saiveca Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 Ok so I've lied on LS in my previous posts. I am married. I'm not looking for advice on how to fix my marriage (things are ok at home) and I hope I can get help on LS without being judged. I've been friends with this guy for a couple of years now. He had a couple of girlfriends during that time but we always managed to have dinner together every once in a while. We must've had 10 dinners together and I had a blast each and every time. At first we'd go dutch but lately he's been treating me quite a bit. I've also put in some effort to see him, scheduling dinners several weeks ahead of time as we are both very busy. I know he won't make a move on me because I'm married. Meanwhile, he does really nice things for me, he's a good listener and he's very smart. Every time we talk, we go on and on for hours. On our last evening out together, he had carefully planned the whole evening. I don't want to say the word 'romantic' but I guess that's what it was. I had an amazing time. While I usually hug him, last time I also kissed him on the cheek. In this situation, who should initiate the next move? Link to post Share on other sites
FL Lady Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 You're going to get all kinds of posts - critical- of you. Been there done that. This topic should probably go in the infidelity board. My main question would be how long have you been married and/or could this be a mid life crisis? Are you turning 30, 40, or 50? Link to post Share on other sites
Author saiveca Posted September 4, 2010 Author Share Posted September 4, 2010 You're going to get all kinds of posts - critical- of you. Been there done that. This topic should probably go in the infidelity board. My main question would be how long have you been married and/or could this be a mid life crisis? Are you turning 30, 40, or 50? Yes I realize it. I just mentioned my marriage to give everyone the right context but I don't want to be having a 'should I do it' type of debate. This is just about dating advice... I'm in my mid thirties. Guys flirt with me all the time but this guy isn't one of those sleazy guys you meet at the bar. He doesn't touch me with his hands but rather looks at me and listens to me in a way that I feel really appreciated. He also went through some medical complications and when I showed him support he was extremely appreciative. It made us closer friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Philetus Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 Ok so I've lied on LS in my previous posts. I am married. I'm not looking for advice on how to fix my marriage (things are ok at home) and I hope I can get help on LS without being judged. That ain't gonna happen. You're going to be called all kinds of things but not by me. In this situation, who should initiate the next move? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you're no longer 'in love' with your husband? Maybe you care about him in a more platonic way? You're already having an emotional affair and I suggest you consider telling him before it becomes physical. No judgment, do what's right for you. It's just my opinion that if you loved your husband, this crush would not have developed. This guy fulfills needs that your husband doesn't. It sounds to me like this guy has developed a strong bond for you that goes beyond friendship. I bet he's confused and unsure of what to do. From his POV, he could be humiliated and/or lose you if he makes a move. If I were him, I'd be saying to myself, "But, she's MARRIED for God's sake." Even if he's willing to be with you, how can he bring that up? To me, his actions have strongly indicated that he is into you but he's gone as far as he can, it's up to you to pull the trigger. You have to let him know that it's alright. The kiss on the cheek was good. Next time when you hug each other, don't pull back completely. Pull your head back so you can look in his eyes while still holding him, smile, and stay in his personal space. If he stays there, slowly kiss him. If he's willing to sleep with you, that's all the allowance he should need. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 This is just about dating advice... No, it's not. It's not about dating advice. SINGLE people date. You're not single. You're asking for advice on how to orchestrate and begin an adulterous affair. This does NOT belong in this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 Things can't be too okay if you're ready to cheat in your marriage. A pity. Just kiss him. Damn, a feel bad just saying that. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 I'm not judging you but I want to give you advice. You are destroying your credibility as a person by having an affair with this guy. You are already having an EA and now you want a PA. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yes it's gross but I am also laughing at you! Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 Go to the board for this sort of advice, I can barely contain my disdain in this one post, you aren't going to get the advice you're looking for here, there are other areas of LS for that. Maybe tony should just move the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 What you are doing is not dating, it's cheating. It will be a cold day in hell before I'd give someone advice on how to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Allisha Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) I'm not judging you but I want to give you advice. You are destroying your credibility as a person by having an affair with this guy. You are already having an EA and now you want a PA. This. Except I'm not quite so forgiving. Please forgive me if this sounds harsh, but I think you need some tough love. By telling us "everything is ok at home", you're implying your husband isn't a monster and is doing NOTHING to deserve this. I don't condone cheating in any form, in any relationship, nor will I be advising you on how to continue having one. How can you do this to your husband? Just because you clearly don't love him anymore, doesn't warrant or justify you having an affair. Yes, honey, you are ALREADY having one. An emotional affair, to me, is just as unacceptable as a physical one. You're completely disrespectful towards your husband. And you're a cheat. And the most worrying part of this is the fact you seem to be okay with what you're doing. Disgusting. My advice? - Leave your husband and let the poor man find a decent woman who will not cheat on him. Sorry, but he deserves better than you. At least this other guy seems to be smart and won't touch you while you're married. - Cut ALL (yes, ALL) contact with this other guy and try to reignite the "flame" in your marriage. It reallys annoys me when men/women who appear to have done nothing actually wrong, are disrespected in such a way. It's not fair, it's not right, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Edited September 4, 2010 by Allisha Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 Sounds like your "crush" might actually be a decent guy. Maybe he likes you, is attracted to you, but is not interested in more because you are married. Consider that his good opinion of you might turn on a dime if you seriously hit on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted September 4, 2010 Share Posted September 4, 2010 Regardless of where this thread belongs, the OP is having an EA which almost always turns into a PA. You're going to be attracted to others, even when committed to someone. That's human nature. But, most don't act on it. If you don't act on it, there's no problem. You are acting on it. Obviously, things aren't okay at home and your husband does not deserve this. For both your sakes, end this. Link to post Share on other sites
yamanbt Posted September 5, 2010 Share Posted September 5, 2010 Your poor husband.... On top of that, you're making it seem like this kind of behavior is okay. It's not. And the other guy is a decent man for not making a move on you. Do not try to corrupt him. Link to post Share on other sites
FL Lady Posted September 5, 2010 Share Posted September 5, 2010 Your poor husband.... On top of that, you're making it seem like this kind of behavior is okay. It's not. And the other guy is a decent man for not making a move on you. Do not try to corrupt him. Gees.... The other guy is a grown adult. HE will decide if HE wants to make a bad decision. That is not her responsibility. She needs to make a wise choice here. If anything, the other guy should respect her husband whether he knows him or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Allisha Posted September 5, 2010 Share Posted September 5, 2010 Gees.... The other guy is a grown adult. HE will decide if HE wants to make a bad decision. That is not her responsibility. She needs to make a wise choice here. If anything, the other guy should respect her husband whether he knows him or not. I hope he does... even though his wife clearly doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike B. Posted September 5, 2010 Share Posted September 5, 2010 All that is sacred in society begins with family. I appreciate responses by posters like Sagetalk who said: "What you are doing is not dating, it's cheating. It will be a cold day in hell before I'd give someone advice on how to do that. " It is not cool to come to the dating forum and ask advice on how to get an affair on your husband going. It is people who stand against these things that helps to retain some sanity and sacredness for marriage to balance out all the acts that goes against it. This is not dating, it is a move to destroy another family unit. I prefer reading about the single guy or girl who is trying to get up enough guts to ask the single guy or girl out rather than something more somber such as this in the dating forum. Link to post Share on other sites
InceptorsRule Posted September 5, 2010 Share Posted September 5, 2010 In this situation, who should initiate the next move? That's easy. Your husband should--by filing for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted September 5, 2010 Share Posted September 5, 2010 That's easy. Your husband should--by filing for divorce. Okay, that was a good one. To the OP, if he is a good man with a crush, are you sure making the next move won't ruin the relationship? Are you sure you can trust him not to cheat on you if it does work out or are you simply looking for an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted September 5, 2010 Share Posted September 5, 2010 You can't request and filter through the advice you seek here, expecting people not to judge you for what you are ALREADY doing.I don't know the ins and outs of your marriage, but if it's ok as you stated, why are you considering a PA? Are you bored? Mistaking this simple crush for more? Everyone develops crushes at some points in their lives, even those who are extremely happy in their relationships, it's normal. The majority see it for what it is, a crush, nothing more and certainly nothing worth risking your relationship for. How will you feel if your husband finds out and leaves you? What if this guy is nothing more than a crush and you lose everything for it? Consider this before doing anything more. I sincerely hope you do a lot of inner soul searching and spend all the energy you would have spent on cheating, in looking at why you feel the desire to cheat, and how can you fix your marriage/leave your marriage. That would be better don't you think? If you are seriously contemplating cheating, there's something missing in the M. Deny that if you will, but you'll find it after the fact. Link to post Share on other sites
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