tornandmarried Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 i dont think it necessarily means its an affair...my last job was full of sexual inuendos between coworkers, its joking to pass the time....but....its worth looking into....make sure your sure before u confront him about it cuz once u let the cat out of the bag its pretty much over, unless your both dedicated to fix the marriage and he gives up the affair
SidLyon Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I saw an email exchange today between my husband and his secretary. While literally, the exchange seems somewhat innocent but I get the feeling there are definite sexual references made. Am I reading too much into it? Here is the exchange: Husband: Have a good one Secretary: You too….be careful out there Husband: Ok. I’m in the taco bell drive thru Secretary: Hmmmm……I wish I was there to lend you a hand or something Husband: No help needed. Thanks for the offer though. Secretary: Bummer, I’m hungry Husband: I bet. Me too Secretary: You should share Husband: I can save you some from lunch Secretary: I like it fresh from the tap Husband: Taco bell?? Secretary: No, my waiting in Taco Bell line snack Husband: I was talking about lunch Secretary: Lol……yeah, me too….lol Husband: Yummy (emails picture of taco bell food) Secretary: You suck Husband: I know Secretary: You should have taken me with you….blah, I don’t want to be here anymore Husband: Where would you rather be? Secretary: Doing something fun My immediate thought was: secretary did husband, with b/j, at lunchtime, in the car, while waiting in the queue, for take-away, at Taco Bell. Cluedo anyone? I'm really sorry jjai - it doesn't look good.
Ann_Igma Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Jjai, I'm afraid that I too think that exchange is chock full of innuendos... I agree with the other posters that say to wait and try to get a bit more evidence together before confronting him. You don't need 'the smoking gun' but the more you have at one time, the less he'll be able to deny. If you approach him with one minor thing, he'll have a much easier time passing it off and then learn to better hide his communication. Sadly that is something I and probably quite a few others on here had to learn via hindsight. Also, I would say to try and be very sure in yourself of your boundaries and what you will and won't accept, and have those firm in your mind BEFORE you approach your H. In most cases when confronted, the WS will try to lie or turn the situation around on you, and if you want to cut through the muck, you need to be clear and unwavering in what you will and won't accept. An example if you were to confront him about this, he could likely say that you're just being paranoid and that he and his secretary are just joking around. Try to be ready for that sort of reaction, and be ready not to accept it. If you allow him to cause you to doubt yourself, or to play on your sympathy/good nature, chances are that this situation will drag out and be more painful. It is good that you have these forums as you will be able to get a lot of good advice from so many different perspectives, and can decide what you think will work best for you. Whatever you decide to do in the end, I wish you the best of luck!
Silly_Girl Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 How are you doing jjai? The exchange crosses a line. Doesn't mean anything's happened, but I think it can't be considered innocent, and more on her part than on his it seems (from that miniscule little snapshot). Have you spoken to him?
inorderto Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 The email conversation is not enough to prove an affair, but they are comfortable and fond of each other. Can you do anything about it - if they are always flirtious but never across the line to an affair?
PegNosePete Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Can you do anything about it - if they are always flirtious but never across the line to an affair? Yes, you can tell him how this kind of behaviour makes you feel. If he is considerate to your feelings he will stop. If he isn't, then there may be a bigger problem just waiting to happen.
Scrivdog Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 That exchange can be read in many ways. I don't agree that it's proof of anything except for hand-wringing paranoids. First of all, he says nothing sexual at all. When she says she wishes she could be there with him in line, he responds that he's ok and needs no help. If they were flirting, he would have said something to the effect that he would love it. People suggesting she's talking about a HJ or BJ - at the Taco Bell drive thru? You gotta be kidding. The rest of the conversation is completely non-sexual. With a dirty mind, you could read maybe something into what she says - but him? Nothing. He doesn't even hint at anything sexual. If she was making sexual innuendos, then he was oblivious.
LifesontheUp Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I'm with Scrivdog on this. I don't see any hint of any sexual innuendos from him at all. She comes over a little flirty, but him......nope I do not see it.
PegNosePete Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I'm with Scrivdog on this. I don't see any hint of any sexual innuendos from him at all. She comes over a little flirty, but him......nope I do not see it. Yes... whilst it's true... you can always read innuendo into anything if you're trying hard enough and I don't see anything sexual here. But even if it's not sexual, it's inappropriate banter for a man and his secretary!
desertIslandCactus Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Yes... whilst it's true... you can always read innuendo into anything if you're trying hard enough and I don't see anything sexual here. But even if it's not sexual, it's inappropriate banter for a man and his secretary! Yes, I agree it can be interpreted diff ways, and is inappropriate regardless. That's why I think further proof is necessary, before coverup.
painfullyobvious Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Notice and other signs of cheating? Many have posted them here if you are not aware of them but I agree with most here that this does not appear sexualo to me.
LifesontheUp Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Yes... whilst it's true... you can always read innuendo into anything if you're trying hard enough and I don't see anything sexual here. But even if it's not sexual, it's inappropriate banter for a man and his secretary! Hmmm........can't see any inappropriate banter from him. The secretary maybe, but him? : "Ok. I’m in the taco bell drive thru No help needed. Thanks for the offer though. I bet. Me too I can save you some from lunch Taco bell?? I was talking about lunch Yummy (emails picture of taco bell food) I know Where would you rather be?" She offered to give him a hand and he told her no help needed. If he was flirting he would have said something like "You can give me a hand anytime". Now if there is other stuff the OP is aware of that is flirting or more then thats a whole new ball game. But on whats been posted I just don't see it.
PegNosePete Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Hmmm........can't see any inappropriate banter from him. The secretary maybe, but him? Allow me to clarify, I didn't mean inappropriate as in sexual. I meant inappropriate as in unprofessional, unbusinesslike, over-friendly. This kind of banter is the kind you might have with a (flirty) friend, not with your secretary. I sincerely doubt he would have this kind of exchange with a male secretary.
Scrivdog Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Allow me to clarify, I didn't mean inappropriate as in sexual. I meant inappropriate as in unprofessional, unbusinesslike, over-friendly. This kind of banter is the kind you might have with a (flirty) friend, not with your secretary. I sincerely doubt he would have this kind of exchange with a male secretary. Oh ok. Thanks for wasting evefybody's time.
worlybear Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Hope you've spoken to him and let him know how you feel- have you thought about speaking to her about her flirty attitude? I don't mean go crashing in but I am sure you could get the message across to her that it's not appropriate- or enlist the help of a male friend and get him to send you a similar email:laugh: See how your husband feels then!
LifesontheUp Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Allow me to clarify, I didn't mean inappropriate as in sexual. I meant inappropriate as in unprofessional, unbusinesslike, over-friendly. This kind of banter is the kind you might have with a (flirty) friend, not with your secretary. I sincerely doubt he would have this kind of exchange with a male secretary. Sorry I still don't see how anything from his side was unprofessionsal unbusinesslike, overfriendly? I don't see anything there that he wouldn't have said to a male secretary including sending pics of Taco Bell. I have worked as a secretary for over 10 bosses during the last 18 years and don't find it inappropriate just from the convo that has been posted. Think we'll have to agree to disagree PegNosePete
KraftDinner Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 It is plain as day that she is talking about a hand job and a blow job, and it's 100% certain that she has performed these for him. People here are saying his side is all innocent... clearly that is just the role he takes when they are texting, making her do all the naughty talk. There is absolutely no way anyone with a brain wouldn't get what she's saying. And the fact that he continues to text her indicates that he is 100% okay with it, but still lets her make the dirty references -- probably in his brain, this makes it okay because "She's the one doing all the dirty talk, she is seducing me, it's not my fault!" Not only is he cheating, he's very manipulative as well. Not good.
hunnybea Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 It is plain as day that she is talking about a hand job and a blow job, and it's 100% certain that she has performed these for him. People here are saying his side is all innocent... clearly that is just the role he takes when they are texting, making her do all the naughty talk. There is absolutely no way anyone with a brain wouldn't get what she's saying. And the fact that he continues to text her indicates that he is 100% okay with it, but still lets her make the dirty references -- probably in his brain, this makes it okay because "She's the one doing all the dirty talk, she is seducing me, it's not my fault!" Not only is he cheating, he's very manipulative as well. Not good. And when you confront him, he'll say it's all her...which is why you need evidence.
desertIslandCactus Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Hope you've spoken to him and let him know how you feel- have you thought about speaking to her about her flirty attitude? I don't mean go crashing in but I am sure you could get the message across to her that it's not appropriate- or enlist the help of a male friend and get him to send you a similar email:laugh: See how your husband feels then! I think it's inappropriate for the W to speak to anyone other than her H regarding his communications. Certainly not the H's secretary.
LifesontheUp Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 It is plain as day that she is talking about a hand job and a blow job, and it's 100% certain that she has performed these for him. People here are saying his side is all innocent... clearly that is just the role he takes when they are texting, making her do all the naughty talk. There is absolutely no way anyone with a brain wouldn't get what she's saying. And the fact that he continues to text her indicates that he is 100% okay with it, but still lets her make the dirty references -- probably in his brain, this makes it okay because "She's the one doing all the dirty talk, she is seducing me, it's not my fault!" Not only is he cheating, he's very manipulative as well. Not good. Wow, you got all that from just the short convo they had? I'm in awe! I'd better be careful offering one of my male work colleagues a lift in my car to one of our other branches. After all, who knows people could be thinking I'm giving him a hand job and blow job on the way. Is there other stuff OP?
worlybear Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I think it's inappropriate for the W to speak to anyone other than her H regarding his communications. Certainly not the H's secretary. So its o.k for the scretary to send suspicious flirty texts but the wife just sits on her hands and pretends she doesn't mind!!! IF there is nothing going on and the W contacts secretary,(and by the way the secretary's remarks in the email are not professional or appropriate) all well and good- if there is a hidden agenda- blow it out of the water and let HER know that you're aware of her game.;)
jj33 Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Its a very bad idea to involve his coworkers in an email. An email can be forwarded all over the office and can do more damage than good.
Recommended Posts