues and faults just like everyone else. People are just people and I don't find anyone all that amazing. I think people can behave in amazing ways given a specific set of circumstances. Like if I got stranded in the wilderness all by myself and I managed to survive for months by building a shelter with my bare hands and I ate by hunting my own food, well that would be freaking amazing!! Lol...mainly because I'm a city girl and I've hardly even camped. People can do amazing things but I don't think anyone walks around being amazing all the time. So what makes MM/MW amazing? What specifically do they do that makes them worthy of being called amazing. I know they cheat and lie and I'll even admit to being a little amazed at how good some people are at this, but besides that what makes a MM/MW more amazing then anyone else?
lilbunny Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I speak only for myself, but I wouldn't say amazing. The MM in my situation is a flawed and troubled man and I love him in spite of these things, he is no more a perfect individual than anyone else. He is however very special to me. If I didn't love him as much as I think I am capable of loving another human being I wouldn't have put myself through this emotional rollercoaster. He annoys me, makes me angry, hurts me sometimes, just like any other R it isn't always happy, it is in an odd place at the moment. Doesn't everyone to some extent think the person they love is wonderful? I mean if you don't then why on earth would you want them in the first place?
bohogirl Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I thought that the OP was simply being facetious so wasn't going to bite. However, lilbunny, you are right. To fall for anyone you have to believe they are "amazing".
Summer Breeze Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I don't recall people saying their OP is 'amazing'. I know they profess their love and how the feelings they have between them are amazing but I guess I've missed the posts where they've just proclaimed the AP is amazing. I'm with lilbunny. In order for me to fall in love there has to be something about them that sets them apart. Some things are identifiable and some aren't. Some things are as subtle as finding the same obscure humor. Sometimes they're as visible as having similar vehicles or hobbies. What the person is to me is amazing, it's not necessarily the person.
crazycatlady Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Don't we all think our lovers are pretty amazing? Its part of why I was willing to try and work things out because I do think my H is pretty darn amazing in a number of different ways. I don't think OW would be that much different. Something has to be pretty amazing about them to be willing to put up with what the OW have to put up with. Whether its something anyone else could see in that person or not doesn't matter. Perception is everything.
hopesndreams Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I don't recall people saying their OP is 'amazing'. I know they profess their love and how the feelings they have between them are amazing but I guess I've missed the posts where they've just proclaimed the AP is amazing. I'm with lilbunny. In order for me to fall in love there has to be something about them that sets them apart. Some things are identifiable and some aren't. Some things are as subtle as finding the same obscure humor. Sometimes they're as visible as having similar vehicles or hobbies. What the person is to me is amazing, it's not necessarily the person. They are a few posters on here that DO say how AMAZING their MM is. No need to name names.
WowReally Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) Who's to say who's amazing and who's not? There are many married couples out there who have spouses that do much worse things. Edited September 4, 2010 by WowReally
YellowShark Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 They are a few posters on here that DO say how AMAZING their MM is. No need to name names.Cheating and affairs rot the brain. I agree. How can a MM/MW be "amazing" when they are betraying their spouse and often their own children. That's the opposite of amazing to me. Seems to me that they are deeply flawed and untrustworthy individuals.
WowReally Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I agree. How can a MM/MW be "amazing" when they are betraying their spouse and often their own children. That's the opposite of amazing to me. Seems to me that they are deeply flawed and untrustworthy individuals. Monogamy is not natural - Im not condoning cheating nor am I saying people who cheat are losers and the people who are the 3rd wheel are losers but its not natural. Look at the divorce rate and look at how many people are in mediocre to bad marriages and stay because they cant afford to be divorced compared to truly good marriages and the proof is in the pudding! http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/barash%20on%20monogamy.htm http://www.salon.com/books/feature/2010/06/27/sex_at_dawn_interview
YellowShark Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Monogamy is not natural - Im not condoning cheating nor am I saying people who cheat are losers and the people who are the 3rd wheel are losers but its not natural. Look at the divorce rate and look at how many people are in mediocre to bad marriages and stay because they cant afford to be divorced compared to truly good marriages and the proof is in the pudding! Geting in a big pressurized tube and flying to Las Vegas isn't natural either but people do it every day WowReally. My point is cheating on your spouse is like stealing money from the bank if your a bank teller. You've made a promise to do something - (stay faithful) - and then you fail to live up to that promise. IMHO how anyone can call use any positive adjectives to describe someone who is cheating on their spouse -when they are breaking a vow they made - is hard for me to stomach.
Fieldsofgold Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) Monogamy is not natural - Im not condoning cheating nor am I saying people who cheat are losers and the people who are the 3rd wheel are losers but its not natural. Look at the divorce rate and look at how many people are in mediocre to bad marriages and stay because they cant afford to be divorced compared to truly good marriages and the proof is in the pudding! http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/barash%20on%20monogamy.htm http://www.salon.com/books/feature/2010/06/27/sex_at_dawn_interview I think that any time we fall in love, we think the person is amazing. Usually, 20 or 30 years of marriage cures that, and they become just a regular human being whom we hopefully still love and care for, anyway. Edited September 5, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Ellin Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Watch a pack of wild dogs after a female in heat. It doesn't matter if the female is sick, weak or injured - she can't just say no. If she is in heat, she will be bred. . I think you're wrong here. In the animal world females do not mate if they don't want to and I imagine they wouldn't want to if they're sick or injured. If you've seen a pack of dogs running after female in heat you'll know that no dog will approach her if she tries to chase them away. Apart from that - we're not like the rest of animal, we don't just act on instinct, we have reason, higher emotions etc (apparently) - but biological instincts are still a big part of our psyche and they impact our higher emotions, sometimes very strongly.
Ellin Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I speak only for myself, but I wouldn't say amazing. The MM in my situation is a flawed and troubled man and I love him in spite of these things, he is no more a perfect individual than anyone else. He is however very special to me. If I didn't love him as much as I think I am capable of loving another human being I wouldn't have put myself through this emotional rollercoaster. He annoys me, makes me angry, hurts me sometimes, just like any other R it isn't always happy, it is in an odd place at the moment. Doesn't everyone to some extent think the person they love is wonderful? I mean if you don't then why on earth would you want them in the first place? You've summed it up perfectly.
tornandmarried Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 cheating is wrong.....if someone wants to go around sleeping with random people then they shouldnt have one person to which they made a promise not to do that
WowReally Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Just because people get married doesnt mean they should be...and again alot of people stay married because they just can't afford to get divorced
2themoon&back Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 1st you need to understand the definition of amazing.... : causing amazement, great wonder, or surprise <an amazing coincidence> this can happen to anyone, with anyone, at anytime, about anything even if they are not amazing you .... that does not make them less than amazing
TinaniT Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Oh shall I count the ways... I've typed out about 100 things but you know, almost everyone who meets him thinks he is one hell of an impressive man. Where he comes from, what he's accomplished, what he's done in his life, and more than that.. just who he is... and I could list specifics and examples... but the point is, I love him. I am going to marry him. And if you don't think the person you are going to marry is pretty amazing, it's time to rethink, probably!
2themoon&back Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 (edited) I agree. How can a MM/MW be "amazing" when they are betraying their spouse and often their own children. That's the opposite of amazing to me. Seems to me that they are deeply flawed and untrustworthy individuals. i am glad one decision does not define us as a whole... no one here walks an infallible line, at some point in our lives we all fall on the wrong side of what someone thinks is right. Edited September 5, 2010 by 2themoon&back
Author alexandria35 Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Just because people get married doesnt mean they should be...and again alot of people stay married because they just can't afford to get divorced Well I agree. I have a friend who just recently got divoriced after being seperated for 15 years and after not seeing his wife at all for the past 10 years. Neither of them were in a hurry to remarry and neither seemed to want to be bothered with the time or expense of divorice. Recently my friend's ex-wife contacted him and told him that she is ready to marry her longterm boyfriend and she wanted a divorice now please. She said since he was the prick in the marriage he should be the one to put in the time and money to get the divorice ...lol. He agreed and got it done for her. So as you can see it is not necessary for someone to cheat and lie just because one can't afford a divorice. Spouses can seperate and be honest with each other. My own mom and step-father were seperated for five years before they divoriced. About a year after they seperated my step father got a girlfriend and he was openly involved with her. There was no lying and sneaking around. Oh and there were children involved too. My brothers were only 10 and 7 years old when the seperated. Imagine that! A married couple with small children seperating and some years later getting divoriced and nobody had to cheat and lie. Now that's amazing!! At least around here...lol
bentnotbroken Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Just because people get married doesnt mean they should be...and again alot of people stay married because they just can't afford to get divorced And mostly because they are cowards who are too afraid to take their crap and move on to those who the sooooo much.
Woggle Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 There is no law that forces people to get married so if they can't handle commitment then stay single and find others who just want to mess around. Do it honestly instead of lying and deceiving.
jenifer1972 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Monogamy is not natural - Im not condoning cheating nor am I saying people who cheat are losers and the people who are the 3rd wheel are losers but its not natural. Look at the divorce rate and look at how many people are in mediocre to bad marriages and stay because they cant afford to be divorced compared to truly good marriages and the proof is in the pudding! http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/barash%20on%20monogamy.htm http://www.salon.com/books/feature/2010/06/27/sex_at_dawn_interview If you are going to use that argument, as many do, then you'd also have to say, it is not natural for humans to get along and be peaceful. Human history is chock full of constant wars, atrocities, man's inhumanity to man. Humans are a total mess. Human history is one long debacle, and one could argue quite accurately, that humans are the worst pestilence to ever inhabit this planet. What is normative and natural for humans? I think I want to try to be just the opposite.
Fallen Angel Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I speak only for myself, but I wouldn't say amazing. The MM in my situation is a flawed and troubled man and I love him in spite of these things, he is no more a perfect individual than anyone else. He is however very special to me. If I didn't love him as much as I think I am capable of loving another human being I wouldn't have put myself through this emotional rollercoaster. He annoys me, makes me angry, hurts me sometimes, just like any other R it isn't always happy, it is in an odd place at the moment. Doesn't everyone to some extent think the person they love is wonderful? I mean if you don't then why on earth would you want them in the first place? Except for the opening line...THIS! :bunny: Besides, I have known lots of "less than amazing" people, and by comparrison, My Sweetheart is pretty damned amazing to me. He may not be to any of you, but to me, he is. To tell of specifics of things he has done in his life, details of amazing feats of courage, or skill, or dedication is just to much personal information; but the fact of the matter is that he doesn't need to be amazing to the OP or anyone else in the world, in order to be amazing to me.
WowReally Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 (edited) i would be willing to bet the majority of women who find out their husband is cheating on them would have no problem with the cost of divorce.. Oh HockeyFan - how wrong you are. There is so much more involved in divorce/separating than cold heartedly filing papers. I've known several couples who have stayed married for the money, theirs fears of being alone and the changes they'd face. Sometimes it's just easier to let things stay dysfunctional and sweep things under the rug. as for amazing people; i do not believe people who cheat are amazing people. i find them to be flawed individuals. Of course they're flawed...but then again no one's perfect i think people who mean what they say, who back up their words with actions and who are true to themselves and cause others no intentional hard are good people.. Im not sure anyone could disagree with this statement...it's pretty obvious i find acts of kindness and goodness in people to be amazing mainly because in today's world, people seem more selfish and self centered so when someone goes out of their way to help others, i find their behavior amazing, in a good way. Yes there are some altruistic people out there still...not many but there are. It's also a dog eat dog world out there. Not sure where you're from or how often you read the paper but you know things are bad when people are getting acid thrown in their faces for no reason or murdered while delivering pizza. It's a sick world and it's getting worse! Edited September 5, 2010 by WowReally
WowReally Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 If you are going to use that argument, as many do, then you'd also have to say, it is not natural for humans to get along and be peaceful. Human history is chock full of constant wars, atrocities, man's inhumanity to man. Humans are a total mess. Human history is one long debacle, and one could argue quite accurately, that humans are the worst pestilence to ever inhabit this planet. What is normative and natural for humans? I think I want to try to be just the opposite. I dont disagree...I wont get into politics because that's just asking for more trouble
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