Most useful exceptions to the rule of No Contact for getting exgf back

[Mark33]

I did a statistics together with my friends, and listed up all exgfs that we could remember that broke up with us.

 

And then with the ones that were most EMOTIONALLY RELEVANT for us

 

 

What we came up in the end was:

 

- around 85% of the gfs that broke up with us,

and we didn-t care or talk afterwards at all (involuntary NC, so we did NC

but without planning to), they NEVER texted us or contacted us even after years, at all. So they moved on

 

 

So our conclusion was that the rule of NC NO CONTACT

works only under these circumstances: (quite sad, I must say)

 

- very beautiful over 1 year relationship, when both partners loved eachother

- lots of beautiful memories together

- sudden and abrupt cut of all contact just after the break up

- the girl is not very attractive, so she can-t find after the break-up

another guy easily...

 

In your experience, can you find many exceptions to these extra

circumstances that were not written by others before me?

 

Thank you in advance for all your input

and feedback

 

 

PS By the way, where I can find a most complete beginner-s No Contact guide?

 

 

PPS Why promising changes and paying for holidays together in an exotic place is a no-no? Are there exceptions? After all, after a breakup, you realize that you need to change, because you made many mistakes, and you can be a much better person.

[Maverick1983]

First of all please for Gods sake dont go off and buy a book/guide on NC.You dont need someone to explain to you what no contact is,because it is quite simply no contact with your ex.Dont use sneaky tricks to fool your ex.They should want you for who you are and if they dont then you deserve better imo.

 

Many people see NC as a cunning ploy to get their ex back.If it indeed works and it mostly doesnt then the original problem that led to the break up is covered up by the loneliness and eventually will rear its head again.NC is primarily used to gather youre own thoughts and build up youre own personal strength not to make the other person jealous.Just think, why would you ignore someone you love?Would it not strengthen their suspicions that they made a right decision because you act like youre not bothered.

 

Every break up and relationship is different so every situation has to approached accordingly.Some women want a guy to fight for them others want space.Some women will miss a guy after NC and some will find it refreshing.

[Mark33]

I see in many threads people do NC just for the sake of NC... but does it have som egood results for them? Do they get back together and they are happily ever after? Why so many people see NC as the only "sure" solution to get back a exgf?

[leftfield]

I see in many threads people do NC just for the sake of NC... but does it have som egood results for them? Do they get back together and they are happily ever after? Why so many people see NC as the only "sure" solution to get back a exgf?

 

Re-read what Maverick just said ten times. NC has nothing to do with getting someone back. These so-called self-help books and online whatsits might tell you that you can use it for that purpose, and yes, it may spark some interest from the ex if you deliberately distance yourself from them, but that is not the point. The point is, they left. It's over. Move on. You can only heal the wounds of a broken relationship with time and distance. That's what NC is for. For you, not them.

 

If you want to get back with your ex no amount of begging, pleading or anything else is going to do it. Leave him/her alone and if they want to come back they will, if they don't want to come back they won't. It really is that simple.

[Mark33]

so people on this forums are doing NC just to get over their exgf?

 

For sure begging or promising the moon it-s not a working strategy to get exgf back, but as long as your former relationship was not perfect, and you want to change something for the good, and improve, there should be second chances.

 

how to make those second chances appear?

[leftfield]

so people on this forums are doing NC just to get over their exgf?

 

For sure begging or promising the moon it-s not a working strategy to get exgf back, but as long as your former relationship was not perfect, and you want to change something for the good, and improve, there should be second chances.

 

how to make those second chances appear?

 

...I think it might be sinking in - yes, the people on here are doing NC to help themselves heal and get over their ex.

 

Second chances? In the majority of cases second chances never appear, the relationship ended for a reason and telling someone "I've changed" isn't going to repair the damage.

[Mark33]

so you are telling that the vast majority of human beings are cruel creatures who usually are never able to forgive and improve their lives?

 

that the only solution is always "find a new gf, move on"...?

 

that all the months, years spent near to an important person are just thrown to the garbage, cause we should just "move on" because that's the dumbest and easiest advice that you keep on hearing it everywhere?

[Lost Fish]

Ah Mark33...

 

I feel your disappointment. Yes, people change and grow and become better. But only when they are ok with themselves - by themselves.

 

The truth is that in most cases (not all) unless there is massive work done on both sides of a broken relationship what will happen is that you will slip back into your same old roles and the original problems that broke the relationship will come back - cause more resentment and fighting and before you know it you are back at square one. Broken up, lost, alone.

 

I know a couple that were sweethearts in college - they dated. The woman was madly in love with her boyfriend - but he would never outright commit to her even after many years of dating. So she went NC for one year. After that year they did come back together and reconciled. He committed to her on the spot. And he had to essentially win her heart all over again to prove to her how much he had changed - his priorities, his motivations - these are major character traits that you can't just turn off overnight.

 

But this was only after they both spent that year totally apart - totally no contact.

 

They are both in their 50's now - friends of my parents. They raised 2 daughters together.

 

Here's the kicker though -- after almost 30 years of marriage they ended up divorcing once their youngest daughter hit 18 and went off to college.

 

It makes me wary of love. And I wonder if the issues that broke them apart after 30+ years were similar to the ones they originally had back when they were in their 20's.

[Trovador]

For me NC is not a game or strategy... it's just the only way to stop the madness and starting to live again...

 

if anything, what NC might accomplish is not getting back your ex...

 

and for that I am grateful...