bestrong Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I thought thing were getting better after I started NC after what she did to me on my birthday on July. I kept myself busy, working and training for fights all the time. I began to realize that loving her means wishing her well even we go on separate ways. I love her but I guess it is going to take a few years before we could be friends again (or maybe more). Lately, I began to think if I am over her so I tried to prove it to my self. I feel nothing when I saw the fb profile picture of the person she is dating with. I went back on aim and don't find the urge to talk to her. ( I have to admit I want her to talk to me, but it's not going to happen) I guess I was wrong. I cried all of sudden before sleep last night. I was GRIEVING! I didn't know why I cried. Tears just ran down and stopped after a few minutes. Is it normal? I thought I am getting better!!
Div Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Crying is perfectly normal! In fact its a healthy way to release some of your emotional energy. If you find yourself crying accept it and cry and cry as much as you can. Let it all out because once its over you instantly feel so much better.
bonpaw2008 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Strong - I think this is perfectly normal. You are still grieving, and you will go in and out of the stages until you really gain acceptance. These mood swings will become fewer and farther between until they disappear. Just accept and roll through it and know this is all part of healing. Big hug
ohno89 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I agree - it's perfectly normal. It's been nearly 4 months since my break-up and last night when I couldn't sleep, I insisted on reading some old text messages from my ex and that made me cry but I did it to myself. I have been where you are many times and probably still will be for a while, where you think you're doing fine so you try and almost test yourself to see if, say a fb picture still hurts you now as much as it might've a few weeks ago. My advice; DON'T DO IT!! As much as it's okay to cry and let your emotions out, try and not torture yourself like that by trying to test yourself; I've realised that the true test is when you don't feel the NEED to "prove it to yourself", you'll just know, you know what i mean...? I don't know about you but i think in the back of my head, i knew perfectly well i was nowhere near over it when i wanted to see if i was but sometimes we have this weird urge to deliberately hurt ourselves, like enjoy the pain but we don't realise til after its happened, how much it really wasn't worth it....hang in there.
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 It's not worth it to torture yourself. I stay away from facebook and all of that because I know it will only cause me pain. I'm just trying to take one day at a time and I suggest you do the same thing. Don't look at her facebook page, don't check up on her. It will do you no good.
chocolate_boy Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 We all have good and bad days, I was feeling fine last night, then had a dream about her and woke up feeling dreadful today.
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 We all have good and bad days, I was feeling fine last night, then had a dream about her and woke up feeling dreadful today. Isn't it awful when you dream about them? I hate it. I wake up feeling depressed and I feel down the whole day. I hate the fact my ex has control over my conscious mind AND my unconscious mind. How can one person have such a hold on you?
chocolate_boy Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Isn't it awful when you dream about them? I hate it. I wake up feeling depressed and I feel down the whole day. I hate the fact my ex has control over my conscious mind AND my unconscious mind. How can one person have such a hold on you? Yeah it does suck, even more so that we only dated/sleeping together for a few months before she changed her mind, I'm more annoyed I let myself get so attached, and that she's a co-worker, luckily I don't have to see her that often, I'm really hoping I'm feeling better before next time I do. Luckily I've been through it before, and come out the other side, so I know I can and will get through it, so will you
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Yeah it does suck, even more so that we only dated/sleeping together for a few months before she changed her mind, I'm more annoyed I let myself get so attached, and that she's a co-worker, luckily I don't have to see her that often, I'm really hoping I'm feeling better before next time I do. Luckily I've been through it before, and come out the other side, so I know I can and will get through it, so will you Thanks for the encouragment. I was with my ex for 8 years, so it's hard to get him out of my head. I want the pain and longing to go away. It's been 4 months since we broke up. It's still really hard on me. I know he's moved on and living his happy little life. I wish I could. It's crazy that the ones that break your heart and betray you, get to feel so little pain. They get to move on and continue as if nothing has happened. It should be the other way around. I should be the one loving life and moving on, not him.
chocolate_boy Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 (edited) Thanks for the encouragment. I was with my ex for 8 years, so it's hard to get him out of my head. I want the pain and longing to go away. It's been 4 months since we broke up. It's still really hard on me. I know he's moved on and living his happy little life. I wish I could. It's crazy that the ones that break your heart and betray you, get to feel so little pain. They get to move on and continue as if nothing has happened. It should be the other way around. I should be the one loving life and moving on, not him. Oh don't bank on it, I've been through 3 serious breakups over long term relationships before, and in two of those three instances, my ex's seemed to just walk away, head held high while I was a crying wreck... things change. Only after I did strict NC and stopped caring though, the first girl split with me, jumped into the arms of two guys straight after, only to end up with a crazy ex-marine who wouldn't let her out of his sight after 2 weeks. She eventually started texting me for all kinds of dumb reasons after a few months of NC, then we meet up and she starts crying saying she never dealt with our breakup, just tried to ignore the feelings, once her rebound finished she was devastated, unfortunately for her I'd dealt with it all and was long over it. Second one, same thing happened, cheated on me, abused me, left me alone with all her debt, told me we were a mistake, moved out and partied/slept with every guy she could, 6 months down the line and she's on my doorstep begging me back, and did for around a year, still to this day says she made a huge mistake, yep she did. The first breakup, I did that, dumped my fiance, got with a cheerleader as a rebound for 4/5 months, then one day it was like a switch had flipped, I realised I didn't love rebound girl and started begging my ex back, sure enough she was with someone new and told me to go jump, and good on her in hindsight (we're close friends now though, this was 7 years ago.) Just because they're not showing any signs of hurt now, doesn't mean it won't come back and bite them in the ass down the line, trust me, dealing with it now and feeling the pain now means you'll be the stronger one soon. Infact, as egotistical as it sounds, I fully expect my recent lady to have some regrets a few months down the line as now I'm doing NC, she'll miss our friendship/close times I'm sure, once she sees she can't have me back. Edited September 4, 2010 by chocolate_boy
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Oh don't bank on it, I've been through 3 serious breakups over long term relationships before, and in two of those three instances, my ex's seemed to just walk away, head held high while I was a crying wreck... things change. Only after I did strict NC and stopped caring though, the first girl split with me, jumped into the arms of two guys straight after, only to end up with a crazy ex-marine who wouldn't let her out of his sight after 2 weeks. She eventually started texting me for all kinds of dumb reasons after a few months of NC, then we meet up and she starts crying saying she never dealt with our breakup, just tried to ignore the feelings, once her rebound finished she was devastated, unfortunately for her I'd dealt with it all and was long over it. Second one, same thing happened, cheated on me, abused me, left me alone with all her debt, told me we were a mistake, moved out and partied/slept with every guy she could, 6 months down the line and she's on my doorstep begging me back, and did for around a year, still to this day says she made a huge mistake, yep she did. The first breakup, I did that, dumped my fiance, got with a cheerleader as a rebound for 4/5 months, then one day it was like a switch had flipped, I realised I didn't love rebound girl and started begging my ex back, sure enough she was with someone new and told me to go jump, and good on her in hindsight (we're close friends now though, this was 7 years ago.) Just because they're not showing any signs of hurt now, doesn't mean it won't come back and bite them in the ass down the line, trust me, dealing with it now and feeling the pain now means you'll be the stronger one soon. Infact, as egotistical as it sounds, I fully expect my recent lady to have some regrets a few months down the line as now I'm doing NC, she'll miss our friendship/close times I'm sure, once she sees she can't have me back. Well good then. I hope my a**hole ex feels pain eventually. He's with a piece of trash right now. He left me for her and I hope soon enough he realizes what he gave up. I won't be taking him back. I will relish in his misery when he finally realizes what a mistake he made and how he wants me back. I'll love telling him he lost the greatest thing he ever had and to go f*ck himself. Have a nice life a**hole! I hope it happens sooner rather then later.
chocolate_boy Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Well good then. I hope my a**hole ex feels pain eventually. He's with a piece of trash right now. He left me for her and I hope soon enough he realizes what he gave up. I won't be taking him back. I will relish in his misery when he finally realizes what a mistake he made and how he wants me back. I'll love telling him he lost the greatest thing he ever had and to go f*ck himself. Have a nice life a**hole! I hope it happens sooner rather then later. I can't be sure, by my experience has always been like this, but only once the drama is over from your perspective, little thing called karma. When you truly couldn't care less, they have a 6th sense sometimes, keep healing and look forward to the satisfaction of either living well and finding someone better one day, or him seeing what he lost. For me it's always happened around the 6 month-ish mark, but obviously everyone is different.
chocolate_boy Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 By the way, it's good you're in the angry phase, you're moving on.
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 By the way, it's good you're in the angry phase, you're moving on. Yes, but the anger doesn't last long. I feel more sadness then anger. Sadness that I lost someone who I thought was an amazing person. Sadness that I was betrayed. Sadness that I was replaced by a piece of garbage. The anger is there, but it def. isn't my #1 emotion. Hopefully in time it will be.
chocolate_boy Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Yes, but the anger doesn't last long. I feel more sadness then anger. Sadness that I lost someone who I thought was an amazing person. Sadness that I was betrayed. Sadness that I was replaced by a piece of garbage. The anger is there, but it def. isn't my #1 emotion. Hopefully in time it will be. Yeah they say it comes in stages 1) denial 2) sadness 3) anger 4) acceptance.
ShannonMI Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Yeah they say it comes in stages 1) denial 2) sadness 3) anger 4) acceptance. Good to know. Thanks;)
ohno89 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Oh don't bank on it, I've been through 3 serious breakups over long term relationships before, and in two of those three instances, my ex's seemed to just walk away, head held high while I was a crying wreck... things change. Only after I did strict NC and stopped caring though, the first girl split with me, jumped into the arms of two guys straight after, only to end up with a crazy ex-marine who wouldn't let her out of his sight after 2 weeks. She eventually started texting me for all kinds of dumb reasons after a few months of NC, then we meet up and she starts crying saying she never dealt with our breakup, just tried to ignore the feelings, once her rebound finished she was devastated, unfortunately for her I'd dealt with it all and was long over it. Second one, same thing happened, cheated on me, abused me, left me alone with all her debt, told me we were a mistake, moved out and partied/slept with every guy she could, 6 months down the line and she's on my doorstep begging me back, and did for around a year, still to this day says she made a huge mistake, yep she did. The first breakup, I did that, dumped my fiance, got with a cheerleader as a rebound for 4/5 months, then one day it was like a switch had flipped, I realised I didn't love rebound girl and started begging my ex back, sure enough she was with someone new and told me to go jump, and good on her in hindsight (we're close friends now though, this was 7 years ago.) Just because they're not showing any signs of hurt now, doesn't mean it won't come back and bite them in the ass down the line, trust me, dealing with it now and feeling the pain now means you'll be the stronger one soon. Infact, as egotistical as it sounds, I fully expect my recent lady to have some regrets a few months down the line as now I'm doing NC, she'll miss our friendship/close times I'm sure, once she sees she can't have me back. It's nice to hear stories like this... but i also think you have to be in the right frame of mind and mostly past your ex to then hear them say they made a mistake coz it could very well just make you angry again that they messed up something so good for nothing and only to regret it just 6 months later... i do hope one day i get something like that from my ex, even if it's to ease his own guilt...it'll hopefully be that last tiny 3% thing that'll help me fully recover.....IF that ever happens!
Author bestrong Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Yeah they say it comes in stages 1) denial 2) sadness 3) anger 4) acceptance. I don't know which stage I am in now. It seems like I accepted the fact that she is with someone but I am not mad at what she told me (she didn't cheat, but the stuff she said was hurtful) I am still thinking she said those stuff cause she wants me to let her go and move on.
Author bestrong Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 I agree - it's perfectly normal. It's been nearly 4 months since my break-up and last night when I couldn't sleep, I insisted on reading some old text messages from my ex and that made me cry but I did it to myself. I have been where you are many times and probably still will be for a while, where you think you're doing fine so you try and almost test yourself to see if, say a fb picture still hurts you now as much as it might've a few weeks ago. My advice; DON'T DO IT!! As much as it's okay to cry and let your emotions out, try and not torture yourself like that by trying to test yourself; I've realised that the true test is when you don't feel the NEED to "prove it to yourself", you'll just know, you know what i mean...? I don't know about you but i think in the back of my head, i knew perfectly well i was nowhere near over it when i wanted to see if i was but sometimes we have this weird urge to deliberately hurt ourselves, like enjoy the pain but we don't realise til after its happened, how much it really wasn't worth it....hang in there. Yea, I guess if I really have moved on, I wouldn't care at all! I am trying not to go on facebook cause whenever I see her friends' news feed, I wouldthink about her (don't have her in fb since I asked her to block me- so dumb of me, should had just blocked her by myself!) I am constantly telling myself that I WILL BE FINE!
ohno89 Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Be careful what you wish for. I got to hear my ex say that she made a terrible mistake in leaving me, that she her life was lacking during the two years we were apart, etc, etc. Then she found the "new guy", and kicked me right back into the gutter! I'm sorry about this whole situation with your ex BiAxident; she sounds awful. In reference to what you're saying, I think I've been lucky enough to realise - from the day he cheated on me - yeah I missed him, wished he never did it, blamed myself, etc etc... but i knew in my heart, i never actually and never will ever really want him back. Sometimes you just need to hear from them that they're sorry and they did hurt over losing you for you to finally be able to let go and set that little grudge free, not to ever even consider giving them another chance... guess it's probably just an ego thing! Yea, I guess if I really have moved on, I wouldn't care at all! I am trying not to go on facebook cause whenever I see her friends' news feed, I wouldthink about her (don't have her in fb since I asked her to block me- so dumb of me, should had just blocked her by myself!) I am constantly telling myself that I WILL BE FINE! Honestly, delete / block anything and everything to do with her. I found myself making up for not going on HIS FB to going on his friends as like some sort of secondary source of pain that made me feel a little better because it wasn't directly his FB. I really wish i had a little person on my shoulder everytime I tortured myself like that, just telling me NO!! It's funny because it was actually a friend of mine who let me use her FB to see his profile; she said she would definately do it if she were me and that made me think it was okay. Now i'm not blaming her at all because it was my choice but literally, worst decision of my life! Hide her friends if need be, delete messages, anything you have that will set you back - you WILL be fine and you will feel so much better about yourself knowing that you protected YOURSELF from feeling further pain, that YOU were in control because no one else is telling you to torture yourself like that.
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